Request For Silence

The small café was nearly filled to maximum occupancy. Never in a million years would Callie Thornton have guessed that so many people would be interested in seeing her small band perform. In all fairness, they had passed out flyers and used word of mouth to promote their group before, but never had they had a turnout like this. But then again, Callie couldn’t help but to think that it had something to do with a certain male who had gone on a local radio station days before and advertised the show.

And in all reality, she hadn’t even expected him to respond to the flyer she had left in his mailbox one week prior. It was the first time she had gone back to that apartment – the apartment where she had once shared what she thought was love with its owner. She didn’t even know why she did it really, but something inside of her just told her that he needed to come – that he needed to see this performance.

There was only one song that she wanted him to hear. It had taken her months to write, and even longer to share with her band. It was personal, and it was raw, but that’s what made it so special to her; it was real. If there was one thing that Callie wanted to convey to her audience, it was that she was willing to get personal with them; she wanted them to feel like they were a part of her life.

Her doe eyes scanned the occupied tables and the people standing in random areas of the rather small building, but she couldn’t spot his tall figure anywhere. She didn’t want to admit it to herself, but she felt a tugging at her heart. He was supposed to be there, and she was hoping that he hadn’t bailed on coming. This night was supposed to be a declaration of sorts for her; she would finally get out everything that she hadn’t been able to tell him years before – back when she was just a sixteen-year-old lonesome girl who was extremely vulnerable.

Thinking back on it, it all sort of made her stomach turn. The two met when they were both in a rush, and he bumped into her shoulder, causing the stack of flyers she was carrying to fall out of her hands, and swirl in the air around them. He had apologized and helped her pick them up, and it wasn’t until she met eyes with his pale, blue orbs that the anger she had been feeling dissipated. He was dressed in a sharp grey suit and his light blond hair was gelled into small spikes. A smile lingered on his lips, and she felt her heart flutter at how perfect he appeared to be.

But, God, looks were so deceiving.

She’d given into him when he asked her for her number. Then again when he called two days later, requesting she go on a date with him. And as days passed and they went out a few more times, she found herself falling for him. But, of course, he was older than her, being twenty. A sixteen year old dating a twenty year old wouldn’t exactly be welcomed with open arms by either’s parents or society.

And maybe, just maybe, if he had been any other twenty year old, it might not have been so bad. He was not only well known in the city of Pittsburgh, but around the United States and Canada; he was far from the normal twenty year old.

At first, it was fun – the sneaking around and feeling special for being with an older man – but it soon began to lose its lust. Although she had told her friends she was dating, she was forbidden to even mention the name ‘Jordan’. The pictures she took of them were ones she cherished and wished she could share with those around her, but she couldn’t – they would instantly recognize his face. Then came the backhanded compliments and empty promises, and it all just began to eat away at her.

And that was why after two years of sneaking around and playing make-believe, she left him. She’d finally found strength in herself, and in her music, and she had had enough of being made to feel like a child – feeling like she had to depend on him for every little thing. She wanted to be better than that and if leaving was it took, then she had to do it. And so she did.

Callie inhaled a sharp breath of air as she took her seat on the wooden bar stool placed front and center of the makeshift stage. To her left, her guitarist took his spot, and to her right, her bassist. Behind her was the drummer, and he kicked the bass drum a few times, making the audience cheer a bit. She slid the strap of her black Gibson acoustic guitar over her shoulders before fixing her hair.

As they began playing the first song, her eyes darted all around the room, but she still had yet to see him, and God, it was getting to her more than she would have liked it to. But she tried to focus on the others who were in the room, who were genuinely enjoying the sound of her voice and the sounds of her band. She even saw a few people bobbing their heads, tapping their feet, and a very select few singing along. This was what she loved – being able to take people out of their own element and into her world; it was an amazing feeling.

Every once in awhile she’d stop and make comments, but it wasn’t as if this was a full on concert; they were merely playing in a small coffee shop, and so she kept it simple.

When it came down to the last song of the night – the most important song of the night – she suddenly didn’t care if he had come or not. This was her opportunity to get everything out of her system and she wasn’t going to half-ass it because he hadn’t come.

“So, uh, this next song is one that’s really personal to me. It actually took me awhile before I even let the guys hear it, but I feel like it’s one that’s long overdue. It’s called Hands Clean,” Callie introduced before beginning to strum her guitar. “If it weren’t for your maturity, none of this would’ve happened. If you weren’t so wise beyond your years, I would’ve been able to control myself. If it weren’t for my attention, you wouldn’t have been successful.”

And then it happened, her brown eyes met with blue ones and she felt her heartbeat accelerate – but not in a nervous way necessarily.

