Waiting for a Breaking Heart

It was Sunday. This Sunday signaled break was over and it was time to get back to reality. Reality was the humdrum schedule of going to school and going home. I groaned before rolling over.

Bright lights filled my sensitive eyes. A pounding in my head brought back the memories from last night. Every word Alex and I exchanged played back in my head. It came down to the kiss when I unconsciously brought my hands to my lips.

Sitting up I noticed there wasn’t a warm body where there was supposed to be. Alex was no longer curled up next to me. My mood dropped until I noticed the Advil and water on the night stand.

‘You’re gonna need this ;)’

I laughing before I swallowed the pill and pushed myself out of the bed. I searched the room for any clothing Brent might have left. A pair of black basket ball shorts was the only thing I could find. I fixed the hair tie around my large shirt and switched my stretched jeans with the shorts.

My hands were straightening my bangs as I went upstairs. I stopped on the top step before realizing Mike or my mom probably knew exactly what had happened last night. There was no doubt I was in trouble.

With a brave step I opened the door and walked into the kitchen. It was empty. It looked like someone had been cooking.

The whole house seemed oddly silent. My footsteps took me into the hallway. A faint crunching noise at the end caught my attention.

Alex sat around the corner with his knees pulled up to his chest as he sat against the wall. I sat down next to him, but he acted as if I wasn’t there.

“Alex—”

“Why?” He cut me off and picked up his head. His arm opposite me rose with a small pill bottle in it. “Why wouldn’t you tell me? Or Jack? Or anyone?” The pills dropped from his hands as he covered his face with them instead.

A crumpled piece of paper was sitting next to him. It was a note I’d read over at least a million times.

‘Here is your medicine. I found it in the trash again. Please take it, it will help you. I’m sorry I can’t be around to be with you right now, but I’ll be home soon. Then I’ll make you a really nice dinner.
I love you, please realize that.’

“Alex, you don’t understand…” I faded off staring at the little bottle sitting on the ground.

“I’m pretty sure I do though Shana. Those pills help treat anorexia. What is left to not understand?” He turned raising his voice just a touch. “I was just trying to find your spatula and I found those…” He explained bringing his voice down again.

“I’m not fucking anorexic Alex. I’m skinny and yes, I’ll admit I’m probably a little underweight. But that’s not because I just don’t eat. It’s just my body type.” I responded. For being accused of being anorexic, I was keeping my temper under control better than I expected.

“Then you explain to me why your mom left that note and these pills.” He turned expectantly thinking he’d just won the argument.

“Because…I left that note for my mom. She’s been in and out of therapy lately.” I tried to mask the fact that my eyes were welling up with salty tears. “I didn’t want anyone worrying.”
Alex didn’t speak; he rapidly wrapped me up in a reassuring embrace. That’s all it took for me to break down. I’d been on the edge of snapping for the past couple weeks.

“He cheated on her. You know she was unstable and he went and fucking cheated on her!” I sobbed clinging to Alex. “Then she took him back and thought she wasn’t pretty enough and spent lots on getting her hair dyed and her nails done all the time. And then they were okay for a bit. He cheated again and this time she thought she still wasn’t good enough.”

The brunette boy didn’t make a sound still. He simply let me grip his waist like it was a matter of life or death. He let me blubber like an idiot and let go of everything that had been happening for so long.

“It’s all his fault! I lost my mother to that cheating bastard! She’s gone! Her crazy stories about how I was going to grow up and be famous. The rants about how you were always the perfect boy and I was dumb to not see it…he took those moments from me.” I wiped my eyes on my shoulders and tried to take up a fierce face. “Now she’s just some shell of a woman that pretends to be happy for me. I see through it all. I always have.”

Alex shushed me tenderly now and picked me up so I sat up straighter. “Lor, I’m so sorry.” He held me close. “I…” He faded off obviously at a loss for words.

“You don’t have to talk Lex. Just…sit here with me please.” I whispered not wanting to let him go.

“Anything,” He muttered into my hair softly.

A click sounded meaning that someone was opening the front door. I didn’t make any move to see who it was.

“Honey, I’m home!”

That voice was more than enough for me to let go of Alex and wobble to my feet. I took the two steps that put me in direct view of the front door from around the corner. I put my hands on my hips and tried to look angry.

“You’re late.” I stated in a cracking voice I wanted to sound stern.

The owner of the voice dropped whatever he had on the ground and launched himself at me.

“Banana baby, what’s wrong? Aww don’t cry, please stop crying.” Jack cooed as he held me up. I wrapped my legs around his small waist tightly and buried my face in his neck. “Alex what happened?”

The brunette boy had obviously made himself known at this point. “She probably wants to tell you herself…” His voice was laced with dejection like I’d never heard before.

“Banana?” The skinny male questioned the air lightly.

“Can we all just…like sit on the couch or something?” I muttered feeling bad that Alex had to deal with all that sorrow I unleashed upon him.

There was a reason I’d kept everything a secret. I didn’t want the sympathy or the pity looks. I didn’t want everyone looking at me knowing that my family was fucked up beyond repair. No one else should have had to carry the burden of knowing that someone is slowly killing themselves, and have no way of stopping it.

I didn’t want to be crying. I didn’t want to be weak.

Jack set me down on the couch and took the spot to my left. Alex followed him silently and sat down on my other side. I told Jack the version of the story with less tears and less name calling. It was the point without the interest.

“Where’s the frying pan? Ima hit that ass sucker so hard!” Jack exclaimed as I ended the story.

A faint smile cracked the despondent expression glued to my face. What an odd sight. Pitiful was probably better. It was pitiful, a disheveled, cheerless girl trying to laugh with tears flowing like rivers from her eyes.

The weak grin only lasted another second before I collapsed into my knees again. A loud infuriated groan escaped my lips as I flopped over and fell on Alex’s lap. “I’m getting wound up at how upset I am. Make the fucking tears stop. Please…” I mumbled the last word as I curled closer to the brunette’s warm body.

“I’m gonna go make some hot chocolate.” Jack whispered softly as he patted Alex on the shoulder and got off the couch.

I sniffled quietly still trying to calm myself down. Alex’s tender touch ran smoothly up and down my back.

“So…therapy? It that where they were heading this morning?” Alex asked in a mellow voice. As if anything louder or harsher would shatter everything.

I sat up and wiped my eyes with the back of my hands. The brown eyed boy pulled me back into his chest almost instantly. “I spose…probably.” I heaved a sigh and wrapped my arms around him.

“I’m going asexual.” I grumbled nuzzling into Alex more. “Boys are just too much drama and bitches are just asking to get smacked.”

Alex’s chest rumbled against my cheek as he chuckled lightly. “This was not how I had this day planned.”Alex admitted tugging on the ends of some of my hair.

My puffy eyes looked up at him curiously. “You had this planned?”

“Yes…well sort of.” He took one hand away to ruffle his hair. “I came up with it once I was sober. You were supposed to wake up and I’d have tried to cook you breakfast. Then you’d laugh at my pathetic attempt at charm and I could swoop in for a kiss. And maybe if I was lucky you’d agree to go on a date with me.”

I blinked quizzically. Did he just indirectly ask me out? “Alex, I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

He smiled down at me sweetly and pressed his lips to my forehead. “I know; it was a heads up babe.” He spoke as his lips brushed against my skin still. “Prepare for something even better.” The warm breath moved away as footsteps came from the kitchen.