Don't Fall Apart On Me Tonight

The Casey talk was out of the way and I'm glad because that's one more way we can be close. That's one more problem that we no longer have to deal with. Besides, after we talked, Kil has been really nice to Casey and I think they're on the road to becoming actual friends.

That's really important to me because I see Casey becoming a really close lifelong friend and Kil is just... well, you know. I hope it actually plays out that way. I hope a lot of things in my head play out the way I want them to. 

Killian gets here mere minutes after ten and smiles at Casey and I as we finish our race on Burnout: Revenge. Casey comes up in first place and I grab his controller and chuck it over my shoulder before either of us has a chance to cross the finish line, resulting in me winning.

"What the hell?! You fucking cheater! I want a rematch!" Casey throws a punch and hits my shoulder pretty hard. I just laugh and shake my head.

"Maybe later. Killian's here." I grin.

"I don't care! Kil, you saw that, right? It wasn't fair!" 

Killian laughs his heart melting laugh and shakes his head. "That was very unfair, Chresh. I think you should give him his rematch, and don't cheat this time."

I take his hand in mine and run my fingers under the lucky bracelet on his wrist, something I've taken to over the past couple of days. He never made to give it back and, honestly, I don't want him to. I'm glad he has something of mine with him all the time. I'd give him every article of my clothing if that meant I'd get to see him in it every day. 

"Are you sure?" I ask. "Don't let Casey's crybaby attitude sway you." 

"Hey!" Casey protests indignantly. "You cheated! How am I being a crybaby?"

"You're complaining. Take your defeat like a man." 

"Chretion, I think it's only fair." Killian insists, handing me back my controller. I take it and turn back to the screen, making sure to scoot close enough to Kil so that our thighs are touching. It's actually gotten to the point where I can't not touch him.

Casey starts the game and I end up winning once again only this time it's legitimate. Killian smiles at me proudly but Casey pouts like a child.

"'snot fair." 

"Case, life isn't fair and the superior male will always come out on top." I joke.

He sticks out his tongue. "Just cause you suck dick doesn't mean-" 

I punch him really hard in the stomach and smirk when he moans in pain. "What was that? I couldn't hear you over the sound of how much pain you're in."

Killian snickers but hits me playfully. "That wasn't very nice."

"I thought we all knew I didn't play nice." I roll my eyes and thread my fingers through his and lean into his shoulder.

"Yeah, we know. But it still wasn't nice." He giggles. 

God, that giggle makes me want to do very bad things to him in very good ways.

Someone clears their throat from the doorway and we all look up to see Jonan standing there awkwardly.

"Chretion, can you come with me?" He asks, face showing a legitimate type of fear.

"But Joey, Kil is here." 

He cringes slightly at the nickname but doesn't say anything about it and that's how I know that this is serious. "I know. I'll give you guys an extra hour today with no penalty but I really need you to come now."

Killian squeezes my hand as I get up, in silent reassurance that he'll be fine with Casey. I follow Jonan uncertainly. What could it possibly be? I've never seen Jonan so upset before and he's sure as hell never offered us an extra hour.

He leads me halfway through the entrance hallway before stopping abruptly and turning my way. "Chretion, I just want you to know that visits are optional. We can deny her entrance if you choose not to see her."

"Wait. What? What are you talking about? Who's here?" Jonan's words frighten me because, really, who could it be? Killian is the only one who ever visits, not to mention the only one I'd ever want to visit besides maybe my nana and even then I think I'd rather wait to see her until I'm out of here. "Jonan, who is it?"

"It's your mom."

And suddenly it feels like I can't breathe. The mere thought of my mother makes my blood freeze and my heart race in a completely different way than Killian makes my heart race.

"You- no. Are you kidding? This isn't funny." I protest.

"I'm not kidding and I was completely serious when I said that we can deny her entry." He persists, eyes shifting warily.

I seriously consider his offer for a second before declining. I mean, she's my mom and I at least want to see what she has to say. If I can change in such a big way then there's a chance that she changed too.

"Just- did she look upset?" I ask. 

He shakes his head, frowning. "She looked.... worried."

"Oh." I hadn't been expecting that. "I want to talk to her. But... um... you think you could maybe stick around? Just in case?" 

"Yeah, no problem." Jonan smiles in support and leads me all the way to the front. I hardly have a chance to take in how much my moms appearance has changed before she throws herself into my arms and clutches onto me for dear life. 

I pat her back uncertainly and pull away. "Hey mom. What're you doing here?" 

"I was so worried about you." She insists. I sure as hell wasn't expecting those words to come out of her mouth.

"Oh. Um, well, I'm okay, as you can see-"

"You look so good!" 

"So do you, mom, but seriously, why are you here? You could have just called." I inquire.

"I just wanted to talk." She insists. "If that's okay with you?" 

I stare at her for a while before deciding that she's genuine. I hold out an arm for her to grab and lead her back into the common room but away from Killian who's playing the game against Casey. I catch his eye an he freezes, clearly surprised.

My mom takes a seat in one of the free chairs but I stay standing. "What did you want to talk about?" 

"Well, I heard that the program is only about three or four months long and I really want to talk about you maybe moving back in when you get out. Now that you're getting help for your little, ahem, problem.... I think your father and I can put it behind us." She smiles.

"What are you talking about?" I ask confusedly. "Are you saying you can finally accept me for who I am?"

"Well, since you're working towards becoming a normal man, I think you're gonna need our help. You've been living so long in this hole and-"

"Mom, stop." I interrupt, slowly coming to a realization. "I'm not here for them to 'cure' the fact that I'm gay. I'll always be gay. I'm here to get over my addictions."

"Yes, exactly, your addiction to homosexuality. I see you've still got quite a ways to go." She frowns.

"No, mom, my addiction to alcohol and drugs." I argue. "I don't know if you know this but-"

"Hey," Killian comes out of nowhere, no doubt he heard what was going on, and slides his hand in mine reassuringly. "It's nice to see you again." He nods.

Mom's eyes darken as she eyes our clasped hands and she stands slowly, suddenly looking much taller than she actually is. "You." 

"Mom, I-"

"What kind of place is this? How dare they let you in here to see my son! You're the one who dragged him into this horrifying mess in the first place! I can't believe-"

"Mother! Shut the fuck up! You don't know a damn thing! Don't you fucking dare come here, to my place, and insult my friends! Killian is sweet and smart and funny and fucking hot and you're just going to judge him because he's not like you?" I snarl. "He is the only person who cared about me enough to want me to get help and you're going to insult him? No. Not while I'm still breathing. I'm who I am and that's not going to change. If you don't like it then clearly we shouldn't be in each other's lives." 

She nods curtly and sniffs. "We'll arrange for you to pick up your things from the house once you get out of this place."

"And that will be the end of it." I agree. She looks at me for a long while before her eyes flick to Killian and then she storms out. 

Kill squeezes my hand and pulls me into a tight hug, not letting go for a long while. As long as I have him I don't really need anyone else. Especially not anyone who can't see how much I truly need my best friend.