The Only Hope for Me Is You

I stared in shock, my mouth slightly gaping as I watched Frank storm into his room, slamming the door behind him, making us all jolt slightly, and then Gerard shortly after, awkwardly shuffling to his room. I look over at Cy, her head hanging, eyes watery and sad; I bite my bottom lip in worry.

“Shit…” I sigh under my breath before turning to Mikey and whispering in his ear, “I better go talk to them.” I get up and walk to Gerard’s room, closing the door behind me and I see him, sitting at his desk, pencil in hand and the other supporting his head as he stares blankly down at the page.

“Gerard?” I mumble towards him, my back still leaning against the door, hand left on the door handle. I get no answer.

“Gerard…this needs sorting out, right now. And I’m not leaving until you talk to me.” I say, slightly sternly this time and I see his head lift from his hand as he throws the pencil down.

“I know…” he says, spinning around in his chair as I sit down on the bed to face him. I spot the paper behind him and reach my arm around him to grab it, his eyes following my hand as I bring it in front of my eyes to show the drawing he mentioned earlier. It was of me and Mikey on his motorbike, my arms wrapped around him, like I do, and we are both smiling at each other. He got everything perfect. This produces a smile on my face.

“Gerard, this is beautiful.” I say, looking up at him from beyond the paper. The corner of his mouth rises.

“It’s not done yet, but thanks.” He says, taking the paper from me and glancing at it before putting it back on the desk for me. He turns back to me and his face turns serious again as he begins.

“I don’t know what to do Lauren, I mean, I have feelings for Cy but…man…just what do I do?” he says, looking at me desperately.

“She needs to choose really, doesn’t she?” I answer, fiddling with my thumbs.

“You think she still has feelings for me too?” he asks, his eyes widening at me.

“I couldn’t say Gerard…I really need to talk to her...to know what she’s feeling, you know?” I say and see him nod lightly, webbing his fingers together on his knees.

“She can’t have you both…you tried that and it didn’t really work.” I say, and I see his head shoot up instantly, looking slightly shocked.

“Aw crap, you didn’t hear us did you?” he says, biting his lip nervously.

“I think every zone heard you guys, Gerard.” I laugh slightly and see his palms slap on his forehead and wipe down his face.

“Mikey didn’t hear did he?” he says, almost whispering.

“…I tried to stop him, honestly.” His hands return to his face again as he falls back onto the chair.

“Oh lord.” He says through his hands, spreading his fingers to look at me as I speak again,

“It’s okay, we forgive you.” I giggle lightly before winking at the embarrassed Gerard in front of me. His hands slap onto his thighs, chuckling slightly.

"So..." I say, fiddling with my fingers. "You sure you still have feelings for her?"

He nods once, "Yeah...I'm certain."

"I think I need to talk to her and Frank."

"Look, you don't need to do all this for us."

"No, you guys are my best friends, and you're my brother and I'm gonna help all of you get this sorted." I say, my hand on top of his lightly. He smiles up at me.

"I'm so glad you're my sister." he says, wrapping an arm around me and hugging me tightly.

"I'll be right back." I smile back, pulling away and giving a small wave as I walk out, but stop as I reach the door and turn back to him,

“But Gerard, you know…she might stay with Frank…”

“I know.” He says straight away, “Whatever she’s happy with, I’m happy with.” He says, smiling lightly again. I nod and walk out, closing the door behind me. I walk into the living room to find everyone still in the same places, I walk up to Mikey and sit in his lap, his arms wrapping around me.

"What's going on, then?" he asks, linking his fingers together in front of me.

"I need to talk to Cy and Frank." I say, turning my head towards him.

"Oh Cy's outside somewhere and Frank's in his room.” He says, smiling up at me. I nod and smile back, kissing him lightly.

“Thanks babe.” I say, before raising myself from his lap, stopping as I start walking and turn back to him, placing my hands on his thighs and whisper in his ear

“Oh and…I have my own surprise for you tonight.” I smirk at him before pecking his nose as he smirks at me and I turn back, only to be stopped by Ray.

“You need to learn to whisper properly.” Ray said, cringing slightly. I laugh at this and hear Mikey chuckle behind me as I walk towards Frank’s room, stopping in front of the door and placing two knocks onto it.

“Yeah?” I hear from beyond the door and open it slightly, poking my head through the gap, I see Frank lying on his bed, one arm across his face, a white guitar next to him with the word, Pansy across it. I smile widely at the guitar, I play guitar, but haven’t done in years.

“Do you mind if I play?” I ask, gesturing towards the guitar lying next to him as I walk up to him and arrive at the bed side, slumping down onto it, next to the guitar. He nods from behind his arm before taking it away from his face,

“Sure, go crazy. You play?” he asks, sitting up slightly and looking at me and I put the guitar around me, grabbing a pick from his bedside table. I nod.

“I’ll be fucking rusty though.” I say, strumming across the guitar and tuning it up slightly before playing the first note to one of my favourite songs, I’m Not Okay, and see Frank smile at me as I do.

“Frank…” I say to him as I continue to play and his eyes return to me, “About Cy, she’s a little confused at the moment, you just gotta let her get her head straight…” I see him nod in agreement, “and having you not supporting her and being upset, well…that’s not gonna help her at all. I mean, I know why you're upset, but...you know what I mean.”

“I overreacted I know…” he says, rubbing at his forehead, suddenly his hand grabs mine as I hit a wrong note, and switches it to the correct position on the guitar, I smile up at him.

“Told you I’d be rusty.” I chuckle before playing and speaking on, “she just needs some time.” I finish the song as I finish speaking and he nods again.

“You’re right. I was a bit harsh…I think I need to think for a bit too, you know?” he says, plucking the strings on the guitar with his fingertips.

“Sure.” I smile at him before taking the guitar off and handing it to him, he takes it and smiles at me before bringing me into a hug, we didn’t speak, just hugged. I smiled at him again before leaving him to think for a while as I walk out of the shack and zip up my jacket, shivering slightly against the cold as I spot Cy, sprawled out in the middle of the road, her arms and legs outstretched to her sides, light waves on thin dust washing over her. I walk up to her lying across the road and lay myself down next to her, sprawling myself out just like her.

“Hey Cy…” I say, shuffling a little closer towards her.

“I know…” she says instantly, “I know I have to decide…”

“Whatever you’re happy with Cy, we all just want you to be happy.” I say, turning my head towards her slightly. “Are you happy?”

“No…” she mumbles, her head falling to the left a little.

“Do you want me to leave you to think?” I ask and see her nod out of the corner of my eye.

“Everything will be alright Cy.” I say, squeezing her arm lightly.

“Thanks Lauren.” She manages a smile towards me and I smile back and we wrap an arm around each other, hugging on the dusty ground.