Above City Lights Lies the Desert Sun

Lucy’s once blues eyes were now a broken red and burning coated in a glassy haze that made her vision a slight blur. Maybe it was from the wet tears that had been shed earlier that evening from the ducks of her eyes – or maybe it was simply due to the fact that she’d talked John into staying, and now several hours and six beers later they sat relaxed in the confined walls of the living room…or maybe it was seven beers, either way she’d lost count about an hour before hand, and now her body and mind seemed to be suffering from the bitter intoxication that suffocated it’s core.

And as she sat slouched back beside him on the soft cushions of the couch with her legs pulled up against her chest, she found herself unable to decide whether or not she was drunk off of the numerous beers that her body had consumed just moments prior, or if she was drunk off of just the lustful sight of his rugged appearance as he pressed the tin can, that his calloused hand gripped tightly, to his thin lips as he downed the last bit of bitter alcohol that remained left in the tin surface. She licked her own acidic pink lips with the tip of her tongue; with her head turned as her blue eyes bore holes into the flesh along the side of his flushed complexion.

“John.” Her voice spoke softly, but held a slight whine in its pitch, almost one of desperation in gaining his attention, into the broken silence.

“Yeah babe?” He leaned foreword with his coarse hand extended outward to place the empty beer can on the coffee tables wooden surface before his body casually leaned back into the depths of the couch. But the sudden movement caused a shift inside his skull, one that forced him to close his mint green specks momentarily as he gripped the bridge of his nose between his fingertips in order to halt the spinning that consumed the bottled up thoughts within his intoxicated mind.

Once regaining control over his inebriated body, his dull eyes managed to leisurely flutter open to find a pair of pale blue orbs peering up at him through thick lashes and a flushed complexion surrounding their iridescent spark. He caught her playfully biting the pale skin along her bottom lip with the whites of her teeth as she blushed meekly – like she was chomping at the bit to verbalize something, but was entirely to frightened to speak it…until now.

“Do you – um –” she stopped to collect her congested thoughts while shifting herself so her body faced him and her legs were tucked snuggly beneath her, “Where – where do you think things w-would be if – if I’d never left….I – I mean do you ever wonder what – what life would be like if I – I’d stayed in Arizona?” She found herself stumbling over her broken words, like her tongue was tied in a bitter knot of regrets that she never should’ve made. And even through her apparent intoxication, with her words slurring sloppily, she knew that she’d never have the courage to ask such a question in her sober state of mind…ever.

He suddenly found his eyes falling away from her glazed ones as a light nervous chuckle escaped through his thin parted lips, and he anxiously began rubbing the back of his neck with the coarse flesh of his palm. “It’s hard to say Luce – I mean I never expected you to leave the first time you uh – you know.”

His hand slid off of his clammy neck and when his sunken orbs fluttered back over towards her, he was able to catch the weak nodding of her head with her full pink lips drowning in a weighted frown.

Her dull grey eyes couldn’t bear to look at him in that moment as she gazed downward toward the palms of her hands that rested within the pit of her lap. He could feel his heart sink slightly inside his aching chest as the whites of his eyes burned crimson, and he could only blame the tart alcohol for saying something so shitty in return. He was yelling and cursing at his own self inside his bitter thoughts, knowing that that’s not what she wanted to hear and it wasn’t what she deserved to hear at this point. She needed something more than just the soft whisper of words to take away the regrets that were corroding her insides. She needed sympathy that would last a little longer than just meaningful words, but with the volcano erupting inside his skull he was unable to make sense of anything coming out of his mouth at this point.

But to his relief he watched as she swiftly brushed off his hurtful comment and slightly bitter demeanor. She knew she looked like a complete failure at this point – she knew how pathetic it was of her to drown herself in something that could never show her some sort of sympathy in return. But she didn’t give a fuck that she was being perceived as foolish and unable to control her bodily alcohol consumption…all she wanted was to wash away the pain that was flowing throughout her bones the best way that she knew how.

And as her heavy blue eyes lethargically fluttered upward to bore holes into the flushed skin along the side of his complexion she seemed to let the booze hold domination and her tongue speak, before her mind was able to react in what would have been an attempt at stopping herself.

“You know I – I still love y-you John.” Her ivory fingertips coyly played with the hem of her shirt as her words rattled in a drunken speech.

He laughed fretfully as he shook his head weakly in distrust of what her bitter liquor encrusted lips had confessed with such ease. He anxiously dug his nails into the rough threads of his jeans with his head bowed slightly and his green eyes hesitant with where they roamed unsure of where she was taking him with her slurs.

“You know what I think…,” his scratchy crimson orbs leisurely cast over to become locked with the misery that wavered amongst hers as she shook her head No and patiently waited for some source of a response, “I – I think you’re drunk, and that’s jus’ the alcohol talking sweetheart.” He gave a sloppy smirk with a cocky expression washing over his worn down complexion as he produced a slur over several of his own words, before comprehending that possibly he was slightly drunk himself.

