Without Doubt

Holly Luich

“Hey Holly, I have a question.”

I opened my eyes slowly, to see Goligoski, one of our newest Stars, thanks to the trade deadline. We lost James and Matt for him, but it wasn't that bad. Alex was superb on the ice, and a total softie all the way around. “What is it?”

He looked around us, to see if anyone was listening. We had maybe thirty minutes of practice left, and Crawford had gone to get something for the last three drills. “I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. You’re a girl, you can tell me what’s really going on, right?”

Raising my eyebrow at him, I grinned. “With who?”

“The plumber.” He sighed, bumping his hip against me. “She’s always calling him up to our new apartment. It’s been hardly a week, and every pipe breaks when I’m not there. But that’s not even the worst part. She keeps making these phone calls at night, and she won’t even have sex with me anymore.”

“Well, I guess you could say,” Smirking, my arm leaned on top of my stick. “He cleaned her pipes.”

“HOLLY, YOU’RE A HORRIBLE FRIEND!” I giggled, hitting my hip back against him, trying to keep a straight face.

“I know.”

“Stop yapping, and listen up. The wins over Phoenix, San Jose, and Los Angeles were good wins. The loss to Anaheim wasn’t good, letting them slip in during overtime, but there’s nothing we can do about that tonight. Game starts at eight tonight, I want everyone here by five, and no later. Calgary shouldn’t be a problem, but if you want to get a playoff spot this year, pull your heads out of your ass, because now the time to worry. I want everyone to have at least 10 shots on Kari or Andrew before you leave today.” Crawford blabbed for a few minutes, before heading off the ice. No doubt to go and bother the shit out of Joe.

Turning towards the net, Kari slid back into his crease, ready for us to begin so we could get the hell out of here. Tapping Alex with my stick, we each took a puck, going in opposite directions to get set up.

He made quick work of his first shot, in which Kari easily kicked it out. Biting my tongue, I skated past the blue line, aiming for top shelf. However, instead of it whizzing past, he caught the rubber in his glove, before tossing it to the side.

Frowning, I grabbed another puck, and skated close to Adam. Glancing up to the net where Brenden finished another shot, Andrew took Kari’s place, who simply skated close by me, waiting for his turn. He raised his mask up, before squirting water into his mouth. “You can’t always shoot high, Holly. Try aiming lower; several goalies have weak five holes.”

Sighing, I could only shrug, before looking back towards my teammates.

~

After missing again, I huffed, watching him leave the crease. Andrew quickly came back in, as Kari skated next to me, behind Brenden and Jamie a little ways. “How often do you practice your lower shots, Holly?”

Turning to look at him, his expression looked angry. Feeling my eye twitch, I quite simply was not in the mood for it. Trying to keep the sour attitude out of my voice, I glared at him, as he turned to meet my gaze head on. “I’m a forward, you’re a goaltender. I don’t question your netminding, Lehtonen. Don’t question my shooting.”

“If you aren’t going to work as a team, maybe you should consider a career change!” My eyes widened at the Finn in front of me, his face flushed from the anger he had sunk into his words all of a sudden. “What do you even see when you look at the net? Do you even see me? The opponent? Or do you just shoot recklessly?”

“When I look at the net, I don’t see a goalie.” I could feel my blood begin to boil at his words. “Back off, Lehtonen. If you think it’s so easy, how about I take the crease tonight, and you can come out here and work your ass off.”

“I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m only saying that you can do better than this, and you know it.” What do you know about me, Kari? We talk about hockey, yes, but in general. We watch games together, and talk about the other teams, but that’s it. We’re teammates, and I thought we were friends. Friends don’t..

Maybe we aren’t friends.

“You don’t know what the fuck I am capable of, Mr. I’ve-Had-My-NHL-Career-Handed-To-Me!” I was vaguely aware that most of our team had stopped, but about half that paid attention went back to shooting. More than likely hopeful to just ignore the incessant argument.

“I’m pretty sure I do know, considering Avery made it pretty clear what your limitations were, and even those were few and far in between.”

Kari stood in front of me huffing, his face returning to its normal pallor, obviously calming down. A familiar pounding returned to my temple, but I dismissed it. Was that all they saw me as? One of Avery’s conquests?

I’d kill him with my bare hands, if I ever got my chance again.

Kneeling to pick up the stick I didn’t realize I dropped, I skated past the Finn, and climbed over the bench boards. I had six hours to be back here, and right now, the American Airlines Center was my least favourite place to be, at the time.

Pushing open the locker room door, I sat on the ground in front of my stall, before untying my skates. I could care less that I hadn’t achieved the shots Crawford wanted, but right now, he could kiss my ass.

Dropping my helmet on the shelf, I hung my skate sup on their hooks, before yanking my black sweater over my head. Shimmying out of my padding, I was left in the spandex shorts and underarmour that was soaked in nothing but sweat. Sniffing quietly, I thought about what Kari had said.

There was no doubt that I wanted to know him better, and actually call him my friend. Either way, why would you say something like that to a teammate?

Pulling my jeans over the material and quickly zipping them up, I reached for the black t-shirt and threw it on.

“Are you alright, Holly?”

Jumping, I turned to see Brenden standing at the door, watching me carefully.

“I’m peachy, Brenden. The world is my oyster. Except for the fact that I was just made fun of openly in front of the entire team, and it wasn’t in good fun.” I snapped, feeling the anger return, and my self-pity and moping mood fly out the window.

Sitting in my stall this time, I pulled my socks on, and slid my shoes on, before tying them. My captain came over, and took a seat in the section next to me.

“Kari went a little overboard, and he feels bad for what he said,” I scoffed, interrupting him. If he felt bad, he wouldn’t have said anything in the first place. Brenden gave me a pointed look, before continuing. “But he’s just frustrated, and he wants to help. Right now, everyone can do something. You guys are friends, and don’t say you aren’t, Holly Luich.”

Frowning at him, I switching to my other foot, after he cut me off from protesting his words.

“He cares about you, alright? He wants you to do good, because you guys are friends, alright? He knows you know the game, he’s seen it for himself. You both have opposite ends of the game weighing on your shoulders, so please don’t hold this against him.”

Shoving my bag under the bench, looked at him, not saying anything.

“How do you feel now?” Morrow smiled, obviously trying to lighten the mood, but it wasn’t really helping.

“Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.” Standing up, I grabbed my phone and keys, ready to just get out of here. I considered Kari a friend, and rather than talk to me and point out what I did wrong, he fucking treated me like shit in front of everyone. I had put my history with Avery behind me, and went on with my life. It wasn’t who I was anymore, and he goes and screams shit like that.

“Luich, you know better.”

Holding the locker room door open, I stopped, but didn’t look at him. “People put you down enough, you start to believe it.”

~

It was March, and the beginning of the rainy season in Texas, and I didn’t bring a jacket. Shows how much I pay attention, yeah? After waiting for everyone else to leave, hiding out in the female employee restroom wasn’t much fun.

Dreading the drive home, I made my way through the cars in the Players’ section of the parking tunnel. Looking at the empty spot next to it, Kari’s white car was already gone. Shaking my head, I hit the unlock button, hoping to get the heater on as fast as possible, before freezing in my tracks. There was a piece of paper on my windshield.

I was allowed to park here, so why would I get a ticket?

Getting closer, I could see the handwriting, on what looked like a piece of ripped up notebook paper. It was taped to the glass, but I peeled it off, pulling it close to read.

You must believe in yourself.

Adam Burish was going to get it.