Rabidity

There was an eminent dream that Severus experienced one chill evening. He found that the memories haunting him most of his life would come back to hurt him one way or another. And for some reason his own mind enjoyed torturing him.

“Severus…” she spoke.

Her flaming hair shown bright against the black and white background of his dreams. Lily was haunting him, like she had all his life. And since he’d found Adrienne this was the first he’d dreamt of her.

“Don’t you want to come with me Severus?” she asked.

“Lily…” he choked. Almost as if all the pain she caused him had rushed back at once, his chest was heavy – his breathing stifled.

Severus was allowed to look away from her blinding hair, looking for something – hoping to eliviate the pain.

“Severus look at me.” She said.

Severus kept turned away – trying to see anything else but Lily in his mind. Love, he thought… Adrienne. In the far off distance he could see black and white characters. Ones so small that he could cover them with his thumb. He was sure the figure in the window had to be Adrienne, she was alone, she was so solemn.

“Severussss…” Lily hissed. He turned back at her to see her vibrant green eyes. Her face was as kind as ever, so warm, and so saddening. He had loved this woman with all his heart and now he had begun to let go. He felt as if she wasn’t going to let him.

He was struggling to look away again when he awoke covered in sweat. With shaky hands he pulled a calming draught from the cabinet in his bathroom, he swallowed it without hesitation while he looked at his sunken eyes. Days without Adrienne had let him to worry, left him to sulk.

Hogwarts was so eerie it seemed, nothing taught but dark spells and evil. He had avoided the Carrows as much as possible for the several months Hogwarts had been in session. He snuck away when he could – trying to keep Adrienne safe, trying to help Potter. Now he had done what he could and he was only waiting for Potter to arrive to the last stop in his journey, Hogwarts.

He applied a cooling spell to his face and neck as he walked to his wardrobe to dress for the day. The sun hadn’t even risen yet – but he knew that there was no hope in him obtaining more sleep. His thoughts toyed with him once more as flashes of his nightmare consumed him. He felt as if Adrienne’s grey face would disappear from existence if he did not see it this very moment.

The Floo was the quickest way for him to access the Malfoy manor, he tried to transport to a different room to help cover his tracks. And then he would silently walk to her room, where this morning he found her sleeping.

He thought that now things had come full circle. It had been nearly a year since he’s first picked up Adrienne that fateful night at her mothers home. Since then she had become a student, and grown close to him. Her private lessons and potion brewing talent had easily captured his attention, while her strong head clashed with his demeanor. He realized that she had lost quite a bit of that fight she carried over the last few months. Over the summer she had to take to spending intimate time with someone that only hurt her, someone that only wanted to use her. But in that time Severus had taken it upon himself to take care of Adrienne and ensure that he could help her in whatever way he could. After all he blamed himself for her being here in the first place.

Severus sat down in the large leather armchair that seemed to reside as his second home. Adrienne was peacefully dreaming, he liked to think that perhaps her pleasant thoughts were about him. He noticed the small ribbon on her wrist that held the same button he was missing from his own cloak. He smiled at her gesture – she did do anything to stay close to him, and keep him with her.

And then the summer had to end. It seemed that his summer was spent by her bedside, in the very armchair he sat in now, caring for her, and then that once evening… the Dark Lord announced her pregnancy and then soon after Severus was sitting in Dumbledore’s old chair. Not only did he miss her greatly, but also he realized that he hated himself for putting her in a terrible predicament. It was his fault that she was working for the Dark Lord, it was hid fault that she was chosen to carry a child at such a young age. And because of that he wanted to give her anything he could.

Severus visited when he could during the school year, and he found that these months had gone by more than slowly. There was a time he had gone more than three weeks without being able to see her due to his duties as headmaster, and his ‘loyalty’ to the Dark Lord. But he regretted every minute that wasn’t spent with her.

Adrienne stirred from her slumber, sitting up to see him sitting there. An immediate smile crossed her lips as she mumbled: “Severussss.”

Severus could see her face now, flushed with color, all illuminated by nothing other than her own beauty. Her dark hair flowed across her rosy cheeks, and her deep blue eyes seemed to magnify to his almost instantly.

“I’ve missed you.” She said.

“And I you.” He told her. “You need to sleep.”

“Can’t.” she said in her sleepy tone. She sat up and leaned back against the headboard. The blanket fell from her large belly; she was wearing a long sleeved nightshirt that had to work to stretch over the growing child.

“Why is that my little witch?” he asked her, scooting closer to her bedside.

Adrienne waited a moment to answer him. “It happened so quickly you know…”

“What did?”

“This,” she said touching her stomach, “she grew so quickly.”

“Well you’ve given her a lot of time to cook.” Severus said. “But that-“ Adrienne stopped his comment before he could finish by grabbing his hand and placing it against her stomach. Severus felt the fluid movements of the thing inside her, the thing that had woken her up.

He had never known the life of an infant, nor had he ever expected to witness such a thing. From school he had seen children to be annoying and insufferable. And never would he imagine that he’d be so close to someone in this state, let alone having children of his own. As much as he hated the child, he loved seeing her bite her bottom lip and begin to glow the moment the child would kick.

But her attachment had grown strongly to the child, something he had hoped would not happen.

“Adrienne… we need to talk.” He said. “The child isn’t that far away.”

“I think I’m fully aware of that, I’m the size of a centaur.” She said.

“I want you to come with me. After the child is born.” He said. “Could you do that for me?”

Adrienne waited in silence while she tried not to read into what he was saying, he had specifically said her, he hadn’t included anyone else, like their child. She clutched her stomach protectively.

“I trust you with my life Severus.” She said.

“So you’ll come? Come away with me?”

“I-“ she began. Severus’s heart sank when he realized she was struggling to tell him what was on her mind. “I won’t leave her.” Adrienne said. Adrienne felt a grip of anger tightening around her heart, she couldn’t bear that Severus didn’t know – she hated the fact that he didn’t love the child with her.

“Ask yourself to do what you’re asking of me.”

“It’s not my child,” he said, his words stinging in her ears. “You said so yourself, she will be evil.” His anger was apparent, his words stung, Adrienne slapped him, hard. It was easy for her to forget he didn’t know, she shouldn’t blame him, but she couldn’t help it. She clamped the same hand that stuck him tightly around her mouth as her own eyes welled with tears.

“I’m sorry Severus.” She quickly said, before the words could choke in her mouth. She slid her legs out from under the covers and onto the floor so that she could stand near him. He was already standing, ready to leave.

“Please!” she begged. “I’m sorry.” She said crying. Severus was making his way to the fireplace, not caring that she was clinging to his arm like a lost child. “Please!” she said again, crying heavily. “Severus… Severus don’t go. I need you. I love you.”

He halted there, in the fireplace, now turning to look at her.

“Yes, but you love that thing more.” He said while detaching her fist from his coats. She slid to her knees sobbing as he vanished behind blinding green light.

Adrienne sat for a long time with her face in her hands, only sobbing that the man she trusted most had just left her alone, with a child, and in danger. She could hear her own sobs echo from wall to wall - filling herself with hate for her own weak emotions.

She sat thinking that he should've heard the truth, her last words to him should've been about their child. But she was also hurt that he had turned her away after she had blatantly expressed her emotions with words. She was so weak, so stupid.

She remembered Narcissa finding her a short while later. After that Adrienne was drawn a hot bath and given time alone. Adrienne wouldn't talk to Narcissa, and Narcissa was worried about whatever had occurred. Adrienne was hurt that she was stupid enough to trust him with her deepest emotion.