She scoffed in disgust, rolling her sunken blue eyes with the warmth of her body leaving the plush cushions of the coach next to his as she tried to miserably balance her weight on her own two feet.

Her brows were scrunched in slight disturbance and hurt, “Fu – fuck you… you – you’re still the same sel-fish John that I – I le-ft.” She spat frustrated, with several bitter hiccups and her pink lips falling numb, causing her words to become a mumbled mess. Her feet struggled to place one in from of the other as she tried to trek across the carpet, stumbling weakly in motion, but none the less never failing to catch herself before falling as she headed for what he only assumed to be the kitchen in order to obtain another drink – another drink to calm the anger that was stirring within her boiling blood – and another drink that they both knew would be no good for her.

But her frail unstable legs weren’t even half way there, when her body was abruptly being pulled away with a very forceful weight holding her back as a pair of lanky arms wrapped securely around her waist from behind, and she immediately began to put up a fight that was useless and utterly pathetic.

“Fuck let – let me go John!” Her dainty hands fiercely fought to remove his arms from around her tiny waistline, but she held an extreme disadvantage by the ridiculous amounts of alcohol that was weakening every muscle throughout her fragile body.

“God damn it Lucy would you – would you just stop!” He growled, forcing her feet to spin on the ground as he gripped her hips in frustration and forced her icy blue eyes to gaze directly into his brokenly defeated orbs. The center of her palms began pushing into the soft threads of his shirt as she was determined to push her body farther away from the depths of his, but failed miserably at the feeble attempt. So she surrendered with her palms no longer pressing into his chest, but instead resting their weight against him.

“Damn –” he cursed bitterly under his heavy breathing as he fought to catch the air that his lungs seemed to be lacking, “Do you always have to be so fucking stubborn?” He peered at her with his brows knotted in anger and irritation over her childish behavior, and his hot breath was falling rugged against the flushed flesh across her face as she peered up at him through bloodshot eyes.

“No, I – I’m just drunk…remember?” She bit her own tongue behind clenched teeth and her pink lips pressed tightly into a line, but even her bitter demeanor was unable to disguise the hurt that was caused by his acidic words just minutes prior.

The anger was washed away as a simple sigh escaped past his lips and his head bowed faintly in a shameful manner with his calloused palms releasing their grasp on the thin fabric that covered her waistline.

“I – I’m sorry – you know I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. You – it – it’s just…right now – being with me it – it’s not what you need…not right now…” His voice was soft as he briskly pulled at the roots of his tethered hair in angst, and even though his mint green eyes were gazing away in pity she could effortlessly heed the pain that was straining the vocals within his voice.

She could feel the weight of her own heart sink a little further within the walls of her chest, and refused to believe the lies that were pouring through his parted pink lips. She didn’t want to believe him, so she simply chose not to. She found her drunken self to be entirely to enticed by the raw disheveled appearance that his body seemed to be drowning in – the way his plaid button down shirt was scrunched in wrinkles, with four buttons remaining popped open down his inked chest - his sandy locks tossed about his head in a rugged fashion, cheeks flushed and eyes blood shot with glassy intoxication.

With the center of her palms still relaxing casually against his aching chest, she found her fragile body unconsciously falling deeper into the warmth of his as the ivory tips of her fingers soothingly began gliding – crossing over the soft cotton fabric until they reached the cream flesh along his neck. Her drained burnt out orbs peered up at him through her long thick lashes as she felt his pink skin burn holes beneath her fingertips. The tepid sensation of her bitter breath was tearing into the sensitive flesh across his face as his half lidded green eyes observed the way her blue orbs were gazing longingly at his soft pink lips in a hazy drunken stare.

The smell of liquor was fueling his insides with want and need, clouding his mind with fuzzy lust filled thoughts. His thin lips brushed down across the temperate flesh of her forehead before pressing into the burning skin – but they failed to stop there smooth trail, with his smirking lips falling further down to skim along the ivory flesh across her nose. She couldn’t take the warmth of his breath searing teasingly across her flushed complexion, so she lifted her head further for the heat to flood her quivering crimson lips. And it was like her entire body was washed in relief when his sweet lips pressed into her own, and she could finally taste the sweet bitter coating that his mouth held. Her fingers locked and curled in a tight grip amongst the soft wisps of his golden brown hair.

Their feet began dancing across the cool floors as their silhouettes pushed through the darkness that was crowding the walls surrounding their leisurely motion. His coarse palms slowly swept down the sides of her trembling body, causing her to release a relaxed sigh within his mouth as he kept feeding off the bittersweet flavor that her cherry lips seized. His teeth gnawed on the raw skin of her full bottom lip as it was caught between the sucking compressions of his swollen ones.

