Waiting for a Breaking Heart

My icy blue eyes watched passing students and friends through dark lenses. The black glasses shielded my sensitive eyes from the blinding sun. The black glasses covered everything I didn’t want the world to see.

The arm hanging comfortably around my shoulder pulled me closer and pressed warm lips to my head. I scooted closer as we sat in the back of the truck.

“Jack you’re going to be tired before school even starts.” Rian called out to the lanky boy chasing the birds around the parking lot.

He turned and flipped his skunk stripes away from his eyes. Jack responded with his large childish grin and continued to harass the wild life outside our school.

“What cha thinking about?” The warm breath tingled against my ear as they whispered through my hair.

I turned from watching Jack to see Alex looking down at me. “Don’t give me that look.” I commanded and looked away from him. I crossed my arms over my chest not giving him the attention he wanted.

Alex moved so he was sitting on my lap with his legs pressed on either side of my hips. He brought his hands up to my cheeks and removed my black Ray Bans. “What look?” He asked sweetly not bothered by my bitter tone.

“That look!” I accused scrunching my nose. “Like you’re analyzing me...or I don’t know!”

He simply chuckled and pushed some hair behind my ears. “You’re ridiculous. This look,” He pointed to his face. “This look is me dazzled by how brilliant you are.”

“You’re ridiculous.” I muttered and pushed him off my lap. He settled next to me again and I sunk into his chest.

“Mhmm” He mumbled and wrapped his arms around my small frame tightly. “I’ll pick you up at 4:30, wear something comfortable.”

I moved so I could see him and shot him a confused look. “And why should I agree to this?”
“Huh? Oh well if you don’t want to, I can ask some other girl, don’t worry about it.” Alex let me go, grabbed his back pack and hopped off the bed of Rian’s truck. He dug something out of his pocket and held up two pieces of paper, “I’m sure plenty of girls want to go see Panic tonight.” He shrugged and began to walk towards the school.

I sat there for a moment before grabbing my bag and following him. “Make sure that bird doesn’t eat Jack’s eye.” I told Rian and ran after Alex. He paused to turn and hold his arms out for me to fall into pace in them. “Alright, you’ve got yourself a date.”

Alex shot me a radiant smile as we continued into the school. I could hear Rian and Jack following behind us talking about some video game.

It’d been a good number of weeks since that ‘breakdown’. I’d gotten witness to agree to never speak of it again. Of course, I’m sure Rian and Zack had heard about my mom. They had the respect not to talk about it though.

Unfortunately I was being treated like I was breakable with a simple touch. That was pissing me off. I was fine.

I was actually scared shitless, but none of them needed to know that. Therapy wasn’t making my mom any better. They said they were making progress, but she still looked as sickly as before.

I guess I wasn’t completely alone anymore. I didn’t need to say anything. I obviously didn’t even need to accept the fact that he knew. Alex was constantly with me now it seemed, even more so than Jack. He stayed almost every other night in the guest bedroom.
Alex knew everything that was going on in my life at this point.

He made good to his word that day and went out of his way the next weekend to ask me on a date. I walked out of school on Friday and my car had been covered in sticky notes with a giant teddy bear on top. I had no choice but to accept…mostly because he took my keys.
Since then we’d been slowly progressing into whatever we were now. We were dating; as in going on dates. We weren’t going out. We weren’t exclusive; we just weren’t going on dates with anyone else.

Truthfully, it was my fault we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend status. I shut him down anytime he tried to say anything that would lead to it. I was comfortable where we were at.

I was selfish. I wanted Alex. I only wanted part of Alex though. I wanted to kiss him, hold him, and have him whisper sweet things to me.

Alex was selfless. Alex wanted nothing. Alex gave me all the selfish physical things I wanted from him. Alex gave everything even though I wouldn’t take what he wanted to give me more than anything.

“I’ll see you in two hours babe.” Alex leaned down and pressed his lips to mine softly. We stayed like that for a second before heading towards our cars.

School had passed quickly at the thought of the Panic! At The Disco concert. I was more than ready for an escape like this. The guys hadn’t been playing many shows lately. They had gotten signed, and now they were just waiting it out to get out of school.

I pushed the door to my quiet house open and walked upstairs silently. I knew no one was home right now. Mike was off trying to prove he wasn’t a bottom feeding scum monkey with my mom. He always was. Or they were in therapy. Either way, they were never home until late.

The two hours didn’t seem to be nearly as long as I thought they would be. I had put on a simple outfit since school. I wore light denim shorts that went to my mid thigh, a grey tank top, black converse high tops and Alex’s cherry red hoodie.

The door opened downstairs as I was pulling my long hair into a bouncy ponytail. I walked slowly down the stairs to see Alex’s face brighten with a grin. “You look amazing,” He noted and pulled me into a hug.

“You look fabulous, as usual.” I pecked him on the nose before he pulled us out to his car. There really wasn’t any difference between Alex and I and some random couple except the fact that I refused the title.

We drove into Baltimore and waited outside the venue. Of course the shorts weren’t the most brilliant idea for waiting. Winter wasn’t officially over here yet. The cold was hanging on as long as possible.

The concert was well worth the cold. Some of the pent up fury even got to let itself out. I was glad whenever Alex was my crowd buddy. It meant I didn’t have to look out for him.

See I was the moderate crowd person. I’m good with where ever I am. But if you try to jump/push/punch or any combination to move up, I will fight back. Of course Alex didn’t exactly let me take much damage from the crowd today.

I escaped once and punched some douche bag trying to start a mosh with a bunch of little girls. The violent, kicking kind of mosh. It was a good feeling, not gonna lie.

“I’m pretty sure your arm is bruising.” Alex stated trying to look at my arm and drive down the highway.

I raised my arm to look at it and shrugged. “I do not care. I got that goddamn pick.” I laughed and fished the guitar pick out of my bag.

Alex pulled up in front of my house and got out of the car quickly to open my door. I stepped out and wrapped my arms around his neck quickly. “Thank you Lex, you’re so incredible.”

He enveloped my waist in his arms as he lifted my feet off the ground a bit. I wrapped my legs around him and nuzzled into his neck. “Come on Lor, let’s get you inside. It’s time for bed, it’s Friday tomorrow.”

The brunette walked me upstairs and put me down on my squishy bed. “Are you staying?” I asked quietly trying not to fall asleep quite yet.

“Not tonight babe,” He whispered before leaving me with a delicate kiss.