Going Home

The next morning I awoke early, feeling disoriented at first, as I opened my eyes onto the unfamiliar room.

As soon as I remembered where I was, however, I was glad - for once I didn’t have to get up and skulk around, staying out of my stepfather’s way until he fell asleep in front of the TV, or went to the pub.

I heard the soothing early-morning sounds of Jessie’s mum moving around and leaving to go to where she worked as a nurse, and when everything was still, I decided to get up and do something.

No one else was stirring as I put my jacket on, walking downstairs through the house and out into the backyard, with its view over the muddy creek.

The air was brisk, but in the grey dawn some little robins hopped around, flitting from tree to tree above the lush garden.
It seemed so peaceful, so calm in the early-morning gloom, that I didn’t dare make a sound.

I sat silently for a time in this fragile stillness, just taking it in and enjoying the peace but eventually I heard someone moving around in the adjoining kitchen.

In a moment, Jessie emerged, carrying two steaming coffee mugs.

“Thanks,” I smiled, taking one.

“You sleep okay after last night?” Jessie asked me, pushing her spiky blonde hair away from her face.

“Yeah,” I shrugged, “as well as I ever do, anyway.”

We said nothing for a while, just watched the birds searching for food, but after a few minutes Jessie looked at me, her green eyes earnest.

“Angel.” she said.

I watched her worried face, surprised at the urgency of her voice.

“Angel, I saw the bruises, last night. Are you okay?”

I felt the blood rush from my face and I turned away, desperately trying to think of an excuse - then, suddenly, it came to me.

“It’s nothing, Jess, honest - I just fell off a... a ladder the other day.” I fielded her next question before she spoke it, hoping that my lies were sounding genuine. “I was getting onto the roof, for some, uh, air.”

A part of me knew how lame the excuse was, but another, stronger part was amazed at how easily the lies came... not that I was lying completely.
I had fallen from the ladder getting into my room the day before; but the marks were not from the fall, rather, my stepfather Chris when he heard the noise and found me sneaking about.

I seemed to have fooled Jessie for the time being, though, for after a moment watching me as if she could find out the truth by studying my face, she sighed.

“Okay,” she said, “I was just worried... I thought you might be-”

I shook my head quickly, scared to open my mouth lest the truth came tumbling out.

But, before either of us could say another word, voices from the house made us turn.

Jay and Josh were talking as they walked into the kitchen from the hallway; stopping when they saw us talking just outside the door.

“Oh, hey, Jess, Angel. Are we interrupting...?” Josh frowned.

“No,” Jessie shrugged, “We were just talking, weren’t we, Ange?”

“Yeah,” I nodded; glad to see she wasn’t worrying. “It’s alright.”

“I just made coffee,” Jessie continued, walking over to the bench with our now-empty cups. “You want some?”

They nodded, so Josh and Jessie went to make the drinks, leaving Jay and I by the door.

“You’re lying.” Jay spoke quietly, not looking at me.

“What?” I froze in place, trying to figure what - and how - he knew; but before either of us could say anything more, Jessie came back, handing us our cups.

“Two cups of energy, extra strong.” She grinned, glancing at Josh before continuing. “We’re gonna check out some videos on my laptop, if you want to come in.”

Still frozen with shock, I just shook my head, and vaguely I heard Jay decline as well.

Soon we were alone, and I dragged Jay out onto the porch.

“What the hell are you on about?” I hissed, trying to stay calm while my head was spinning.

Jay, glancing around to check we were not being heard, sat on the step.

“I heard you talking about the bruises, and saying it was an accident - look, Jess might have fallen for it, but I know what it looks like when someone’s hiding something, and you’re it.”

He sounded so sure of what he was saying, and I started pacing, trying to fight down the panic that had started to rise within me.

“Just shut up about it, okay? I can tell who I want about... about what I want - and I don’t have to listen to you tell me I'm a liar!”

I became aware of tears running down my face, and started walking to the creek without saying another word - I had to get away and try to calm down, because there was no way I could let Jessie see me like this.

I got to the mossy bench on the riverside and, hearing no one following me, sat down by the murky waters and wept.

As I sat curled up on the damp seat, I wondered to myself why I kept this pain hidden, when all it did was upset me so much.

But, I realized, I knew exactly why. I was scared.

So I just sat and cried silently, blocking out the world so that I didn’t hear the footsteps approach until someone sat down next to me.

With my eyes closed, I jumped, startled at the sudden appearance - upon opening my eyes I saw Jay sitting there, watching me with a strange expression.

“What?” I snapped, and turned away to watch the waters pass; but I could no longer keep my fury alive while tears sat in my eyes.

