Just Friends

　

"Zack's leaving today." My best friend sniffled. "I can't believe that he's going to be gone for the entire summer."

"But it's Warped..." Kara tried to reason, but the girl was just as heart-broken. "Are you coming to say goodbye to the guys?"

I chewed on the inside of my cheek for a minute.

"I think I'm going to just going to hang out with Jack Attack tonight, and if you guys want to drop by and say bye then you can..." I trailed off. "I'm spending the day with Adam tomorrow anyway."

"Ohh." Cayla nodded, but she put on a soft smile. "Are you ever going to tell us when really went down between the two of you?"

I shook my head silently.

"It's okay, Kate. You don't have too," The other girl stated.

"At least you guys understand..."

"Alex is a douche. Who in their right mind doesn't know that?"

"Everyone but him." I scoffed.

"No...I'm pretty sure even he knows that."

"You're probably right." I giggled.

"I have to go...double date with Zack."

"And Rian," Kara laughed. "One last whoo rah before they leave, ya know?"

I smiled and nodded at them.

"Yeah. Jack and I are having a movie marathon in his living room. I'm pretty stoked."

"Scary movies?" Cayla questioned, raising her eyebrows.

"Fuck no! Disney and cartoon's only."

"Classic Jack," Kara giggled before they both stood up. "Are you seriously going to be okay?"

"I'm fine." I smiled sadly before hugging them, and then the turned around to leave. I dialed Jack's phone number, and I waited for him to answer.

"Elloooo?"

"Hi, is this Jackary?"

"Yes ma'am! Hey doll!"

I giggled.

"What time should I get there?"

"Um...Le douche bag is still here... lemme kick him out right now."

"Okay! I'll be over in thirty."

"See you then baby gurl," Jack replied in his best ghetto voice.

I rolled my eyes.

"Buh-bye home skillet," And then I hung up. As soon as I put my phone down, I picked up my bag, and headed toward the stairs. I didn't bother telling my parents, they were over at the Gaskarth's and already knew I had plans with Jack. My parents didn't care, because they trusted me. I just wish that they didn't trust Alex and I like they did. I got into my black car that my parents bought me a couple of months back, and drove to Jack's house. I noticed that the silver car wasn't there, and a smile actually came to my lips. At least Alex really did leave. I got out and grabbed my bags before walking up to the front door and knocking.

"OW! FUCK!" Jack yelled and I giggled loudly as Jack opened the door. "Hey baby girl!" He shouted before hugging me.

"Hey darlin'," I replied with a southern accent.
Jack chuckled and ushered me into his warm home.

"Momma just baked cookies for us!"

"Awe...always a momma's boy." I giggled.

"You know it!" He laughed again. "I'll take your stuff up to my room. May's in the kitchen eating cookies."

"May's home?!"

"Yeah...go say hey, but quickly. I am leaving tomorrow for a whole summer...again."

"Yay! Thanks Jackie!"

"You're welcome!" He chuckled. "I have to change into my jammy's anyway."

"Hurryyyyy!" I called after the lanky boy sprinted up the stairs anyway. I shook my head and walked into the kitchen. "Mayyyyy" I sang.

She turned around and squealed before attacking me in a hug.

"Katelyn! It's been forever!"

"Amen to that." I laughed. "How's New York treating you?"

"It's amazing. I truely love it!"

"That's great." I giggled.

"What about you?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What do you mean..." I trailed off.

"I just found out that Jack is extremely pissed off at his best friend. That doesn't happen often..."
"Oh...that."

"Yeah. And I might had heard your name come up. Wanna tell me about it?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but Jack's voice came out instead.

"May stop annoying her. Alex screwed her over and that's all you need to know."
May sighed heavily, and nodded.

"Help yourselves to the cookies. I'm hanging out with some Baltimore friends tonight, so you get the cookies."

"Thanks May." I laughed and hugged her tightly. She smiled and then she turned toward the door and walked out. I sighed heavily before Jack was dragging me upstairs.

"What movies did you bring?"

"Aladdin," I smirked.

"EP!"

I shook my head again.

"Did you just squeak like a girl?"

"Dude, that street rat is fucking sexy,"

"Whatever you say."

"Exactly!"

