The Rebel's Apprentice

I sat beside Ethan on his bed. I was thinking about everything Cookie had told me that afternoon. He caught one of my fidgeting hands in one of his and my eyes lifted to his. He was smiling.
He did all that. He went through all that for his ex-girlfriend? He was constantly fighting a silent battle and he couldn't even talk to Zach about it. I threw myself at him, realising how brave he was. He laughed.

"That's nice," he commented. "But what's it for?
I looked up at him, arms still wrapped around his middle.

"Cookie told me everything," I confessed. I felt Ethan tense beneath me. He fell silent. "You don't have to suffer in silence y'know? You can tell me stuff. I want to know." Ethan sighed and rubbed my back.

"I'd do it for you as well, if you got yourself into something bad," he told me.

"I wouldn't be that daft and I wouldn't let you take the fall for my mistakes."

"She was scared," Ethan told me. "I couldn't do nothing."

"And now I'm scared Ethan," I let go and sat up to look him in the eye. "I'm scared for you. Can't you stop?" He smiled and shook his head.

"Erin's not that kinda girl. She's serious, and she's dangerous. If it was as easy as just saying no, I would have told Erin to fuck off a long time ago. She always wants to make a deal. Always wants to trade for something she wants even more than what she's already got."

"You mean like you traded yourself for Cookie?" Ethan eyed me suspiciously before rolling his eyes and groaning.

"Fuck sake, Alice. Don't go there, okay?"

"Go where?" I asked in innocent surprise.

"Promise you wont go looking for Erin and you wont make any deals with her."

"I promise," I shrugged. Ethan sighed tiredly, like I were hard work. "Why did she want you more than Cookie?" I asked. Ethan looked awkward and couldn't meet my eyes.

"I guess you can say I have something Cookie doesn't." My eyes widened and my mouth fell open.

"No!" I gasped. I shook my head. "No, Ethan, no. tell me you don't sleep her her!" Still with the lowered eyes. Silence. "But . . ." I searched for words. "But you're mine now," I said firmly. Ethan smiled lightly and looked up at me. He nodded and licked his lips. "Are you going to sleep with her again?" I asked.

Ethan sighed. "I don't want to. Of course I don't. I'd much rather sleep with you." I blushed at the idea. That was indeed something I hadn't considered. Now I was Ethan's girlfriend, there were certain requirements I had to fulfil. I'm sure when the time's right, I'll want to sleep with him. The urge wasn't all that far away as it was.

"When Erin comes," Ethan continued. "We disappear, take drugs and fuck. I never remember it and only know it's happened cause I wake up naked."

"You can't sleep with her," I told him. "As your girlfriend, I'm telling you. You can't do this. It's just me now, okay?"

"That's all I want," Ethan admitted. "I don't want to sleep with Erin." He touched my face. "I wanna do right by you, muffin, I really do . ."

"But . . ?" I finished for him.

"But," he nodded. "I don't know how effective my word will be when I'm high as fuck and drugged out of my own fucking head." I glowered and pushed his hand from my face.

"Being on drugs doesn't give you licence to cheat on me Ethan," I scolded.

"I never really thought about it like that before," he mused. "Would you hate me?"

"I don't think I could ever hate you, but I sure wouldn't be your girlfriend anymore."

"You'd leave me?" he wondered with a frown. I nodded firmly.

"Now I'm your girlfriend, I don't have to take your shit if I don't want to. If you break my heart, I wont stand for it. Do you understand?" Ethan watched me a moment and smiled.

"I love it when your confident. So hot." I glared at him and he leant forward and kissed me. I sighed and allowed him to pull me closer, hands sliding up my back. My arms circled his neck while one of his hands knotted in my hair. His other was teasing it's way under my vest. I felt his fingers brush against my hip bone and tingled at the sensation. I loved the way he made me feel with a single touch. I loved the way he knew exactly how far he could go with me. I loved everything about him. I only wished our relationship was at the stage of vocalising those feelings.
I felt like every day I didn't tell him was a day wasted. I could never tell him enough to satisfy my own need to say it. I love you Ethan Kowalski. I love you and,

"If she hurts you, I'll kill her," I whispered into his neck. I felt him freeze, his kisses in my hair stopping.

"Princess?" he looked at me. I met his eyes.

"What?" I asked in a calm voice. He stared at me a thoughtful moment before pulling me close again. I hadn't meant for that to slip out. I didn't even know if I meant it. I probably didn't. I couldn't ever kill anyone. But if I saw her hurting Ethan, I'm not sure what I'd do in a fit of rage.
Ethan was mine. I had to defend what was mine and I fully intended to.



