Status: On break for a bit
Diary of a Disordered
December 2, 2010
I'm falling behind in my classes because I can't focus and I never have the energy to work. i have a ton of homework, and I can't figure some of it out because I can't focus in class. I'm sure my grades are slipping
My sleep sucks so much, too! I feel as if I could pass out any second, and I'm always exhausted. Yet I can never get to sleep. Last night, I couldn't pay attention to the book i was reading I was so tired, but it took me 3 hours to fall asleep. And then I was awake at 5 this morning. I told my mom how long it takes me to go to sleep, and she asked me what I think about and I said nothing (am I crazy? I'm not telling her I think abou my weight.) Then she told me I just have to let it go. I can't just let it go!
I'm thinking about recovering, but I can't. It scared me to let this go. I wish I could be normal, though. I don't want to think about what I've eaten or not. I don't like exercising for 2 hours everyday or feeling like i'm fat every day, or always being exhauseted and cold and sore all the time. I don't want to be miserable, always. I hate pushing everyone away and losing relationships because of this thing I have. I hate being uncomfortable and hating my body. I wish I could just be happy with my body and the live life without being anxious about food, everywhere.
My sleep sucks so much, too! I feel as if I could pass out any second, and I'm always exhausted. Yet I can never get to sleep. Last night, I couldn't pay attention to the book i was reading I was so tired, but it took me 3 hours to fall asleep. And then I was awake at 5 this morning. I told my mom how long it takes me to go to sleep, and she asked me what I think about and I said nothing (am I crazy? I'm not telling her I think abou my weight.) Then she told me I just have to let it go. I can't just let it go!
I'm thinking about recovering, but I can't. It scared me to let this go. I wish I could be normal, though. I don't want to think about what I've eaten or not. I don't like exercising for 2 hours everyday or feeling like i'm fat every day, or always being exhauseted and cold and sore all the time. I don't want to be miserable, always. I hate pushing everyone away and losing relationships because of this thing I have. I hate being uncomfortable and hating my body. I wish I could just be happy with my body and the live life without being anxious about food, everywhere.