Jack and I watched not only Aladdin but about all of the rest of the Disney movies too. We ate two dozen cookies, and we played various amounts of stupid burping games. I honestly can not have a bad time around Jack. It's humanly impossible. By the time it was 1 a.m, I was actually worn out...which is a first for me. Jack and I were cuddling up on his bed like we always do, much like Alex and I used to before my freshman year of high school. With Jack nothing was ever hard. We could just be us, and neither of us would care.

"Jack?" I mumbled into his shoulder.

"Yeah, Kate?"

"Why do you think that he did it?"

Jack sighed.

"I don't know. Alex is a really fickle guy. He doesn't know what he wants a lot of the time until it's to late and he ends up screwing it all up." He started to explain. "You've known him a lot longer than I have, but I knew that he's liked you for some while now."

"I have a hard time believing that." I mumbled.

"I know that you do, sweetie. You're his best girl friend, and he had a hard time believing it too. But when he started talking about kissing you, and how soft your lips were, I knew that he was falling head first. Alex knew it to, and he also knew that because he didn't come right out and say it, that you weren't going to be there to catch him and vice versa. I talked to him about it. I know about the very first kiss up until fifteen minutes before you left Vegas."
My cheeks burned.

"Y-you know about that?"

Jack nodded and hugged my shoulders tighter.

"He felt bad keeping it to himself."

"I just wish he would have never ever asked to kiss me. Ever. This whole thing wouldn't be so...fucked up."

"It is pretty fucked up, isn't it?"

"Very." I agreed before closing my eyes. "I'm sleepy. Can we sleep."

"Sure thing. I have an early day tomorrow. A flight to catch with the guys and all."

I nodded my head, not even attempting to respond before dreamless sleep consumed me.

Jack and I woke up the next morning with Cayla and Zack jumping on the bed. Kara, Rian, and Lisa were laughing and standing in his doorway.

"What the fuck?" Jack groaned before setting up. "Sure, the volley ball player and the muscle-head bass player team up on Jack the Skeleton and anoriexic over here."

I punched his arm at the insult.

Rian shook his head, but was still laughing at the same time.

"You guys must have stayed up late last night." Lisa giggled. "Doing nothing naughty were you?"

I laughed loudly.

"No. Not with Jack. Never in a million years!" I stated while laughing. "Which reminds me...this is goodbye my lovely friends. Adam and I have plans today,"

Zack and Cayla pouted adorably at me.

"You're not staying?" Kara asked, sounding heartbroken.

"I-I can't, Kar..." I trailed off, looking at Lisa from the corner of my eye.

"Why not?" Lisa asked. "Alex isn't even here yet."

"I'll have to take a rain check on that one," I forced a laugh before getting up off of the bed, and scooping up my bag. "Come on, hugs all around!"

"YAY! GROUP HUG!" Jack yelled, wrapping his skinny arms around me before anyone else could. Then they all came and we stood there for a minute. "I think we killed her,"

"That's not good," Rian stated, and then they all removed their arms.

"Noooo I think she's still alive." Lisa joked lightly.

I smiled weakly at them.

"Okay...now I've gotta go."

"Bye," They stated in unison as I left Jack's huge room, and went down the stairs.

"Bye Katelyn!"

"Bye Momma Barakat!" I called back into the room before racing out of the door. I hopped into my car, and I started back toward my house. On the way there, I passed Alex's car, but I ignored it. I pulled into my house and ran upstairs long enough to change clothes for my date with Adam. He picked me up an hour and half later.
"Where do you want to go?"

"Let's go shopping." I suggested. "I really just want to give my mood a serious talking to."

"What happened?" He asked, reaching for my hand. At first, I slightly pulled away, but then I resisted and found his hand comforting.

"All Time Low leaves for tour today,"

"Ohhhhh." He nodded. "Gaskarth, Barakat, and Dawson's band right?"

I nodded my head.

"And Zack's too."

"Yeah, Zack's a pretty cool dude. Jack's a little to hyper for my taste, Rian is so involved with his girlfriend, and Gaskarth is a man-whore." I stayed silent for a moment. "God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"N-no. It's okay, Adam." I smiled at him. "Alex is a man-whore."

