The Only Hope for Me Is You

Frank and I were cuddling on the couch, me having dug through his closet and found an old black t-shirt that read KILL ‘EM ALL and ripped up blue jeans; I realized we wore pretty much the same size clothing, and he said to get whatever I wanted, so I chose the most simplistic clothes out of the bunch. I snuggled closer to him, my hand on his chest and his arm wrapped behind my shoulders, holding me close as we watched the ritualistic cartoon BL/ind had to offer, when I heard the familiar sound of Mikey’s motorcycle engine roar from outside. Grinning, I turned to Frank, pecked him on the lips, and hopped off of his lap, and literally ran across the living room, Ray lowering the newspaper from in front of his face as I ran by him, and leaped down the steps, and waited for Mikey and Lauren to walk over. Mikey took off his helmet and helped Lauren off the bike, and for a split second I saw something shine in the sunlight on Lauren’s left ring finger, and that only made me grin wider. Lauren took off her helmet, and kissed Mikey tenderly on the lips, wrapping her arms around his neck as he put his hands lightly on her waist, and together they walked hand in hand over to where I was standing, both grinning wide.

“Lauren, oh my god!” I said, hugging her tightly. “I’m so happy for the two of you!”

“Thanks for the hints, by the way,” she said, punching my shoulder. “I was so stunned!”

“I was sworn to secrecy!” I said, nodding towards Mikey. “We all were!”

“No wonder you were acting so weird…” She said. Laughing, I grabbed her left hand and admired the wedding ring, tracing the big diamond before the little ones with my finger. I looked up at Mikey, still holding Lauren’s hand.

“Mikey…I’m so happy for the both of you,” I said. He smiled and nodded.

“Me too,” he replied, and yanked Lauren away from me, wrapping his arm around her waist and walking back into the shack. I stood outside for a minute, smiling into the sunlight, wondering when it was going to be my turn to take the plunge into marriage. The question that kept going through my mind, though, was painful and heartbreaking to me.

Was it going to be Gerard or Frank?

Shaking my head, I walked back inside, to see everyone huddled around the newlyweds, laughing and smiling. Revenge even came out of his room to see what all the noise was about. I walked across the room and sat back in Frank’s lap, smiling and laughing along with the rest of them as they congratulated Mikey and Lauren.

“Really, though, Mikey, I’m so happy for you,” Gerard said, patting him on the back. “She’s perfect for you.” he turned to Lauren. “And I’m glad to have you as my sister.” He smiled, and she grinned back, and I saw a tear fall from the corner of her eye.

“I know,” Mikey replied, his arm around Lauren’s waist still. Lauren giggled, and the two of them walked into the kitchen, and I heard Lauren let out a cry of surprise.

“IS THIS CAKE?” I heard her yell. “AND PRESENTS?!” I looked up at Frank, who was giggling.

“You guys didn’t…where the hell did you even find a cake?” I asked, looking at all of them. Frank shrugged, and I saw Gerard’s smile grow into a smirk.

“I found it when I found the rings—er, ring,” he said, stuttering. “It only took me searching through the entirety of literally every single zone in California, but god damn it, there’s no engagement party without a cake!” he pounded his fist on his knee as he spoke, which made me laugh even harder.

“Jesus, we’re going all out, aren’t we?” I said. Gerard nodded, and Frank squeezed me tighter.

“That’s not all Gerard got, though,” he said, winking. “Check the fridge.”

“Oh my…”I said, curious. I got up off the couch, and walked into the kitchen, seeing Mikey, Ray and Lauren at the kitchen table, laughing at something Mikey had just said. Smiling, I opened the fridge, and shouted a cry of surprise.

“You see them?” I heard Frank yell from the living room, and I nodded, mouth agape, staring at the massive amount of alcoholic beverages that lied before my eyes.

“OH. MY. GOD.” I said, reaching in and grabbing a Heineken. I snapped the tab open, and took a sip, feeling the cold beer rush down my parched throat, and moaned in pleasure.

“Wait, is that beer?” Ray asked, and I turned around and nodded.

“Yeah, you want one?” I asked, and he nodded.

“Fuck yeah!” I took another one off of the plastic, and tossed it to him.

“Heads up!” I said as I threw it, and he caught it in one hand, grinning.

“Thanks, Cy!” he said, and I saluted in return.

“Babe, bring me one too?” I heard Frank call.

“Okay!” I grabbed two more, assuming Gerard wanted one as well, and walked into the living room, smiling, and tossed them the beers, then plopped into Frank’s lap once again, savoring the burn from the alcohol in my mouth.

“Man, I haven’t had one of these in YEARS,” I said, stretching on my back across Frank’s lap. Gerard took a sip, and nodded in agreement.

“Mmm…” he said, swallowing, and pointed at the can. “These were so fucking hard to get…I had to trade like 50 credits per six pack.”

“Damn!” Frank said. “But it’s worth it.”

