Rabidity

It had now been an entire week since the war.

Only a few short days, and Severus was not able to heal any of his pain. He hadn’t slept; he hadn’t eaten, and ignored any owls he’d received. He covered his face with his hands, he could feel sweat drip down his back, and his greasy hair was pushed to one side.

He had agreed upon discharge at St. Mungo’s that he was capable, and would tend to his wounds – but he was only letting them fester. He was wearing a black sweater, and black pants. He had a potions book in his lap, one that he didn’t even open, he just kept it there to perhaps trick his mind that he was doing something. But he could only relive the last few moments he’d had with Adrienne.

He begged to Merlin that he could turn back the clock, and perhaps at least tell her that he felt the same way she did. Severus could now understand how Adrienne had been so willing to take her own life, it was unbearable to lose a loved one. This was entirely different than Lily, Adrienne had given him her love directly, she had told him.

She had begged him to hold her on cold nights, and whispered the sweetest things in his ears. He tried, and tried to hold onto those good things she’d given him – but in all practicality it just made it worse.

He had grown old hoping for something good to come to him one day… and it had fluttered by.

He couldn’t even bare to set foot in his bedroom at Spinners End, for it only reminded him of the first night he spent with her. He took comfort in an old leather armchair that was once his fathers. It had been built sturdy; it’s age only showing in the discolored patches on the arm rests.

Severus was slowly coming to an ending in his chapter; he was winding down a long road of painful thoughts and memories, that only Firewhisky seemed to sure for the time being.
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Paris, France was a city that not many people had the delight of seeing. Those who did were only so lucky if they could keep even a piece of the bright beauty it contained. Adrienne however, was so lucky.

She was able to cradle a bundle in her arms, born in the heart of Paris, thanks to Severus’s dear and loyal friend, Kieburn.

It seemed that there was a slight resistance to Voldemort and his power to those at Beauxbatons Academy of Magic, as well as the ministry located here. Kieburn had married a proper French woman, she was even a muggle. Kiebrn was brave enough to save a young girls life and entrust the delivery of her baby in his wife’s capable hands.

Adrienne had been unprepared for such an act, as the moment she became conscious again, she didn’t know where she was, she didn’t know what was happening to her body. She was scared, she watched as her trusted Doctor relived a flute jinx from her body, and disappeared once more, to never return.

The amount of French Adrienne understood was little. She was more concerned with how she was even alive. She remembered a tightening in the throat, the way his cold hands wrapped all the way around her neck and pressed until she couldn’t breathe.

No. she remembered, I could still breathe, but how?

Adrienne was deeply lost in thought, but what brought her back was a large pain in her stomach, it felt like every muscle in her body would tear, but eventually it stopped. And then she began to panic. After one look from Kieburn’s wife, Adrienne was ready to try and leave. She kept saying; ”No! Oh no! Not now, she’s can’t come now! …He’s not here. I don’t know what to do when he’s not here.”

Adrienne spent the entire night, and most of the next day in labor. She would’ve given anything to have Narcissa, or even Severus with her. She was so frightened, but once she had bypassed the pain, and saw the eyes of her beautiful baby girl, she could only smile and think of Severus.

She was unable to leave due to slight complications but when she could she would send owls, in hopes of reaching someone. But with every unreturned owl, she felt her heart grow colder. Each un-replied letter meant someone missing, perhaps dead.

She felt another stab of pain when Mrs. Kieburn at least received news of her husband. Adrienne almost felt jealous, as she had heard from no one. But the woman in front of her, she didn’t deserve to go through this, and Adrienne was surprised when she still managed to take care of them both, even despite her pain, and perhaps the fact that Kieburn was dead because of his risk to save Adrienne

“Une vie pour une vie.” She had told Adrienne.


Now Adrienne was wandering the cobblestone streets of Paris. A muggle car was going to take her to the ministry so she could register the birth of her baby girl. Then she would return to London, and hopefully she would find someone…

It worried her that she had received no owl from Severus, or Narcissa. She worried because what if she had no one to go back to? She already had this feeling in her stomach of not knowing what to do, if she couldn’t find someone to tell her – she’d be back where she was a year ago, alone, but this time… she couldn’t just check out not with this new addition by her side.
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Narcissa couldn’t help but worry when she received no word from Severus. She had hoped that the memory would reveal the truth, but now that she hadn’t heard from him, she feared for his safety.

