Is the 'I Love You' Worth It?

A week later, we're driving around looking for houses for sale. We decided that the best thing to first buy with the Dookie money, would be a house for us and the baby. Actually, it was Tré's idea.

"What about that one?" Tré says pointing to a little fourties style house.

"I don't know," I say biting my lip. "It looks pretty small."

"Yeah," he says. "Plus, this neighborhood seems a little too suburban for me."

I laugh. "I know."

"I'm starting to think that we should wait until I get back before we should look," he says pulling out of the neighborhood.

"I thought we were just browsing," I say.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Hey, you were the one who wanted to come looking, remember?"

"Yeah," he says.

"So I don't want to hear it," I say.

"God, mood swing," he mumbles under his breath.

"I heard that," I say.

"Sorry," he laughs. "It's just you are having them more and more."

"I'm pregnant! What do you want from me?"

"Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you have to freak out at me. I didn't do anything."

"I didn't ask to be knocked up," I mumble.

"You should have used birth control then."

"What?" I say.

"I said you should have used birth control then," he barks.

"I cannot believe you just said that," I snap at him.

"Well, do you think I asked to be in this situation?"

"You are the one who can't keep it in his pants! Oh my god, I was so afraid this was going to happen," I yell.

"What was going to happen?"

"That you'd do this. Blame me for getting pregnant."

"Well-"

I cut him off, "No. It's not only my fault. You were there too."

"Yeah, but-"

"No. If you didn't want a baby you should have worn a condom."

"But-"

"Just take me home," I pout and curl up facing away from him.

"It's just not fair that you're freaking out at me."

"I don't want to talk to you right now," I say.

"God, maybe it would have been better if I had left."

I can't believe he just said that. Even though I try to fight it, I burst into tears.

When we get home, I run into the bedroom and lock the door. After a while, there's a sharp knock on the door and Tré says through the door,

"I'll be back in a while."

I don't answer. I'm so mad at him. I knew this was going to happen once the excitement wore off. I was so afraid of this. I hear the front door slam and his car start. Once I'm sure he's gone, I go into the front room and curl up on the couch with some cookie dough ice cream and watch shitty day-time TV.

At one thirty, the phone rings. I drag myself off the couch and lean on the counter where the answering machine is. I always let the machine pick up, no matter what. My friends always tease me about it.

I pick up the phone, "Hey, I'm here."

"Oh, great. I wanted to see if you wanted to go do something. The boys are having another game tournament, and frankly, I'm bored out of my mind."

I laugh, "Yeah. I could go for getting out of the house."

"Great! Where do you want to go?" she asks. I can hear the boys in the background playing their stupid video games.

"Uh, I'll go wherever you want," I say.

"Okay. How about I come pick you up?"

"That sounds great," I say. "See you in a few."

"Yeah, bye!"

I'm glad I'll get to do something to get my mind off of Tre.

I hear the horn honk about ten minutes later, so I grab my purse and head out the door.

"Hey," I say as I crawl into the passengers' seat of Adrienne's car.

"Hey. So I know just the place for good coffee."

"Great. I could go for some right now," I chuckle.

We go to the place up the street from the Cookie Factory.

After ordering, we go and sit at one of the outdoor tables. It's a nice day.

"So," I say sipping my drink. "You're getting married."

"I know. I'm kind of not really believing it yet," she laughs.

"I'm so happy for you too," I laugh. "You're really lucky to have Billie Joe. He's the sweetest person."

"Yeah. He is, isn't he?"

I nod.

"So how's Tre been?" she asks.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well, I just haven't seen him in a long time."

"You mean he wasn't at your house? Playing video games?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Oh," I say.

"Did he say he was going to be there?" she says.

"No," I say. "We had a fight about, uh, something, and he left, so I figured he went to your place. That's all."

"What did you fight about?" she asks. She looks genuinely concerned.

"Oh, nothing," I say waving my hand in front of me. "Really. Nothing."

"Okay," she says sipping her latte. "But if you ever wanted to talk, you can always talk to me."

"Thanks," I smile. "I really appreciate it. But it was really nothing."

We're quiet for a minute, before she says, "So, have you spent any of the Dookie money yet?"

I laugh, "Not yet. I asked Tre what extravagant thing he wanted to buy, and he was like, 'A house and that's it. It was bizarre. Thought he'd want to buy some drum thing."

"Yeah, really. A house, huh?"

I nod. "It totally caught me off guard. He's like, "I want something for you and-"" I cut myself off. I almost leaked the baby secret.

"Well, that's sweet that he wants to get a home for the two of you. He must be pretty serious, then," she says.

I nod. "Yeah. I think he is. I hope he is."

"I think he is. He talks about you all the time at our place. And I mean all the time. He never shuts up about you," We laugh.

"Yeah, same with Billie and you," I giggle. She smiles.

"I can't believe you're getting married," I say.

"I know! I'm so excited."

"Did he propose romantically? I bet he did. He seems like that type."

"You know, its funny, but he was just basically like, 'Hey, I got a crazy idea!' That's it. There was no ring or flowers or anything. But still, it was sweet."

"I bet. He's just a sweetheart all around."

She nods.
We finish our coffee and she drives me back home.

When Adrienne drops me back off, Tre's car isn't in the driveway. I thought he'd be back by now. He probably went over to Billie Joe's or something after he went where ever he did.

It's nine o'clock at night and he's still not home. I've called all the places I could think of and he's not at any of them. Even though I'm mad as hell at him for the comments he made earlier, I still am worried sick about him.

Finally at ten thirty, I hear his car pull into the driveway. I consider running out there to yell at him about worrying me, but I decide to just wait on the couch. He comes in the front door looking like a dog that's been beaten. He slinks over to the couch and sits on the far end.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. I nod.

"Where were you?" I ask. "You were gone the whole say. I called everywhere. You were just gone."

"I went to my dad's."

"In Laytonville?" I gasp. He nods.

"That's like three hours away," I say.

"I know, but I needed advice," he mumbles. "I told him about the baby. I know you didn't want to tell anyone, but, I just had to. Please don't be mad."

I sigh. "It's okay. People are going to find out eventually."

"He told me to marry you."

I look at him.

"He said that's the proper thing to do. I think he's right, but I don't want to do it if it's a bad idea."

I hug my knees to my chest. "Is it a bad idea?"

He sighs. "I love you. I know that. I think you know that. I mean, I want to be a family, I guess. I'm happy about the baby. I really am. I know what I said in the car was horrible, and I didn't mean it. At all. I want to marry you."

I nod slowly. "I don't want the baby to grow up without it's dad," I say.

"Yeah," he says. "I don't either."

"But I don't want to get married when I'm pregnant. The last thing I ever want is a shotgun wedding. When I left Florida, I left that behind," I can't help but giggle.

He nods, laughing too, "Agreed."

He reaches over and hugs me. I hug him back.

"So, we'll get married, just not until after he's born?" he asks hopefully.

"No," I say. He stares at me worriedly

"What?"

"You said after "he's" born. Who says it's going to be a boy?" I tease.

"Well," he laughs, "I just figured my extreme manliness would be passed down."

"Oh, I see."

We laugh.