Status: Oneshot
Sleep
One.
Alex sobbed uncontrollably as he ran, almost tripping constantly, aims flailing to keep his balance. His feet were thudding hard against the wet concrete and the bottoms of his shoes were slipping and skidding in the puddles of rain water, but he didn’t slow his pace. He had no clue of where he was anymore, or where he was going, but anything was better than where he had left behind.
The tears in his eyes blurred his vision and tickled his cheeks as they fell. He brushed them away roughly with the back of his hand and continued to sprint to nowhere in particular. As he rushed through a seemingly empty park that was half illuminated by scattered lampposts, he heard somebody shout his name.
“Alex?!” With a turn of his head, he caught a glimpse of Rian’s confused and shocked face, but he ignored him and ran past his still figure.
“Alex, wait!”
But, again, he didn’t slow, and in his state of mind he managed to outrun Rian by a mile, leaving him far behind as he tried to follow him.
Alex’s legs were burning, his breathing was struggling and it felt as if he had been running for hours, but the distance between him and their tour bus still didn’t feel far enough. But his body was slowly running out of adrenaline and he couldn’t deny the oxygen he could no longer suck in any longer, so he slowed down into a jog.
He found himself on top of a small footbridge in the dark and quiet unfamiliar town. The creek that trickled beneath the old wood was the only sound Alex could hear as he came to a complete stop, staring over the edge into the black abyss of water. His heavy and unsteady breaths rose in white puffs of cloud into the cold winter air, and he trailed his eyes from the rushing water to stare out onto the horizon, where the lights of the small city were little more than tiny dots. The fast-moving specks of car headlights darted around, almost looking like fireflies.
Alex sighed shakily, his breathing slowly coming back to normal but tears still falling like rain, and he extended a hand to touch the rotting wood of the bridges railing. He grasped onto it with the other and lowered himself into a sitting position, slipping his feet through the gaps in the side of the bridge. His long legs dangled over the side, toes almost skimming the water top.
With his body trembling, he disturbed the quiet of the world around him by letting go of a choked sob. It tore through the silence like a knife, and once one was let go, the others seemed to follow inevitably. He gently rested his forehead against the back of his hand, eyes slipping shut and let the emotions pour from his body.
He let out a strangled scream.
How did this happen?
***
It begun almost a month prior, back when Alex Gaskarth was still his energetic – and slightly egotistical – self, and Jack Barakat was still just his overly hyperactive best friend. As far as the world was concerned, Alex was Alex and Jack was Jack, and there was nothing more to it. And though, even if Alex was far from content with it being like that in his mind, he was still happy, Jack was happy, and the band was happy. If Alex had just kept his stupid, fat mouth shut, it probably would have stayed that way.
It was late at night after a show in yet another city, and most of the bus was already asleep, but two boys still sat with left-over adrenaline, cuddled on the couch, watching television. People had always been curious as to how Alex and Jack acted towards each other, but there wasn’t anything more to it than a close friendship. They were just comfortable around each other and could trust each other more than anyone in the world, and there was nothing more to it. Well, at least that used to be the case.
Up until Alex fell for Jack.
He couldn’t remember exactly when the feelings had started, but they were certainly there now. At first, Alex had been shocked, but he came to terms with it quickly. Because, really, why wouldn’t he like Jack? He was funny, a good listener, his best friend, and not to mention, he was drop-dead gorgeous. He had all the right chemicals to make Alex fall in love. And that’s exactly what he did. So now, as he sat curled up against Jack’s side with Jack’s arm lazily draped over his shoulders, his nose buried deep in Jack’s neck inhaling his scent, he was in total bliss. Even if Jack didn’t know about his feelings just yet, and though it sometimes drove him crazy, at least he had moments like these to bathe in.
Jack was giggling occasionally at whatever show he was watching, and a small smile would grace his lips every time Alex heard the sweet noise. Jack was so childlike, so innocent, at this point in time how was Alex to know he was capable of what he would do?
“You still ‘wake, Alex?” Jack shook his arm to evoke a reaction from the boy who hadn’t made a peep in an hour.
“Yeah.” Alex sighed softly, in almost-content.
“What’s up? You’re not usually this quiet.”
Alex shrugged one shoulder and buried his face deeper into Jack. Should he just do it? Come straight out and say ‘I love you more than anything on this Earth and I want nothing more than to be with you’? He never had trouble talking to Jack, he told Jack everything, but he supposed this was different.
Jack rearranged his position, forcing Alex to face him. Alex stared into his deep brown eyes and from there his own flicked down to Jack’s lips in longing.