The next afternoon I picked at the fabric of Mr Barry's couch. He had already commented on how much happier I had seemed. I just shrugged and smiled, not mentioning my new boyfriend. We'd gone threw the usual questions about home and school and, of course, Ethan. My answer was always the same. 'everything's fine.' I think Mr Barry was getting tired of counselling me. I never gave him much to work with. Only today, I had something on my mind. Something I wanted a second opinion on.

"If you knew someone you really cared about was in trouble," I began, sparking an interest instantly. I think he was just more surprised I was asking him a question. "What would you do?" I lifted my eyes to met his curious ones. His forehead creased with a frown.

"Is this about Ethan?"

"No. I'm just asking," I said placidly. Mr Barry cleared his throat.

"What kind of trouble?" he enquired. I knew what he was doing. He wasn't getting any information from me.

"Just trouble. Trouble with another person who could be potentially dangerous. What would you do? Would you stop this person from seeing the one you care about?" Mr Barry actually seemed to think.

"If I believed the person I cared about was in direct danger being around this other person, then, yes, I'd probably try to stop them from getting near the one I cared for."

"And what if it put you in danger instead?"

"I guess it just depends on how much I cared for the first person. I definitely wouldn't do anything reckless," Mr Barry said, looking down on me with a look that advised me to do the same. "But I would keep the dangerous person away in ways that didn't put me in danger." I nodded and thought about what Mr Barry had said. "What are you planning Alice?" he asked with concern. I looked up at him and forced a smile.

"Nothing. Like I said, just asking."



I eyed Ethan beside me. He was smiling at Beth who had brought a collection of stuffed bears into my room. She'd told him what all their names were and proceeded to force him to hold some as she described what their personalities were like. I loved how much time Ethan had for Beth. He loved her. I could see it in his eyes. He wasn't just my boyfriend, he was family now. He needed this.

"So are you going to marry Alice then?" Beth asked. Back here again? I rolled my eyes and Ethan laughed.

"Sure am," he winked at me and I felt my insides melt and a blush creep up my neck.

"Are you really going to college in New York? Mommy said you two argued cause Ethan was leaving." Ethan seemed to think with a frown. I lowered my eyes. The air felt so thick around us.

"I'm only going to New York if Alice is." he answered. I gazed at him curiously. He looked at me back. "I don't care where I go, as long as it's with you." My breath caught in my throat. I love him. I love him. I love him! I leant forward and placed a tender kiss on his lips.

"Ewww!" exclaimed Beth. "Gross." Ethan looked back at her and smiled. I couldn't tear my eyes from his perfect face. How had I gotten so lucky to have this boy, this incredible boy, so willing to be with me? It wasn't a trick. It wasn't unkind. He genuinely wanted to be with me. Maybe he even loved me? Even if he didn't now, I knew that in time he would, and he'd tell me everyday.
Surely I was the luckiest girl in the world?



Ethan and I had been together for nearly a week now. 5 days to be exact. I really had to stop counting. What was I counting for anyway? To see how long it takes for things to go wrong? I should stop thinking about what could happen and start thinking about what was happening. Start living my life.
It was around half past five when I approached the tracks the next afternoon. I'd had a debate meeting after school. Ethan wanted to wait till it was over but I told him I'd meet him at the tracks. He was reluctant but did as I said anyway. He was doing that a lot lately.

As I approached the dirty abandoned carriage that I knew contained my friends, I smiled. I couldn't hear their laughter over the sound of a train passing through about 50 meters away. Cookie, who always sat in the open carriage door saw me and smiled. Then Ethan's head poked out and grinned. He jumped out and closed the distance between us. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and reeled me to his chest, holding me tight.

"Missed you," he said, a smile in his voice.

"I've been gone all of an hour," I teased. He responded with a shrug and licked my face. I cringed.

"Ugh. Gross." Ethan laughed as I scrubbed at my face.

"You love it when I lick you," he joked as we walked back to the carriage. I rolled my eyes skywards.

"Of course," I said sarcastically. "Nothing I like more than a regular licking."
We climbed into the carriage and sat down, Ethan's arm falling around my waist. Things felt natural, even around Cookie, Zach, Pam and Scott. They didn't even pay attention when Ethan leant down and kissed me quick. Zach brought Pam along now. She seemed to love the casual hang out and we loved her being there. She was a lovely girl.
Zach pulled out a packet of cigarettes and slipped one out.