Her bones rattled and shivered beneath her skin in angst as the lengths of his long calloused fingers tugged repeatedly at the threads of her shirts hemline, and her dainty fingertips struggled to pop the buttons that kept her away from the creamy plains of his chest. His coarse knuckles grazed along the trails of her sweltering flesh as he peeled the fabrics from her torso with ease, and his clenched fingers released the threads, leaving it to gradually float down to lay across the cold floor below.

The echo of her damaged heartbeat was pummeling in resonance throughout her eardrums as her head rolled back into the depths of the rough wall that her body was being thrust up against, and her blue eyes caught one last glimpse of his dull green ones before they gradually fell into rest. The surface of his pale lips brushed gently across the pink skin along her jaw line, grazing down her neck with tepid heat spreading throughout as he began firmly pressing his mouth into the flesh along her throat.

Her lungs felt constricted amongst the walls of her chest as the atmosphere grew suffocating and she began gasping to obtain some source of oxygen while emitting enticing pants and moans through the small gap between her lip line. The damp impression of his swollen lips traveled further downward, reaching the swell of her panting chest and causing her nails to dig into the depths of his scalp, tugging vigorously at the throbbing tethered roots of his sandy locks, and earning a deep drawn out groan to protrude in a muffled tone against her raw skin.

But when his damp mouth hastily rose from her heaving chest she found her blue eyes leisurely fluttering open and her head pulling away from the walls exterior to meet a pair of broken orbs harshly gazing down at a specific part on her skin.

His raspy breath was heavy and uneven as he spoke in a coarse tone, “What – what’s that from?” He brought his calloused thumb up to push into the depths of the small mark that was set along the extreme lower left side of her chest. His thumb began stroking and rubbing the scar soothingly from side to side with his mossy eyes boring holes of sadness deep into the pink skin.

She watched the guilt wash over his flushed cheeks in the dark shadows that crowded them as her ivory hand rose to drop across the form of his own that was settled along her chest, “John…” she whispered softly knowing that every part of his soul was dying over a situation that happened nearly ten months ago, “ – its okay. Babe you – you’ve gott’a stop thinking that – that you could’ve stopped what happened.”

His mind was flashing back to that night when he received a phone call that set reality hard within his soul and made his heart drop inside his chest – that night that had placed him in a seat at her bedside for two weeks, until his eyes burned with dehydration and his body grew limp and feeble due to the lack of sleep he acquired, as he waited for her to awake.

“But – but I could have,” he clenched his teeth in frustration as his breath burned into the flesh along her rosy complexion, “I never should’ve slept with that girl or – or gone to that party….I never should’ve put myself in that situation,” his head fell in a regretful manner as he towered over her, “I – I love you Luce…but I’m no good for you – you know that. An – and I can’t let you waste your life on trying to fix me…” His words had faded into a soft whisper that left her needing more – needing more of an explanation as to why he was being so unreasonable when it came down to something that was so fragile.

She felt herself grow angered and annoyed at his bitter conduct. The tips of her soft fingers extended forward to lift his chin, bringing his broken eyes into perfect view of her own, “Fuck John….Is that what you think – that I’m wasting my life – that you’re no good for me,” her voice strained in a hurtful whisper, “Sweetheart people make mistakes – it – it’s part of life…You – you’ve gott’a let it go,” she lightly squeezed his fingertips that were delicately tracing the small pink scar, “You’ve got to let this go John.”

He simply nodded his head in a promising way at her soft spoken words, and silence held defiance in the shadows. She pressed a gentle kiss to the his jaw line and his arms pulled her in to cradle the warmth of her body closely as she let her weary head rest against the wall of his chest. She let her blue eyes fall to relax with her ear pressed against his beating heart and her tiny fingers tightly clenching the cotton of his collared shirt. And as they remained standing alone in the dark he pressed his lips into her temple while brushing his coarse fingertips through the lengths of her long auburn locks.

And as she let a weary sigh surpass her lips she made one last confession with her small voice being consumed by the shattered blackness above and below, “I lied before,” she paused to dig herself deeper into his chest, “ –but I….I promise this time – I swear I – I’ll never let you go.” She whispered softly, placing nothing but a slightly drunken dare onto the table – one that involved a promise that was never given a chance to last and grow – as she placed her bruised heart within his hands in hopes of finding the trust that had been buried somewhere beneath the desert sand.

But one thing they both realized through their unreliable thoughts was that it would take some precious time to build up a sandcastle that barely held a prominent bump on the shoreline at this moment – and they couldn’t help but let their minds wonder across the question of how long would it take for the strength of one wave to wash away the sand back into the depths of the ocean, where it all started.

And as morning grew closer, and their foggy minds became clearer, they both would quickly find the course of their words changing as daylight peeked its unforgivable glow across the distant skyline.