Narcissa and her family had left their home to spend time with distant relatives. They had gotten away clean, but there were those still looking for Lucius, and many would pay to see him put away in Askaban for the rest of his life. Narcissa wasn’t going to let her family get torn apart now that there was nothing tearing them apart.

She apparated to Spinner’s End, the final place she wanted to visit before leaving the country. She carried with her small box of things that had belonged to Adrienne. Some things she thought Severus should have. When she knocked on the door, she didn’t expect an answer.

His street was quiet, almost as if the thick sadness surrounding this man’s heart had grown outward into the surrounding homes. The flowers were bleak, the skies were gray, there was sadness everywhere.

Narcissa whispered: ”alohomora” under her breath. She then let herself in, acting as if she had a key the whole time. She immediately noticed the pile of mail gathering at his owl keep. The letter on top was in fact from Narcissa herself. She shook her head and placed the small black box next to the post. She began to wander about his small home hoping to bump into Severus casually. She had to at least know he was still breathing. If Adrienne’s death did the same to him, as it did to her, she knew he’d have a hard time functioning. Even Narcissa found that her hands would still shake from time to time when she remembered that awful night.

She stepped back as a gloom figure emerged from the kitchen. It was an un-kept man that Narcissa hardly recognized as Severus. His face was covered in dark stubble, his greasy hair, seemed flat against his head, ruffled in many places like he had been sleeping on it. His shirt was wrinkled, and his pants were the most horrid muggle things she’d ever seen. He wasn’t all right, he was worse than she feared.

“I- I brought a few things for you, I thought you might want to keep.”

“So.” Severus stated, he pinched the bridge of his nose, “why do you think you can just let yourself into my home?”

“You haven’t answered any of your owls.” She stated gritting her teeth, “what was I supposed to do?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Leave me be.” Severus said in his biting tone.

“I lost her too you know.” Narcissa was now upset all over again, “Don’t think for a moment you’re the only one in this.”

Severus didn’t answer her.

“Lucius and I are taking Draco, and we’ll be spending some time out of the country until… things calm down.” Narcissa had pulled an embroidered handkerchief from her pocket to dab at her tears. “I thought you should be aware. And...” Narcissa rolled her eyes, “to see how you were doing. I know… you cared for the girl.”

Cared.

There was a word that had been stuck with him for hours. He cared fore her. That was all Adrienne knew. When in fact, he had loved her.

“Please… just go.” Severus begged. He looked as though the pain had been unbearable for him, Narcissa regretted giving him the memory, but she knew this was the only way he could know what happened. She opened her mouth to speak, but the look he gave her silenced any thoughts she had. So she turned and left, quickly and silently.

He saw the small black box on the table as she left. The floor creaked as he took the few steps to the table and flipped off the lid. Inside were the books he had given her, and the ribbon she often wore. The moment he opened the box her innocent and sweet scent wafted through his hallway. He touched the spine of the smallest of the three books; it had been worn, almost splitting. Who knew how many times she’d read it. The silk ribbon still had his cloak button tied to one end, it must’ve fallen off her body during the struggle, he almost wanted to curse Narcissa for giving it back to him.

It was too much of a reminder, it was unnecessary pain.

He walked back to the kitchen carrying the items. He sighed realizing the state of his kitchen had turned into would’ve been another reason for Narcissa to keep checking on him. He had highly unstable ingredients thrown around the room, while he had been looking for the perfect concoction to painlessly end his life.

The items in his hands flew against the wall with a loud thud, when he saw that his cauldron had bubbled over. He had paid little attention to most of his brewing properties, as he was immensely distracted. Now another potion was ruined, and he’d have to re-start all over again.

He found himself sitting in the window seat, looking back into his small back yard. His small magical garden was dying due to lack of care, the clouds had brought rain, and the windows were cold to his touch. He leaned back letting the icy feeling crawl up his back while he tried to breathe steadily for the first time in days.