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Out of Grasp
II
When I woke up the next morning, my mind instantly flooded with thoughts from yesterday. I had fallen asleep over thinking my entire relationship with James and woke up exactly where I had left off. The realization that I was going to have to go back to my empty apartment after a restless night of tossing and turning was looming over my head.
As I sat up, my hair fell over my face in a wavy mess. I climbed out of the warm bed reluctantly, rustling my hair and try to fix it to no avail. Giving up, I threw it in a messy bun and headed downstairs. When I reached the last step I could see Tori was vacuuming the living room and smell the lemon cleaner from the kitchen as I passed the doorway. When Tori saw me she turned off the vacuum, tucking a stray hair behind her ear.
"Hey! How you feeling?" She asked.
I shrugged my shoulders, leaning against the wall and crossing my arms. "Been better."
"Well we have a full day of cooking and cleaning to get your mind off things."
"Don't you hate both of those things?"
"With passion. But Eric's coming back from tour today." She said smiling with a toothy grin, her cheeks tinging pink.
"You should have told me. I wouldn't have come over last night."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to ruin your alone time...or anything else you two plan on doing for that matter..." I smirked.
"Please, alone time? I won't get 'alone time' with Eric until next week! Until then, he's got friends and family coming through here like it's the Holiday Inn!"
I laughed, seeing the pout on Tor's face.
"Now, I'm gonna finish vacuuming. You can start cooking. There's a list on the counter of everything that needs to be made! She said and I nodded. "Ha! Alone time..." She muttered to herself, turning on the vacuum. I chuckled at her as I made my way into the kitchen, glad to have something to do to postpone my return home.
After helping Tori cook and clean most of the morning, I made my way back home to shower and get dressed. When I stepped into my apartment, it was quiet, like I had expected. James' suitcase wasn't where it had been yesterday, so I knew he had already left. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. After closing the door, I noticed a blue sticky note stuck above the ice maker.
Emily,
We need to talk. I'll give you a call when I have the chance.
-James
The best part of the note was that he simply signed his name without a 'love' or even a 'sincerely'. Just James.
I crumpled up the note and threw it in the trashcan and walked upstairs. After a quick shower, I got dressed and did my make up, all the while my mind raced uncontrollably.
The fight yesterday between James and I seemed to hold more finality then the others.
Every fight we've had and let go unresolved caused me to have these pent up emotions. We never talked things out or found a way to solve whatever issue we were having. We'd just argue about it and then act like it never happened. I just think James lost sight of the big picture, of life. Yes, money is needed to live, but you can't base all your time and effort on money and work. People get too wrapped up in cliche things like money too often and it tears people apart, like it has with James and I.
We used to be happy together and he used to care about what I wanted and vice versa. He used to believe in me and now – now all he believes in is his job. I have all these ideas and dreams in my brain that I want to do and the person I want to become and I just can’t do any of them when I'm constantly arguing. And James can't live his life always fighting with me either. Everyone has their own little things that keep their attention. Mine was simply living life and being with my friends and just enjoying being who I am and for James, it was work and trying to move to the next level.
We used to have the same interest and liked to do the same things, that's one of the reasons we started dating and worked out so well; we had alot in common. People mature in different ways though and that causes change. Time changes people, sometimes for the good, sometimes not. But things can't be undone. There's no time machine to back and prevent any of the things that have happened from happening. I just have to learn to take it in stride and work through it day by day.
I sighed, rubbing my now throbbing forehead. I needed to stop thinking about James. As of now, I have no idea what we are anymore. I took an Advil then slipped on my white Keds, heading back to Tori's house.
When I reached her house there was a white van parked in the spot I had previously been parked in, so I parked my car along the curb in front of her yard.
I climbed out of my car and made my way to her front door, shuffling my feet across the ground. I didn't bother knocking, knowing she wouldn't care. When I stepped in her house, the smell of boy was all over. I took off my shoes and placed them next to someones black and red Nikes.
I could hear voices coming from the living room so that's where I headed. When I stepped through the doorway, I saw Eric was there with Nick, Justin, and Andrew, his bandmates. They were seated around the small room, Tor on Eric's lap, and the other three boys split between the couch and loveseat. Tori looked up from laughing at something Justin had said and noticed me standing there.
"Emily! You're finally back!"