"Okay?" He chuckled but he dropped the touchy subject anyway. I was glad to have him. Adam was always there when I needed him. He would drop nearly anything to keep me happy, and I'm really grateful for that. God has blessed me with an amazing human being.

When we finished looking at the mall with no luck, my phone started vibrate in my skirt's pocket.

"Hang on..." I trailed off, seeing that it was Cayla calling. "Hey baby!"

"Katie..." She sniffled. "I need you,"

"I'm there." I stated before I was rushing back toward Adam's car.

I heard background noise, and I figured that it was someone talking to her.

"Okay. Kara says not to forget the ice-cream,"

"What kind of pep talk would it be if Ben and Jerry were not invited?"

Cayla attempted to laugh, but it really didn't work out.

"I'll see you in a bit."

"Bye," I hung up and Adam was staring at me. "Kara and Cayla need me."

He nodded, understanding before he pulled out of the parking lot, and dropped me off at my house.

"I'll call you tomorrow,"

"Okay." I smiled and kissed his cheek sweetly. I reached for the door, but Adam pulled me back ligthly, allowing our mouths to make contact.

"I-I love you."

I felt my mouth go slack and I stared at my boyfriend.

"I-um..."

"It's okay. You don't have to say it until you're sure that you love me too. I just wanted you to know." A shy smile spread across his face.

"Thanks," I replied, half talking to God for giving me such a sweetheart, and half to Adam for being a total sweetheart. "Bye,"

"Bye."

I got out of the car, and ran into the kitchen before scooping up the last tub of ice-cream we had in the freezer. I grabbed my car keys, and bolted as fast as I could go in my shoes toward my car. I drove last a speed demon to Cayla's house, where the girls were currently at, and I ran up the porch steps. I stopped, having to catch my breath before knocking on the door. Cayla answer and my heart broke looking at my best friend's black, tear streaked face.

"Honey...what's wrong?" I asked, pulling her into a hug and then Kara, who wasn't crying as bad.

"I miss Rian."

"Zack and I broke up,"

For the second time in the last twenty mintues, my jaw dropped.

*

"
Junior year, baby!" I shouted, making Kara and Cayla giggle. "What?" I blushed.

"Nothing..." Kara trailed off. "We're just getting so old!"
"It's hardly believable, I know!" Cayla agreed. "We're not weird 9th graders anymore!"

"Nope...just weird 11th graders." Kara rolled her eyes. "Summer just went by so fast."

I nodded my head in agreement.

"It's amazing how many sleep-overs we crammed into a week," I giggled. "This year there will be no distractions for me."

"Good," The taller brunett stated, putting her arm over my shoulders.

"Me either. No boys for me this year," Cayla nodded in agreement.

"Yet you still wearing that Z necklace." I pointed out.

"It's important to me," She defended, but only ended up blushing. "What about you Kara?"

"Spending as much time as I can with my drummer boyfriend and finding out a way to balance him, you guys and my grades," She grinned.

"This year will be better." I stated, not really believing my words. I tried my best to smile, but I knew that it was fake.

I really missed Alex.

After a long day of school, I finally was able to get home. I noticed that Alex's car was still in the driveway, but I chose to ignore it.

"Mom, dad? I'm home!"

"Okay!" My dad replied, but his heart didn't sound in it.

I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, questioning what could be wrong. If it were important, my dad will call me down...or my mom. I raced up the stairs and went into my room. I started on my brand new assignments that I just got today. I didn't want to get behind already, so I might as well start up my routine early. Homework was long and boring like usual, but I managed to get through all of it in a little under two hours.

"Katelyn?"

"Coming!" I yelled back before pushing my books into my backpack, and racing back down the stairs. I found both of my parents in the study, and they didn't look happy. "Wha..." I trailed off when my mom's matching green eyes hit my very own. I knew what this was about. My head suddenly started spinning, and I felt my chest tighten up. I wanted to force the words to come out, but I couldn't make a sound.

"Soon," My mom answered for my un-heard question.

"How much?"

"A few months." My dad answered in his business voice.

"Dammit!" I growled. "Will you give me a straight up answer?! I can't deal with a few months here, and a 'maybe a year' there. I want answers. Please don't keep anything from me!" I begged.