“What is it, Alex?” Jack pouted slightly, hoping to pull a confession from Alex by convincing him he was sad. Alex just thought he looked downright adorable.
“I don’t know, Jack, it’s just…” Alex went to look away, but Jack caught his chin and turned him back.
“Tell me.”
“I-I…I love you, Jack.” Alex’s heart was pounding so fast he felt he could have passed out.
Jack smiled softly.
“I love you, too, but what-”
“No.” Alex cut him off, eyes darting around to look anywhere but at his friend. “I mean I…I really love you.”
All expression fell from Jack’s face and Alex could have vomited.
“Wait, you mean, like…”
Alex sighed. “Y-Yeah.”
A long silence followed, and Alex just wanted to run away. He knew Jack wouldn’t tell him he was disgusted, or hit him, or hate him for this, but his mind still conjoined up scenarios where it would happen. He waited, heart pounding, for Jack to speak again.
“…Alex?” Jack finally said softly, and Alex hesitantly raised his eyes to look back into Jack’s.
“Yeah?”
Jack looked nervous, yet there was a small hint of something else in his eyes, something Alex had never seen before. He knew he didn’t like it, but he brushed it off.
“C-Can I…kiss you?” Alex’s mouth went dry and fell open slightly, and when words failed him, he nodded feebly.
Jack pressed their lips together gently and it was as if time stopped for Alex. The soft heat against his lips was better than he had expected and he gasped slightly at the contact. Instantly, he was kissing back.
And just like that he felt happy, complete. He was dazed and in love.
He was a fucking idiot.
Maybe he had expected a little too much from his best friend after that kiss. Had he expected Jack to sweep him off his feet, admit his own undying love and given him his happily ever after? He wasn’t really sure what he had expected, but he hadn’t anticipated that by the next morning, Jack would be pretending none of it had happened. He didn’t mention their heated make-out session, nor did he mention Alex’s confession. Alex felt confused and disappointed, to say the least, but it had been better than what came next.
It was a week after he had admitted to Jack that he loved him that the problems started.
He was finally growing used to playing along with the whole ‘Let’s Pretend It Never Happened’ act Jack was enforcing. The band had just completed another show and was pumped to get their drink on in the crowded city, but Alex felt far from up to it. Though he had managed to hide his miserable mood from them so far, he wouldn’t be able to go out with them and watch Jack get smashed and hit on girls. He didn’t think his heart could take it.
So Rian, Zack and Jack had left along with the crew, leaving Alex to his own accord on the bus. Not really knowing what to do with himself and having the overwhelming need to cry following him about, he decided to just crawl up in bed and sleep. That way he was safe, he didn’t have to think, and nothing could hurt him in his bunk, right?
Hours had passed, unknown to Alex as he slept, and suddenly he was being woken by a hand shaking him harshly.
“Aleeeex.” A voice cooed and Alex groaned, rolling over onto his back and opening his eyes to see a smirking Jack leaning over him.
“Wha- Jack?” Alex wiped the sleep from his eyes and his nose scrunched up as the smell of whiskey on Jacks breath hit him.
“Jack, what are you doing? How much have you drank?”
“Shh, Lex, don’t worry.” Jack whispered, crawling into Alex’s bunk.
Alex just sighed; Jack sleeping in his bunk, or vice versa, wasn’t an irregular thing. It was when Jack’s hand moved down to grasp him through his jeans that his eyes shot wide open.
“Jack! What the hell are you doing?!” Alex swatted Jacks hand away and Jack crashed his lips down onto Alex’s. As his tongue forced its way into Alex’s mouth, the undesirable taste of alcohol made Alex cringe and he pushed him away.
“Jack, you’re drunk. Where is everybody?”
Jack frowned. “They’re still at the bar. What’s it matter, come on, Lex.” He grabbed onto Alex again, massaging him with his fingers and Alex gasped, his body not being able to deny the amazing feeling.
“That’s it, baby.” Jack whispered, crawling on top of him.
Their lips met again and Alex gave in to temptation, kissing back. Jacks hands slipped under Alex’s shirt and Alex shivered. His calloused fingertips were running across his smooth torso and Alex should have been basking in the sensation, but he wasn’t, it just felt wrong.
“J-Jack, stop. Get off.” He tore his mouth away and pushed at Jack’s chest with his hands, trying to pry the younger boy off him.
“Oh, for fucks sake Alex!” Jack yelled and Alex jolted at the unexpected loudness of his tone, his eyes growing wide in surprise and fear. “Just shut the fuck up and let me touch you.” The fingers that had gently been brushing against him were now digging themselves deep into his skin and Alex yelped at the pain.