"Emmy baby! I haven't seen you in forever!"Eric cheered. He slid Victoria off his lap and stood up from the black leather chair they had been sharing, making his way over to me where I stood and wrapping me in a tight hug. "You, my dear friend, need to learn how to use a phone!" He said once he pulled back, his hands resting on my shoulders.
"A phone works two ways, buddy." I said.
"I was busy making millions of screaming fans across the world happy with my amazing bass playing skills!"
"And going down on JohnO!" Justin snorted from his place on the couch. Eric whipped around and shot Justin a look.
"Don't talk about him in front of Tori! She doesn't know!"
"Everyone knows about your man-love with John, Halvo. Its no secret. We're just waiting for one of you to announce being pregnant one day." Andrew laughed, earning a high-five from Justin.
"That's not even possible, you prick. I love John and if you people can't except that then you are out of the band!" Eric declared, stomping his foot on the carpet like a child.
"I have no idea who you guys are talking about, but I'm gonna walk away before I hear something that will scar me for life." I said, walking around Eric. I said hello and gave hugs to each of the boys before sitting down on the couch.
"You want a drink?"Tori asked me. I shook my head, muttering a "No thank you."
We sat around talking about how the guys tour went and laughing at all the stories they had to tell. Finally, at 6:30, we sat down to eat. Eric and Tori were next to each other, Nick and I across from them, and Andrew and Justin each at a head of the table.
Tori and I let the guys grab food first, mostly in fear of loosing an arm. By the time we got our food and started eating Justin was setting up to get seconds.
"So Emily, hows James?"
I stopped messing with my food and looked up towards everyone as they stared. Victoria back handed Andrews chest, causing him to grunt and choke on the food in his mouth.
"What the hell, Tor!"
"We're uh...we're not doing too good...." I trailed off, looking back down at my plate.
Things became awkward and quiet after that, the only sound being forks scraping against our plates. Eventually Justin changed the subject and I sent him an appreciative smile from across the table, which he returned.
After eating and sitting around talking some more, the guys convinced Tori and I to go downtown and walk around. Even though it was almost eight at night by the time we got to where all the stores were, the sun had yet to set, one of the perks of living in Arizona.
We walked around being obnoxiously loud, having to stop every once in a while so the guys could take pictures and sign things for fans. Eric and Tori walked down the street a little ahead of everyone else, holding hands. Nick managed to convince me to let him give me a piggy back ride. I'm an observer, so I kept falling behind everyone, getting lost in my own thoughts. To prevent me from 'being kidnapped by a fat guy with Cheetos stuck in his beard and a lazy eye that creeps out innocent girls'-Nick's words, not mine- I had to be 'guarded'-also Nick's words.
When we came up to a music store, Justin voiced his need for new guitar strings. Nick let me down when we entered the store and everyone went there own way except for Tori and I, who hung around in the CD section together.
Once Justin got his strings, all the guys joined the two of us and began CD searching.
"Hey! Look, On Your Side!" Andrew cheered, lifting up the guys CD from the rack.
"Ew, what losers made that CD?" I asked, scrunching up my nose and trying to remain as serious as possible.
"Hardy-har-har," Andrew said, smacking me lightly with the CD.
"We should buy it!" Justin said. "Support ourselves!"
"Would that be considered prostitution?" Eric asked.
"Are you seriously asking that?" I laughed.
"Well! We'd be buying ourselves!"
We all laughed but in the end, Eric convinced me to buy it, even though I already owned two copies of it as is.
"Sick dude, Tom Petty! Who has money to buy this for me?" Justin asked, holding up an old vinyl.
"How about you buy it yourself?"
"Stop touching me, Nick! Seriously, you need to get a girlfriend!" Eric yelled, slapping away Nick's hand from poking his face.
After finally getting thrown out of the music store from making too much noise, we spent another hour or so wandering the town, going into random shops and buying little things. At 10, we walked back to Tori's and I decided to head home after that.
"Come back soon, ya here!" Andrew yelled out the front door with a faux country accent. I rolled my eyes and chuckled lightly, waving as I walked down the front path.
"Hey!" I turned around and saw Eric standing next to Andrew. "Don't go picking up any strange men!"
"No promises!" I yelled over my shoulder.
"Say no! Don't let their beautiful blue eyes trick you!" Andrew shouted.
Nicks head popped up from over Eric's shoulder. "I have brown eyes! Will you take me home?!" he yelled out. I laughed out loud, climbing into my car.
