Dressed up in Faded Costumes

Mom didn’t come home last night. I was practically afraid now. It was 5 in the morning and I’ve only slept for 3 hours; because I was waiting for at least a squeak from the front door… But nothing. I called my mom a few times and there was probably no service from where she was at. I walked downstairs, carrying a blanket and my cellphone and I lied down on the couch. I looked up at the ceiling and waited for my mom to at least call back.
Before I could even think of another thought, the house phone rang and I answered it without even a second passing.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Michelle? Why are you awake?” it was mom who called and she didn’t really expect that I answer the phone considering the time.
“I was waiting for you to come home. Are you okay?”
“Well, honey, I’m fine. Now, I want you to call Richard—I’m pretty sure he’s awake. Just knock on his door. It’s okay.”
“What’s going on?”
“I want you to call Richard now dear,” she said trying to sound brave like she always does.
I stood up holding the phone and when I turned around, I saw Uncle Richard on the staircase; leaning against the wall and looking at me. I gave him the phone as he walked back into the living room and I sat down on the stairs—waiting for a different reaction on my uncle’s face.
After 3 minutes, when my uncle had hung up the phone, I walked towards him and asked him.
“Is there something wrong with mom?” I asked.
He told me to sit down and that was when I started to really worry.
“There’s nothing wrong with your mom,” he said. “Now, just as your mother had instructed me, I have to make you go upstairs and go back to bed.”
“What’s wrong then?” I said feeling angry now that no one would tell me what’s going on. “If nothing’s wrong with my mom, then what is going on?”
My uncle gave out a good exhale and told me, “If you won’t listen, then I’d just want you to go up to your room and stay there.”
I just looked at him with tears starting to brim my eyes. I stomped my way upstairs to my room and stayed on my bed. Who was I to think that my uncle had changed within a matter of a few hours? That he would just suddenly be nice… I cried on my bed—knowing that I knew nothing of what wrong was happening to my family for all I knew.
I stayed in my bed and I waited until my uncle would return to his room, which was right beside mine. I heard him enter and he was on his phone, thinking that he was still talking to mom.
I listened to my uncle’s part of their conversation.
“I’ll arrange for a flight to Minneapolis right now. I’ll be there in the afternoon.” Uncle said, tearing up but staying strong. “Keep mom stable, okay? Dad’s gonna be okay.”
He hung up the phone, and by the time I noticed that I’d already walked to his door, he was looking at me and I was crying—because I practically knew what was going on.
“Michelle,” Uncle said.
“What’s wrong with grandpa?” I said strongly but crying.
“Everything will be okay.”
“What’s wrong with grandpa?” I asked again.
“Dad… is in the hospital. He’s not in the best condition and I’m flying over to Minneapolis in a few. Your mom is already there.”
I burst out more tears. “I’m going. I can’t just be helpless here…” I ran to my room and got my suitcase and just threw in whatever clothes I could find in my closet.
I kept crying as I thought about the fact that I could lose the person that made me strong all my life… without even being by his side. It scared me.
I changed my clothes, brushed my hair, put on some shoes but still my eyes were puffy and my cheeks were stained. I couldn’t get the fear out of my head.
It was six o’clock now and when I went to check on my uncle, he had already called the airline company and got us two tickets. We barely spoke to each other the whole time. When I was ready and so was Uncle Richard, it was time to wake Lea up.
“Lea,” I said, shaking her up a bit. “I want you to change into your school clothes and get some of your favorite stuff. ‘Kay, dear?”
“Why are you crying?” she asked.
“This is nothing,” I told her faking a smile. “You’ll be sleeping over at Aunt Liz’s for a few days okay?”
She simply nodded at me and went on to fix herself. After she was done with changing her clothes she told me she was ready to leave.
We went downstairs and I told my uncle to go on ahead to the airport, taking with him my suitcase, and I’d follow after I get Lea to where at least I could leave her with people not only I trust, but to people my whole family trusts.
Uncle went on, and I walked my way to Liam’s house holding Lea’s hand all the way.
I rang the doorbell and Aunt Liz answered the door.
“Oh, what’s wrong, Hannah?” she said.
“Uhm, I just want to ask a huge favor, Aunt Liz,” I said holding back tears.
“Anything, dear.”
“I’m sorry for really bothering, but, can you take in Lea for a few days?” I asked seeing Leila and her younger sister Melina peeking from the kitchen. “I have to get back to Minneapolis… today.”
