Don't Fall Apart On Me Tonight

Killian loves me.
Killian loves me.
Killian loves me.
Killian loves me.

Honestly, no matter how much I say it in my head I still don't believe it. It's greater than anything I ever could have imagined. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me and now he's mine. 

I'll be damned if I ever let him go.

I  can't believe he's loved me for so long. I wonder why I never noticed it. I mean, there were days where I was sober but I guess I just thought that that's how our relationship was supposed to be. 

But if I'm being completely honest with myself, I kind of always knew that we never had a normal friendship. Normal friends don't get jealous or upset when their friend gets a new boyfriend like we have been known to do in the past. Normal friends don't really cuddle as much as we do. I'm really glad we've never been normal friends because we might have missed out on this great relationship.

I might have missed out on getting to call such an amazing guy my boyfriend. Though, in my eyes, he's so much more than just my boyfriend. 

I just hope I don't severely fuck up. I know I've messed so much up for us in the past but I hope it stays there, you know, in the past, because I don't think I could stand hurting Killian ever again. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I've caused him any more pain. 

I want to make things so much better for him and for us. I want to erase the bad memories and replace them with the love that I feel so deeply for him. 

I want to build a life together away from all our previous problems and, no, we wouldn't be running away, we'd be starting fresh.

All I can hope is that he maybe feels the same way and that I'm not moving too fast. 



Saturday mornings are probably my favorite mornings. Casey's too if we're being honest and Killian's too if we're telling the whole truth. He might not always admit it but I know he secretly loves watching Saturday morning cartoons with me even if he complains sometimes about being too old for this.

Casey manages to get into the common room first and his attention is strictly commanded by the animated Transformers on the screen. 

I drop down onto the couch next to him and reach for the remote in his hand but he snatches it out of my reach. I frown at him and punch his thigh rather harshly. "Turn it to Power Rangers or I'm going to slit your throat and laugh while you bleed out all over the floor." 

"Death threats aren't a way to get what you want." Casey laughs, holding the remote away from me.

"It wasn't a death threat." I say simply. "It was a not so nice not alive threat."

"I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit a better argument than that." He laughs. "I was here first anyway and this is a new episode." 

I glare daggers at his head and cross my arms tightly over my chest. "I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel right now."

"Get over it. We can watch the rangers next. Calm down." Casey says absently, no longer paying attention to me. I endure the stupid show and resist the urge to throw a fit. For some reason, I feel really just pissed off this morning.

Killian seems to come out of nowhere, suddenly, and plops down beside me. "Morning Casey." He greets before leaning up and pressing his lips to mine in a soft, sweet kiss. "Morning Chresh."

I smile, all feelings of ill intent toward Casey seemingly gone. I wrap an arm around Kil's shoulders and pull him closer to me. "Morning beautiful."

"That was cheesy." He giggles, settling against my side happily.

"You love it."

"I love you." He smiles up at me.

"Okay, that was cheesy." I tease. "But I love you too." I kiss him once more, loving that I can just do that because, yeah, he's my boyfriend and I can kiss him whenever I want. 

"Now that you're here, I feel I should warn you that Chretion has been acting like a little bitch all morning but, you know, apparently there's just something about you that makes everything okay for him." Casey shrugs before handing Killian the remote and removing himself from the couch. "I'll see you two later."

Kil turns to me with a question in his eyes. "What's he talking about? What's on your mind?"

"You." I murmur. "Always you."

He blushes and smiles to himself. "That's very sweet of you but seriously, why are you so upset today?"

"I don't know!" I exasperate. "I'm just so frustrated and pissed and I don't know why."

Killian bites his lip and rests his hand on my cheek gently. "Maybe we should talk to Jonan about your meds."

"No." I answer, maybe too quickly. "I don't like the meds. They don't make me feel like myself. I don't wanna take them anymore." 

He frowns and hugs me tightly. "I know it's hard and annoying but it helps you." 

"I'd rather be pissy than sedated." I grumble, trying to ignore his fingers traveling up and down my side, making me want to shiver.

"I'd rather you be happy." Killian says softly, burying his head in my neck and flipping the channel to my beloved Power Rangers, and just like that, my resolve crumbles and I agree to talk to Jonan about my meds. God, the things I'd do for this boy. Love is a curious thing, isn't it?