The Rebel's Apprentice

We were at the tracks. It had been ages since I'd been there. I think mom and dad knew I spent all time with Ethan, but they no longer questioned me about it. They were putting a lot of trust in me to not 'do anything stupid' and for that I was grateful.
Ethan was sat between Zach and I, talking. Scott was standing on his skateboard. Cookie was sat in the doorway of our carriage, looking out. Suddenly she heaved a large sigh. Scott and I glanced at her.

"Hardcore's here," she muttered unenthusiastically. Ethan's head shot up.

"What? Now?" He jumped up and I watched on in confusion as Ethan looked out the door, a grin ripping at his face. He jumped out and I shuffled round to get a good look at this 'Hardcore' person.

It was a woman. She was tall with long hair bleached so blonde it looked almost white in the sunlight. She was slim with legs up to her armpits, and her high heels and tiny denim shorts only accentuated that. She had on a white vest and a black waist coat and sunglasses. She was stunning in every possible way imaginable. It was no wonder Ethan currently had his arms tightly locked around her slight figure.
I looked around at the others. They all averted their eyes from the pair and looked a little worried.

"Who's she?" I asked. Zach looked up at me.

"Her name's Erin," he answered. "And she's bad fucking news."

"I hate it when she comes up," muttered Cookie, gazing out at Ethan and Erin, now chatting and laughing happily. Cookie folded her arms. "I hate Erin."

"Me too," added Scott.

I frowned between everyone. "Why do you hate her?"

"She comes up every couple of months," Scott filled me in. "And while she's in town, we don't see Ethan.'

"Why?" I blurted.

He shrugged. "He doesn't ever say anything about her. It's just part of the package with Ethan. Be the best of friends with him, but as soon as Hardcore shows up, he ditches. He did it right before you joined our group."

"Why do you call her Hardcore?" I enquired, looking back out at her.

"Cause she is," Cookie answered in a distant voice as she watched them. I was surprised she was actually talking to me in a civilized manner. "Ethan never talks about her so we don't question him, but we all talk." Cookie looked over her shoulder at me, not a scrap of hatred or resentment in her eyes. "We think she's a drug dealer."

"Like Johnny?" I shrugged, hating the way his name sounded on my tongue.

Zach shook his head. "Nah, worse. Johnny only dealt pot. We all bought from him at some point. He was harmless enough." I raised my eyebrows. Had Ethan not told them? "But Erin," Zach continued. "She's a crack head."

"Nah, I still say she deals in LSD," Scott cut in. "I've always thought that chick was on some kind of acid."

"No seriously," Zach insisted. "It would make way more sense for her to deal crack and give some to Ethan. He'd never snort coke, so he smokes it in the form of crack. It makes total sense. Ethan would smoke anything."

"Ethan wouldn't do cocaine," Cookie sighed. "People get addicted to that shit. Whatever she's supplying him with is something that he doesn't get addicted to. She only comes every few months. He wouldn't last that long without cocaine."
Wow, this was getting way heavy for me. It was no longer a case of getting high. It was getting addicted.

"Ah, you're right," Zach nodded. "So what does that leave us with?"

"Ecstasy maybe?" Cookie shrugged.

"Well, that'll explain his mood swings," Scott laughed.

"Magic mushrooms," Cookie said.

Zach nodded. "Possibly, yeah. Shrooms aren't additive at all."

"That's what I'm saying with LSD," Scott said. "That shit ain't addictive." And so began an argument of what drugs Ethan was on.
I looked back at Ethan and Erin and found them walking away. She had her arm across his shoulders, much like the way he'd have his across mine.
I felt my lips press into a worried line and Cookie and I glanced at each other. It was strange to have Cookie acknowledge me.
There was a bigger threat to Ethan now. I was no threat at all compared to Erin, maybe Cookie finally realised that.