“No, get the fuck off me, Jack!” Alex growled, trying to free himself, but he barely had a chance in their positions.
“Stop squirming, you little shit.” Jack growled through his teeth as he tore Alex’s shirt from his body and the sheer tone of his voice, dripping with lust and anger all at once, terrified him. It was something he had never heard from his best friend, and this certainly wasn’t a side he had seen.
“No – Jack, would you fucking – no, stop it! I fucking said-” All breath and ability to speak left Alex as the hand came down harshly against his cheek, snapping his neck to the side. His face stung in a way that Jack had never inflicted to any part of his body, and it was only then that the tears began to build behind his brown eyes.
It felt as if he’d just laid there, still and silent, for hours but in reality it had only been a few seconds, with the right side of his face buried in the pillow and his lip quivering. In those moments, everything almost seemed as if he was still dreaming, just waiting to wake up from the nightmare, but when Jack’s rough hands grasped his hips and turned him over, the reality of it all crashed down on him with Jack’s weight.
The remainder of Alex’s clothes were stripped from his body within seconds, his weak attempts at a struggle proving useless as they landed somewhere on the ground outside his bunk. His face was buried in the pillow and he wanted to scream, to knock Jack off of him, but he was almost paralysed with fear and disbelief.
Fingers curled around his wrists tightly and his arms were pinned above his head with one of Jack’s hands. He grasped onto the back of Alex’s neck with the other, leaning down so his alcohol soaked breath was cascading onto the side of Alex’s face. Alex squeezed his eyes shut as Jack kissed his ear before whispering softly into it.
“Don’t say you don’t want this, Lex,” He cooed, trailing his hand from Alex’s neck down to his entrance “you love me, remember?”
The mocking words sent Alex over the edge, tears spilling from his eyes and a terrified sob wracking his body. Jack’s hand shot back up and clasped over Alex’s mouth, letting his hot tears roll down onto his skin.
“Don’t make too much noise, baby.” Jack grumbled, lining himself up with Alex’s entrance.
Alex’s muffled cries of pain echoed around the empty, silent bus.
It barely took a few hours the next day for the other occupants of the tour bus to notice there was something wrong. Though they were incredibly suspicious and worried about their lead singer they were smart enough to give him space, knowing how Alex would only get worse if he felt too smothered. But when a week had passed and Alex had only left his bunk to perform – which had changed dramatically, Alex’s playing becoming sloppy and forced – the two shows they had played, Zack decided it was time to step in.
“Alex?” The soft voice came from the other side of the drawn curtain of his bunk, followed by a gentle rapping on the wood above it.
Alex’s throat tightened up and his eyes shot wide, but when his mind identified that the voice didn’t belong to who he had thought, he calmed slightly.
“Go away, Zack.” His tone was far from forceful, and the weakness and defeat evident in it didn’t surprise him, but scared Zack.
Ignoring Alex’s request, Zack pulled back the curtain on his bunk and gasped at the sight of his band mate. Alex lay on his back above the sheets, clad in only his boxers. His usually perfect hair was an unkept mess and the stubble on his face suggested he hadn’t shaved since the last time Zack had remembered seeing him outside his bunk, which had been Thursday, three days ago. Though his untidy appearance was a shock, it wasn’t nearly as concerning as Alex’s body. Alex had always had a small pot belly, being the food loving person he was, but it was now completely flat, skin stretched tight from hipbone to hipbone, and it confirmed the bands suspicions that he hadn’t eaten all week.
“Alex…” Zack was unsure of what to say; not expecting to either be faced with Alex looking like this, or having Alex let him stay instead of blowing up in his face and shooing him away.
Alex just looked up into Zack’s concerned face and Zack felt his heart dip at the look in his usually lively eyes. They looked empty, the usual fire and life lost. They looked…dead.
“What is it, Zack?” It was barely audible, hardly even a whisper. Alex’s eyes fell closed and Zack could tell it was to prevent tears from welling in them.
“Alex…what’s wrong? We’ve all been worried sick about you-”
“You don’t need to worry about me.” It was the same small, flat, extinguished tone.
“Alex, are you joking? Look at you! We don’t know what to do; you need to talk to us Alex. Jack’s been-”
Alex’s eyes shot open at the name, and within a split second they had filled with a cold, stone hard look that cut Zack off.
“Get out.” Alex demanded, his voice cracking as it became louder, from lack of use.
