The Sadness Will Never End.

It's not that I didn't want to talk to her. It's not like I didn't think about her every hour of every day because trust me, I did just that. But, I guess in reality my depression was my comfort. It was better to just face the stone cold facts then get my hopes up again. So that's what I did. Lizzy and I wouldn't ever work. There was so many forces making sure it wouldn't happen that I was convinced it was just a horrible attempt at a distraction. Not that I didn't want it to be more because if anything I wanted it to be real. But like I said, I'm done wasting time on things I'll never obtain. We talked briefly every other day but I knew she could tell I was holding back. Even over the phone I knew she could read me like she always did which just nerved me even more so I started ignoring the one girl's calls who I wanted so badly. Better to be disappointed now than later wouldn't you agree? By the time the tour was over and we were headed back to Sheffield I was completely miserable. Didn't help that Lizzy and I hadn't talked in weeks either. But like I said, it needed to happen now not later. And we all know that she would get tired of me eventually. Find someone better, someone who has themselves together unlike this mess I had become. She'd fix me and she'd be ready to leave as soon as she came and I knew I couldn't handle that. I didn't know much about what was going on with me but I knew that for a fact. Having her and then her leaving would hurt worse if we were together than it did simply as friends, if you'd call it that...

I sighed and closed my eyes as I leaned into my seat I was crammed into between Matty and Jona. One more hour and I'd be home. Away from my troubles and even further away from Lizzy. Gosh...Lizzy.... I got lost in day dreams of her until Jona punched my arm and I sat up quickly, "what's yeh deal?" I hissed.

"I could ask yeh tha same fing."

I rolled my eyes, "please. Leave me alone. Can I not have peace for one more bloody houa?"

"No."

I sighed, "what do yeh need?!"

"Why don't yeh talk ta Lizzy anymore?" he asked seriously and I groaned as I closed my eyes, pressing my palm against my forehead.

"I don't know. Juss happened."

"Bullshit. Yeh were fallin' arse ova tits for tha bird that juss doesn't go away all of a sudden!"

I shrugged and pulled my ipod from my pocket. I needed to drown him out soon.

"Fings change..."

"Yeah. Yeh." He mumbled and I shot him a look, "oh and she hasn't?"

"Nope."

I rolled my eyes and placed my headphones in my ears. I was over this conversation. I was over defending myself even though it truly was my fault. Then again, she didn't make a big effort either so I can't be completely to blame!
The flight seemed to last forever and once we landed I almost ran off the plane. I wanted to be in my apartment, with my brother, without Lizzy, without Jona constantly nagging me. Once I grabbed my bag and we all headed outside to find our ride I was about to dial Tom's number until I heard his loud ass mouth screaming from a van at us.
Typical.

The guys and I walked over and got in throwing our things in the back. I sat up front with Tom as we drove the guys home like a damn taxi. I just wanted to be home, in my house, in my bed, away from everyone and everything.

I sighed and leaned my head on the head rest as Tom chatted the guys up about tour.

"...and Liz?" Tom was saying and just her name made me alert. I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at Tom so I could pay attention to what was being said.

"Yeah. Oli ruined that." Matty spoke and I tightened my jaw to keep from snapping at him.

Tom looked over at me and I narrowed my eyes as I tried to breathe normally. Settle down Oli. I repeated to myself until Tom looked back at the road.

"See, Oli has a tendency to run from anyfing wofth havin' yeh know, when he gets scared he backs off, shuts down." Matty continued and I breathed in deeply. That was it...

"Matty! Shut tha fuck up! What the fuck do yeh know!" I yelled.

"That yeh an idiot! Yeh were happeh wif Lizzy and yeh juss frow it away! Do yeh like bein miserable?! Cause we're sick of it!" he said just as loud as we pulled up at Lee's house. He was awkwardly sitting between Matty and Jona and I could tell he was debating on even moving or not.

"Yeh know nuffin bout meh!"

"Really?! I know damn well yeh were happeh when she was wif us! So what? Jona jokes about and yeh take it serious and ditch her?! Tha bird basically told yeh she liked yeh when she kissed yeh in tha airport! Yeh such a bloke!"

"It isn't like that!" I said angrily and Lee quickly slid out of the door and Vegan mumbled, "oh I'm comin too." And he quickly slid out slamming the door shut behind him.

"Then how is it!"

"Why do yeh care?! If anyfing Matt be happeh! Yeh clearly fancy her so have at it!" I said through clinched teeth.

He laughed harshly, "yeah? Well, at least I wouldn't act like I was in grade school and juss fuckin' ignore her!"

Jona just sat there awkwardly I guess not wanting to get involved since it was his cousin. Tom hadn't even backed out of the driveway he was just staring at me as I felt rage filling my insides.

"Then again, she is fit so why not? I mean, I'd be betta than yeh for sure." He said calmly and Jona eyed him waiting for him to have a point or for me to snap I assume.

"And hey, if not...a good shag isn't a bad fing." He said with a shrug and I lost it. I lunged for him and if it wasn't for my seat belt that pushed me back as quickly as I moved I would have pounded his face in.

"Oliver!" Tom shouted as I tried to pull the fucking belt off me but it wouldn't even budge from the sudden impact I had caused on it.

"Get this fuckin' fing off meh. I'll fuckin' kill him!" I shouted angrily wiggling about my seat as if that'd help.

Jona sighed as if this was a joke. It wasn't a joke to me. How dare he talk about my Lizzy like she was some slag you just fuck for entertainment.

"Chill out mate he's lyin'." Jona stated and I was now breathing like a fucking maniac.

"Oh. Well I'm glad it's ok if he talks about yeh cousin like that. But I don't find it fuckin' funny."

"Why Oli? I mean, yeh clearly don't care bout her so..." Matt began. He really knew the right things to say didn't he?

"Shut tha fuck up! Yeh don't know what I care bout!" I seethed and he crossed his arms with no care in the world.

"Yeh know what? I'm gonna walk home. Cause if I look at Matt any longa I'll kill him." I said finally ending my struggle with the seat belt and flinging open the door.

"Oli..." Tom began and I cut him off, "No. Fuck yeh as well. Fanks for tha back up brotha." I snarled as I slammed the door so hard the window raddled. I didn't care. In fact I didn't care about any of them. Who needs them?! Not me.

Luckily, my house was only a block over so it only took me ten minutes to get there and even that wasn't enough time to cool me off and Tom was already here of course so I dragged myself into the house not bothering with my bags left in the car.

"Oliver." Tom said quickly standing up as I walked into the living room.

"Sod off." I mumbled and he sighed, "Oli, I'm sorrah. It was all juss so sudden and I didn't even know what tha hell all of this was comin from! I was in tha blood dark! Probably cause yeh can't call meh and let me know anyfing!" he said crossing his arms.

So now, not only was I angry but I felt a bit of guilt for not talking to Tom in so long.

"Tom. I juss don't feel like talkin righ' now. Ok?" I said softly and he nodded with a frown.

"I'm sorrah. I juss wanna sleep. I need ta fink." I said calmly.
I didn't want to snap at him. I knew none of this was his fault and I didn't want to burn the only good bridge I had left.

"Ok."

"Talk lata?"

He nodded, "sure."

I gave him a grin and quickly headed to my bed I've missed beyond comprehension. Of course once my head hit the pillow and my eyes closed Lizzy was the only thing consuming my thoughts. She was like my escape from reality. It was calming really. I eventually fell into a miserable sleep.