My mom took in a sharp, short, and uneasy breath.

"Baby Kate, come here," She instructed, patting the empty spot beside her. I sat down and snuggled into my mom's side. "I don't want you to worry."

"I'm going to worry either way." I answered honestly, closing my eyes and trying to enjoy the moment of closeness I was having with her.

"Maxim... a moment?"

"Of course, dear," My father stated, kissing my and my mom's foreheads before he left the room.

I turned my head to look up at my mom.

"We all know that I'm running out of time. Time is the one thing that no one, no matter how hard they want to, can get more of."

"I'm aware." I whispered.

"Honey, I want to know that you're going to be okay."

"How will I be okay when you won't be here to help me? Mom, what happens when I have boy problems, or when I really just need you? How can I even get that?"

"I don't know," She whispered, moving hair from my face and kissing my forehead. "I love you so, so, so, much."

"I love you too, mom." I replied, my voice meak and cracking.

"Everything will be fine."

"You said that last time. Everything has just gotten worse!" I stated. "What happens when there's a thunder storm outside? Who will I go to when I have a bad dream? Who's going to take me out on mommy/daughter days? Who's..." My voice cracked, tears clouding my vision.

"Honey...shhh.." She cooed, holding me tightly to her. "I don't know, Katelyn. I just don't know."

"But you're suppose to know! Dammit mom! You're suppose to be here and watch me grow up! You're suppose to be at my wedding, my kids birth, Christmas, Thanksgiving! Everything! What about the flower shop?! And Dad?! What the fuck will he do."

My mom's expression stayed soft as she attempted to calm me down.

"No cursing."

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I can't even bare the thought of loosing you. You're my mom. No one can ever replace you,"

"I should hope that no one tries," She soothed. "I have to accept that this is what God entended."

"God is making my life a fucking mess!"

"Katelyn Stella McCormick stop right there!" Her voice boomed, and I shrunk back into her side. "I've come to the terms that this is long lasting, but I will see you again. I know that we will see each other when the time is right. Don't worry about me. I will be fine. I'll be up there singing with the angles...and Tom too." She whispered softly.

I cried some more.

"It's so hard...to accept it." I sniffled. "You being gone is like me loosing half of who I am. Mom, you're so dear to me. You're my best friend." I admitted.

"I should hope that you will never have to let anything take that away."

Silence took over us as I let the tears cascade down my cheeks and neck.

"How much longer?" I whispered.

"Three months." She replied, kissing my temple. "Let's make the most of it, okay?"

I nodded my head and agreed.

"Okay."

And we did. For the next three months, my parents and I went along like nothing would ever change. Cayla and Kara knew, but I made them promise not to tell the guys. Isobel and Peter also knew about it, and they agreed to not tell Alex. Call me selfish, but I don't need him in my life at this point. It's heartbeaking enough. I spent as much time with my mom as I could. She took my shopping and I got my hair in choppy layers, and bleached my dirty blond to Barbie blond. We went to the movies every chance we got, and we even went up to the old picnic spot past the flower shop quit often. As the time got shorter, so did the days, and my mom grew weaker. It killed me to see how much weight she was loosing the the color of her hair turning a ugly, musky color. The doctors put her on medicine to make the dying process a little less painful, well for her at least. It hurt like hell everyday waking up, and not knowing if it would be her last. I didn't like that feeling at all.

It was just a normal Wednesday and it was raining. I had just gotten to school and was meeting up with Kara and Cayla. As usual, we all walked to class together. We basically stayed attatched at the hip. They were my support system.

"How was she this morning?" Cayla asked me as we sat down for lunch inside because of the November rain made it impossible for us to eat outside like we normally did under a big oak tree.

"Um... she was happy about the rain." I answered. "I wouldn't be surprised if that when I get home from school she's wrapped up in a blanket in a rocking chair inside of our patio listening and watching the rain,"

Kara smiled and hugged me.

"Do you know when..."

"Um...not exactly, Kara." I answered honestly. "It could be any day now."

"Are you scared?" Cayla questioned.

"Terrified." I agreed with a nod before the last lunch bell rang. I scooped up my stuff. "Are we still on for this weeked?"