“What? I-”
“I said get out!” Zack jumped as Alex screamed at him and he stumbled backwards as hands met his chest, shoving him away. He caught himself on Rian’s bunk, which was directly across from Alex’s and stared at Alex with his mouth hanging agape as his furious face disappeared behind the curtain as he ripped it closed.
It was a week later that Alex lay in his bunk, listening to the deafening silence of the empty bus with his eyes closed. He sucked in a deep breath and ran his hand over his smooth face – since they had had a show that evening, he had forced himself to spend the extra twenty minutes out of his bunk to shave – and tried to fall back to sleep. Sleep was the only thing he could confide in lately, the only escape from the haunting memories that plagued his mind. But this time he knew it was useless, he could tell he wouldn’t be falling back to sleep until he got the long needed drink of water his throat was screaming for.
He opened his eyes and slowly slid himself out of his bunk, bare feet padding on the soft carpet as he gingerly made his way out into the kitchen area of the bus. He immediately felt insecure and vulnerable without the confining walls of his bunk surrounding him and he wrapped his arms around himself. He was still in the clothes he had changed into after the show and they were barely enough to keep him safe from the winter’s cold bite, but somehow he welcomed the shiver and the goosebumps on his skin.
Once he reached the kitchenette, he silently grabbed a glass and filled it with water, taking a sip. He stood by the window and stared out into the dark as he drank the hydrating liquid, thanking God that the rest of the band a crew had gone out. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could take their questions, but on top of that, he couldn’t take the unreadable stares that Jack would shoot him every time he was forced into the same room as him.
Jack wasn’t Jack anymore. There wasn’t the slightest lingering indication that he had ever been the person they once knew. He could tell the band had caught on by the way they spoke to him lately, but if only they knew just how much he had changed. If only they knew how he had single-handedly broken everything that made Alex, Alex. How he had raped his best friend in so many more ways than one.
Alex gasped and let the glass fall from his hand as arms wrapped around his waist. It fell to the floor with a crash, shattering into unfixable, sharp shards of glass and the remains of the water inside seeped across the tiles.
Alex threw the long, skinny arms from around him and spun around, praying that it be anybody, anybody, than who he thought it was. But when his eyes met an almost identical pair to his own, his body began to shake.
“N-no…get away.” Alex backed up against the kitchen bench, hands gripping onto the side with such force his knuckles began to whiten.
“What’s wrong, Lex?” Jack snickered, leaning himself up against Alex, pushing their bodies together tightly. “Didn’t you miss me?”
The tears were already falling from Alex’s eyes and he was praying for someone, for anyone, to walk through the front door and save him from this monster. But nobody was coming.
A hand was sliding up his thigh and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out how dirty it felt. He couldn’t go through this again – he couldn’t. He could barely live with himself after the first time, if it happened again it would be the death of him, most likely literally. But he knew if he didn’t do something he was going to be raped again, right here on the kitchen bench.
As Jack brought his face down to nip at Alex’s ear, Alex sunk his teeth deep into the sensitive skin on his neck, feeling it break beneath the force. Jack gave a yelp of pain and jumped back from Alex, giving him a dark look that made Alex gulp through his tears.
“You stupid little-” Jack grasped onto Alex hair and pulled him forwards, throwing him onto the ground, his head smacking against the hard tiles. Alex cried out in pain, grasping at his head. As Jack advanced on him again, Alex quickly brought up his foot and kicked him as hard as he could in the crotch.
Jack groaned and doubled over in pain, and Alex took this as his chance. He scampered to his feet and made a dash for the door, not looking back as he fled into the night.
***
It all brought Alex back to his spot on the bridge, crying into the silence with unbearable heartbreak. He was shaking and sobbing too hard to even notice when a figure sat down beside him. It was only when a hand wrapped around his waist that his head shot up; eyes wide and terrified and he threw his body backwards.
“No! Don’t-”
“Alex! Settle down, it’s just me.” Rian moved his hand up to Alex’s bicep, squeezing gently in an attempt of comfort.
The fear in Alex’s eyes calmed before he threw his body at Rian, wrapping his arms around his neck and sitting in his lap. Rian rubbed his back soothingly as Alex buried his face in the crook of Rian’s neck and cried hysterically.
“It’s okay, Lex, everything will be okay.”
“Don’t!” Alex demanded, arms tightening around Rian’s neck. “Don’t call me that.”
Rian fell silent, unsure of what to say or what would be appropriate to ask at a time like this. He let out a sigh.
