Crush
Crush
It was about noon, I’d have said, when I got there. She wasn’t far behind me; I could hear her from several streets away, her car stereo certainly something I was jealous of. I was just lucky mine was still working.
“She’s lump! She’s lump! She’s lump! She’s in my head,” blasted from out the open windows of her car as she rounded the corner. I’d have it in my head all afternoon, now.
“Gerard!” she exclaimed as she jumped from the car and slammed the door behind her, not even bothering to lock the doors. I guess it was pretty much just a shit-box anyway.
“Hey Bella,” I said, smiling politely once she reached me.
“How’ve you been in Jersey? Still in Art College?” she asked, seeming genuinely interested.
“Yeah. How was London?” She shrugged. She’d gone to study drama over at Goldsmiths Academy a few years ago now. I always thought she’d make a beautiful actress, but she didn’t need my words to persuade her to go.
“It wasn’t that great, really.”
“How come?”
“I missed home.” She turned to smile across at me as we walked, heading to the swings we’d first met by. I wondered if she still remembered that night. “It’s even colder there than it is here!”
“Well that was to be expected, surely…”
“Ehh…their weather still sucks.” We were silent as we swung for a while, the summer breeze whooshing past our faces. “Hey do you remember when we first met?” I guess she did remember, then.
“Of course. I’m…surprised you do.”
“How come?” She looked a little hurt. “That was the best night of my life.” I hadn’t known that.
“I dunno.” I couldn’t tell her straight out that I’d loved her more than she’d loved me. Everyone knew this to be true, and so why should she have cared to remember how we met?
“I remember that stupid duck that scared the shit out of us,” she laughed. “I mean really, what duck goes waddling about at that hour!?” I laughed, too. It was a little odd. We’d snuck out of the party early, her leading the way of course, as I was still unable to take in the fact that she’d winked across the room at me. At me, me of all people. She’d led us to this very swing set and we talked for the longest time before the party eventually made its way to the street and things got too crowded. It’d then been my turn to lead her away, into the denser covering of the park, and her lips were on mine before I could even think to have done the same. That’s when the duck scared us and we ran from the bushes, her screaming her lungs out before that damn duck came waddling out after us. I’d never laughed so hard in my life.
“It was a good night,” I said softly. My hand brushed the side of hers as we swung and still I felt it, that spark as the butterflies formed in the pit of my stomach. She continued to act as if it hadn’t occurred, though I knew by the redness of her face that she knew it had.
“So why did you want to meet today, Gerard? I only just got back yesterday…my shit is still in boxes in my parent’s living room but this couldn’t wait?” She was teasing me, I noticed, but too shy to be blatant about it. I always found it odd seeing the shy side of her, as she was probably the loudest person I knew when she wanted to be.
“I just missed you I guess,” I said, shrugging. She smiled softly across at me and finally, our hands were linked between us. Her move had been much harder on me than her, I was guessing. The entire time I was secretly hoping she’d hate it there and come back home, but I knew she was determined to do that course. I tried to tell myself she’d be back eventually and although here she was, things just didn’t feel the same. We’d left it at an argument about something stupid; I couldn’t remember now, but it’d killed me. I never got her new number. She never bothered to call mine.
“I’m sorry I never called, Gerard. I forgot my address book and yeah…asking my mother to call you might have been…weird.” I nodded, understanding now. “I really am sorry…”
“I know.” I ran my thumb up the length of her palm and she smiled once more, knotting my stomach once more. I cleared my throat but her finger pressed gently to my lips had me stop what I was about to say. She could somehow tell.
“Don’t say it, Gerard, unless you mean it.” I knew exactly what that was referring to. I’d said the same thing to her a few days before she’d left and well…she never did then open her mouth to speak.
“I love you.” She bit her lip and turned away. I wasn’t sure what to make of that reaction. She knew I’d tell those words to her for forever more if I had to. One day she’d say it in return with the actual meaning behind it. She had to.
“Gee, I –” She stopped, tears glistening in her eyes. “I learnt something when I was away. I learnt to feel, you know? I learnt who I am and discovered what I want…hoping that it wouldn’t be too late once I was back…”
“What are you trying to say, Bella?”
“I learnt I want you, Gerard, and I truly do mean it this time.” She was on her feet before I had time to ask if she was sure, before I had time to do it all properly, dragging me to mine and forcing me to face her. Her lips pressed gently to mine told me she was being honest, and with that no further words were needed. My arms wrapped around her tight as she laid her head on my chest. I could feel her smiling through my shirt. Sometimes people just need time, I realised, even if it did seem a lifetime to have to wait for what you knew was right.