"Of course," Kara smiled.

"See you later, Kate."

"Bye," I smiled at the two of them. When they were out of sight, my smile fell. I can only keep up a role for so long, and this one is getting tiring. I walked to my last class, and day dreampt the entire period. Alex was in most of my thougths. I did completely erase him from my life. About a month ago, my mom and dad bought me a house a few blocks down. I live there by myself, because it's so much easier that way. My parents know that I can't stay in my old house after she's gone. It just wouldn't be right without her. It was hard not to think about everyone often when you have a house to yourself, but I guess it's not so bad. Cayla's even moving in with me two weeks after my 17th birthday, because that's her 17th birthday. I wasn't going to be living alone for much longer.

The last bell rang for the end of the day, and I picked up all of my things. I swept my coppy, bleached locks into a low, side pony tail, and I rushed to my car. I waved slightly to the crowd forming near Kara, knowing that they knew it was me. The skunk-haired one gave me a goofy smile but nothing more as I passed and hopped into my black car. The group of old friends disappeared in my review mirror as I drove closer and closer to my parents house. I made sure to leave my stuff in my car before I got out and rushed into the house. My dad greeted me with a bear hug and a kiss on the forehead. I barely spoke when I visit them. Hell, I barely spoke to anyone except for Kara, Cayla, Adam, and my mom. They were the lucky ones. I couldn't bare to look at my dad for more then five minutes.

"She's outside on the patio."

I smiled at the simple sentance and walked out to greet my frail mother.

"Katelyn.." She smiled weakly and I bent down to kiss her clamy forehead.

"Hey mom."

"The rain's beautiful today, isn't it?"

I nodded my head up and down.

"It's cold. Don't you think that you should be inside?" I tried to tell her.

"No. I like it out here. It's peaceful, and it doesn't remind me of death." She explained. "It's beautiful. Even though it makes puddles, and causes slight floods, it's a gorgeous creaction."

"You're getting to wise on me," I joked, sitting down in the empty chair next to hers. I grabbed ahold of her hand. "How are you today?"

She turned to look at me.

"If the good Lord decided to take me today, I would die a happy woman. He knows how I adore this rain in the fall."

I nodded.

"Although I hate to admit it, today would be a good day. It's Wednesday, your favorite day, it's raining, and you're able to watch it all without feeling any pain..."

"That's very true. Now look who's the one that's wise."

"I try," I laughed. "I love you momma."

"I love you too, my dear, sweet angel."

"You're leaving today, aren't you?"

She nodded, and a tear rolled down my cheek.

"I was waiting for you. I wanted a goodbye. A formal one."

"I understand that." I smiled, patting her hand. "Let me go get you a pillow, and then we can say goodbye, okay?"

"Okay." She chuckled, but it turned into weezing.

I bit my lip and stood up from where I was. I walked back into the house where my dad was sitting at the kitchen table, hunched over, and letting his tears fall. I walked over, and patted his shoulder before I walked to their room to grab her favorite pillow. I got back out on the patio, and I fixed it for her.

"Is that okay?"

"It's perfect, baby Kate,"

I smiled at my pet name I had since a child.

"Momma?"

"Hmmm?" She hummed, her eyes closed and enjoying the moment.

"I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too" She replied, squeezing my hand. "Goodbye, Katelyn."

"Bye, momma." I whispered and stayed still until I heard her breathing go from shallow to a whisper, her grip on my hand was gone, and her chest stopped moving. I cried silently as I took in the features of her freckled face, and pale bonde hair. She looked so peaceful. She was alright with going on, and I knew that. My nose started to run, and black eyeliner burned my eyes, but I didn't care. I stayed still next to my mom, who I wouldn't be able to hug or hear again.

"Katelyn, she's gone." My dad whispered, placing his hand on my shoulder. The rain had picked up, and the wind was blowing less, just the way my mom loved it.

"I know," I choked, finally releasing her hand, and standing up to burry my head in my father's chest. "I already miss her."

"I know you do, pumpkin." He replied, his British accent soft in my ear. "Come on inside. I called the doctor already."

I nodded and followed inside.

I lost my mom and Alex.

