The Rebel's Apprentice

When did I see Ethan again?
I didn't.
Mom and dad grounded me. I couldn't leave the house unless for school.

At school, I spent my lunch times locked in one of the classrooms, under dads orders. Pretty sure that was illegal, but he was the law so it didn't matter. Ethan had many detentions but luckily my story kept him in school. I hadn't spoken of the drugs Ethan used to take, only that he had been drugged. The way I told the story almost made Ethan sound heroic for defending me. For saving me.
Johnny came back to hurt me and I made damn sure they were aware of that.
He had a week of detentions to serve and after that he was a free man.
Me on the other hand?
My only 'mistake' was befriending the wrong people and now I was destined to every lunch time alone. Evenings in my room.

At home dad didn't speak to me. Mom did, but I could see in her eyes the disappointment. I was lectured everyday. Constantly told how I had let myself down. Moaned at for being such a terrible example for Beth.
One day rolled into another and the whole week passed in a blur. I was a living zombie. On auto-pilot all the time. I couldn't seem to function right without Ethan. We hadn't even spoken all week. I wondered how his mom digested this news. That Ethan and I had 'split up'.
I cried myself to sleep several nights in a row, until there was just nothing left.

At school I didn't concentrate. I knew what lesson Ethan would be in. the urge to jump up and run off looking for him was unbearable, just to look at him again. I hadn't seen him. I was starting to question my sanity. Had he even existed?
Combined with my lack of sleep, this theory was becoming more and more plausible.
I was sat in an English lesson when I couldn't take it anymore. I turned to the girl on the desk next to me.

"Have you heard anything about Ethan Kowalski?" I asked, hoping the desperation didn't show too bad in my voice. The girl looked a little nervous and wouldn't look me in the eye.

"We're not allowed to talk to you about Ethan," she whispered. I put my head in my hands. At least she didn't say 'who?' I guess that proved he had existed. I wondered whether he was sat in History right now, asking the kids around him the same question and whether they gave him the same answer.

He hadn't tried to see me. Hadn't tried to contact me at all. I started to doubt him and whether he ever cared about me at all. I almost started to believe the lies the school and my parents were force feeding me.
At every lunch time, the teacher I just had would escort me to the social studies room, ask me what I wanted for lunch and then go get it for me.
By means of protest, I never ate anything, but still sent them off to fetch the food. Eventually they stopped getting me food.
I couldn't take it anymore.



When lunch time ended I was escorted to my next lesson. It was Science and I had it with Chloe. She knew I'd shut down internally. She knew that this past week had taken it's toll on me and that I was nothing but an empty shell.
She tried to make things easy for me. She'd chat and smile like everything was normal. She was trying so hard for me, but there was only one thing she could do for me. Only one thing I wanted her to do for me.
I quickly scribbled a note and folded it, while watching my teacher. I turned my tired wide eyes on Chloe.

"Can you do something for me?" I asked in a hurried whisper. Her eyebrows creased in worry. 'what?'

"Promise me you'll do it first," I pressed.

"Oh, Alice, I don't know-" she hesitated.

"Please Chloe. If this is the last favour I ever ask, let it be this one. Please." I obviously looked desperate enough because Chloe reluctantly nodded. I pushed the note into her hand under the desk. "Give this to Ethan," I begged. "Please, Chloe."

"This is dangerous Alice," she warned me, tucking the note into her pocket.

"I know. But I need him Chloe. I need him in my life. I can't do this anymore." Chloe sighed. "I hope you know what you're doing."



I waited up all night for his call. All I could feel was betrayal from Chloe. I trusted her to give Ethan my note. I was certain he'd call me. He clearly just didn't need me the way I needed him.

The following week, as I walked into school along side Mr Barry, I watched my feet. This had become somewhat routine for me.

"How are you today Alice?" Mr Barry smiled. I looked up at him.
"Honestly?" I asked. He nodded. "Lonely," I told him sadly. Mr Barry said nothing more and so began another day at school.

In my attempt at total freedom I had become nothing more than a prisoner. I had even less freedom now, than I'd ever had. All I could do now was try to forget Ethan. He wasn't coming back for me. Not this time. I was alone and I had to forget him else suffer my own inner turmoil.
It hurt how much I missed him. But after a whole week of nothing from him, I wasn't sure if I could face him again. I felt abandoned by him. He dropped me in this mess and never even tried to pull me out.
The more I thought about his absence, the more it annoyed me.
Here I was, being escorted to every lesson, locked up every lunch time, just to stop me from seeing Ethan, when I didn't even know if I wanted to see him anymore.
I was his apprentice, his sister figure, his pretend girlfriend, and it all counted for nothing.

