Don't Fall Apart On Me Tonight

I retrieve my bags from the closet that I haven't opened once while here and sit them next to the mountain of stuff piled on my bed before stepping back and staring at them, willing them to pack themselves. I hate packing with a passion, as I've said before. Even though this is probably the most excited I've ever been to pack up I can't bring myself to start filling the bags.

Packing makes me feel like a failure, honestly. The clothes never fit right and then I can never figure out where to put the toiletries and extra stuff. I slump down in my chair and run my hand over the fabric longingly. I'm really gonna miss this chair but Kil let me pick one out that was exactly like it for our new apartment.

I honestly can't wait to move in with him in Boston. It'll be just us and I can't think of anything better. I just hope it's sooner rather than later. I love my boyfriend so much and I really don't know when it'll happen but I can tell you that it will be perfect. 

"Chretion?" Killian's voice pulls me from my daydreams and I look up at him.

"Yeah?"

"Are you ready to go?" He asks, raising an eyebrow at the still unpacked bags. 

I smile guiltily and cross the room in order to take him into my arms. "I'm definitely ready but my things aren't. I think I'd rather just leave them here." 

Kil rolls his eyes and leans up to kiss me happily before turning his attention to the clothes on the bed. I fold them neatly and he arranges them into the bags. As he's finishing I can't help but admire the beautiful boy I get to call mine. He's perfect in every way and I still don't believe that I deserve him. 

As Kil zips the last bag and turns to me. His cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink when he notices me staring. "What is it?"

"Nothing." I shrug, stepping forward and wrapping my arms around his waist. "I was just admiring how perfect you are." 

His cheeks turn a darker shade and he leans up to kiss me again. "I love you." 

"I love you too." I grin. "Let's go home."

A knowing smile spreads across his lips as if he's laughing at an inside joke that I don't get. I dismiss it, knowing that I'll find out soon enough. I shoulder both bags and follow Kil through the hallways and common rooms one last time, happy that I won't ever have to come back here. 

Jonan meets us at the front desk and pulls me into a fond hug as Killian signs the necessary papers for me to be released. "Good luck, Chretion. Be sure to keep in contact, I'd really like to keep up with you. I say that to everyone but I really mean it this time." 

"Thanks Jonan. For everything. You really helped me." 

"Me and the meds." He laughs. "But in all seriousness," Jonan holds up an orange prescription bottle and shakes it. "These are your anti-anxiety pills. You know how and when to take them. I want you do do your usual routine for a week after you leave and then one a day for two weeks and then you're done. However, even though you don't have to take them, I want you to keep them just in case." 

I stare at him for a second, trying to remember what he said. Killian laughs from beside me and hands me a pen to sign the last form. "It's okay Jonan, I got it." 

My counselor hands him the medication and takes the forms from me with a smile. "That's it, Chretion. You're a free man. Please, don't hesitate to come visit."

We say our final goodbyes and I step through the front doors smiling like an idiot. I fill my lungs with fresh air and turn to Kil who's watching me happily. "Ready to go?" 

"I was ready the second I stepped in here." I wink, following him to his car and shoving my bags in the trunk. I lean against the side and draw him in closer, kissing the corner of his mouth. 

He presses his body closer to mine and smirks. "Me too." 

"Killy, I was thinking about my house and everything there and I have to go get it sometime. I was wondering if you'd come with me?" I ask apprehensively. 

"Of course I'll go. I wouldn't dream of making you go alone. When were you thinking of going over?"

"As soon as possible. I want to get it over with and behind me. Like, right now."

He pauses for a second and looks up at me with concern. "Are you sure? I mean, I don't want you to be in a position you can't handle."

I smile down at him. "You'll be there. What more could I possibly need?"

He shakes his head and rolls his eyes, finally agreeing and climbing into the drivers side. I slide in next to him and take his hand in mine once we're on the road. It feels nice being able to be out of the facility and going somewhere other than The Y. It takes half an hour but soon enough we turn onto my street. 

"You drove half an hour every day just to come see me?" I wonder aloud. "I didn't realize it was so far away. Gas mush have been a bitch." 

"It was." He shrugs, throwing me a dazzling smile. "But you're worth it."

He pulls into the driveway and turns the car off, staring at my moms car and then looking at me. "Are you ready to do this?"

Squeezing his hand one more time before letting go, I climb out of the car without answering. Kil follows me up to the front door. I take a deep breath and open it, knowing it'd be unlocked.

