When Hope Begins to Fade

Johnny and Lacey had took us home last night. Home as in where we all now lived. We had fun last night even thought it was the four of us. I was glad Johnny and Lacey had took us away from the arguing. It bothered me a lot. What was said was true though. It seemed that most of the girls loved Maddy but not me. Michelle hated me and I don’t know why. Same with Brian and Matt. They both like Maddy. Jimmy seems to love me though. Johnny and Lacey seems to like us both equally.

I laid in my bed and stared at my decorated walls. It was weird without Maddy in the room with me. We had always shared a room and now we didn’t. There was a knock on the door before it slowly opened.

“Morning sweetheart.” Lacey said sweetly to me.

“Morning.” I replied back.

“Breakfast will be done soon and then we are going to the park for a while.” Lacey told me.

I mumbled an “Ok” before she left my room. I went and got clothes before putting them on. I went ahead and slipped a pair of shoes on before going downstairs. I entered the kitchen where Johnny, Lacey and Maddy were. Maddy was already eating her French toast. Johnny sat across from her and was eating eggs and bacon. Lacey was sitting next to Johnny and was eating the same as Maddy. I took a seat by Maddy where another plate of food was. Johnny looked at me and smiled.

“Good morning Ali.” Maddy said happily.

I believe that Maddy was so happy because of her room. She didn’t see it until last night and she smiled so big. She kept thanking Johnny, Lacey and I since we helped decorate it.

When we all got done eating we got in Johnny’s car and went to the park. Maddy and I ran to the swings since nobody was on them yet. We knew when more people came that the swings would be taken. Everybody loves swinging. Lacey and Johnny finally made it over to the swings. They both took a swing for themselves. Johnny challenged us to see who could go highest. Lacey and I both gave up after a few minutes. Maddy kept swinging though. They both we going so high that I was amazed at how they didn’t fall off the swing.

“There they are!” I heard Jimmy shout.

Lacey and I both looked towards where the shouting came from. Matt, Brian, Daddy, Michelle and Val were walking towards the swings. Jimmy was running and nearly tripped a few times.

“Hey girls! Hey Short Shit!” Jimmy said when he got to us.

“Hey Jimmy” I smiled. Lacey also said “hey.”

Johnny and Maddy were still swinging and ignoring us.

“What’re you two doing?” Jimmy asked them.

“Swinging!” both said at the same time.

Jimmy stood there and watched them. The rest finally made it over to the swings. I didn’t say anything and only smiled. Lacey was talking to them.

“Short Shit, what are you and Maddy doing?” Brian asked after a few minutes.

“Swinging!” they both said once again.

They both have been swinging as high as possible for a while and neither of them were quitting.

“Obviously. But why?” Brian asked once again.

When they didn’t respond I did. “To see who can swing highest.”

Brian glanced at me then back to Johnny and Maddy. He walked around them both and got behind Maddy.

“Hold on.” he told her as he began pushing her.

“Hey! No fair.” Johnny shouted. Brian just smirked and Maddy smiled.

I was jealous. Nobody was pushing me. They were ignoring me. Everyone was now watching Maddy and Johnny. Maddy was swinging higher than Johnny.

“Johnny, give up man. You lose.” Matt told him.

Johnny didn’t. He just kept swinging. Michelle and Val were now sitting on the last two swings. They had decided to try and beat Johnny also. Matt was pushing Val and Zacky was pushing Michelle since Brian was still pushing Maddy higher. I sighed and got off the swing. I went over to one of the play sets and walked up the steps. I went to a tube slide and sat down in the entrance where nobody could see me. I finally let the tears fall. Nobody liked me. They all liked Maddy though. How could you like one twin and not the other. I might be the shy, girly twin but does it matter. I never did anything wrong. I heard footsteps behind me and I quickly wiped away the tears. I turned around to see a smiling Jimmy.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jimmy asked when he noticed me.

“Nothing.” I said quietly.