What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

Friday was the funeral. It was pouring the rain again, and I was dressed head to toe in black. Black was my mom's favorite color, but it also showed my emotions. I was in pain. Everyone I could think of showed up, except for All Time Low. They left for another tour Wednesday night, hense why they went to get Kara, to say goodbye. Cayla and Kara stayed by my side through the entire service, and my dad on the other side. We cried together, and I broke down when Isobel went to put flowers on the coffin. It hurt me so bad. The flowers were from her flower shop. She would have loved that. The moment it was over, I hugged my best friend's goodbye, and went off with my dad and The Gaskarth's. Isobel held me as I cried for another hour straight. It just hurt me to no end. My mom didn't even get to see me turn 17.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?" He asked as we walked toward our car. We were the last ones there.

"Do you think you could sign for a tattoo?" I asked, looking at him. "It's for momma."

He had always been against tattoo's, but his smiled softened and he nodded.

"Of course, baby. What did you have in mind?"

2008

"So you have a date tonight?" I asked Cayla as she freaked out trying to pick out what to wear.

"Yes! You and Adam are coming to! So don't you even dare try to get out of it."

I rolled my eyes playfully.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"Of course you wouldn't."

"Ha ha!" I laughed sarcastically and picked at my red hair. I dyed it again a few months ago from the blond to red. It was a nice change.

"Turn on MTV, would you?"

I nodded my head and turned it on where a music video was playing.

The voice sounded oddly familiar, so I turned around and found myself looking at my old friends. I laughed loudly at Jack's face when a stripper was crawling toward him.

"Wow."

"Wow what?"

"All Time Low is on MTV,"

Cayla's eyes sparkled as she came to me in the middle of our living room, and stared at the screen.

"I'll be damned. They did make it."

"Sure did." I laughed in agreement. "I think I want their cd."

"Do you even know what it's called?"

"I can google it." I stated, holding up my iPhone.

She rolled her eyes.

"Let me finish and then we can leave."

"Mmkay." I replied.

"And...now we may go." Cayla said

"Adam can take me." I stated, noticing my phone ringing anyway. "Hey."

"Hey," he chuckled.

"You up for a trip to Best Buy?"

"For sure. I'm almost there."

"Okay! Hurry." I giggled before handing up.

Cayla rolled her eyes.

"I'll see you at the diner."

"See you there," I replied blowing a kiss to her and leaving, joining Adam in his car. He drove the distance to Best Buy and walked in iwth me.

"Can I go look at the phones?"

"Sure. Go for it." I laughed and went to the cd's. It took me twenty minutes to find So Wrong, It's Right. I nearly freaked out when I saw their names on it. I was actually really proud, even if I haven't spoken to them in nearly three years. My phone started to ring right after I got in line to buy the cd.

"Hello?"

"Kate! You're seriously not buying that cd are you?"

"Um...yeah, Cayla. I am,"

"But you and Alex don't even talk anymore!" She whinnned.

"So? Just because Alex and I aren’t on speaking terms doesn’t mean that I can’t buy his cd?"

So what if I was buying the new cd?

"It's just so...weird!"

"Okay, then that doesn’t mean that I can’t buy Jack, Rian, and Zack’s record." I corrected myself in a smart ass tone.

I heard someone chuckle, but I chose to ignore it.

"Ma’am?" The cashier asked after the old lady was moved out of the way.

"Give me a second will you?!" I snapped. I put the cd on the counter, and paid. I turned around to see Adam walking up to me.

"You got what you needed?"

"Yeah." I told him. "I have to call you back. Bye." I hung up my iPhone.

"Now that you’ve finished that." Adam laughed.

I watched him carefully, not sure if I should be pissed or not.

"I’m going to go look at the iPhone."

"You couldn’t do that while I was waiting in line?" I asked him.

"Sorry?" Adam shrugged, and walked off from me.

I grunted but I followed behind him anyway.

"Hey! Aren't you ALEX GASKARTH?!"

My eyes went wide and I turned back around, only to make eye contact with him for the first time in years. I wasn't watching where I was going and I smacked right into something hard. I was soon covered in cds, but I could move. A blast from my past just showed up in the present.

That past would be Alex Gaskarth, the one guy that I was never really 'just friends' with.

Fuck. My. Life.