"Andrew? Is that you?" My moms voice comes from the kitchen. "You're not supposed to be home for another hour."

I swallow hard and answer her. "No, mom. It's me."

An awkward silence falls and the only thing audible is the sound of footsteps which get closer. "Hello Chretion. Killian. What are you doing here?"

"We're here to get my stuff and then I'll be gone. For good." 

She nods. "Good. Be quick about it. I don't want you here when your father gets home."

"I don't want to be here either." I say, pushing Killian ahead of me and running up the stairs. The sting from my moms words weigh on me and old wounds open fiercely as a rejected mood falls over me.

My room is exactly how I left it months ago. An empty whiskey bottle on the floor next to my bed and clothes strewn about from when we were packing. Since we don't have boxes we throw everything into old backpacks and duffle bags. I make sure my action figures and comics are safely packed away before going through drawers to trash things I couldn't care less about. 

The last drawer to go through is the one on my nightstand and I turn to it hesitantly. I remember what's in there and my fingers tremble slightly as I open it. I stare down at the full bottle of whiskey and lift it tentatively. 

"Okay, so I think I got everything." Killian says, coming in from the bathroom, arms laden with my lesser used toiletries. He freezes when he sees what's in my hand and I look up at him helplessly. 

"What if I can't do it Killy?" I choke. "What if this is a really bad idea?"

He throws what's in his arms in a vacant bag and sits next to me on the bed, taking the bottle from me and placing a hand on either side of my face. "You can do it, Chresh. I believe in you. I have faith that you can resist temptation. You know I'll be right by your side the entire time." 

Hearing his words fills me with hope and I pull him closer to me, kissing him with pure happiness. "I love you so much." 

"I love you too." He whispers. "How about we get out of here? I have something I wanna show you."

"Yeah? Is it the surprise?" I ask eagerly. 

"Of course." He laughs, grabbing a few bags and leading the way back outside. Most of the bags fit in the trunk but some of them have to go in the back seat. Once back on the road I let out a deep breath and realize that I feel a lot better. Not having to live under the scrutiny of my parents will definitely be a welcome change though I know there will be times when I miss them. They are my parents, after all, no matter how bad they treated me. 

About an hour and a half passes in the car before I start asking a million and three questions about where we're going but all he has to say is 'You'll see' which leaves me both frustrated and excited. Two more hours pass before he gets off the highway and starts navigating the residential roads and that's when I realize we're in Boston. This sparks even more questions and I can tell that he's close to cracking by the huge smile on his face.

The car slows down even more as he pulls into the parking garage of an apartment complex. My eyebrows raise and my heart beats faster and this can't be what I think it is. Parking, Kil turns to me with a smile. "No more questions, just follow me."

And I do. I follow him through the garage to the lobby. Through the lobby to the elevator. From the elevator to the fifth floor and through the hallway before coming to a stop at a door with the number 508 painted neatly at eye level.

With shaking hands, Killian unlocks the door and takes my hand before pulling me along inside and then I can't breathe. Not only is this place absolutely gorgeous but upon further examination I recognize that the furniture is all the stuff we picked from the catalog last week. There's certain things around the living room that I recognize as personal touches from my love such as various pictures of us together and music magazines strewn about. 

I'm literally speechless. I can't find the words to describe how fucking amazing this is. How he found time to do all this, I'll never know. Why he'd want to is also a mystery. All I know is that I've never been as in love as I am right now. I mean, a fucking apartment. This is way more of a surprise than I could ever have imagined.

"Do you like it?" Kil asks slowly from my side as if worried that I wouldn't. What a ridiculous thought.

"Kil, this is . . . I can't even find words for it."

"But of you could, they'd be good words, right?" His voice sounds so nervous I can't stand it.

Turning to him, I can't help the grin from spreading across my face. I crush him in a big hug and twirl him around so that his feet leave the ground. "So many good words." I murmur before kissing him finally.

He giggles happily and kisses me back. "I'm so glad you like it but you haven't even seen the whole thing yet."

"I don't need to to know that I love it." I laugh. I look around the room again and notice that the chair in the corner of the room is identical to the one back at New Beginnings. My smile widens and I pull Killian down on my lap as I sink into the familiar cushions. "I love you so much." 

Kil rests his head on my shoulder and links our fingers. "I love you too Chresh. I always will." 

Remind me again what I did to deserve him?