Is the 'I Love You' Worth It?

It’s eleven o’clock at night. Nurse Abby has come to check on me twice and I haven’t really gone anywhere. So much for being in and out in a short amount of time. Tre’s curled up at the bottom of the bed asleep like a puppy. For the first time since we got here, it’s quiet, but not a good type of quite. It feels so sterile and blank in the room. Well, it is a hospital I guess, so it’s supposed to be that way. I really hope I don’t have to be her for very long, but chances of that seem to be really slim. All I heard about through the past nine months was how my mother was in labor with my sister for 36 hours and how someone else was in it for some other ridiculous amount of time. I’m starting to worry that tings aren’t progressing like they should be. I look up to check the time just as nurse Abby comes through the door with a woman wearing scrubs in tow.
“Lisea, this is Dr. Murphy,” she says. God, it’s about time. I got here at sometime after six and I haven’t seen a doctor yet until now. It must have been a busy day. Either that, or Tre chose the most incompetent hospital to take me to.
“Hello,” I say trying to sound confident. “Abby tells me you’re not progressing,” Dr. Murphy says glancing down at Tre, who I can tell is now completely in the way. I nod, scared of what that might mean. I’ve seen some horrific metal objects being used on TV shows, and I want to avoid those at all costs.
“So,” she continues, “We’re going to give you another half an hour and if you’re water doesn’t break, we’re going to have to do it for you.”
I nod again, knowing if I speak, I’m going to lose it and start crying. I’m sure one of those Torquemada- type metal instruments is going to be employed for that procedure. Right away, I decide I don’t like Dr. Murphy.
When the doctor leaves, Abby sits on Tre’s stool.
“Don’t worry,” she says, seeing how freaked out I am. “If you do need that, it won’t hurt. It’ll feel weird, but-“
Tre stirs at the bottom of the bed, before sitting up and rubbing his eyes. After a few seconds, he clears his throat and says,
“I take it it’s not close to being time to leave.”
“Not even,” nurse Abby answers. “There’s a chance we’re going to have to break her water.”
Tre gives her a confused look an slides off the bed.
“Ill return in half an hour to check with Dr. Murphy,” Abby says heading for the door. “For now, try and relax.”
Tre sits on the stool and spins around lazily.
“I’m nervous,” he says staring over rat the in room bathroom. I hate it when he does that. He’ll be talking to one person, but looking at someone or something else. For some reason, I’m finding it particularly annoying right now. The longer this half an hour goes, the more anxious and agitated I get. I wish this baby would just cooperate. It feels like it’s going against me. Out of frustration, I kick off the scratchy, sterile blankets. Tre looks at me, startled.
“I don’t want to be here anymore,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Me either,” he says, relaxing, probably glad we have something in common about the situation. From the next room, we hear a woman let out a horrific shriek, as if Satan himself were in there playing OB/GYN. I sink back into the pillows and Tre shoots me a wide eyed look. He opens his mouth to say something, but snaps it shut before sound can escape it. And I have to agree with his reaction. There is so much I’m not looking forward to.
***

The half an hour is up and nothing has happened. Abby comes back with the doctor, giving me a hopeful look. While Dr. Murphy, checks me out, Tre makes a beeline for the in-room bathroom.
“He hasn’t noticed that yet, huh?” Nurse Abby says with a laugh, taking a seat on Tre’s stool. I shake my head. I appreciate her attempts to be calm, but I’m just this side of twitching, I’m so nervous.
“It looks like we’re going to have to break your water,” Dr. Murphy says as she gets up and goes to a line of cabinets on the adjacent wall. Tre pokes his head out of the bathroom door and zips over to my side, averting his eyes.
“What does that mean?” he whispers, though I’m not sure who to.
“It means,” Abby jumps in, I’m so grateful for her willingness to explain. “That she’s not dilated enough to move the baby along.” Tre nods, rubbing his hands together nervously. Dr. Murphy returns to the end of the bed with what looks like an oversized crochet hook. Suddenly, my nervousness skyrockets and I look desperately over to Abby, who gives me a reassuring smile.
“Don’t worry. This is much more common then you’d think,” she says before being interrupted by the doctor’s pager going off.
“It looks like they need me in the ER,” she says switching it off, handing the scary crochet hook to nurse Abby and leaving the room in a rush. The sound of the door latching echoes eerily off the walls as if impending doom were upon us. I laugh at my hysterics. It can’t be that bad if it’s common. But then again, heart attacks are common.
Tre and Abby switch places. He’s studying the crochet hook thing intently. Hesitantly, he croaks,
“can I watch?”
I smack his arm as hard as I can. “No!” I yelp, glaring at him.
“But what’s she-“ he asks, but I cut him off.
“Just sit here, okay? I don’t need you flitting all over the room.”
His eyes drop to the floor and he mouths, ‘sorry.’ Abby settles down at the foot of the bed.
“Now this is going to feel odd, but it shouldn’t hurt. And it will really help with hurrying the baby along so you two can get out of here.”
“Okay,” Tre says, sighing and playing with a corner of the bed sheet.
“So,” Abby says, lifting the sheet up. I can feel my pulse pounding and I’m not 100 percent sure my heart isn’t going to beat through my rib cage. I’m sure Tre would find that ‘cool’. I don’t like that I can’t see what she’s doing. I hate not knowing what’s going on. I’m pretty sure that’s why I hate the dentist so much. Abby continues,
“Do you know what the baby’s going to be?”
Tre bursts out laughing. I find this particularly annoying at the moment, so I give him a glare.