“You’ve been crying. I can tell.” Jimmy stated.

“I hit my head on top of this thing.” I lied.

He just smiled and hugged me. “Well you need to be careful.”

“I know.” I mumbled.

“Let’s go down the slide!” Jimmy exclaimed.

I turned around and slid down the slide. I stopped at the end and scooted myself off. Jimmy came down a few seconds later. I began laughing. He had went down the slide on his stomach and was now attempting to get out of the slide. His hands touched the ground and he kicked the rest of the way out.

“Well, I think I might be too big for those slides.” he grinned. I giggled.

“Let’s go to the merry-go-round!” Jimmy said as he grabbed my small hand. He had picked me up and ran with me since I couldn’t keep up with him. People around us just stared. He sat me down on it and I laid down and held onto the metal rails. Jimmy began pushing it so I was going in circles. I stared at the sky until I began getting dizzy. I closed my eyes and felt myself going in circles. I heard Jimmy jump on and we gradually began to stop. I opened my eyes as we were now slowly going in circles.

“That was fun! Let’s do it again!” Jimmy smiled.

My eyes went wide. “No! That’s okay Jimmy.”

He laughed. “Alright. Want ice cream then?” I smiled and shook my head yes.

X

I smiled as Ali went with me to get ice cream a few blocks away from the park. I knew I didn’t have to tell Zacky or anyone else that I had her. They didn’t even realize she was gone. Maddy would gradually realize. I knew that Ali was crying for a different reason. I knew it was because Maddy was everyone’s favorite. I didn’t see why though. They are twins. One is more of a tom boy and outgoing. The other is girly and shy. That is the only difference between them. I was sure that Val, Michelle, Brian and Matt had liked Maddy more. Johnny and Lacey seemed to like both girls but Maddy a little more. Zacky was their father and he even had a favorite. Well maybe not. Maddy hasn’t been around him much lately.

We reached the ice cream place and I ordered our ice cream. Ali had chocolate ice cream while I had pretty much every kind. Mine had almost every topping and Ali’s only had sprinkles. We began walking back to the park while eating our ice cream. Ali didn’t speak much. She never did. She did speak to me more than the others. I think she has been talking to me more than Maddy. I felt sorry for Ali. We both knew that she wasn’t anyone’s favorite. I guess I could consider her my favorite since she was always with me. I didn’t get mad at her like everyone else.

We made it back to the park but the rest of our group wasn’t at the swings. I had finished my ice cream and Ali was almost done. We sat down at a bench so she could finish eating.

“Having fun?” I asked her.

She took a bite of her ice cream before answering.

“Yes.” she smiled. “Thank you for the ice cream Jimmy.”

I smiled back. “That’s good and you are welcome.”

She finally finished and we went to look for the rest of our semi-big group. We had found them all near a tire swing. I saw that Brian was sitting on the tire with Maddy on his lap. Matt was pushing them. I looked down at Ali and saw that she was frowning.

“Wanna go back on the merry-go-round?” I asked her.

She looked up at me and her eyes went wide. “No!”

I chuckled. “Alrighty then. Where do ya wanna go?” She shrugged. “Swings?” She shrugged again.

We stopped walking and I looked around the park. “Let’s go that one with the swinging bridge!” I told her. She didn’t argue.

We spent the rest of the day avoiding Zacky, Matt, Brian, Michelle, Maddy, Val, Johnny and Lacey. We just kept playing on anything at the park. Nobody even asked where Ali was. They didn’t even look for me. They probably figured that Ali was with me.

It was late in the evening when my phone began vibrating. It was Zacky asking me where I was. I texted back and told him. A few minutes later and everyone was in the sand box with Ali and I.

“Where do you want to eat at?” Matt asked.

I didn’t know who he was asking but Ali answered.

“I’m not hungry.” She spoke quietly.

I knew she wasn’t since we had got something to eat an hour ago.

“What do you mean you aren’t hungry?” Zacky asked.

