The Only Hope for Me Is You

I sat there on the couch, feeling SO happy for Joker. They really deserved each other, unlike me and Gerard...fuck, I ruined everything....

Kobra said he loved her. I knew how that feels, and I put on a smile, hoping it didn't look too fake to her, but she saw through right it.

"Okay...What happened when we were gone?" she asked, squeezing my hand. I started crying again, and shook my head.

"I think I'm in love with two people." I said flatly, not hiding anything; I trusted her with everything. She was a sister to me now. Joker blinked.

"Fuck, Cyanide...What happened?" She hugged me tighter, and I cried before explaining everything.

"Poison and I had a fucking amazing night, full of amazing sex and everything," I said, still crying. "It was amazing. But this morning, Fun Ghoul was cracking jokes at us, and one thing led to another and...well, he fucking kissed me, hard. Right in front of Poison. And I liked it. A lot." I looked up at her, and she shook her head.

"Cy...this is bad..." I nodded, sniffling.

"And right after that, we were on the couch, laughing about it, but then I started crying...Poison asked why, and eventually I told him..." I started crying again. "He said our love is a lie, Joker. That last night was a mistake..." I sobbed again, remembering the event like it just happened. His words were still echoing in my head, and I hated it.

"Joker...he hasn't come out of his room since...and thinking about it, I think I believe him...it was a mistake..."

"Shhh....Cy, no......you need to think things over." She said, rubbing my back lightly. "What made you change your mind about everything?" I sat up, rubbing my eyes.

"Well, Frank was the one that found me, that saved my life..." I said, looking at her. "To be honest, I've always felt SOMETHING there...but I kept pushing it away." I licked my lips. "Um...when he kissed me, it came back up, and hasn't gone away since..." She rubbed my shoulder.

"Cy..."

"I know..."

"You need to think this over, okay?" I nodded.

"It's just so HARD, you know?" I stood up. "I'm torn between two men. And worse, they're best friends. I came between their long as fuck friendship, and now they hate each other too. I ruin everything..." Joker stood up as well, and grabbed my hands.

"You need to have them sit down with you and sort everything out at once," she said, and I nodded.

"That's gonna end well, sure," I said, scoffing. They haven't even made eye contact with each other since this morning, and that was understandable; Gerard thought Frank was trying to steal his girlfriend from him, and Frank was mad because he even thought this. Honestly, I was with Frank on this one; Gerard was jumping to conclusions, and that was wrong. I put my hands on my hips and sniffled again.

"Thanks, Joker," I said, hugging her. "You're my fucking best friend in the whole world, you know that?"

"Aw, Cy..." she hugged back and pulled me off my the shoulders, smiling.

"Sort this out. Everything will be all right in the end, okay?"

"Okay...." I said, nervously, and smiled at her, and turned around to go to Gerard's room, knocking on the door. There was no answer. I knocked again, but he didn't say anything, so I shrugged, and walked back into the living room, seeing Joker on the couch with some coffee.

"Well, he hates me still," I said, shaking my head. "I'm gonna go find Frank..."

"I think he's out back," she said, nodding towards the door, and I nodded back, and walked out back to see Fun Ghoul doing target practice with his ray gun, shooting at used BL/ind aluminum cans, hitting the fucking dumb smiling logo right in the face every time, making them fly through the air as he made contact with them. I didn't want to interrupt him, so I waited til he finished this round, leaning in the door frame, the lasers making a PING sound every time he hit one, and he stopped, turning around, and jumped slightly.

"Fuck, I didn't see you there..." he said, holstering his gun, and walking over, hugging me. I felt the ice surge through me again, and I hugged back. We sat down together on the steps, and he handed me a cigarette, and I took it, and he lit one for me as well as himself.

"How are you doing, babe?" He asked, concerned. I shook me head.

"I feel like shit." He nodded.

"Look, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to fuck everything up, Cy, I swear." He hung his head.

"I know, Frank...It was a joke." I scoffed. "At least it was, until you stuck your tongue down my throat." He chuckled.