School the next day was weird without Ethan. Zach and Scott didn't seem worried anymore. They stuck by the 'he'll be back to normal in a few days' theory, while Cookie stayed quiet for the duration. She was worried about him . . and so was I.
No one heard from him. No one knew where he went. No one knew anything about this Erin girl, except that she was trouble. Cookie was always quiet when we spoke of Erin. Did she know more than she was letting on?
Erin was someone to give a wide birth to, and that came from the others. And if they thought Erin was bad, she must be awful. I secretly hated the way Ethan was involved with her. I hated how she had her arm around him the way he'd have his around me. It was a gesture of ownership and I realised that now. I kind of liked how Ethan felt he owned me but hated how Erin felt she owned Ethan. No one owned Ethan. He was a loose cannon. A wild child. Ethan was a firework about to explode. You know that if you stand to close, you're going to get hurt. But you just can't help drawing closer to see it's pretty colours.

I thought back to New Year's eve. The night that belonged to Ethan and I. I had finally gotten round to printing the photos. He'd said he wanted a copy of one, but I hadn't yet seen him to give it to him.
It was January and I huddled deeper into my duffel coat, feeling the leather of Ethan's leather jacket underneath. I took the picture I intended to give Ethan from my bag and looked at it.

We were smiling. Truly happy. His arm was around me, holding me to his chest. It wasn't long after the photo was taken that Ethan kissed me passionately on the hood of his car, then expressing his desire to protect me from then on.
So where was he? I wondered to myself.
I sighed and shut me eyes. I missed him. It had only been a few days and I already missed him. I felt like I hadn't had him long enough to lose him again.

"When was that?" asked a voice above me. My eyes snapped open and eyed Zach crouching beside me. I didn't know he was cutting forth. I fully intended to be alone. I sighed. No point hiding the picture now, he'd already seen. I passed it to Zach and he looked harder at it.

"That was New Year's eve," I answered. Zach's eyes traced the photo. Traced the smiles on our faces and the arm that was so tight around me.

"You both look so happy," Zach sounded surprised and I couldn't help smile a little.

"I'm not that boring to be around," I assured him.

Zach shook his head. "No, I mean Ethan really. He looks so happy."
'why shouldn't he be?' I frowned.

Zach handed the photo back and dug his hands in his pockets. "He just hasn't been for a while. He tells me everything remember," Zach looked a little miffed just then, looking back at the photo in my hands. "But he never told me he was happy . . . or that he spent New Year with you. Come to think of it," Zach pondered. "He never says anything about you."

"Why?" I wondered.

"Why indeed," smirked Zach, putting a cigarette to his lips and lighting it. I never quite understand Zach's secret smirks. He always seems to know more than he lets on. He was so observant. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd figured out something before I had. Zach was clever. I wondered if he'd yet figured out how I felt about Ethan.
I lowered my eyes

"Don't worry," Zach said with a reassuring wink. "I wont tell the others." I shrugged, naively thinking I could play dumb. Not with Zach.

"Wont tell them what?" Zach raised his eyebrows at me.

"Really, Alice?" he said. "You're going to deny having feelings for Ethan?"

I sighed. "I have to Zach. If I keep denying them to even myself then maybe I can make them go away." It was so easy to open up to Zach. I hoped I wouldn't regret it later.

"Why do you want them to go away?" he frowned.

"Cause it's futile," I laughed. "I've not got a hope in hell of Ethan reciprocating those feelings, so why bother?"

"He ran away with you on New Year's eve, didn't he? That's got to count for something." Zach had a knowing look in his eyes that gave me a glimmer of hope. "You'd be surprised Birdie," Zach smiled. "I told you, he's a sensitive kid."
With a sigh that left me feeling deflated, I changed the subject.

"What about your girl?" I asked.

"My girl being Pammy?" he assumed with a fond smile. I smiled back.

"Pammy, eh? Get you."

"We've had a couple dates," he shrugged like it were no big deal. "Turns out you were right, little one. She did like me."

"Is she as good as you expected?"

"Better," Zach shook his head. "She's amazing. She's so lovely and down to earth. She's not just this airhead cheerleader who has only seen the world through daddy's Ferrari window. She's lived a little, made her share of mistakes. That's what I like about her. She's genuine. She's not perfect but doesn't advertise as being such." He nodded to himself. "She's great."