“I was right, wasn’t I?” he finally said in a sad tone.

I blinked and took a shuddering breath, finally able to choke out a tiny noise.

“Yes, but...” I sobbed a little, but caught myself. “...so what? It doesn’t matter anyway.”

Jay took in a sharp breath and, without looking at him, I knew he was upset - but I wasn’t expecting the vehemence with which he said his next statement.

“Yes, it bloody well does, Angel! You can get help, you’ve got to tell someone!”

There was a long silence.

“I told you.” I mumbled eventually, beginning to feel numb as my tears slowly dried.

“I figured it out, you mean,” Jay continued, but he sounded gentler now. “Look, all I'm saying is that you should tell Jessie, at least.”

“No!” I stared at him, my eyes stinging. “I’d never do that, don’t you see? I just can’t tell her – she’d worry about it, about me, and there’s nothing anyone can do anyway.” I sank back into the chair, feeling more hopeless than ever.

“There’s always something you can do.” Jay said quietly.

“Right,” I laughed bitterly, more from desperation than any pretence of humour. “And what the hell do you know about it?”

Jay’s face darkened, and now he turned away.

“You really want to know?” he spat tersely, “Well, I’ll tell you. Welcome to my life - there’s mum; an addict who had me hooked on dope since I was a little kid - and then there’s dad, a total loser who thought the only thing he could do properly was beat the both of us whenever he felt like it. How does that sound?”

I flinched at the anger in his voice, before realising that it wasn’t directed at me.

“I- I'm sorry - I didn’t know...” I whispered, stunned.

“Well, don’t be,” Jay looked me in the eyes, “I got out.”

I heard the message in those words as clearly as if he had spoken it; knew he was telling me that I had to get out, but I just shook my head silently, tears in my eyes as I got up and walked away without saying a word.

If I left home Chris would find me, I thought to myself as I followed the path to the house, so there’s no use thinking like there’s hope.

All I can do for now is survive.

Armed with that conviction, I paused for a moment outside the door, wiping half-dried tears from my face and taking a few deep breaths.

I had to go quickly, before someone noticed I was upset and tried to ‘help’ me - it was the last thing I needed right then.

So when I thought I could bluff my way out without anyone noticing my puffy eyes, I went in; almost running into Luke and Josh in the doorway to the living room.

“Hey, we’re heading off, Angel.” Luke said, and gave me a hug.

“Yeah, we’ll see you next time.” Josh finished the statement as they walked to the door.

“Sure, see you then.” I smiled, waiting until they left before continuing into the living room where Jessie was sitting, her computer on her knee.

“Hey, Ange,” she looked over, smiling, “I was just about to go looking for you. Where’s Jay?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged, avoiding the topic. “He went for a walk, I think.”

I paused, as I saw Jay’s lanky figure walking up the path from the creek.
“I was just about to go, anyway.” I gave her a hug, edging towards the door. “See you later.”

I quickly escaped out the front door, just as the back door opened, feeling relieved that I hadn’t had to pretend nothing had happened between Jay and I in front of Jessie.

Once I was on the street, I felt a little better, but I didn’t have time to think about what had happened as I hurried to catch the bus.

By the time I had gotten onto the bus for the ride home, however, the more I was trying not to think about Jay’s words, the more I was feeling more and more apprehensive.

Still, I continued on, jumping off at my stop and walking the few blocks to home.
It was still quite early - early enough, I hoped, for no one to have noticed I was gone.

I jumped the back fence into our yard, avoiding the squeaky gate, and found the ladder just where I had left it, on the grass under the bathroom window.

Sighing with relief, I climbed up it, checking again that there was nobody near, before slipping the window slats out one by one and starting to crawl through.

The hole was tight, but finally I was on the other side, with the slats back in place.

I was about to go to my room, when a hand suddenly grabbed my arm and twisted it hard behind my back.

I yelped in pain, cursing myself for forgetting to check that the lock was in, and knowing without a doubt what was going to happen.

Still disoriented from the shock of being caught, I felt a hand slap me hard across the face, and my head pulled back by the hair, even as I realised I was being yelled at.

“You stupid whore!” Chris screamed at me as I ducked, trying to avoid the blows that punctuated every word. “I thought I told you never to run off like that, bitch,” he sneered, his face red. “And if you did I’d beat your fuckin’ head in! Did ya’ hear me?”

I was slammed against the wall as he continued on another tirade, but I couldn’t hear what he said, because with each new pain more and more of what I saw was blackness.

The last thing I knew as darkness crept into the sides of my vision and I fell, was my mother shrieking behind us, and my stepfather’s whiskey breath screaming obscenities in my face.

Then I was gone.