What Doesn't Die

“DAD!” Allie yelled.

I could hear her pleading with both me and her father to stop hitting each other but we can't.

“Please STOP it, Daddy.” Allie said and almost instantly we stopped fighting.

Jackson looked at me then he looked at Allie.

“Get out of my house.” he said looking me dead in the eye. I could tell that this pissed Allie off. I turned around, and began walking out of the house. Something inside of me snapped. Something in my brain finally clicked, if I was going to stay in this relationship with Allie, then she would lose her father. There is no way he will ever trust me, or allow me to be with her. I can't be with her anymore, because I can't ask her to give up the only parent she has left. I can't be the cause of that pain. I have to do this. I have to end this. I could hear Allie pleading with me to stay, but I had to get out. I felt her hands trying to pull me back when I opened my car door.

“Brian!” she yelled.

“WHAT!?” I yelled, it broke my heart once I saw her face. I hardly ever yelled at her and now I remember why.

“Don't leave, Brian. Not like this.” she said a tear rolling down her cheek.

“Leave like what, Allie.” I yelled.

“Don't leave mad.” she said after a few moments.

“Allie, I have to go.”

“Please Brian.”

I looked at her, my heart is broken, I know what I have to do. It's killing me but I know that she will one day find someone, someone who her father will adore and she can be happy. She can have her father walk her down the aisle on her wedding day. She can have her father to help her raise her children, and she can have her father to protect her through out her life. She couldn't have any of those things with me.

“Allison, I can't do this anymore.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, as she began crying even more.

“You know what I mean. I can't be in this relationship anymore, Allie.”

By now Jackson had wondered to the porch to see what we were yelling about. I hope he hears everything I am about to say, so that he will know that everything that is a result of this is his fault.

“Why?” Allie asked as she took a step closer. “Is it because of what just happened because, we can work through that Brian. Just please don't leave me.” she cried.

“Allie, I can't be with you when your father hates my fucking guts.”

“Brian, you have always known that my father hates you, why is it all of a sudden bothering you so bad that you can't be with me.”

“Because I never stopped to think about it before! I never stopped to think about all the things that you should get but wouldn't if you stayed with me.”

I began to get in my car when I felt Allie's hand on my arm.

“There's more to it than that.”

I looked her dead in the eye as I spoke the truest words I have ever spoken.

“I love you, you know I do. But I am not good enough for you.. I am nothing and I am going nowhere, I am going to end up in jail or dead in the next four years. I am going to hell really fast I am not taking you with me.”

“Brian, none of that is true.”

“But it is, Alison. I can see and so can you dad, why can't you.”

As I got in my piece-o-shit I heard Allie speak, “because I love you.”

I stored the car and out of the driveway. I began racing towards Jimmy's as the tears I had be holding in began to fall.