Minutes passed like hours as the two just sat quietly on the footbridge, Rian rocking Alex gently as he nuzzled into Rian’s neck, tears slowly fading. He listened closely to the soft gushing of the creek beneath them and the steady beat of Rian’s heartbeat as they finally lulled him into the only place he felt safe, his only escape.
Sleep.
The tears in his eyes blurred his vision and tickled his cheeks as they fell. He brushed them away roughly with the back of his hand and continued to sprint to nowhere in particular. As he rushed through a seemingly empty park that was half illuminated by scattered lampposts, he heard somebody shout his name.
“Alex?!” With a turn of his head, he caught a glimpse of Rian’s confused and shocked face, but he ignored him and ran past his still figure.
“Alex, wait!”
But, again, he didn’t slow, and in his state of mind he managed to outrun Rian by a mile, leaving him far behind as he tried to follow him.
Alex’s legs were burning, his breathing was struggling and it felt as if he had been running for hours, but the distance between him and their tour bus still didn’t feel far enough. But his body was slowly running out of adrenaline and he couldn’t deny the oxygen he could no longer suck in any longer, so he slowed down into a jog.
He found himself on top of a small footbridge in the dark and quiet unfamiliar town. The creek that trickled beneath the old wood was the only sound Alex could hear as he came to a complete stop, staring over the edge into the black abyss of water. His heavy and unsteady breaths rose in white puffs of cloud into the cold winter air, and he trailed his eyes from the rushing water to stare out onto the horizon, where the lights of the small city were little more than tiny dots. The fast-moving specks of car headlights darted around, almost looking like fireflies.
Alex sighed shakily, his breathing slowly coming back to normal but tears still falling like rain, and he extended a hand to touch the rotting wood of the bridges railing. He grasped onto it with the other and lowered himself into a sitting position, slipping his feet through the gaps in the side of the bridge. His long legs dangled over the side, toes almost skimming the water top.
With his body trembling, he disturbed the quiet of the world around him by letting go of a choked sob. It tore through the silence like a knife, and once one was let go, the others seemed to follow inevitably. He gently rested his forehead against the back of his hand, eyes slipping shut and let the emotions pour from his body.
He let out a strangled scream.
How did this happen?
***
It begun almost a month prior, back when Alex Gaskarth was still his energetic – and slightly egotistical – self, and Jack Barakat was still just his overly hyperactive best friend. As far as the world was concerned, Alex was Alex and Jack was Jack, and there was nothing more to it. And though, even if Alex was far from content with it being like that in his mind, he was still happy, Jack was happy, and the band was happy. If Alex had just kept his stupid, fat mouth shut, it probably would have stayed that way.
It was late at night after a show in yet another city, and most of the bus was already asleep, but two boys still sat with left-over adrenaline, cuddled on the couch, watching television. People had always been curious as to how Alex and Jack acted towards each other, but there wasn’t anything more to it than a close friendship. They were just comfortable around each other and could trust each other more than anyone in the world, and there was nothing more to it. Well, at least that used to be the case.
Up until Alex fell for Jack.
He couldn’t remember exactly when the feelings had started, but they were certainly there now. At first, Alex had been shocked, but he came to terms with it quickly. Because, really, why wouldn’t he like Jack? He was funny, a good listener, his best friend, and not to mention, he was drop-dead gorgeous. He had all the right chemicals to make Alex fall in love. And that’s exactly what he did. So now, as he sat curled up against Jack’s side with Jack’s arm lazily draped over his shoulders, his nose buried deep in Jack’s neck inhaling his scent, he was in total bliss. Even if Jack didn’t know about his feelings just yet, and though it sometimes drove him crazy, at least he had moments like these to bathe in.
Jack was giggling occasionally at whatever show he was watching, and a small smile would grace his lips every time Alex heard the sweet noise. Jack was so childlike, so innocent, at this point in time how was Alex to know he was capable of what he would do?
“You still ‘wake, Alex?” Jack shook his arm to evoke a reaction from the boy who hadn’t made a peep in an hour.
“Yeah.” Alex sighed softly, in almost-content.
“What’s up? You’re not usually this quiet.”
Alex shrugged one shoulder and buried his face deeper into Jack. Should he just do it? Come straight out and say ‘I love you more than anything on this Earth and I want nothing more than to be with you’? He never had trouble talking to Jack, he told Jack everything, but he supposed this was different.
Jack rearranged his position, forcing Alex to face him. Alex stared into his deep brown eyes and from there his own flicked down to Jack’s lips in longing.
“What is it, Alex?” Jack pouted slightly, hoping to pull a confession from Alex by convincing him he was sad. Alex just thought he looked downright adorable.