"Share, motherfucker," ordered Scott.

"Like you ever fucking share," laughed Zach, throwing the pack to Scott anyway. He slipped one out and flicked it to Cookie who smiled at him. I noticed now there was more than just fondness in her eyes. Scott threw the packet at Ethan who caught it in one hand. He looked at it and hesitated.

"What's up?" I asked.

"You don't like it when I smoke," he commented, throwing me off guard. Zach and Cookie were now busy teasing Scott while Pam watched with a smile and didn't seem to notice us sink into our little Ethan/Alice bubble.

I shrugged. "Well, no. But it's apart of who you are. I don't want you to change for me." Still he hesitated. To prove my point that I liked him just the way he was, I took the packet and pulled out a cigarette. He watched as I put it in his lips and threw the packet back to Zach. "You don't need to be something you're not with me," I told him. "You know that, Ethan." He captured the cigarette between his index and middle finger and patted his pockets for a lighter.

"You're too good for me," he sighed. I frowned and slapped his arm.

"Shut up." He lit his cigarette and smirked at me. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Cookie stiffen in the door.

"Oh no," she said barely above a breath. I stared at her. Ethan hadn't noticed.

"Cookie?" I asked. Everyone looked at her now. She looked straight at Ethan. She looked pale. He frowned. Something had sure spooked her.

"Oh, Ethan," Cookie gasped. Zach walked to the door and looked out. He cursed and looked at Ethan.

"Hardcore's back." My head snapped to Ethan. His mouth was open and his eyes wide.

"What?" he gasped, looking a little scared. "She's early!"

"Yeah, by a couple months," commented Scott, concerned by the worry so evident on Ethan's face. "I thought you liked going with her."

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Ethan muttered, ignoring Scott's question. His eyes lifted to mine. I saw my own fear reflected within his. My fingers tightened around his arm.

"Don't go," I pleaded in a whisper.

"I have to," he replied, his eyes pleading back at me to let him go.

I shook my head. "Don't leave me, please." I saw the heartbreak rip through him. He didn't hesitate to kiss me hard.

"She's getting closer," warned Zach. "Man, she's hot." Pam slapped Zach's arm playfully and he cringed, forgetting his girlfriend was stood right behind him. Ethan released me and I stared helplessly into his eyes.

"Don't wait up," he whispered, bounding to his feet and out the carriage. I hurried to the door in time to witness him engulf Erin in a bear hug. My insides felt like they'd been turned inside out. Erin slid her arm around his shoulders and led him away from me. Neither looked back. I looked down at Cookie. She looked sick with guilt and for the first time, I felt sorry for her. I looked back at Ethan and Erin. She was taking him away to force drugs on him and sleep with him. The pain was obvious. This hurt so much, watching her take him away.
What do I do? What do I do?
What could I do? There was nothing I could do but watch him get smaller and smaller and wonder if and when he'd come back.
5 days. It had taken only 5 days for things to go horribly wrong.



I paced my bedroom, phone held tightly in my hand. I'd try again in a minute. I'd tried calling three times that evening. I was worried. I couldn't bare the thought of what she was doing to him. I had to know if he was okay. Unable to stop myself I pressed redial and cradled the phone to my ear, pacing again. I listened, barely breathing as it rang seven times. Someone answered on the eighth.

"Hello? Hello?" I said desperately. "Ethan?"

"Who's this?" asked a female voice.

"Where's Ethan?" I demanded. There was silence a moment before a lot of giggling.

"He can't talk right now." Anger burned inside me.

"What have you done to him, you poisonous bitch?" Silence again.

"You say that to my face you dirty little whore!" she spat.

"What have you done with my boyfriend?" I nearly yelled, feeling tears spring to my eyes. My hands were shaking from my angry outburst.

"I'm crawling on top on him," she jeered. "Now I'm pulling off his shirt."

"You get off of him!" I did yell this time. Why was he allowing this? Stop her Ethan!

"Got a good body, your boyfriend," Erin laughed. I heard the sound of a zip. "Now I'm taking off his pants." I rubbed at the frustrated tears in my eyes. "Hey, if you stay on the line, maybe you can listen. Pretend we're having a threesome. He's good in the sack, your boyfriend. But I don't have to tell you that . . . or do I?" she laughed. I ended the call and threw the phone across my room. I wouldn't listen to Ethan break his promise. I should have known the only thing that could hurt me was him.
My first boyfriend. The only boy I'd ever loved and he'd betrayed me already. Figures.