"Shit, I got carried away..."

"No, no, I'm not saying I didn't like it...." I said. "but the joke stopped when you went too far, bro." He nodded, and looked up at me, smiling that adorable smile of his.

"How's Gerard?"

"Pissed off. He won't talk to me."

"Me neither..."

It was silent for a few minutes, and we sat there, smoking. Eventually, he giggled randomly and looked at me again.

"So, you do like me, or...?" I laughed.

"Frank, yes, I do." I said. "Your laugh. Your smile. Your humor, bravery, kindness...everything about you." I smiled, and he grinned back. "And your tattoos are just a bonus," I added, looking at his arms. He smirked, rubbing his arms, and looked at me; and I knew what he was about to do next.

"You know, Cy....I sort of like you too. Ever since I saw you on the side of the road..." He leaned in, put his lips to mine, and kissed me, tenderly this time; It was no joke. This was passionate, gentle, loving. I smiled, and couldn't resist wrapping my arms around his neck, bringing him closer, and letting him into my mouth. I don't know what got a hold of me, but I couldn't stop...no matter how hard I tried. I moaned slightly and heard footsteps come from behind us.

"What. The. Fuck." I heard from behind us. I looked up, panicked, to see Gerard standing there, arms crossed, shaking his head.

"Seriously, Cy?" He yelled, and stormed off again.

"Fucking god damn it!" I put my head in my hands again. "GERARD!" I yelled, standing up, leaving Frank on the steps alone, wiping his mouth off with his hand. I ran after Gerard, and grabbed his arm, and he turned around angrily, a wild look in his eyes.

"Gerard---"

"Fuck, Cy, what are you thinking?"

"I'm sorry, I--"

"No. I'm done." he shrugged my hand off of his arm, and stormed off into his room again, slamming the door. I yelled out in anger, and sat myself down next to Joker on the couch again, and he looked at me.

"You didn't..."

"I did."

"That's not helping..."

"YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT?" I yelled, scaring myself, even. Joker looked terrified, and she dropped her coffee mug.

"Shit, I didn't--" She shook her head, got up, leaving me on the couch by myself, hating everything. I slumped down on my back, and Frank walked back in.

"Shit," he said, sitting next to me.

"Go away. I don't want to talk to you." I shoved him away, but he didn't budge; for how small he was, he was pretty sturdy.

"Look, Cy..." he tried to talk to me, but I shook my head.

"No."

"Cy, listen.

"NO!" I sat up, glaring at him. "Frank, fuck you..you ruined everything. Go away..." I said, crying again. He hugged me, and this time I didn't shrug him off; it felt too good to throw away. He kissed my head, and whispered in my ear.

"Do you want me to talk to Gerard?" he asked. Sobbing, I nodded.

"Mhm........." He kissed my head again, and let me go, and stood up, and I watched him walk to Gerard's room, knocking on the door.

"Gerard, listen, I fucked up. Seriously, we need to talk. Man, we can get through this, okay?"

"Fuck you!" I heard Gerard yell, and Frank slumped against the door.

"Gerard, come on...."

"No."

"Please?"

"Go away."

"Gerard. Seriously, this isn't helping anything. Let me in."

"Fuck off, Frank!" I heard something hit the door, and guessed that Gerard threw a pillow at it, and Frank jumped back, then leaned his head on it again.

"Gerard, I will fucking break this door down if you don't let me in."

"Go ahead, you ruined everything else anyways, you fucker." Frank looked stung by this last remark, but shook his head, and backed up, kicking the door with all his might, making it burst open.

"What the fuck, man?" I saw Gerard poke his head out.

"Told you," Frank said. "Now LISTEN. I FUCKED UP, okay?" Frank said. "Let me in, so we can talk." Gerard ground his teeth.

"Fine. Fix my fucking door first. Then we'll talk." Frank nodded, and disappeared into Gerard's room, and I sat there, praying that everything was going to get sorted out.