The Only Hope for Me Is You

I sat in Gerard's arms on the couch, sipping coffee and watching BL/ind's cartoon channel, laughing at the stupidity of it all.

"Oh come on," I said, pointing. "Do people really watch this? That cat's a retard." Gerard laughed.

"Retard or not, Cy, it's entertainment for the blind." I nodded, seeing his point. Frank walked over from the kitchen and plopped down next to us, joining in on the broadcast.

"You know," he said. "BL/ind's got their shit together, to be honest." He looked at me and Gerard. "Look at what they've done with the world." I took another sip of coffee, draining the cup, and gave it to Frank, who leaned forward and put it on the coffee table.

"You know what I mean, though?" he added, frowning. I nodded, and saw Gerard nod as well.

"That may be," Gerard said. "But we can't let our guard down. They have spies everywhere." He rubbed my head, lost in thought. I looked at Frank.

"So what's the plan for today?" I asked. He smiled.

"You know, I honestly thought you two would be fucking all day," He said, and I frowned. "So I didn't plan anything." I smacked him in the back of the head after I saw him go for a sip of coffee, making him dribble everywhere and spill coffee on his pants.

"Ow, hey!" He said, rubbing where I hit him, then wiping the liquid off his pants. Gerard just sat there laughing, and kissed me as a reward.

"Don't say shit like that then," I said after parting from his lips, and turned toward Frank again.. He stuck his tongue out at me, then smiled; this time, though, I looked harder into his smile, and I smiled back. The way his eyes were like a puppy dogs, the way his teeth showed and his lips were...It was so much different from Gerard's smile. And his giggle...it was so irresistible and adorable! I had an urge to lean in and kiss him, like he did to me not too long ago...

I shook my head, remembering who I was dedicated to. Who I had fucked multiple times, who I was sitting on right now; I couldn't...I wouldn't...never. Ever.

"Hey, babe, you okay?" Gerard asked, pecking my cheek. I nodded.

"Yeah...just...thinking," I said, not wanting to talk about it. So I changed the subject.

"I wonder how Joker and Kobra got on last night," I said, looking at Gerard, who smiled slightly.

"He's so fucking oblivious, they probably didn't even get to second base," he said, and Frank giggled again, nodding. That giggle....

"Oh, I love that kid." he said.

"Me too," Gerard agreed, smiling. "But seriously though, just imagine...." He looked upwards, in thought, and I smacked him.

"That's your brother!" I said, and he just smiled, and pressed my head to his chest.

"Oh, shut up, I'm kidding, Cy," He said, and I giggled, nuzzling his chest. I don't know if I was trying to convince myself of something, but I felt the need to stay close to Gerard even more than usual now. Because I realized that I had feelings for Frank as well; he was the one that saved my life, after all...The first one I met, that I talked to, who I connected with...and I was always a sucker for a guy with tattoos.

Would it be that wrong, though? Probably. I had to let the rebel in me die, because I was already with someone. Someone who loved me, and I could never destroy that. I wrapped my arms tight around Gerard, and felt the tears coming. Fuck.

"Babe...babe, are you crying?" He asked me, rubbing my back.

".......no............" I said, chocking on the tears. Fucking obvious. He pulled me off him by my shoulders and looked right into my shining eyes.

"Babe, why....what's wrong?" he asked, ans I shook my head. Oh, I dunno, I'm only in love with you AND your best friend. No big deal.

"It's nothing, really..." I looked at Frank for support for some reason, and he glanced to the side for a split second, then back at me. Like he knew something...shit. He knew. I was so obvious. He patted me on the back, and just like I felt fire with Gerard, I felt ice with Frank. What was happening to me?"

"Aw, baby, don't cry...." Frank said, still rubbing my back gently. I really wished he'd stop...he's only making it worse. I looked back at Gerard, who looked more concerned than anything.

"Cy, talk to me...." He said, and I shook my head, wailing, and buried my head into his chest, sobbing. I felt him turn to look at Frank and shrug.

"No..." I managed to choke out, and he lifted my head up with his hand, putting his lips to mine tenderly, but I felt nothing. It was gone, vanished. This only made me cry harder. I kissed back, hard, trying to find that fire, but it didn't show up again. As we sat there, making out, I saw Frank out of the corner of my eye, looking slightly uncomfortable, yet sad. Why sad, though? Did he like me too? I had no idea. Gerard realized I wasn't paying attention, and leaned back, eying me.

"Something's wrong, Cy," He said. "I can tell you've got something on your mind."

"It's nothing, really--"

"Fuck it," I head Frank say. "Gerard, she's confused." I look at Frank, nodding slightly, and he seems glad to know he got something right.

"What do you mean....?" Gerard said slowly, looking at me. I took this opportunity to get off of his lap and sit between them on the couch. I was silent for a second, trying to figure out what to say, and put one hand on each of their thighs.

"Okay...I'm not sugar-coating anything," I said. "I like both of you. A lot." I saw Gerard glare at Frank for a split second, and then he looked down at me, holding my hand.

"But, Cy...last night..."

"Last night was amazing, Gee," I said. "But that was before Frank did what he did this afternoon..." Gerard looked at Frank again, angrily.

"You son of a bitch," he said, shaking his head. Frank put his hands up, as if about to be shot.

"Hey, man, it was a joke, honestly!" he said. "I didn't mean it...." he added, sounding slightly dishonest.

"If you didn't mean it, then why was your tongue down my throat, Frank." He didn't respond. Gerard stood up, shook his head, and turned around, looking at me.

"I thought you loved me," he said, sounding hurt. "Now I know that was all a lie." He started tearing up. "Last night.........that should have never happened." I saw his lip quiver before he stormed off into his room, slamming the door.

"FUCK!" I yelled, putting my head in my hands and sobbing. I felt Frank trying to comfort me, but I shrugged him off.

"This is all your fault," I said, looking at him through tear stained eyes. "You fucked up. And because of you, I'm fucked. Thanks." I got up, slapped him on the head again, and stormed off out into the front of the shack, crying, to see Joker and Kobra run over from down the street.

"Fucking shit," I said, wiping my eyes, and seeing Joker look concerned.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she asked me, and I chucked.

"Everything." I said. "But this isn't about me...how did you guys, you know..." Kobra laughed nervously, and Joker rubbed my back.

"I'll tell you about it later." she said. "But for now there's something far more important we have to tell you..."