Status: new
The Only Hope for Me Is You
The Hardest Part of This is Leaving You (Cyanide Suicide)
I left Frank and the others in the living room to go find Gerard. I had to talk to him, to straighten things out between us. The sooner the better, or he would grudge about it, so much until he would explode. I walked around the shack, trying to find him, but he was no where to be found. I walked around some more, and found Ray in the kitchen.
"Ray," I said, walking up to him. "Where's Gerard?"
"He took the car out to refuel," Ray said. "He should be back by now though..." I frowned, looked out the window, and noticed the car was in fact back in the front.
"Well the car's here..." I said as I walked outside. I didn't see Gerard anywhere, but I did see footprints leading away from the car, to the small cliff behind the shack that overlooked the canyon. I walked over there, and of course, there he was, sitting like a child on the ledge, elbows on his knees, chin in his hands, starting into the distance, his hair blowing in the wind. I walked up to him, slowly, and sat next to him, waiting for him to talk.
"Hey." he said, not looking at me.
"Hi." He paused for a second, then spoke again.
"So I guess that's it, huh?" he asked, still not looking at me. I frowned.
"Gerard, it's not--"
"But it is, Cy," he said, turning to me, and I saw that he had been crying; his eyes were shining, a brighter green than ever.
"Gerard--"
"I thought we had something," he said. "I guess I was wrong." He let out a sigh.
"Gerard..." i said. "We did have something it's just---we moved to fast." I scooted closer to him, holding his hand.
"I--Gerard." I hung my head. "I love you, Gerard, it's just...we have nothing left." He looked at me again.
"I think we do..." he said innocently, and I wimpered.
"Gerard--"
"No, Cy, I see your point," He said. "But I disagree. We can make it through this..."
"But Gerard, what about Frank...?" I asked. "I have feelings for him too...the same I do for you. But I think I would be better with him--"
"Oh, so that's it?" he said, angrily, pushing my hand off his. "Better off? What does that mean? That I'm a fucking failure?"
"No, Gerard, I didn't mean it like that!"
"That's how it came off." he said, turning away. I thought of what to say before speaking again this time, hoping he'd understand.
"I'm sorry, that came out wrong..." I said. "What I meant was, Gerard. LOOK at me." I said, and he turned around again.
"What I meant was, Gerard, that I feel that I have something different with him than I do with you." He shook his head.
"I don't get it."
"With you, I feel an urge to be more of an animal, and jump your bones as much as possible," I said, and he didn't look impressed.
"With Frank...It's different. I don't know...I want a full relationship with him, not just sex..."
"I can do that, Cy," Gerard pleaded. "Give me one more chance, please..."
"But, Gee, Frank--"
"It worked before, didn't it?" He asked. "We can do it again!" I shifted my eyes.
"Another three way...?"
"NO!" he cried out. "I mean, you were dating both of us at the same time, right? And I was okay with it...I think Frank was too..."
"But I WASN'T, Gee," I said. "You aren't understanding. I want someone who will cuddle, will protect me, and won't enforce sex on me all the time, you know?" He nodded slowly.
"I understand..." he said quietly, and wiped a tear from his eyes. "I guess we can't anymore can we?"
"Gee, baby, I still love you, you know that..." I said.
"I know..."
"So come on, cheer up! It's not like I'm going to be gone forever."
"It's gonna kill me seeing you with Frank though..."
"We won't do it in front of you, then. Deal?"
"No, no, it's fine...I'll get used to it, I guess." he said, and I patted him on the back.
"So are you okay now, babe?" I asked.
"I'll get better." he said. I grabbed his hand, smiling, and looked into his eyes.
"One last time?" I asked, and he leaned in, putting his lips to mine, softly and passionately, and we made out right there for a minute or two before I leaned back, smiling.
"Gerard, this isn't easy for me..." I said, and he nodded.
"Come on, let's go back inside." he said picking me up by the arm, and we walked side by side into the shack to join the others in the living room.
"Ray," I said, walking up to him. "Where's Gerard?"
"He took the car out to refuel," Ray said. "He should be back by now though..." I frowned, looked out the window, and noticed the car was in fact back in the front.
"Well the car's here..." I said as I walked outside. I didn't see Gerard anywhere, but I did see footprints leading away from the car, to the small cliff behind the shack that overlooked the canyon. I walked over there, and of course, there he was, sitting like a child on the ledge, elbows on his knees, chin in his hands, starting into the distance, his hair blowing in the wind. I walked up to him, slowly, and sat next to him, waiting for him to talk.
"Hey." he said, not looking at me.
"Hi." He paused for a second, then spoke again.
"So I guess that's it, huh?" he asked, still not looking at me. I frowned.
"Gerard, it's not--"
"But it is, Cy," he said, turning to me, and I saw that he had been crying; his eyes were shining, a brighter green than ever.
"Gerard--"
"I thought we had something," he said. "I guess I was wrong." He let out a sigh.
"Gerard..." i said. "We did have something it's just---we moved to fast." I scooted closer to him, holding his hand.
"I--Gerard." I hung my head. "I love you, Gerard, it's just...we have nothing left." He looked at me again.
"I think we do..." he said innocently, and I wimpered.
"Gerard--"
"No, Cy, I see your point," He said. "But I disagree. We can make it through this..."
"But Gerard, what about Frank...?" I asked. "I have feelings for him too...the same I do for you. But I think I would be better with him--"
"Oh, so that's it?" he said, angrily, pushing my hand off his. "Better off? What does that mean? That I'm a fucking failure?"
"No, Gerard, I didn't mean it like that!"
"That's how it came off." he said, turning away. I thought of what to say before speaking again this time, hoping he'd understand.
"I'm sorry, that came out wrong..." I said. "What I meant was, Gerard. LOOK at me." I said, and he turned around again.
"What I meant was, Gerard, that I feel that I have something different with him than I do with you." He shook his head.
"I don't get it."
"With you, I feel an urge to be more of an animal, and jump your bones as much as possible," I said, and he didn't look impressed.
"With Frank...It's different. I don't know...I want a full relationship with him, not just sex..."
"I can do that, Cy," Gerard pleaded. "Give me one more chance, please..."
"But, Gee, Frank--"
"It worked before, didn't it?" He asked. "We can do it again!" I shifted my eyes.
"Another three way...?"
"NO!" he cried out. "I mean, you were dating both of us at the same time, right? And I was okay with it...I think Frank was too..."
"But I WASN'T, Gee," I said. "You aren't understanding. I want someone who will cuddle, will protect me, and won't enforce sex on me all the time, you know?" He nodded slowly.
"I understand..." he said quietly, and wiped a tear from his eyes. "I guess we can't anymore can we?"
"Gee, baby, I still love you, you know that..." I said.
"I know..."
"So come on, cheer up! It's not like I'm going to be gone forever."
"It's gonna kill me seeing you with Frank though..."
"We won't do it in front of you, then. Deal?"
"No, no, it's fine...I'll get used to it, I guess." he said, and I patted him on the back.
"So are you okay now, babe?" I asked.
"I'll get better." he said. I grabbed his hand, smiling, and looked into his eyes.
"One last time?" I asked, and he leaned in, putting his lips to mine, softly and passionately, and we made out right there for a minute or two before I leaned back, smiling.
"Gerard, this isn't easy for me..." I said, and he nodded.
"Come on, let's go back inside." he said picking me up by the arm, and we walked side by side into the shack to join the others in the living room.