I waved out the window as I headed down the road. The last thing I saw as I drove away was Eric hitting Nick upside the head.
As I sat up, my hair fell over my face in a wavy mess. I climbed out of the warm bed reluctantly, rustling my hair and try to fix it to no avail. Giving up, I threw it in a messy bun and headed downstairs. When I reached the last step I could see Tori was vacuuming the living room and smell the lemon cleaner from the kitchen as I passed the doorway. When Tori saw me she turned off the vacuum, tucking a stray hair behind her ear.
"Hey! How you feeling?" She asked.
I shrugged my shoulders, leaning against the wall and crossing my arms. "Been better."
"Well we have a full day of cooking and cleaning to get your mind off things."
"Don't you hate both of those things?"
"With passion. But Eric's coming back from tour today." She said smiling with a toothy grin, her cheeks tinging pink.
"You should have told me. I wouldn't have come over last night."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to ruin your alone time...or anything else you two plan on doing for that matter..." I smirked.
"Please, alone time? I won't get 'alone time' with Eric until next week! Until then, he's got friends and family coming through here like it's the Holiday Inn!"
I laughed, seeing the pout on Tor's face.
"Now, I'm gonna finish vacuuming. You can start cooking. There's a list on the counter of everything that needs to be made! She said and I nodded. "Ha! Alone time..." She muttered to herself, turning on the vacuum. I chuckled at her as I made my way into the kitchen, glad to have something to do to postpone my return home.
After helping Tori cook and clean most of the morning, I made my way back home to shower and get dressed. When I stepped into my apartment, it was quiet, like I had expected. James' suitcase wasn't where it had been yesterday, so I knew he had already left. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. After closing the door, I noticed a blue sticky note stuck above the ice maker.
Emily,
We need to talk. I'll give you a call when I have the chance.
-James
The best part of the note was that he simply signed his name without a 'love' or even a 'sincerely'. Just James.
I crumpled up the note and threw it in the trashcan and walked upstairs. After a quick shower, I got dressed and did my make up, all the while my mind raced uncontrollably.
The fight yesterday between James and I seemed to hold more finality then the others.
Every fight we've had and let go unresolved caused me to have these pent up emotions. We never talked things out or found a way to solve whatever issue we were having. We'd just argue about it and then act like it never happened. I just think James lost sight of the big picture, of life. Yes, money is needed to live, but you can't base all your time and effort on money and work. People get too wrapped up in cliche things like money too often and it tears people apart, like it has with James and I.
We used to be happy together and he used to care about what I wanted and vice versa. He used to believe in me and now – now all he believes in is his job. I have all these ideas and dreams in my brain that I want to do and the person I want to become and I just can’t do any of them when I'm constantly arguing. And James can't live his life always fighting with me either. Everyone has their own little things that keep their attention. Mine was simply living life and being with my friends and just enjoying being who I am and for James, it was work and trying to move to the next level.
We used to have the same interest and liked to do the same things, that's one of the reasons we started dating and worked out so well; we had alot in common. People mature in different ways though and that causes change. Time changes people, sometimes for the good, sometimes not. But things can't be undone. There's no time machine to back and prevent any of the things that have happened from happening. I just have to learn to take it in stride and work through it day by day.
I sighed, rubbing my now throbbing forehead. I needed to stop thinking about James. As of now, I have no idea what we are anymore. I took an Advil then slipped on my white Keds, heading back to Tori's house.
When I reached her house there was a white van parked in the spot I had previously been parked in, so I parked my car along the curb in front of her yard.
I climbed out of my car and made my way to her front door, shuffling my feet across the ground. I didn't bother knocking, knowing she wouldn't care. When I stepped in her house, the smell of boy was all over. I took off my shoes and placed them next to someones black and red Nikes.
I could hear voices coming from the living room so that's where I headed. When I stepped through the doorway, I saw Eric was there with Nick, Justin, and Andrew, his bandmates. They were seated around the small room, Tor on Eric's lap, and the other three boys split between the couch and loveseat. Tori looked up from laughing at something Justin had said and noticed me standing there.
"Emily! You're finally back!"
"Emmy baby! I haven't seen you in forever!"Eric cheered. He slid Victoria off his lap and stood up from the black leather chair they had been sharing, making his way over to me where I stood and wrapping me in a tight hug. "You, my dear friend, need to learn how to use a phone!" He said once he pulled back, his hands resting on my shoulders.