“She’s lump! She’s lump! She’s lump! She’s in my head,” blasted from out the open windows of her car as she rounded the corner. I’d have it in my head all afternoon, now.
“Gerard!” she exclaimed as she jumped from the car and slammed the door behind her, not even bothering to lock the doors. I guess it was pretty much just a shit-box anyway.
“Hey Bella,” I said, smiling politely once she reached me.
“How’ve you been in Jersey? Still in Art College?” she asked, seeming genuinely interested.
“Yeah. How was London?” She shrugged. She’d gone to study drama over at Goldsmiths Academy a few years ago now. I always thought she’d make a beautiful actress, but she didn’t need my words to persuade her to go.
“It wasn’t that great, really.”
“How come?”
“I missed home.” She turned to smile across at me as we walked, heading to the swings we’d first met by. I wondered if she still remembered that night. “It’s even colder there than it is here!”
“Well that was to be expected, surely…”
“Ehh…their weather still sucks.” We were silent as we swung for a while, the summer breeze whooshing past our faces. “Hey do you remember when we first met?” I guess she did remember, then.
“Of course. I’m…surprised you do.”
“How come?” She looked a little hurt. “That was the best night of my life.” I hadn’t known that.
“I dunno.” I couldn’t tell her straight out that I’d loved her more than she’d loved me. Everyone knew this to be true, and so why should she have cared to remember how we met?
“I remember that stupid duck that scared the shit out of us,” she laughed. “I mean really, what duck goes waddling about at that hour!?” I laughed, too. It was a little odd. We’d snuck out of the party early, her leading the way of course, as I was still unable to take in the fact that she’d winked across the room at me. At me, me of all people. She’d led us to this very swing set and we talked for the longest time before the party eventually made its way to the street and things got too crowded. It’d then been my turn to lead her away, into the denser covering of the park, and her lips were on mine before I could even think to have done the same. That’s when the duck scared us and we ran from the bushes, her screaming her lungs out before that damn duck came waddling out after us. I’d never laughed so hard in my life.
“It was a good night,” I said softly. My hand brushed the side of hers as we swung and still I felt it, that spark as the butterflies formed in the pit of my stomach. She continued to act as if it hadn’t occurred, though I knew by the redness of her face that she knew it had.
“So why did you want to meet today, Gerard? I only just got back yesterday…my shit is still in boxes in my parent’s living room but this couldn’t wait?” She was teasing me, I noticed, but too shy to be blatant about it. I always found it odd seeing the shy side of her, as she was probably the loudest person I knew when she wanted to be.
“I just missed you I guess,” I said, shrugging. She smiled softly across at me and finally, our hands were linked between us. Her move had been much harder on me than her, I was guessing. The entire time I was secretly hoping she’d hate it there and come back home, but I knew she was determined to do that course. I tried to tell myself she’d be back eventually and although here she was, things just didn’t feel the same. We’d left it at an argument about something stupid; I couldn’t remember now, but it’d killed me. I never got her new number. She never bothered to call mine.
“I’m sorry I never called, Gerard. I forgot my address book and yeah…asking my mother to call you might have been…weird.” I nodded, understanding now. “I really am sorry…”
“I know.” I ran my thumb up the length of her palm and she smiled once more, knotting my stomach once more. I cleared my throat but her finger pressed gently to my lips had me stop what I was about to say. She could somehow tell.
“Don’t say it, Gerard, unless you mean it.” I knew exactly what that was referring to. I’d said the same thing to her a few days before she’d left and well…she never did then open her mouth to speak.
“I love you.” She bit her lip and turned away. I wasn’t sure what to make of that reaction. She knew I’d tell those words to her for forever more if I had to. One day she’d say it in return with the actual meaning behind it. She had to.
“Gee, I –” She stopped, tears glistening in her eyes. “I learnt something when I was away. I learnt to feel, you know? I learnt who I am and discovered what I want…hoping that it wouldn’t be too late once I was back…”
“What are you trying to say, Bella?”
“I learnt I want you, Gerard, and I truly do mean it this time.” She was on her feet before I had time to ask if she was sure, before I had time to do it all properly, dragging me to mine and forcing me to face her. Her lips pressed gently to mine told me she was being honest, and with that no further words were needed. My arms wrapped around her tight as she laid her head on my chest. I could feel her smiling through my shirt. Sometimes people just need time, I realised, even if it did seem a lifetime to have to wait for what you knew was right.