Sooner Than Later, I'll Need a Saviour

When I woke up later that afternoon, around noon, I lifted my head. Looking over I saw the spot Alice had occupied empty. I frowned, pushing myself to a sitting position. I didn’t see Alice anywhere.

“Alice?” I called, walking to the separator. There was absolutely nowhere she could be hiding in the one room studio. I walked over to where a neat pile of clothes was. All the clothes she had used was here, even the clothes I told her to keep. I sighed, sitting down on the couch in defeat. I ran a hand through my hair. What did I expect? Street girls never changed, not even for guys like me.

I couldn't wallow in self pity since my phone went off. I forced myself to stand and head over to my cell phone. I barely looked at the number before flipping it open. “Hello?”

“Zacky, my man!” A voice boomed. I plopped down in my computer chair, mind elsewhere.

“Hey Quinn.” Quinn was a common client. He was the singer of some local screamo band. They were trying their hardest to get known. I had my hopes in them. They were a great band, they would get signed and get places.

“You know how you’re, like, the greatest man to ever walk the Earth?” Quinn said, kissing ass. There were times I wondered about Quinn even though I had met his girlfriend multiple times.

“Spit it out Quinn,” I chuckled.

“Can you come and be our photographer tonight?” He asked it so quickly it took me a moment to decipher the question. I had to think about it. It was Wednesday, no one I had scheduled to meet today. After a few moments Quinn began to beg. “Please man? I’ll do anything! Give head, if I have to.”

“Whoa, whoa.” Yeah, I definitely need to watch my back around him. Well, apparently my front too. “It’s not that big of a deal. I’ll do it.”

“Thank you so much Zacky!” Quinn cried.

“So you get to stay a mouth virgin?” I heard his brother, Derek, call sarcastically in the background. I heard Quinn say something smart back as he covered the mouth piece on his cell.

“Okay, meet at Johnny’s at six. We can all head over to the venue from there,” Quinn chirped excitedly.

“Okay Quinn. It’s a deal.” With that I just hung up. I should feel guilty on doing that to such kind friend, but I wasn’t in the mood for guilt. I was still sulking about Alice like a five year old. At least I had the balls to admit it. I climbed off my chair to strip down to be as naked as the day I came out of my mother’s womb. I needed a damn shower.

Once I emerged with a towel wrapped around my waist I paused in the middle of my room. Now what? That was a dumb question. I get dressed and try to find Alice before I meet up with Quinn and the rest of Papercut Kiss. Creative name for an interesting 'scene' band, as they're called nowadays. As I pulled on boxers my phone went off again. I sighed, picking up the phone without reading the ID.

“House of gynecologist’s son, how may I help you?”

“That’s one of the most interesting answers you’ve offered,” Matt chuckled on the other end of the line. My eyes widened at my brother’s voice.

“Oh shit, Mattie! I - uh - fuck, I wouldn’t have said that if I knew it was you.” I ran a hand through my hair nervously. I didn’t know why I was trying to explain myself so desperately to my little brother. This should be one of those things we laugh off and kid about, not something that makes me feel awkward. I guess this is just a sign my brother and I weren’t as connected as I wanted to believe.

“Its fine Zack.” But the way he laughed it off made me know, no, it wasn’t okay. Our father was something never spoken of. Though he may be loved by our dad - though it was little he showed it - doesn’t mean Mattie liked him back. Our mother was the one thing holding us together growing up. Once she passed away from breast cancer, well, nothing was ever ‘normal’. Then Courtney - the woman we had to refer to as ‘Mom’ - came and she was just hell.

“What did you need?” I asked after a few moments of silence.

“Oh. I was just wondering if you would want to meet up. I have a day off and Jill is at work.” I bit my lip, wondering. I could always find Alice later. Wait, concert. I sighed. “Unless you’re busy..”

“No, no. I would love to. How about the shopping center on Main? Devin’s?” The diner was the only place I could think of. Mattie didn’t seem to mind.

“Sure thing. Twenty minutes?” I calculated in my head. Yeah, I could get ready and walk there in twenty.

“Sure.” We said our goodbyes and hung up. Alice will be somewhere with Candy tomorrow, I was sure of it. I pulled on some black jeans, a black Misfits shirt, and some black Vans. I ran a comb through my hair after towel drying it before scooping up my keys and pack of smokes. I left my apartment, locking the door, before hurrying into the elevator.

I didn’t even bother acknowledging Layla as I hurried outside. She wasn’t going to hate me any less after yesterday just by me smiling at her. Okay, maybe she would, but I was too busy to deal with her. I had to get across town in ten minutes. I arrived, just as my brother pulled up in his Charger. Top of the line, but he had been smart and invested his money, unlike me.