“We already ate.” I told him.

“And you didn’t tell us?” Zacky questioned.

“No. You’ve had nothing to do with her all day. I took her to get ice cream earlier and we had McDonald’s not that long ago.”

Zacky seemed pissed off. He looked at Maddy.

“Where do you want to eat at?” he asked her.

“Taco Bell!” Maddy smiled widely.

“Taco Bell it is!” Brian smiled down at her.

Everyone but Zacky began to walk away. “I guess you two can just sit.”

“I’ll eat again.” I told him.

I stood up and Ali did also. We followed the rest back to the cars. Ali and I went with Johnny and Lacey. Michelle, Brian, Maddy, and Val went with Matt. Zacky had decided to go with us since there was room for one more person. It was a silent ride to Taco Bell. Ali was about to fall asleep against my shoulder. Zacky seemed annoyed. Johnny and Lacey were just staying out of everything. We arrived and went inside. Ali had got something to drink and I got a couple of tacos. We all sat down at a table that had a long bench on one side with chairs on the other side. On the bench was Lacey, Johnny, Brian, Michelle, Maddy and Ali. I sat across from the twins. We all ate and chatted. Maddy and Ali were talking to each other while the rest of the group talked.

We all finished and decided to head home. It would be the first night that all of us were staying in our new house. We said our goodbyes to Brian, Matt, Val and Michelle before getting in Johnny’s car. I sat in the back with Ali on my lap. Maddy was sitting next to me and Zacky was next to her. It was quiet all the way to the house. Once the car stopped both girls got out of the car and ran inside once Johnny unlocked the door. I casually walked in and went to the kitchen to get a beer. I then went to the living room and sat down on the couch. I turned the television on and flipped through the channels. Zacky came into the living room with a beer and sat down in the chair. He seemed depressed and pissed off.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

He glared at me before answering. “I fucking feel like a fuck up.”

“Why?”

“Why do you think Jimmy? I have two fuckin’ kids. We keep arguing around them. Ali doesn’t even seem to like me.” Zacky was beginning to raise his voice.

“Well maybe you all should probably stop picking favorites. Ali was crying at the park. You know why? Because none of you will have anything to do with her. She feels left out Zack.” I told him as calmly as possible.

Zacky stared at me. He had his hands balled un into fists. I watched as he closed his eyes and he sighed. He then leaned forward. He had his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

“I know.” he whispered.

“You should probably talk to her.” I said to him quietly.

He sat up and looked at me. He smiled weakly at me before getting up. I watched as he was exiting the living room. I saw Maddy by the door. She quickly moved out of his way as he walked closer to her. He smiled down at her before he walked past her. She came into the room and smiled at me.

“Video games?” I asked even though I knew her well enough to know the answer.

Maddy grinned and shook her head yes. She jumped onto the couch. I got up and went over to the game systems to find something to play.

X

I was in my room playing with Barbies when Daddy came into my room. I glanced up at him and smiled at him before going back to play with my dolls. He stood leaning against the doorframe watching me. Maddy had left me a few minutes ago because she didn’t like Barbies. I was brushing one of the doll’s hair when I heard daddy walk over to my bed. I looked up at him and he smiled.

“I’m sorry.” he spoke quietly.

I looked back down and continued brushing the doll’s hair.

“It’s not fair. None of us should have favorites. Jimmy told me about you crying. I’m sorry Ali. Want to go skating tomorrow?”

I looked up at him. “I guess.”

He smiled. “Awesome. You should probably get to bed. It’s about ten at night.”

I grabbed my dolls and put them on my dresser. I then went back to my bed. I already had my pajamas on so I didn’t have to change. Daddy gave me a kiss on the cheek and made sure I was tucked in.

“Goodnight sweetheart. Love you.”

“Goodnight daddy. Love you too.”

He turned the light off and closed my door.

I stared at the ceiling and smiled. Maybe things would get better.