I nodded also. "That's nice. You deserve someone like her."

"I wanna say you deserve someone like Ethan," Zach said with a sad smile. "But you deserve so much more."



I walked in to school Friday morning with my eyes on the ground and my arms wrapped around myself. For some reason, these last few days apart from Ethan felt so much longer than the eight weeks we spent apart.
Despite the reunion with my friends, I felt lonely again. I never saw them outside of school. That was time saved purely for Ethan, unless we went to the tracks. I think I out of everybody noticed his absence most.

When I stepped into the shade of the bleachers however, I was surprised to see Ethan sleeping soundly, head in Cookie's lap and arms wrapped around her legs. She stroked his hair absently as she watched him. He looked like he'd seen better days. He looked pale and under fed. Dark circles rimmed his eyes and the hood of his jacket was pulled over his hair. I approached with caution. Cookie, so focused on Ethan, didn't even notice me. I frowned up at Zach and Scott and they merely shrugged.

"He just staggered in this morning," Scott filled me in. I looked back at Ethan.

"Is he on anything now, do you know?"

Zach exhaled smoke and shook his head. "Nah, think he's just tired. You check out those circles?" he asked, running an index finger over his own bottom lid. "Bet the guy ain't slept since we last saw him."

"Is he back for good?" I asked then. Scott shrugged and Zach shook his head.

"Who knows."

"What are we going to do with him when class starts? He can't go to first period like that," I stated.

"We could take turns watching him," Scott suggested with a shrug.

"I can't today," I inform the group. "First I got a meeting with the debate team. I got a history test I just can't skip, I have to have those weekly council sessions with Mr Barry to make sure I'm not getting up to trouble."

"Okay, okay, you're busy," Scott rolled his eyes.

"Well as much as I'd love to babysit," Zach said with a smirk and a stretch. "The kids are only mine at weekends."

"Oh no no no," Scott frowned. "I'm not taking him."

"I'll take him," Cookie cut in. Suddenly I wished I wasn't so busy. I liked how Cookie and I had come to some kind of silent understanding, a quiet accepting, but that didn't mean I wanted her getting Ethan to herself.
She looked up at us.

"I'll take him round the back of the school and stay with him till he wakes up."
We all nodded our agreement and parted ways at first bell. I looked over my shoulder as Cookie escorted a yawning Ethan in the other direction. Scott had woken him with a kick to the back. Ethan wasn't best pleased to say the least, neither was Cookie.



So I stared my day at a meeting with the debate team. They all seemed to still be buzzing about winning the competition. No one mentioned the little fiasco that interrupted it and I was glad. They were talking about the summer regionals and I blanked out the conversation. Chloe appeared at my side and I smiled warmly at her. She had always been a consistent friend with my best at heart. I squeezed her hand.

"Thanks for giving that note to Ethan," I told her, remembering I hadn't thanked her properly for that. She nodded lightly and lowered her eyes.

"He scares me, Alice," she told me honestly, looking back into my eyes. "But when I told him I was your friend and that I'd brought a message from you . . . his eyes lit up. He looked so depressed, yet after I gave him your note, hope sparked in his eyes. He was so grateful he hugged me," she giggled. I smiled also, imagining it in my head. Chloe's smile fell. "He scares me terribly, but he cares about you more, and for that I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt."

"Really?" I asked uncertainly, hoping she meant it. I hadn't realised how much I valued her opinion. After everything she had done for me, I decided she was more than entitled to one.

Chloe nodded. "I'd almost go as far to say as . . . I quite like him." she smiled and averted her eyes.

"Chloe . ." I pressed with a smirk.

"Well," she shrugged. "He's a handsome boy and he's quite charming."

I laughed. "A total flirt is the right word, I think." We giggled together like the school girls we were as we spoke of boys, and it felt so easy and natural.

"Thanks Chloe," I smiled at her, giving her hand another squeeze.



