The Sadness Will Never End.

As clique as it sounds I had everything I ever dreamed of. My music career I had worked so hard for, my clothing line that was a whim of one of my thoughts and the looks to make any girl melt. Happy life right? For heavens sake everyone wanted to be me! But in my reality, apart from what everyone gathered from me like, that I was a wild child with no care for anything besides himself and the classic, he clearly has no problems in the world because he has everything. Yet if that was true I wouldn't be here drinking myself into a coma for the third night in a row. I wasn't doing it because it was the 'cool' thing to do but because I couldn't bare the night without it. When the dark set in and the world was quiet my thoughts couldn't control themselves. My loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks and it became too much to bare. Alcohol was the escape from the ache in my chest that took over. I had everything in the world and yet I was miserable. How was that possible? I guess it was like that saying goes, 'money can't buy you happiness.' If it could I'd buy someone who got me. Yes, I'm aware how emo that sounded. I took a swig of the bottle of vodka I had totted to my bunk. The thoughts were still too much so I knew I had to keep drinking. The tour had in fact started a week ago and I knew the guys were already fed up with me. My anger, my alcoholism, my moods. I don't blame them, I'd be fed up too. I was startled by my curtain being swung open and Jona, one of my best friends and the guitarist of our band standing their staring at me.

"Hi?"

"Look. My cousin is coming out to the show tomorrow and I'd appreciate it if you weren't drunk off your ass and disrespectful." He spat out and I stared up at him blankly.

"Got it?"

"Sure. Ok. Fine. Sober I'll be." I said with a grin and he grabbed the bottle from me.

"Go to fucking sleep. You're a disaster Oliver you need to get your shit together." He warned as he closed the curtain forcefully.

I groaned and fell onto my pillow as I placed my hands over my ears trying to rid my brain of everything so I could sleep just once. I drifted in and out of consciousness for hours until finally someone opened my curtain and Jona stood there yet again, "Get ready we have to set up." He said and I climbed out of my bunk tired and miserable.

I dragged myself to my bag and changed clothes, throwing a beanie over my unruly hair. I walked to the bathroom to brush the alcohol from my mouth and splashed water on my face. I can do this. I repeated in my head as I placed my hands on the sink and stared at my tired self in the mirror. I didn't even recognize the boy staring back at me anymore.

"Oliver! Come On!" someone shouted from the front and I took a deep breath before heading out of the bathroom.

The sun was too bright for my liking and I shielded my eyes with my hand as I continued to follow the others to the venue.

"Jona!" someone yelled and I instantly went on guard. Fans were the first thing that popped into my head so my reaction was expected.

"Lizzy." He said just as loud and I looked over squinting as he picked up a petite girl who looked nothing like him.

That couldn't be his cousin could it? I watched him spin her around causing a cute laugh to escape her mouth.

"Put me down before I throw up jerk!"

"How did you get back here? I thought there was security?" Matty asked the small girl who smiled and Jona spoke for her, "don't underestimate Lizzy..."

"Yeah one time I got me and Jona into a club and we were only 16."

"Oh how?" Matty asked raising an eyebrow as I watched in pure curiosity I mean, what else was I going to do but go inside and wallow in pity.

"Bribery can get you a lot."

Jona and Matt laughed, "she bribed him with two ballet tickets."

"And that was a guy?"

"Well, he was gay clearly!"

I couldn't help but let a small laugh escape my lips. This girl had spunk.

"Oh, this is Oli." Jona stated and the girl's bright green eyes hit me and for some reason I got even more uncomfortable.

I gave her a small grin and she smiled, "Hi."

"We need to get inside before Lee comes out and kills us." Matty said and I nodded as Lizzy kept talking to Matty about something else her and Jona did a long time ago. Him and her must have met before and under that assumption I wonder why I haven't. I shoved my hands into my front pockets as my eyes tried to adjust from the bright sun to the dim lighting in the arena. I looked around boringly and walked over to the stage pulling myself up and laying down looking at the high ceiling above me.

"Brotha ya need ta cheer up yeh got a show to do soon." I heard and shot up to see my brother standing to the side with a grin.

"Tom!" I said smiling for the first time since we've been out. Tom usually came out to the states for a few shows but I wasn't expecting him so soon.