I would spend hours tormenting myself with the thought of how his lips felt against mine, or how tight his hugs were, or just the general feeling of his fingers entwined with mine. My shoulders felt horribly light without the weight of Ethan's arm there.
Each lunch time, when I had an hour to dwell, I would think only of him and the times passed.
It really was over.

Tap
Tap
Tap

I span and looked at the door. Through the glass window I could see a boy. Relief rushed through me and I ran to the door.
I'd never been more pleased to see Zach in my life. He looked sad. Neither of us smiled.

"How have you been?" Zach said, his voice muffled and quiet through the glass. I shrugged and licked my lips.

"I'm miserable, Zach," for once I wasn't lying. "I feel miserable and forgotten."

Zach shook his head. "You're not forgotten. We talk about you everyday. Ethan makes us, to keep your memory alive."

"I'm not dead, Zach," I sighed before my expression turned sour. "And if Ethan cared so much he'd come see me himself. But I guess he doesn't care."

Zach shook his head sadly. "They've gotten to you, haven't they? You're believing the lies." I looked up at him. "Trust me, Alice. Ethan's furious they're doing this to you. He keeps planning a prison break but there's no way to get to you. They don't let him in the school building during lunch. He has escorts to each lesson so he doesn't run off to corrupt you. There's nothing he can do and it's bugging the fuck outta him." I raised my eyebrows. So Ethan was getting the same treatment? "The school's only obeying cause your dad, the cop, tells them to."

I shook my head. "You shouldn't be here Zach. You'll get caught. You should go." I backed away from the door. I didn't want to hear about Ethan anymore. I didn't know what to believe.

"We miss you Alice!" Zach called through the door as I disappeared out of sight.



It had been two days since I had seen Zach. It was refreshing to see him again. He had always assumed the big brother role with me. Always been wise, protective, given advice. I missed him.
I sat on a desk in the social studies room one lunch time. I was alone as usual. I'd kind of gotten used to the silence. It was all I had now.
I smiled lightly as I remembered a time when I relaxed on the football field with the gang, Ethan at my side, tickling me. Scott telling us to get a room. It seemed so long ago now. I remembered further back to lying in the wheat field with Ethan, the sun on our faces and his hand on mine while he hummed a simple tune. The tune that still reminded me of him.
I had visions of me cooking him breakfast and teaching him piano. Of us sitting in his room talking and drinking beer at the tracks. I could hear all the cute pet names he had for me, running through my head. I smiled lightly.

Something brought me back to reality. I couldn't work out what it was. Something buzzing. My phone! I took it out my jacket pocket (the jacket that wasn't Ethan's) and frowned at the unknown number. I glanced quickly at the door and then the time. I still had half hour till Mr Barry came back for me.

"Hello?" I asked as I put the phone to my ear.

"Turn around," said a soft voice that sent chills shooting down my spine. I turned around slowly and almost dropped the phone.
And in that second, all doubt and anger I felt towards him died. He was just as perfect as always. He was stood the other side of the floor to ceiling window, phone held to his ear, hand pressed to the window, a light frown on his face. I had to stop myself from running to him and attempting to touch him. I stayed sat on the table.

"Ethan . ." I whispered, not knowing what else to say. I scowled at him suddenly. "Why didn't you call me sooner?" I questioned. Ethan lowered his eyes. "Where the hell have you been for two weeks?" He didn't answer. "Do you wanna know where I've been for two weeks?" I spat. He looked back up at me. "You're looking at it! I've been here. Alone. I've been alone for two weeks."

"They shouldn't have done that to you," Ethan murmured.

"No, you shouldn't have done that to me!" I pointed at him as I stormed over to the window. "I gave you my number a week ago. Why didn't you call me?" I asked desperately. "I sat for two weeks thinking you'd abandoned me."

"I'd never abandon you," he said, not meeting my eyes.

"So what's with the week radio silence?" I accused.

"I couldn't do it," Ethan said quietly, still not meeting my eyes.

"Why?" I snapped.