“Mattie!” I called, a bright smile on my face. He returned it, walking forward so we could embrace. After we broke apart we made a beeline, instead, to the coffee shop two stores over. After we each got our own cup, we sat outside in the fenced in patio filled with other tables.

“How have you been, bro?” Mattie asked me.

I shrugged. “Same old. How about you? School not boring you too bad?”

He let his eyes trail away as he took a sip from his cup before placing it back on the table. He dug into his hoodie pocket to produce a pack of Marlboros. He offered me one and I gladly accepted. He didn’t answer until we both had a drag of our own smokes. “Not exactly.”

“What do you mean?” I asked curiously, my head tilting to the side. Mattie studied his cigarette intensely as he took another pull. Mattie was never one to beat around the bush, something he had - unfortunately - picked up from our father.

You have to speak directly or they’ll take that moment of hesitation as weakness. You can’t be weak. That was our father’s favorite phrase. Right before, why did your retched mother have to leave me with you two?

“I finished school Monday.” I narrowed my eyes in confusion. No one had told me anything.

“When’s graduation?”

“It was yesterday,” he said softly.

“What?” I had missed my baby brother’s graduation? Given he was only a year younger than me, but he was incredibly smart. He had entered school as soon as he graduated high school and finished all his schooling in the three years instead of four. “Why didn’t you let me know?”

“I did. I sent you a text and when you didn’t reply I sent you an email since you said you always checked your mail. I sent it to you Monday and a reminder yesterday morning,” Mattie informed. My face fell. I didn’t get the text, that I knew, but I didn’t check my email. Stupid fucking me.

“Was Dad or Courtney there?” I asked quietly.

“Long enough to hear my name. Dad left with her following before I had even finished walking across. He just wanted proof I was a forensic scientist like I told him. But it’s okay, I’m used to it. I had my friends,” Mattie replied, trying to shrug it off.

Mattie shouldn’t have to be used to it. Our family should gather together long enough to celebrate him passing onto his dream. He had always wanted science related stuff growing up, nothing else. I had missed his high school graduation from partying and forgot it. Now I missed his college graduation because I was with…Alice. I buried my face in my hands, tears burning the back of my eyes.

“Congrats, bro,” I struggled out. I knew what I said didn’t mean shit. I was the worst brother to walk the Earth.

“Thanks. But seriously, don’t beat yourself up. It’s - ”

“Don’t you dare - ” I slammed my fist on the table, making Mattie stop talking and getting a few people’s attention at my loud outburst. I brought my voice down and tried to stay as calm as possible. “Please, Mattie, don’t sit here and lie to me saying it’s fine. It’s your fucking graduation.” I forced out a dry chuckle. “It’s one of the most important things to be there for, and I failed you.”

Mattie stayed silent for a little, watching the cigarette I had dropped burn away on the table. He put out his own in the ashtray sitting between us on the table. I didn’t take my eyes from the table, too ashamed of myself. “Okay, I won’t lie to you. But Zacky, that’s not the reason I brought you here.”

“Then why did you?” I muttered, taking a sip from my drink. “I know it’s not to just have coffee together.”

“No, it’s not.” He took an unsteady breath which made me look up. He was now studying the coffee cup he was sliding back and forth on the table. “Jill and I are moving to Long Beach.”

“What?” I was hurt. My brother was moving away? So soon after graduation?

“During my schooling we had a trainer from a place over in Long Beach come and help us. He liked how I caught on quickly and wanted me to take a job in Long Beach. There is already an apartment he looked into for us and Jill is excited. She wanted to become a tattoo artist and there are more opportunities in Long Beach.”

I was at a loss for words. He was the last real family that gave a damn about me and here he was leaving? I shook my head, angry at myself. I was being selfish. He had a chance to make something of his life, do what he loves. What right did I - his brother who could even show up to a graduation - have to hold him back?

“That’s great!” He looked up at me, confusion trying to hide in his eyes at my happy face. “I wish you the best of luck.”

“But - ” I shook my head.

“No buts. You get out there and should them what Matt Baker can do!” He continued to stare at me blankly for a moment before a smile slowly crept across his face. We both stood and gave each other a long hug.

“Thank you Zacky. I will call you whenever I can. I need to head home to tell Jill, get Johnny to move in with Jimmy, and call Pete back.” He gave me one last hug before getting in his Charger and taking off. I ran a hand through my hair and, as pussy like as it sounds, had to hold back tears. Worst brother in history. I abandoned my coffee cup on the table and slowly made my way back home.