“I don’t know, Jack, it’s just…” Alex went to look away, but Jack caught his chin and turned him back.
“Tell me.”
“I-I…I love you, Jack.” Alex’s heart was pounding so fast he felt he could have passed out.
Jack smiled softly.
“I love you, too, but what-”
“No.” Alex cut him off, eyes darting around to look anywhere but at his friend. “I mean I…I really love you.”
All expression fell from Jack’s face and Alex could have vomited.
“Wait, you mean, like…”
Alex sighed. “Y-Yeah.”
A long silence followed, and Alex just wanted to run away. He knew Jack wouldn’t tell him he was disgusted, or hit him, or hate him for this, but his mind still conjoined up scenarios where it would happen. He waited, heart pounding, for Jack to speak again.
“…Alex?” Jack finally said softly, and Alex hesitantly raised his eyes to look back into Jack’s.
“Yeah?”
Jack looked nervous, yet there was a small hint of something else in his eyes, something Alex had never seen before. He knew he didn’t like it, but he brushed it off.
“C-Can I…kiss you?” Alex’s mouth went dry and fell open slightly, and when words failed him, he nodded feebly.
Jack pressed their lips together gently and it was as if time stopped for Alex. The soft heat against his lips was better than he had expected and he gasped slightly at the contact. Instantly, he was kissing back.
And just like that he felt happy, complete. He was dazed and in love.
He was a fucking idiot.
Maybe he had expected a little too much from his best friend after that kiss. Had he expected Jack to sweep him off his feet, admit his own undying love and given him his happily ever after? He wasn’t really sure what he had expected, but he hadn’t anticipated that by the next morning, Jack would be pretending none of it had happened. He didn’t mention their heated make-out session, nor did he mention Alex’s confession. Alex felt confused and disappointed, to say the least, but it had been better than what came next.
It was a week after he had admitted to Jack that he loved him that the problems started.
He was finally growing used to playing along with the whole ‘Let’s Pretend It Never Happened’ act Jack was enforcing. The band had just completed another show and was pumped to get their drink on in the crowded city, but Alex felt far from up to it. Though he had managed to hide his miserable mood from them so far, he wouldn’t be able to go out with them and watch Jack get smashed and hit on girls. He didn’t think his heart could take it.
So Rian, Zack and Jack had left along with the crew, leaving Alex to his own accord on the bus. Not really knowing what to do with himself and having the overwhelming need to cry following him about, he decided to just crawl up in bed and sleep. That way he was safe, he didn’t have to think, and nothing could hurt him in his bunk, right?
Hours had passed, unknown to Alex as he slept, and suddenly he was being woken by a hand shaking him harshly.
“Aleeeex.” A voice cooed and Alex groaned, rolling over onto his back and opening his eyes to see a smirking Jack leaning over him.
“Wha- Jack?” Alex wiped the sleep from his eyes and his nose scrunched up as the smell of whiskey on Jacks breath hit him.
“Jack, what are you doing? How much have you drank?”
“Shh, Lex, don’t worry.” Jack whispered, crawling into Alex’s bunk.
Alex just sighed; Jack sleeping in his bunk, or vice versa, wasn’t an irregular thing. It was when Jack’s hand moved down to grasp him through his jeans that his eyes shot wide open.
“Jack! What the hell are you doing?!” Alex swatted Jacks hand away and Jack crashed his lips down onto Alex’s. As his tongue forced its way into Alex’s mouth, the undesirable taste of alcohol made Alex cringe and he pushed him away.
“Jack, you’re drunk. Where is everybody?”
Jack frowned. “They’re still at the bar. What’s it matter, come on, Lex.” He grabbed onto Alex again, massaging him with his fingers and Alex gasped, his body not being able to deny the amazing feeling.
“That’s it, baby.” Jack whispered, crawling on top of him.
Their lips met again and Alex gave in to temptation, kissing back. Jacks hands slipped under Alex’s shirt and Alex shivered. His calloused fingertips were running across his smooth torso and Alex should have been basking in the sensation, but he wasn’t, it just felt wrong.
“J-Jack, stop. Get off.” He tore his mouth away and pushed at Jack’s chest with his hands, trying to pry the younger boy off him.
“Oh, for fucks sake Alex!” Jack yelled and Alex jolted at the unexpected loudness of his tone, his eyes growing wide in surprise and fear. “Just shut the fuck up and let me touch you.” The fingers that had gently been brushing against him were now digging themselves deep into his skin and Alex yelped at the pain.
“No, get the fuck off me, Jack!” Alex growled, trying to free himself, but he barely had a chance in their positions.