"Cause it's not enough," he shot back, glaring back at me. "It seemed like torture to me, and it was. Having this mocking me every five seconds." He pulled out my note and waved it at me. On it it said I miss you. Underneath was my number. "I couldn't call you cause just hearing your voice wasn't enough. I needed to apologise in person. I needed to see you. They wont let me get anywhere close to you. Believe me, I've tried." We stared at each other. I put my palm to his on the window and sighed.

"I thought I'd never see you again," I whispered, my vision blurring with tears. It had been two weeks nearly and Ethan was healing up nicely. His cuts were just scabs now and his black eye was turning a soft pinky-yellow.
I lowered my head so Ethan couldn't see my tears, but he heard me sniffle down the phone.

"Alice, sweetie no," he groaned, sounding pained. "Don't cry, please. Don't torture me like this."

"Sorry," I squeaked, looking up at him through my curtain of dark hair. my fringe was starting to grow out.

Ethan shook his head. "No I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I royally fucked this one up, didn't I?" I giggled and snuffled. Ethan smiled but lost it. "I'm sorry princess." I wiped at my eyes. "Fuck, I hate seeing you cry," sighed Ethan as he watched me with tortured eyes.

"So what do we do now?" I asked him. He pouted lightly as he thought and I realised how much I missed that. He came up blank and shook his head.

"I don't know," he said. "I'll think of something," he reassured me, nodding to himself. "I'll think of something."
It was painful to watch Ethan walk away at the end of lunch that day, but at least I'd seen him at all.



The next week I spent every lunch time with Ethan, talking on the phone. We sat side by side, a sheet of glass separating us. I wondered why he never brought the others with him, but was pleased for the alone time with him. We laughed and joked and tried to act like there wasn't a divide between us.

I heard a bump on the window.

"Ow," Ethan hissed down the phone. I looked at him and found him rubbing his elbow. I raised my eyebrows at him. He put his phone back to his ear and smiled. "Tried to put my arm on your shoulders. Forgot there's a window there I giggled and Ethan did also. "So when are you no longer grounded?" he asked. I sighed losing my smile. "Yeah," he said with a sigh of his own. "Was worth a shot." he looked up at me. "What do you do after school without me?" he smirked. "Christ you must be bored."

"Me?" I shot back with raised eyebrows. "You're the one missing my company." Ethan's smile turned sad and he nodded. I leant against the window, as if leaning against him. Ethan did the same.

"They can't keep us apart," he said into his phone.

"They are," I regretfully told him.

"I'll think of something," he told me. I sat up and looked at him.

"You said that last week."

"Yeah, and I still haven't thought of anything yet."

"It's been three weeks now,' I realised. 'how long can they do this? Surely they'll get fed up and start getting slack."

"Yeah, maybe," Ethan shivered, huddling down into his coat and scarf. I sighed.

"You don't have to sit there y'know? It must be freezing out." It was December now. Only three weeks till Christmas and it wasn't going to be a very Merry one.

"I'm not allowed inside remember?" he said. A harsh wind blew and I heard his teeth chatter. "Besides, this is where I want to be." I smiled at Ethan through the glass.



The next few days were like this. Me watching Ethan shiver outside, his breath clouding in front him. It was horrible to watch him suffer in the cold, alone. He would get so cold he could barely speak to me through the teeth chattering.
Then it started to snow. I told him to leave. To go find anywhere warmer than here. He refused. I was starting to worry he'd get sick. I told him this and he laughed. I didn't see what was so funny.

"You'll get Hypothermia," I warned him.

"Don't be ridiculous," he disregarded. I sighed and didn't bring it up again. Maybe him smoking would warm him up, I noted as he lit up a cigarette.

"Y'know?" Ethan began after he blew smoke into the air. "I might have to kidnap you."

"You what?" I laughed. Ethan looked serious as he put the cigarette to his lips. My eyes widened. "Yeah I'm sure dad will love you for that."

"I've been considering it. All I'd have to do is come into your room one night . . . and just take you." I watched him carefully.

"I think the cold's getting to your head."

"I'm serious," he insisted.

"I wish you weren't," I sighed. "Where would we go?"

"What else do you suggest?" he asked.

"Not kidnap."

"Then I'm out of ideas."

"So you saying you'll think of something . . that was it? Kidnap?" I couldn't help but laugh. Ethan frowned confusedly at me. I looked at him and laughed some more. He smiled and started laughing too. "God, you're mad, Ethan."

"Only for you," he winked confidently.