Don't Fall Apart On Me Tonight

Have you ever been hit by a car? I have. When I was younger, about eight or nine, Killian and I were riding our bikes with some of our friends. There was some sort of fight going on between a few girls at the end of our street and everyone was super interested. 

This was the time in our lives when girls no longer had cooties but by this time I already knew that girls weren't for me. While everyone else was watching their almost-fight I circled them, seeing how many wheelies I could pop until someone either threw a punch or walked away. 

Suddenly a car came out of nowhere and hit me dead on. Killian said I went over the car and landed on my back hard. One of my other friends said I went under the car and another said it looked like I went around the car. 

I honestly can't remember. The only thing I can recall is the unbearable pain in my head, the feeling of warm blood dripping down my face and neck, and the horrified screams of Killian. 

Well, this hangover kind of feels like that. It feels like a car hit me and now my head is split open. It feels like the horrified screams of my best friend. Let me tell you, it's not a good feeling.

I try to roll over but there's something, someone, on top of me. Fuck. 

Fuckfuckfuck. What the hell happened? Killian told me to wait for him and I could have sworn I did. Maybe my head was playing tricks on me again. This wouldn't be the first time. 

Whoever I'm in bed with stirs and settles his (I'm assuming it's a 'he') leg between mine, grinding it into my crotch. I can't deny that it feels amazing, even through my killmenow hangover. 

I'm a fucking slut okay? Get over it.

The guy burrows into my chest and nuzzles into my neck. I realize that my arms are wrapped around his waist securely and his are around mine too. I also realize that neither one of us is naked which is my first tip off that this isn't normal. 

It takes a few minutes for me to gain the willpower to open my eyes and when I do I'm promptly greeted by the sight of various band posters and drawings that me and Killian put up to make my room feel not as empty.

That's the second tip off: my room. Whenever I lay someone it's understood that we are not going back to my house. Not only does it save me from the wrath of Killian but it saves me from the judgmental scrutiny of my parents. Not that they'd care anyway.

Instead of figuring out what the fuck I did wrong I decide that it's time to fix the problem before it gets even worse.

"Hey, baby," I rock my body back and forth, causing the stranger to mumble something incoherent. His voice seems slightly familiar but like I said, it was a mumble and then there's that whole car thing. "It's time to get up." 

The guy raises his hand and rubs his eyes tiredly, looking up at me lazily. And that's when I realize my mistake. It's not just some random fuck buddy. It's my best friend. It's Killian. 

I jolt upwards and scramble out from under him, landing hard on my ass onto the floor. "What the fuck, Killian?" 

It can't be like this. It's not supposed to be like this. Killian is the one thing I can count on to be the same. He's my rock. Things can't be this way between us. It'll be awkward and I can't deal with awkward from him. My life would literally fall to pieces. 

He gazes down at me with a mixture of utter confusion and raw pain etched on his face. "Chretion, calm down." 

"Calm down? Calm down?" A sound that could be mistaken as laughter bubbles up from my lips. "Fuck, Kil, you gave me a fucking boner!"

"Is it really that unbelievable that I could give you a boner? I mean, face it, I'm fucking sexy." He jokes, attempting to lighten the situation. 

"Do not try to brush this off. What the hell are you doing in my bed in the first place?" I demand.

"I was taking care of you, asshole. Don't even act like this is the first time I've been in your bed when you woke up." He answers angrily, a glare set firmly on his face. 

And he's right. It isn't the first time he's ended up in my bed. Far from it. Hell, it's not even the first time this week. But this time is different. It was more...intimate. 

I'm not saying that we weren't intimate as best friends but that was as far as it ever went. Best friends. There was the occasional hand holding and cuddling under a blanket for a movie but that's normal for best friends. This- the grinding and the nuzzling- wasn't okay. 

"Chretion, do you remember anything from last night? Anything at all?" He asks hesitantly. 

"No, I never do. You know this." I answer quickly, standing and starting to pace.

A look of complete anger and frustration takes over his features. "That's the fucking problem right there! You never remember anything! You sit there and make these stupid fucking promises and get my hopes up and then you don't fucking remember it! I'm tired of it!"

"You can't hold that against me." I argue. 

"Like hell I can't." Killian growls. 

And it scares me because he just growled at me. This sweet innocent guy just fucking growled at me. 

And it makes me confused because his eyes are all sad. Sadder than I've ever seen them before.

And I need to get away from him before I do or say something that could ruin everything. 

I stop pacing and snatch a pair of jeans from my floor, yanking them on quickly and shoving on the closest pair of shoes. I realize they're Killian's but at this point I don't care. He's only half a size smaller than me anyway. 

"What are you doing?" Killian demands slowly. 

"I'm leaving." I say simply, grabbing a bottle of Tylenol off my dresser and dumping out half of the remaining pills onto my hand. I swallow them dry which probably isn't a good idea because it's about twelve pills at once which is about six times the dosage.

Killian stares at me wide eyed. "Chretion, don't do this. Please." 

"Look, Kil, I love you, man. I really do, but I can't deal with this right now." And with that I make my way down the stairs and out of my house.