“Oh, for sure,” Gerard agreed, nodding. Revenge ran back into the living room, holding a piece of paper against his chest, smiling.

“Is it too late to add this to the present pile?” he asked, holding it up. “I just made it…” Gerard took the paper from him, taking another swig of beer, and smiled.

“Aw, Revenge…this is so cute!” he said, and flipped it over for me and Frank to see. I sat up off of Frank’s lap and squinted, smiling, realizing what it was. It was like a third-grader level drawing; two stick figures, both blonde, but one with long curly hair, holding hands, walking into what looked like a gigantic sun in the background, with swirls of wind and dust added for the desert effect.

“Aw, kiddo, that is so awesome!” Frank said, holding his arms out. “Come here!” Revenge nodded, and ran into Frank’s arms, hugging him around the waist, his face pressed against his chest, eyes closed. I smiled, remembering one of the kids that I babysat a long time ago…Revenge reminded me a lot of him.

“Can I go add it to the pile?” Revenge asked, and Frank nodded.

“Just make sure that no one sees you do it,” Frank said. “hey…let’s make a game out of it.” He pointed to the kitchen. I looked at Gerard, who looked back at me, smiling before finishing off his beer.

“You’re in Battery City, and Mikey, Lauren, and Ray are Scarecrows,” Frank said. “You can’t be seen by any of them, or you’ll be exterminated, you get it?”

“Oh noooooo!” Revenge cried, holding his hand up to his mouth.

“If you make it back alive, I have a juice box for you, kid,” Gerard added, handing him the drawing again and pushing him towards the kitchen. “Go get ‘em! And good luck!” Revenge nodded, smiling, and ran into the kitchen, careful to avoid the other’s gazes from the kitchen table.

“Aw, look at him go,” I said, watching Revenge army crawl across the floor on his stomach, and take the paper and sneakily place it on top of the other boxes, smirking.

“He’s so cute,” Frank said, nodding, finishing his beer. Gerard just sat there, smiling, holding his empty can, watching Revenge as well. We all cheered when Revenge came running back into the living room, grinning.

“Nice job, kiddo!” Gerard said, reaching into his pocket and producing a juice box from behind his back and handing it to Revenge.

“Apple juice! My favorite!” he cried, taking the box and sticking the straw into the hole and sucking away, smiling with the straw in his mouth as he walked back into his room.

“Again, the most adorable kid I’ve ever seen,” I said after Revenge closed his door. I took another sip of beer, finishing it off. “You guys want another one?”

“Sure,” Frank said, grinning. I got up off the couch again, and looked down at Gerard, who seemed to be lost in thought, staring off into space.

“How about you?” I asked him, and he shook his head quickly, snapping out of his thoughts and looking up at me.

“Hmm?”

“You want another beer?”

“Uh, no, thanks…” he said quietly. I nodded slowly.

“Okay…” I said, walking back into the kitchen, and smiling at the others as I grabbed the remaining two beers of the six pack from the fridge, as well as a second pack altogether.

“Whoa, easy there…” Ray said, winking. I just stuck my tongue out in reply, and leaned against the fridge.

“So when’s the party starting?” I asked Mikey. He shrugged, looking around.

“Um…I guess now…?” he said slowly, and Lauren giggled. I walked over to the table, and set the beers down.

“Want me to get the others?” I asked. “I kinda want some cake, not gonna lie…”

“Sounds like a plan!” Lauren giggled, resting her head on Mikey’s shoulder. Nodding, I walked into the living room once again and tossed Frank a second beer.

“Cake’s ready if you guys want some,” I said. Frank nodded, opening his beer and took a long swig before talking.

“You think you can bring me some? I would get it myself…”

“Yeah…sure,” I said, putting my hands on my hips. “This had better not happen all the time though, babe. I’m not a servant…” I looked to Gerard, and put my hand on his shoulder. “You want some cake?” He nodded, and stood up slowly.

“Yeah, I’ll get some myself though, thanks,” he said, and quickly shot a menacing glance at Frank before walking past me into the kitchen.

“I’ll be right back, babe, okay?” I said, and Frank nodded.

“I’ll be here…sippin’ my beer…with nothing to fear….hey, I’m a poet and didn’t even know it! ZING!”

“Oh Lord, here we go…” I said jokingly before turning around and walking into the kitchen to join the others.

“It’s common tradition that the groom makes the first cut of the cake,” Gerard said, holding the knife in front of Mikey’s face, but pulling it away quickly, right as Mikey was about to grab it. “BUT. Mikey, you know I love you…but you’re accident-prone, sticking forks in toasters and all…so I’m giving Lauren first cut. Sorry, bro.” He grinned, handing Lauren the knife, and winked. Mikey just sat there, pouting.

“It’s for the best…” he said. After Lauren made the first cut, we all clapped, and I heard Frank yell WOO HOO from the living room.