"A phone works two ways, buddy." I said.
"I was busy making millions of screaming fans across the world happy with my amazing bass playing skills!"
"And going down on JohnO!" Justin snorted from his place on the couch. Eric whipped around and shot Justin a look.
"Don't talk about him in front of Tori! She doesn't know!"
"Everyone knows about your man-love with John, Halvo. Its no secret. We're just waiting for one of you to announce being pregnant one day." Andrew laughed, earning a high-five from Justin.
"That's not even possible, you prick. I love John and if you people can't except that then you are out of the band!" Eric declared, stomping his foot on the carpet like a child.
"I have no idea who you guys are talking about, but I'm gonna walk away before I hear something that will scar me for life." I said, walking around Eric. I said hello and gave hugs to each of the boys before sitting down on the couch.
"You want a drink?"Tori asked me. I shook my head, muttering a "No thank you."
We sat around talking about how the guys tour went and laughing at all the stories they had to tell. Finally, at 6:30, we sat down to eat. Eric and Tori were next to each other, Nick and I across from them, and Andrew and Justin each at a head of the table.
Tori and I let the guys grab food first, mostly in fear of loosing an arm. By the time we got our food and started eating Justin was setting up to get seconds.
"So Emily, hows James?"
I stopped messing with my food and looked up towards everyone as they stared. Victoria back handed Andrews chest, causing him to grunt and choke on the food in his mouth.
"What the hell, Tor!"
"We're uh...we're not doing too good...." I trailed off, looking back down at my plate.
Things became awkward and quiet after that, the only sound being forks scraping against our plates. Eventually Justin changed the subject and I sent him an appreciative smile from across the table, which he returned.
After eating and sitting around talking some more, the guys convinced Tori and I to go downtown and walk around. Even though it was almost eight at night by the time we got to where all the stores were, the sun had yet to set, one of the perks of living in Arizona.
We walked around being obnoxiously loud, having to stop every once in a while so the guys could take pictures and sign things for fans. Eric and Tori walked down the street a little ahead of everyone else, holding hands. Nick managed to convince me to let him give me a piggy back ride. I'm an observer, so I kept falling behind everyone, getting lost in my own thoughts. To prevent me from 'being kidnapped by a fat guy with Cheetos stuck in his beard and a lazy eye that creeps out innocent girls'-Nick's words, not mine- I had to be 'guarded'-also Nick's words.
When we came up to a music store, Justin voiced his need for new guitar strings. Nick let me down when we entered the store and everyone went there own way except for Tori and I, who hung around in the CD section together.
Once Justin got his strings, all the guys joined the two of us and began CD searching.
"Hey! Look, On Your Side!" Andrew cheered, lifting up the guys CD from the rack.
"Ew, what losers made that CD?" I asked, scrunching up my nose and trying to remain as serious as possible.
"Hardy-har-har," Andrew said, smacking me lightly with the CD.
"We should buy it!" Justin said. "Support ourselves!"
"Would that be considered prostitution?" Eric asked.
"Are you seriously asking that?" I laughed.
"Well! We'd be buying ourselves!"
We all laughed but in the end, Eric convinced me to buy it, even though I already owned two copies of it as is.
"Sick dude, Tom Petty! Who has money to buy this for me?" Justin asked, holding up an old vinyl.
"How about you buy it yourself?"
"Stop touching me, Nick! Seriously, you need to get a girlfriend!" Eric yelled, slapping away Nick's hand from poking his face.
After finally getting thrown out of the music store from making too much noise, we spent another hour or so wandering the town, going into random shops and buying little things. At 10, we walked back to Tori's and I decided to head home after that.
"Come back soon, ya here!" Andrew yelled out the front door with a faux country accent. I rolled my eyes and chuckled lightly, waving as I walked down the front path.
"Hey!" I turned around and saw Eric standing next to Andrew. "Don't go picking up any strange men!"
"No promises!" I yelled over my shoulder.
"Say no! Don't let their beautiful blue eyes trick you!" Andrew shouted.
Nicks head popped up from over Eric's shoulder. "I have brown eyes! Will you take me home?!" he yelled out. I laughed out loud, climbing into my car.
I waved out the window as I headed down the road. The last thing I saw as I drove away was Eric hitting Nick upside the head.