"Vegan called meh. What's goin on wif yeh?" he asked seriously as he sat down beside me concern hitting his blue eyes. Oh so this was a pity visit, got it...

"Nuffin." I mumbled with a sigh.

"Who do yeh fink yeh foolin?"

"Apparently not yeh." I said chuckling as I played with my shoe string.

"Is this about Emily?" he asked my ex's name hitting my ears causing me to wince, "No. Actually hadn't thought of her until juss now fanks."

He shrugged, "are yeh depressed?"

"Who ask someone if they're depressed?!" I asked throwing my hands up.

"People who seem depressed!"

"Well I'm not!"

"Right. You've been drinking a lot I hear."

"So me liking bloody alcohol makes meh depressed?!" I asked defensively as I stood up quickly.

"I'm just tryin to help yeh Oli." He said in a calm manner which just made me more angry.

"I don't need yeh help! In fact I don't need anyone! I wish everyone would juss let me be!" I yelled as I quickly walked away leaving Tom standing on the stage. I didn't even know where I was going in this place. I just needed fresh air and of course I couldn't find the exit so here I was hyperventilating in a hallway with nowhere to go. I slid down the wall pulling my knees to my chest and tried to slow my breathing as I rocked back in forth with my eyes closed. What's happening to me? When did I become such a mess? Somewhere between the partying, my horrible ex and my closed emotions it over came me. Maybe Tom was right. I'm sinking into a depression that I can't prevent.

"Just a few more steps and you would have found the exit." I heard and looked up to see Jona's cousin Lizzy leaning against the wall across from me.

"Come on." She said holding her hand out and the thought of the outside air and a cigarette filling my lungs was too strong so I grabbed her hand. She guided me around the corner and pushed opened a door revealing the front of the venue the sun setting slowly in the sky.

I breathed deeply and leaned against the wall closing my eyes tightly as my breath grew normal.

"Thank you." I whispered as I looked over at her and she gave me a grin, "No problem."

I quickly reached for my cigarettes and took one out quickly sliding it in my mouth. Of course nothing can go so easily. I felt around for my lighter and came up empty handed. I groaned and she held out a lighter for me.

"Yeh smoke?"

"Hell no."

"Then why do you have a lighter?"

"Most of my friends do and hearing them complain all the time about the same thing gets annoying."

I couldn't help but grin at her, "yeh a good friend then."

"Yeah. Pretty much."

I chuckled as I lit the cigarette and breathed in deeply letting the smoke fill my lungs. I sighed in relief as I gave her the lighter back.

"Fanks. Rellah. Yeh saved my life."

She chuckled and leaned against the wall, "if that's all it takes to save you than I'm jealous of your life."

I looked down at the ground briefly before looking back into her eyes, "I wish that's all it would take..."

Her eyes didn't falter from mine and I bit my lip ring nervously, "so....yeh um, live here in uh...where are we?" I asked seriously and she started laughing, "well, America."

"I know that much!"

"Virginia."

"Ah yes." I said chuckling.

"Glad to know you're so involved."

"I try my damnedest."

She grinned, "Yes I do live here."

"Next to the president?" I teased and she laughed, "Afraid not."

"Bummer. Yeh don't live next ta the president and yeh cousins wif Jona. Yeh life is more disappointing than mine!"

She giggled and the sound made me smile without thought. Which took me a bit by surprise.

"Jona's fun what are you talking about?" she asked as I threw my cig on the ground and blew out the last of my escape.

"Maybeh sometimes. How old are yeh?" I asked curiosity getting the best of me.

"22."

"Yeh look 12." I said teasingly all though she did look younger than she was.

"And you look 30."

My mouth dropped open, "do not."

"You will if you keep smoking." She said with a grin as she opened the door to go back in.

"Are you coming? I don't think you can sing from out here."

I grinned and grabbed the door from her, "afta yeh."

she walked in and I closed the door swiftly. Once we began to head down the hall way I began taking in things I didn't notice about her as we walked side by side. Like how she had a small stud in her nose and freckles that lit her cheek bones lightly. She was a cute girl there wasn't any denying it. Well, this was a distraction I hadn't expected...