“I should bring him in here, shouldn’t I?” I asked, and they all nodded. Groaning, I got up from the table and walked into the living room.

“You. Up. Now.” I said. “The others want you in there with us.” Sighing, Frank held out his arms for me to grab, and supporting his weight, I walked him into the kitchen and sat him down at the table. Lauren cut him a piece of cake, and Frank nodded, accepting it.

“Aw, thank you so much,” he said, taking the fork and putting a huge bite into his mouth. I laughed as Mikey opened up Gerard’s present, and cried in delight, his voice cracking as he spoke.

“No way!” he said, holding up the box. “Gerard, this was like limited edition, even BEFORE the world went to shit!” He turned it around in his hands, grinning. “How did you even FIND it?”

“I have my ways,” Gerard said, smirking, hands on his hips. “Glad you like it, bro.”

“Like it, I LOVE IT!” Mikey cried again. “Han Solo action figure…amazing!”

“Lauren, I got you something too,” I said, handing her a long, thin box. She looked up at me, grinning as she took it from me.

“Cy, you didn’t have to…OH MY GOD!” She yelled as she unwrapped the plastic. “THE ELEVENTH DOCTOR’S SONIC SCREWDRIVER! AAH!” She immediately took it out of the box, and waved it around, making the sonic screwdriver sound come from the button she pressed.

“I know you love Doctor Who so much, and I saw that and thought, ‘man she’s gonna love this.’”

“Oh my god, I do…thank you so much! I don’t even know what to say!” She cried, and leaned over the table to hug me around the neck. Smiling at my success, I took another beer from the plastic, and chugged it down quickly, feeling the alcohol finally get to my head. My vision slowly turned slightly fuzzy, and I couldn’t think as well as I had before. But I didn’t care; this was a special occasion, and I hadn’t drank my favorite kind of beer in forever. I just hoped I didn’t end up doing something stupid.

“Aw, who drew this?” Lauren said, holding up Revenge’s picture.

“Revenge did,” Frank said, smiling. “He thought it was too late to add it to the pile, so I told him he could if he got it in here without you seeing him.”

“Well I didn’t see him come in here at all,” Ray said. Lauren and Mikey nodded.

“Me neither,” Mikey said.

“This is by far one of the cutest things I have ever seen,” Lauren said, holding up the picture. “Look at the dust clouds!” We all laughed, and I turned my head to look at Gerard, who was laughing as well, but stopped when our eyes met, his smile fading. What was wrong with him?

After cake and presents were done, we all moved into the living room and gathered around the tv, Ray moving the antennas around to try to hack into hidden channels as we told him if the picture was getting better or worse. Frank and I had had about four beers each, and we were both a little tipsy. I had stopped drinking after that, knowing my limit, bur I wasn’t sure if he had as well.

“Closer…nope, it’s gone…AH! PERFECT!” Frank cried. “Keep it there, Ray!”

“Oh, what’d we catch?” Ray asked, coming out from behind the tv, putting his hair behind his ear.

“Only one of the BEST movies ever…” Gerard replied, smiling. “God I love The Crow.”

“NO WAY.” I said, punching Gerard’s shoulder. “Me too!”

“No way!” He grinned at me, his face surprised.

“Yes way!” I said. “City of Angels….oh my god I love that one so much!” Gerard shifted his position on the couch to face me, grinning.

“City of Angels is my favorite of them all,” he said.
“Mine too!” I replied, grinning. “Oh my god…can I like marry you, or—“ I squeezed my eyes shut, realizing what I had just said. I had done something stupid, and was about to pay for it. I saw Gerard’s face, frozen in shock, his eyes wide, eyebrows raised, and mouth open. I grimaced, turning around to look at Frank.

“Um, what?” He said. “Did you just say what I think you said?”

“Oh fuck…” I replied. “Babe, I’m so sorry, it slipped out—I didn’t mean—I’m so drunk, I don’t know what I’m even saying…” Frank didn’t reply, his facial expression stern.

“I know exactly what you’re saying,” he said after a minute or two, and struggled to stand up. “Find somewhere else to sleep tonight,” he added, and walked out of the living room into his bedroom, and slammed his door behind him Ray, Mikey and Lauren were silent, and I saw Mikey stare down at his beer in his hand.

“Awkward…” he said quietly. Gerard finally unfroze, and slowly spoke again, eyes wandering around the room.

“I just forgot I had a—drawing—I had to finish in my room for Mikey and Lauren…yeah, I gotta go…” he said, standing up and quickly walking into his room, closing the door behind him. I saw Lauren whisper something to Mikey, and not too long after she followed Gerard into his room to go talk to him. After a minute or two of awkward silence, with no sound but the ones coming from the movie, I got up and left the living room and walked outside into the moonlit desert, and kicked a few pebbles as I walked out to the road, and lied down in the middle of it, arms spread out to my sides. Staring up at the stars.

“Fuck, I’m such an idiot…” I said to myself, slapping my own face.