“Stop squirming, you little shit.” Jack growled through his teeth as he tore Alex’s shirt from his body and the sheer tone of his voice, dripping with lust and anger all at once, terrified him. It was something he had never heard from his best friend, and this certainly wasn’t a side he had seen.
“No – Jack, would you fucking – no, stop it! I fucking said-” All breath and ability to speak left Alex as the hand came down harshly against his cheek, snapping his neck to the side. His face stung in a way that Jack had never inflicted to any part of his body, and it was only then that the tears began to build behind his brown eyes.
It felt as if he’d just laid there, still and silent, for hours but in reality it had only been a few seconds, with the right side of his face buried in the pillow and his lip quivering. In those moments, everything almost seemed as if he was still dreaming, just waiting to wake up from the nightmare, but when Jack’s rough hands grasped his hips and turned him over, the reality of it all crashed down on him with Jack’s weight.
The remainder of Alex’s clothes were stripped from his body within seconds, his weak attempts at a struggle proving useless as they landed somewhere on the ground outside his bunk. His face was buried in the pillow and he wanted to scream, to knock Jack off of him, but he was almost paralysed with fear and disbelief.
Fingers curled around his wrists tightly and his arms were pinned above his head with one of Jack’s hands. He grasped onto the back of Alex’s neck with the other, leaning down so his alcohol soaked breath was cascading onto the side of Alex’s face. Alex squeezed his eyes shut as Jack kissed his ear before whispering softly into it.
“Don’t say you don’t want this, Lex,” He cooed, trailing his hand from Alex’s neck down to his entrance “you love me, remember?”
The mocking words sent Alex over the edge, tears spilling from his eyes and a terrified sob wracking his body. Jack’s hand shot back up and clasped over Alex’s mouth, letting his hot tears roll down onto his skin.
“Don’t make too much noise, baby.” Jack grumbled, lining himself up with Alex’s entrance.
Alex’s muffled cries of pain echoed around the empty, silent bus.
It barely took a few hours the next day for the other occupants of the tour bus to notice there was something wrong. Though they were incredibly suspicious and worried about their lead singer they were smart enough to give him space, knowing how Alex would only get worse if he felt too smothered. But when a week had passed and Alex had only left his bunk to perform – which had changed dramatically, Alex’s playing becoming sloppy and forced – the two shows they had played, Zack decided it was time to step in.
“Alex?” The soft voice came from the other side of the drawn curtain of his bunk, followed by a gentle rapping on the wood above it.
Alex’s throat tightened up and his eyes shot wide, but when his mind identified that the voice didn’t belong to who he had thought, he calmed slightly.
“Go away, Zack.” His tone was far from forceful, and the weakness and defeat evident in it didn’t surprise him, but scared Zack.
Ignoring Alex’s request, Zack pulled back the curtain on his bunk and gasped at the sight of his band mate. Alex lay on his back above the sheets, clad in only his boxers. His usually perfect hair was an unkept mess and the stubble on his face suggested he hadn’t shaved since the last time Zack had remembered seeing him outside his bunk, which had been Thursday, three days ago. Though his untidy appearance was a shock, it wasn’t nearly as concerning as Alex’s body. Alex had always had a small pot belly, being the food loving person he was, but it was now completely flat, skin stretched tight from hipbone to hipbone, and it confirmed the bands suspicions that he hadn’t eaten all week.
“Alex…” Zack was unsure of what to say; not expecting to either be faced with Alex looking like this, or having Alex let him stay instead of blowing up in his face and shooing him away.
Alex just looked up into Zack’s concerned face and Zack felt his heart dip at the look in his usually lively eyes. They looked empty, the usual fire and life lost. They looked…dead.
“What is it, Zack?” It was barely audible, hardly even a whisper. Alex’s eyes fell closed and Zack could tell it was to prevent tears from welling in them.
“Alex…what’s wrong? We’ve all been worried sick about you-”
“You don’t need to worry about me.” It was the same small, flat, extinguished tone.
“Alex, are you joking? Look at you! We don’t know what to do; you need to talk to us Alex. Jack’s been-”
Alex’s eyes shot open at the name, and within a split second they had filled with a cold, stone hard look that cut Zack off.
“Get out.” Alex demanded, his voice cracking as it became louder, from lack of use.
“What? I-”
“I said get out!” Zack jumped as Alex screamed at him and he stumbled backwards as hands met his chest, shoving him away. He caught himself on Rian’s bunk, which was directly across from Alex’s and stared at Alex with his mouth hanging agape as his furious face disappeared behind the curtain as he ripped it closed.