“If it weren’t for me, you would never have amounted to very much. Ooh, this could be messy, but, you don’t seem to mind. Ooh, don’t go telling everybody, and overlook this supposed crime. We’ll fast forward to a few years later, and no one knows except the both of us. And I have honored your request for silence, and you’ve washed your hands clean of this.”

She could see the small frown forming on his lips, and in all honesty, a large part of her felt vindicated.

“You’re essentially an employee, and I like you having to depend on me. You’re a kind of protégé and one day you’ll say you learned all you know from me. I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian. I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it. Ooh, this could get messy, but, you don’t seem to mind. Ooh, don’t go telling everybody, and overlook this supposed crime. We’ll fast forward to a few years later, and no one knows except the both of us. I’ve more than honored your request for silence, and you’ve washed your hands clean of this.”

From where she sat, she could see him shifting on his feet, and he began rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. It was almost endearing to him see him squirming at her words.

“What part of our history’s reinvented and under rug swept? What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget - what with this distance it seems so obvious. Just make sure you don’t tell on me, especially to members of your family. We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse. I wish I could tell the world, ‘cause you’re such pretty thing when you’re done up properly. I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and you keep your firm body.”

Callie sang the chorus a couple more times before the song came to an end, and an eruption of applause and people rising to their feet followed. She stood up, exhaled slowly, and bowed before gesturing to the band behind her. She thanked the audience one last time before exiting the stage, shaking her arms and head to get rid of the nerves in her body.

“Callie, that was amazing!” Jason, the guitarist, chimed, pulling her into a hug.

“It was a team effort,” she smiled, giving the rest of her band a hug as well.

“You coming out with us tonight?” Benjamin, the drummer, asked her, tapping his sticks against his thighs.

“Uh, actually, I think I will. I just have a few things to take care of first. I’ll meet y’all outside in ten?”

The three boys nodded their heads and Callie smiled before excusing herself. She made her way out into the café that seemed to be buzzing with chatter all of a sudden. Her feet carried her right to where she needed to be, and as she came face to face with the man who she once thought she loved, she felt empowered. She wasn’t the little girl she used to be when they had dated.

The two stared at each other in silence for a moment, before he finally broke it.

“You – uh – you did great, Callie,” he spoke, his low voice barely above a whisper.

She smiled. “Thank you. I didn’t think you were actually coming for a minute there.”

This caused his lips to pull back in a small, crooked smile. “I had an interview that took longer than I thought it would.” She nodded her head, but said nothing. With a sharp breath of air, he stared into her eyes. “I was young, too, Callie, you know. I made mistakes and I said things to you that I’m not proud of, but I can’t take them back.”

And there it was – the reaction she had been waiting for.

“I’m not mad at you anymore, Jordan. I was, but I’ve had time to get over it. I was young and vulnerable back then,” she told him, shrugging her shoulders subtly.

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “So then why perform that song?”

“Why?” she laughed. “Jordan, that song was how I got over it. I sat down one day, and it all just spilled out of me. I’m not going to pretend that it never happened, like you seem to be doing.”

“You think I don’t think about it? I think about us all the time, Callie. I think about how I fucked things up and told you things that no one deserves to hear. I just – I dealt with it differently than you did,” he explained.

“I guess,” she sighed, tired of the conversation already.

“I miss you, you know,” he said awkwardly; talking about his emotions had never been an easy thing for the man.

She couldn’t help but to smile. “I miss you, too … sometimes.”

He chuckled. “Do you think it’s possible for us to be … something, again?”

She hadn’t expected that question to come from his mouth.

“I – I don’t know, Jordan. I mean, you’re busy with hockey and bigger than ever, and I’m about to start touring. I don’t know how it would work,” she told him.

“We don’t have to jump into anything. Let’s just … be friends. We didn’t do that before.”

“Friends?” she asked and he nodded his head. “That might work.”

He smiled and grabbed his cell phone from the pocket of his jeans. “Can we start with exchanging numbers?”

She laughed and gave him her cell phone, as he gave his to her. After exchanging numbers, she smiled up at the boy before her. “This could get messy – again.”

“It’s worth a shot, Callie.”

“If you say so. I have to get going, my band’s waiting for me. You should, uh, call me some time, Jordan.”

He nodded his head. “I will.”

He went to shake her hand and she went to give him a hug, and when they both realized their difference in actions, they laughed before pulling each other into a hug. His embrace was warm and was something that she hadn’t realized she missed. When they pulled away, they gazed into each other’s eyes one last time before she began to walk away.

She hadn’t expected that conversation. In fact, she expected him to be angry with her for the song and to walk away, but he’d surprised her.

Maybe it was the fact that they were both older now, and a bit more wiser, and had realized the mistakes they had made in their pasts.

But, having forgiven him, she found herself willing to be his friend again. And, if it just so happened that they turned into something more in the future, then so be it.

Jordan had always been her weakness, and time hadn’t changed that.