“It’s not funny,” I mumble. His hand flies to his mouth, trying to cover his giggles. He recovers, biting on his lip to keep from exploding again.
“Girl,” I sigh, twitching a little as Abby begins the procedure.
“is that what you were hoping for?” she says, looking up and smiling.
“We don’t really care,” Tre says, craning his neck to see what she’s doing.
“Oh, well that’s nice then. Do you have a name picked out?”
“She’s trying to distract you,” Tre whispers and I thwack him for being so obvious.
“I think we decided on Ramona,” I say trying my best to ignore my moronic boyfriend. Sometimes I truly wonder how I got mixed up with him. I guess he’s not always this annoying. He’s normally not, in fact. I just have to keep telling myself that he’s just as nervous as I am, and that his nervousness comes out as annoying. Really annoying.
“That’s pretty,” Abby says. “How did you pick it out?”
“Well,” I begin
There’s a whooshing sound as Abby breaks my water and I look to Tre for a sign that everything’s fine. I’d love to hear on of the frantic ‘it’s going to be okay’s he was spewing when we first got here, but instead he twists his mouth and nose up into a look that’s both intrigued and grossed out at the same time.
“Okay,” Abby says, putting the crochet hook thing down and yarding a large ultrasound machine over. “That didn’t hurt did it?”
“Not at all, I manage to squeak. Abby smiles, but I’m not sure if it’s at me or Tre trying not to be obvious as he’s craning his neck to see what produced such a whoosh. He can be so child like. She rubs that clear jelly conductor stuff on my belly to take an ultra sound.
“So, how did you pick the name?” Abby says, making small talk.
“Well, we’d thought about it for a while, but we weren’t sure and couldn’t really decide,” I say.
“Yeah, and then we were at Barns and Noble’s one day in the bird watching section, which also happened to be near the kids section,” Tre continues for me.
“The bird watching section?” Abby asks with a quizzical look on her face.
“It's one of the things we do,” I say, laughing a little. "We try to find the most random books we can." With the pressure of my water breaking or not breaking out of the way, I’m feeling a little more at ease. A little. Abby nods.
"An interesting thing to do together," She chuckles.
"Well, when you're pregnant, you kind of have to change your activities," I say sighing a little.
"That's true," she says.
"Yeah, it's not like you can dumpster dive when you're sticking out to here," Tre says holding his hands out in front of him. Abby laughs. I can only imagine what she's thinking.
Anyway, " I begin again before being interrupted. Again.
“Yeah, so I went around the other side of the thing to see what was on the other side. And I called her over when I found some weird books,” Tre blathers on.
“I went around the corner to see what he wanted,” I say. “and as I was walking over to him, something startled me and I turned to see what it was, and my stomach knocked into a display of ‘Ramona the Pest’.”
Nurse Abby laughs.
“It was kismet,” she says.
We’re quiet for a while as Abby studies the screen of the ultrasound.
“is everything okay?” Tre asks, propping his head up with his fists. I sigh, glad that he was the one to ask. Abby’s eyes fix on the screen as she glides the wand around to find the baby. She locates her and jots down some notes on my records. The baby looks good to me, and her heart beat sounds the same as it always does at checkups. I have to wonder why she’s not answering. She wipes the jelly off my stomach.
“Mm-hmm,” she says, all smiles. “Everything’s perfect.”
Okay, I really need to stop psyching myself out. I always do that, and making an effort to be calm can sometimes exasperate it. I always assume the worst.
I’m snapped out of my thoughts by Tre wiggling on the stool and shaking my arm gently.
“Hmm?” I ask lazily. Another contraction strikes and I let out a yelp.
“What, what?” he says, slipping off the stool to his feet, ready to bolt. I shake my head through the pain and before I can answer, he says.
“I’ll go get the nurse!” and shoots out the door, slamming it behind him and making the windows rattle. I huff out my breath. Why does he have to overreact to everything? He never can make things simple. All I need is for him to be here for me, sit, preferably quiet, next to me and hold my hand. That’s all I want.
Abby and two other nurses I don’t recognize come busting through the door.
“Nothing’s happening,” I say, folding my arms across my shest. Abby glances at Tre who trails in behind them.
“Nothngs’s happening,” I say to him as he skids over to my bedside. I think he can tell I’m irked by his overreaction.
“But you-“ he starts but Abby cuts him off.
“It’s a good thing that you came and got us, but I think next time you should wait for Lisea to tell you to get us.”
Tre nodsand the nurses file out.
“I’m not fond of her, “ Tre says, plopping down on the side of the bed.
“You’re not fond of her?” I repeat.
He shakes his head. “She always talks to me like a little kid. I’s annoying.”
I hold back smacking him.
“She treats you that way because you act that way,” I say, sighing. He doesn’t answer.
***
Six hours pass. Six very long, very painful, very boring hours. The nurses come in every hour or so, but we’re mainly left alone to amuse ourselves. The sterile room offers little entertainment, except when I accidentally leaned on the button in the bathroom that calls what seams to be the entire nursing staff on this floor.
“Hey again,” Abby says cheerfully as she comes through the door. “I’m just here to check you.”
Last time she checked I was eight centimeters.
“Almost there,” she says pulling the sheet back down.
“How long?” Tre asks, sleepily propping his head up.
“Not very,” Abby says clicking the door shut. Silence. I hate silence. I look over to rew.
“do you want to call people? He asks
“What?”
“Do you want me to call people, like Billie Joe and Mike or whatever?” he says fidgeting with my IV tube.
“Don’t do that,” I swat his had away. “Why don’t you wait a little bit?"
"Okay," he sighs audibly and spinning on the chair.