“What’s going on? Can I do anything to help?”
“That’s very nice of you, Aunt Liz; taking in Lea would be much more than what I can ask for. I can give you the keys to the house so you can get her clothes. I’m sorry I didn’t give a heads-up on this. My trip was really unexpected.”
“No problem. If you need anything else and if you want to check on how Lea’s doing, just give me a call, okay?” she said. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk abou…”
“I’m fine. Thank you once again for this. I’m sorry for causing you trouble.”
Aunt Liz gave me a hug. I bent down to Lea’s level and gave her a kiss on the forehead and whispered something in her ear.
“Be good, okay? I love you, bug.” I hugged her tightly and waved my hand to say goodbye.
I mouthed the words “Thank you” to Aunt Liz as I walked away. Even if I heard Leila call me, I didn’t turn my head around anymore. I didn’t want her to see that I was crying. In fact, I never did want anybody see me cry. I was kind of selfish that way… I didn’t want people to see how vulnerable I could be.
I kept walking until I finally saw a cab. It was close to 7 by then, and it wasn’t that long of a drive from LAX. I was tearing up the whole way. My phone rang in the middle of the cab ride.
“Hello? *sniffs*”
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Liam?”
“You didn’t tell me you were leaving.”
“It’s only for a few days.”
“Still.”
“I’ll be back,” I told him. “I promise.”
“And are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I said.
“Lying won’t help. The cracking voice doesn’t cover for you.”
“Look,” I said, having the stress and worry get to me. “You are not my mom, and I don’t have to tell you everything and everywhere I go. I’m not even your girlfriend! You shouldn’t be wasting your time on me. I’m sorry, I have to go.”
I hung up on him, shut off my phone and I seemed to cry even more.
“Something wrong, miss?” the nice Italian cab driver asked.
“Family things,” I told him.
“Well, I shouldn’t be messing with private stuff then. Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end,” he said smiling at me from the rearview mirror.
He said it in a way that made me smile a bit. His accent made it unforgettable.
When I got to the airport, I called my uncle via cell, and made our way step-by-step to Minneapolis from there. We went straight from the airport to the hospital where grandpop was. I was almost running entering the ICU. My mom was sleeping on the chair beside the bed. You could see in her eyes that she had been crying too much as well.
Seeing all the machinery stuck to him, and the tubes that went everywhere made it seem like an episode of House M.D.
“Grandpa?” I whispered while I held his hand in mine.
I just couldn’t keep myself from crying.
“Grandpa?” I said again.
A nurse came in to check on him and I asked him frantically “Nurse, why, why can’t he hear me?!”
“Calm down, miss,” the nurse told me.
That was the time when my mom woke up and she held my shoulders and I just asked even more.
“Hush, dear,” she said calming me down, and crying herself.
I slowly just couldn’t take it, and I shrunk to the floor. My mom kept comforting me as I just stared up at my grandpa on the hospital bed. I felt more helpless than when I was still in LA.
“I’m sorry, but there are too much people inside the room, and I need to send two out,” the nurse said.
I didn’t break my stare as I stood up and walked closer to grandpop. My tears wouldn’t stop coming.
My uncle walked to grandpop and gave him a kiss on the forehead. Mom did the same and whispered “I love you” into his ear. The both of them left me there and the nurse didn’t bother.
“Grandpa?” I said, waiting for a reply that seemed non-existent. His eyes were closed, and his hands were cold. “Can you hear me?”
I was sitting on the chair beside his bed, and I already knew what was to happen. I stayed there by his side.
I told him stories about how life was in LA, about the things he missed when he wasn’t around, and even though his eyes were kept closed, I hoped he was listening to every word I said. Every now and then, a nurse would come and check on him and each one that left stared at me. I didn’t let it bother me. At the time, the only thing important was grandpop.
I laid down my head next to his arm and told him, “I love you.”
My tears flowed even harder than before and I couldn’t say another word. I simply couldn’t. Mom, grandmom and Uncle Richard were waiting outside the room and I could see them clearly through the glass walls. I’ve never really been in that kind of situation until then… And I never really wanted to be there ever again.
When I heard the flat line, I kind of knew that it was coming; and even though, it was probably the hardest thing to do—see the person who made you who you are pass away in front of you.
As my mom, grandmom and uncle came into the room, sobbing up; I kept my stare at my grandpop who was a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) patient. It made me frustrated that I can never tell him that I was grateful for the things that he’d taught me. Now I’ll never have a chance.