Not much to report on the history test. It was just as dull as ever and I no doubt failed anyway. I was feeling a little distracted. I tried my best not to let this distraction show during my session with Mr Barry later that day.
He asked me the typical questions a typical counsellor would and I smiled and lied my way through the hour session. I hoped he never notice my shoulders tense at the mention of Ethan, or the way my fingers idly plucked at the fabric of his couch. I maintained eye contact and did my very best. I think I may have been successful, but as I walked away from his office, gazing at my feet, I didn't feel very successful.

"Psst," hissed a voice from the open fire door. I looked up and frowned. Glancing around me I followed Ethan as he stepped back out the door.
It shut behind us with a sound so final.

"Are you alright?" I asked straight away. Ethan waved away my question with a hand.

"I just wanted to see you before I left," I heart rate quickened and a serge of panic rushed through me.

"Left?" I repeated shaking my head. Ethan's eyes were darting all around us, as if looking for someone.

"I have to disappear for a few days. But I'll be back at school by Monday, I promise."

"Disappear where?" I stuttered. "Why?" I didn't care how desperate I sounded.

"I want you to do something for me, and tell this to the guys if you see them,"

"What's that?" I asked, almost in shock.

"Don't try and contact me, okay? She's crazy."

"Ethan, don't. You're scaring me." My voice trembled and Ethan's dark eyes seemed to withdraw. I couldn't distinguish any emotions in them.

"Don't be," he told me. "Everything's fine. You don't even need to give me a second thought, and come Monday everything will be back to normal."

"Ethan, you can't worry me like this and then tell me not to think of you," I told him like he were crazy, yet feeling like I were the crazy one.

He flashed me his boyish smile. "I love how you worry about me," he mused quietly, then louder. "But don't, it's not necessary." He tried to move past me but I shook my head and stood in his way.

"I can't let you go." Ethan frowned and cocked his head like an inquisitive puppy dog. "what is she doing to you?" I asked. "Does she hurt you?" Ethan sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Shortcake, please. It's fine. I just need to humour her until she leaves."

"What does she make you take?" I asked instead. Ethan's eyes narrowed on mine.

"Who says I take anything?"

I shrugged. "The others say she's a drug dealer."

"What do they say she deals?"

"Shrooms. Ecstasy. LSD. Does she make you take these?" Ethan shifted his weight as he thought and shrugged.

"Yeah, those and some other harmless stuff." I noticed he never denied the drugs being forced on him. In an act of desperation, I reached out and gripped the front of his jacket tightly.

"You don't have to go with her y'know?" I told him.

He nodded. "Yeah I do. If I don't entertain her myself, she'll only come after you guys. And I don't really feel like breaking my new year resolution so soon." I looked up at him and our eyes locked for an intense second or two. I was still clinging to his leather lapels. We were close.
Ethan placed his hands over mine and tried to prise my fingers from him.

"Muffin," he said in a soft voice. "You need to let me go." I shook my head in protest, not meeting his gaze stubbornly. "Darling, please. She'll come looking for me."

"Then let her come," I said, feeling a war cry deep inside me. How dare she feel she can take and destroy what's rightfully mine.
Ethan seized my head in his hands and pushed a kiss into my hair, forcefully. still holding my head, he whispered.

"I have to go. You don't realise how dangerous this girl is."

"And you don't realise it's for that reason I'm not letting go," I said back. Ethan glanced over his shoulder and looked back at me with desperate eyes. Hands still either side of my head, he tilted my head back and pulled out the big guns.
It was a low blow and he knew it. He knows I'm helpless to him when he kisses me.
I felt my grip on his lapels loosen some as his lips moved against mine.
One day, I told myself, I'm going to stop letting Ethan kiss me . . . maybe.
All too soon, Ethan's lips removed themselves from mine. I heard a light 'Monday' whispered in my ear and remembered what was happening. I clenched my fists again only to realise I was gripping at air. My eyes opened to my empty hands. Ethan was gone, walking away hurriedly in the distance.
He tricked me. He now knew that his kisses were my weakness and I was pretty sure he'd use them to his advantage again.