The Sadness Will Never End.

Clearly my sleep was short lived because when I woke up the sun was still shining. I rolled over and pulled the cover over my head. I didn't want to get out of bed. In fact I'd be content here forever. Just me, my bed and my thoughts of Lizzy. How demented does that sound?? I sighed and rubbed my eyes and questioned when I had eaten last. Which was just sad really. I realized it had been since last night and I made myself climb out of bed and slowly walk downstairs. I wasn't hungry but I knew I had to make myself eat something. I was already skinny I'm sure anorexic wouldn't be appealing.

"Yeh up." Tom said and I nodded as I opened the refrigerator.

"We need ta go shoppin'." I mumbled as I closed the door.

"Yeah I've been busy all week. Haven't had time."

I nodded and leaned against the counter, staring at my socks to ward off boredom.

"So what happened?" Tom asked cautiously and I shrugged as I stared at the floor. Looking at him would make it hard to tell the truth.

"I'm a coward." I mumbled.

"Since when?!"

I shrugged, "I dunno. She juss...she lives cross tha pond and I'm here and I knew if somefing happened between us I'd be attached to her...more than I was and I mean, it wouldn't work Tom. I'm here. She's there. Its juss...stupid ta avoid tha facts."

"Stupid ta not try."

"What's done is done." I mumbled, "can't go back now."

"No but it's not too late."

I chuckled, "yeh like her. So bloody optimistic it's annoyin'."

He smiled, "well its neva let meh down."

"Yeah..."

"Seems to me yeh were already attached..."

I sighed and looked up at him, "I was." I whispered before I bit my lip and looked back to the ground nervously. Admitting it just made it hurt that much more.

"Call her. She'll talk ta yeh. Truss me. I talk ta her..."

My eyes shot back up to his, "what?"

"Yeah. We chat 'casionally. No worries Oli, not tryin ta steal yeh bird." He said with a grin and I tugged on my hair lightly, "what yeh talk bout?"

"Yeh mostly."

"What bout meh?" I asked narrowing my eyes at him.

He shrugged of course and I sighed, "Not helpin' any."

"I am and yeh should listen ta meh for once!"

I groaned and closed my eyes, "I can't call her. She probably hates meh."

"Why? Yeh didn't do anyfing."

"I stopped callin' her, answerin' her phone calls. Yeh know how much of a jerk fing that is ta do!"

He shrugged, "she'll forgive yeh if yeh juss explain. Does she seem like tha type to hold a grudge?"

"Well, no..."

"Exactly. Juss try. What do yeh have ta lose? I mean, yeh need someone like her Oli. She's good for yeh and she fancies yeh a lot."

"Does she?"

Tom nodded with a grin, "don't tella I told yeh...which I mean, how yeh didn't know, I'll neva undastand. When a bird kisses yeh usually means she likes yeh..."

I shrugged, "I thought so I juss...let everyone get ta meh like a fuckin' idiot..."

"Yeh like her?" he asked and I nodded.

"Call her."

"I can't."

"Yeah? Well betta decide quick...Bird will be here any day." He said patting my shoulder and walking out. Wait...what? I quickly ran after Tom and he turned around as I grabbed his arm.

"Her? Here? When?" I managed to get out. So what... I couldn't form complete sentences, but at this point he was lucky he got that. The thought of seeing her caused my stomach to go into a nervous fit.

"Oli, she comes here durin' tha summa."

"Fought that was in like a monf!"

"Yeah, well she's comin two weeks early. Yeh'd know that if yeh'd called her."

I sighed and pushed my hands in my pockets, "I could juss wait and talk ta her when she gets here."

"Right. Like that will make it betta."

I frowned, "I don't want her here."

"Well too bad. She's been here every summa since she was 15 and yeh neva knew she was, so pretend like she's not."

I stared at him as the words left his mouth. She's been here for years. Right down the road and I never knew. It was just a strange feeling and for some reason I was feeling like I missed out on years with her. I mean, wonder how things would be if we met back then. It was a strange thought...

"I can't do that. Knowin' she's right down the road will fuckin' drive meh mental. Like, I would feel different because she was so close...it's hard ta explain..."

He smiled, "yeh love tha bird."

I rubbed my arm as I bit my lip and focused on the clock on the wall behind Tom.

"I...I juss..." I fumbled nervously as I felt my stomach turn into knots. I didn't love her. I mean...no...it was too soon for that shit...right?...I mean, I've been in love once before...I think...either way, that didn't end right, but it sure as hell didn't happen in just a 3 month time.

I breathed in deeply and he patted my arm, "yeh do mate."

"I mean...I can't love her...I barely love mehself these days..." I mumbled.

"Reallah? So yeh fink juss cause yeh not happeh wif yehself yeh can't love someone?" he asked crossing his arms.

"...I dunno...I juss..."

"Yeh love her. Admit it. I bet when yeh see her yeh get all nervous and shit and yeh can't help put watch her even if she's 'cross tha room and when somefin happens she's tha first person yeh want ta call, huh?" Tom asked with a grin.

"Oh so now I'm gettin' love advice from my little brotha?"

"Hey, I've been in a relationship for bloody two yeas I fank I can! And if yeh feel that way yeh bloody love tha girl cause it's how I feel wif Holly."

"Awe." I said grabbing him in a head lock and he groaned trying to pull away as I rubbed my hand into his hair.

I chuckled as I let him go and he pushed me, "bloke." He mumbled.

"I'll fink of somefin Tom..." I stated knowing he was going to ask again.

"When will she be here?" I asked and he shrugged, "a day or two. I'm not sure. Hadn't talked ta her all week cause I was doin'..."

"Holly." I said cutting him off.

"Piss off! I had photo shoots yeh arse!" he yelled and I laughed, "right well...bring Holly ova soon. Hadn't seen her in foreva. I'm sure she has lots ta tell meh of embarassin fings yeh've done while I'm gone."

He rolled his eyes and I smiled, "aren't yeh glad I'm home?"

"Not anymore. Yeh gonna call Matty and apologize?"

My face grew serious at his words, "what? Fuck no. He should apologize. I didn't do anyfing wrong."

"He was juss tryin ta get a rise out of yeh."

"Well good for him. He did. And now I'm pissed off."

He sighed, "ok. I guess one damn fing at a time..."

Yeah. First thing; Lizzy.