It was a week later that Alex lay in his bunk, listening to the deafening silence of the empty bus with his eyes closed. He sucked in a deep breath and ran his hand over his smooth face – since they had had a show that evening, he had forced himself to spend the extra twenty minutes out of his bunk to shave – and tried to fall back to sleep. Sleep was the only thing he could confide in lately, the only escape from the haunting memories that plagued his mind. But this time he knew it was useless, he could tell he wouldn’t be falling back to sleep until he got the long needed drink of water his throat was screaming for.
He opened his eyes and slowly slid himself out of his bunk, bare feet padding on the soft carpet as he gingerly made his way out into the kitchen area of the bus. He immediately felt insecure and vulnerable without the confining walls of his bunk surrounding him and he wrapped his arms around himself. He was still in the clothes he had changed into after the show and they were barely enough to keep him safe from the winter’s cold bite, but somehow he welcomed the shiver and the goosebumps on his skin.
Once he reached the kitchenette, he silently grabbed a glass and filled it with water, taking a sip. He stood by the window and stared out into the dark as he drank the hydrating liquid, thanking God that the rest of the band a crew had gone out. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could take their questions, but on top of that, he couldn’t take the unreadable stares that Jack would shoot him every time he was forced into the same room as him.
Jack wasn’t Jack anymore. There wasn’t the slightest lingering indication that he had ever been the person they once knew. He could tell the band had caught on by the way they spoke to him lately, but if only they knew just how much he had changed. If only they knew how he had single-handedly broken everything that made Alex, Alex. How he had raped his best friend in so many more ways than one.
Alex gasped and let the glass fall from his hand as arms wrapped around his waist. It fell to the floor with a crash, shattering into unfixable, sharp shards of glass and the remains of the water inside seeped across the tiles.
Alex threw the long, skinny arms from around him and spun around, praying that it be anybody, anybody, than who he thought it was. But when his eyes met an almost identical pair to his own, his body began to shake.
“N-no…get away.” Alex backed up against the kitchen bench, hands gripping onto the side with such force his knuckles began to whiten.
“What’s wrong, Lex?” Jack snickered, leaning himself up against Alex, pushing their bodies together tightly. “Didn’t you miss me?”
The tears were already falling from Alex’s eyes and he was praying for someone, for anyone, to walk through the front door and save him from this monster. But nobody was coming.
A hand was sliding up his thigh and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out how dirty it felt. He couldn’t go through this again – he couldn’t. He could barely live with himself after the first time, if it happened again it would be the death of him, most likely literally. But he knew if he didn’t do something he was going to be raped again, right here on the kitchen bench.
As Jack brought his face down to nip at Alex’s ear, Alex sunk his teeth deep into the sensitive skin on his neck, feeling it break beneath the force. Jack gave a yelp of pain and jumped back from Alex, giving him a dark look that made Alex gulp through his tears.
“You stupid little-” Jack grasped onto Alex hair and pulled him forwards, throwing him onto the ground, his head smacking against the hard tiles. Alex cried out in pain, grasping at his head. As Jack advanced on him again, Alex quickly brought up his foot and kicked him as hard as he could in the crotch.
Jack groaned and doubled over in pain, and Alex took this as his chance. He scampered to his feet and made a dash for the door, not looking back as he fled into the night.
***
It all brought Alex back to his spot on the bridge, crying into the silence with unbearable heartbreak. He was shaking and sobbing too hard to even notice when a figure sat down beside him. It was only when a hand wrapped around his waist that his head shot up; eyes wide and terrified and he threw his body backwards.
“No! Don’t-”
“Alex! Settle down, it’s just me.” Rian moved his hand up to Alex’s bicep, squeezing gently in an attempt of comfort.
The fear in Alex’s eyes calmed before he threw his body at Rian, wrapping his arms around his neck and sitting in his lap. Rian rubbed his back soothingly as Alex buried his face in the crook of Rian’s neck and cried hysterically.
“It’s okay, Lex, everything will be okay.”
“Don’t!” Alex demanded, arms tightening around Rian’s neck. “Don’t call me that.”
Rian fell silent, unsure of what to say or what would be appropriate to ask at a time like this. He let out a sigh.
Minutes passed like hours as the two just sat quietly on the footbridge, Rian rocking Alex gently as he nuzzled into Rian’s neck, tears slowly fading. He listened closely to the soft gushing of the creek beneath them and the steady beat of Rian’s heartbeat as they finally lulled him into the only place he felt safe, his only escape.
Sleep.