Don't Fall Apart On Me Tonight

I cannot believe he's going out again. I mean, I shouldn't be surprised. He goes out almost every night, especially since it's summer. But I guess I thought, since his hangover was so bad today, that he wouldn't. All I know is, he better not take whatever he had last night again. I can tell he didn't sleep all night and I didn't want to deal with Chresh when he hasn't slept for two nights in a row. Not a pretty picture.

I was currently sitting on my couch, phone on the table in front of me, watching TV on mute. I didn't want to miss Chretion when he called. Well, I hope he calls. When he doesn't call, I just start worrying even more than I was.

So yeah. Here I am, all alone on Saturday night, watching TV on mute, worrying about my best friend, who I happen to be in love with, waiting for him to call me so I can go pick him up and stop worrying about him.

God, my life sucks.

"Honey, why is the TV on mute?" my mom asked, walking down the stairs.

"I want to be able to hear it when Chretion calls." I said, looking up from Jeopardy.

"He's gone out again?" she asked, sighing and sitting in the arm char next to the couch I was sitting on. "When will that boy ever learn?"

"I don't know, Mom."

"Why don't you go out with your other friends? Didn't Sean ask if you wanted to go to the movies with him and Emily?"

Sean and Emily were two of Chretion and I's friends at school who happen to be dating. "Mom, Sean just wants to go make out with his girlfriend at the movies. I'd just get in the way." I said. "Besides, I can't."

"Right. Because you have to go be Chretion's mother whenever he calls you." she said, rolling her eyes. She knew all about Chretion and his... problems. I mean, she is my mom. I tell her everything. Well, most of everything. "Honey, I know you love him, but you have to let him see the consequences of his actions. Or else, he'll never learn."

"I know." I said. "But I can't just leave him. Who knows what'll happen?"

"He'll finally see what a life like the one he's living will lead to. Maybe he'll actually start appreciating you then."

"He does appreciate me, Mom." I said. "He just doesn't always show it."

My phone started ringing on the table and I sighed and answered it. "Hey, Chresh. Where am I driving?" I listened as he slurred out directions mixed in with giggles and apologies. "All right, I'll be there soon. Just say where you are and don't move."

"Okay, Killy."

I hung up and looked over at my mom. "I gotta go."

"I know." she said, pulling me in for a hug. "One day, he'll see what an amazing guy you are, and he'll love you like you love him."

God, I hope so.

***
I pulled up outside the house to find a familiar scene. Random teenagers puking into bushes, helping each other stagger away from the house, laughing their asses off, while still more were inside.

Chretion was sitting alone eon the curb, staring up at the few stars that could be seen in the sky. He looked so peaceful, so happy... and for a moment I was reminded why he started this shit int he first place. He hasn't looked that happy since before he came out to his parents. They didn't freak out or disown him, they just... stopped paying attention to him. Late nights at work, no phone calls or notes on the fridge. Just delivery pizza and whatever he could find in the freezer.

I parked the car at the closest curb and got out, walking over to where Chretion was still sitting.

"Chresh?"

He turned to me and smiled. "Hey, Killy. See? I didn't move, just like you told me to."

"You shouldn't be out here on your own like this, Jesus. Who knows what could happen? Everyone around here is either drunk off their ass or high out of their minds. What would happen if one of them got in the car and happened to speed towards you? No one's here to look out for you." I chastised, picking him up off the curb and walking him back to the car.

"B-but, I was just doing what you said." he said. "You said not to go home with anyone but you, so I waited for you on the curb."

Oh, god, I think he's gonna start crying. The drugs, plus the alcohol, made him hyper and emotional, and I couldn't deal with it. "Shh, shh, don't worry about it." I said, guiding him into the passenger seat. "You're okay, and that's all that matters."

He reached out and wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling into my neck lovingly.

"You're the best, Killy." he said. "You're always there for me. I love you so much."

That made me tense up and lean back, giving him a look before smiling, shutting his door and walking around the car to the driver's side.

When I got back in, he was fiddling with the radio dials, trying to find something to sing along to. As he flicked through every station 3 or 4 times, I put the car in drive and headed towards his house.

I was still confused about what he just said. When he said he loved me, my heart soared. He's never said that to me without a "bro" or a "man" or a "no homo" attached to the end, and he sounded like he really meant it. Or was it just the drugs talking? Did he know how I felt, or was he just saying whatever the hell popped into his head?

I shook my head and continued driving, arriving at his house and walking around to his side of the door. Somewhere between Ridgemont st and Crestwood Blvd, he'd passed out, so I had to carrying him bridal style up to the door, taking out my keys and opening it up. I had a spare key to his house, mainly for occasions like this.

When I got to his room, I set him down gently on his bed and pulled off his jeans before tucking him into his covers.

"No." he mumbled quietly. "Don't leave me, Killy."

What was it with him tonight? He was all lovey-dovey and clingy.... This isn't exactly normal behavior for us.

Nevertheless, I shrugged it off and rid myself of my jeans before climbing into bed next to him.

I mean, come on. What kind of guy would I be if I let the guy I love sleep alone when he was so clearly wanting attention?

That, and I got to hold him all night long. I got to pretend, just for a night, that he really meant what he said earlier.