Waiting for a Breaking Heart

“This is pointless!” My glassy eyes watched him pace and throw whatever he would get into his grip. “Fuck! What the hell? Everything was going so well! You’re eighteen in three weeks!” An empty box was knocked onto the ground as he raged. “Fuck…”

His chest heaved as he suddenly sunk to the floor and dropped his head into his hands. The dark haired male had been going for the past two hours in the same manor. Finally it seemed he lost his energy.

“Alex,” I broke the silence in the room as I sat on top of the bare mattress.

“Lor…” Alex turned and placed his hands on either side of my hips. “Run away with me. Right now.” He sat up further and stared straight into my eyes. “We only have to be secret until your birthday. It’s perfect!” He explained letting a joyful smile pull at his lips.

“Alex you know that we can’t run away.” I replied softly folding my hands into my lap.

He stood quickly and pulled my body off the bed as well. “Why not? What makes it okay to send you half way across the country with someone you’ve never truly met? And not okay to run away with the people you’ve known and cared about for years?” The rage was settling in his warm eyes once again.

I didn’t know what I could do to make him just accept the fact that I was leaving. I was leaving and I wasn’t coming back. Not because I couldn’t. As soon as I was eighteen I was sure the guys would fly me out to them. Instead it was because I didn’t want to come back.
There were far too many memories. It was about time I ran. I was running from Alex, without a doubt. I couldn’t deal with the fact that he honestly cared for me.

“I’m leaving, stop crying about it Alex. What makes you honestly think I’m worth that?” I responded in a calm voice. “You should pay more attention, you’d understand better then.”

A laugh passed his lips as he looked down at me. Soon his hands gripped my shoulders to keep me in place. “You have no idea have much attention I pay to you.”

I felt instantly upset looking up at his brown eyes that were staring straight into my heart. “I notice that you scrunch your lips when you’re confused. I notice that you bite your lip when you’re thinking. I notice that your beautiful eyes go dark when you’re upset. I notice how you never leave without that necklace your grandfather gave you. I notice how absolutely flawless you are.”

His hand moved to outline my jaw before moving his head closer to my own. Warm lips brushed against mine as they moved with the words he spoke. “You should pay more attention, you’d understand better then.”

In a flinch movement I jolted backwards away from him. “Stop that!” I shouted at him and shook my head. I pounded a weak fist into his chest. “Why do you always have to be this way?!” My eyes looked up at him with pity. “You’re just a stupid boy asking for his heart to be torn apart and broken.”

Alex wrapped me up in his arms once again and nuzzled his head against mine. “Well then, I’m waiting for that breaking heart baby.”

My mind raced almost as fast as the beating of my heart. He was never going to understand. He would show up on my doorstep the moment my birthday hit. He was chasing a lost cause. More than anything I wanted to save him from that broken heart.

Alex didn’t deserve to be broken. He was honestly nothing but good to everyone that crossed his path. The boy was an open book. He’d pour his heart and soul out to anyone that would listen. The music he sang was more than proof of that.

I’d have to save him now. Rip the Band-Aid off now and it’ll hurt less later.

“You won’t have to wait long.” I muttered letting my arms hand limply at my sides.

The taller male held me at arms length. Confusion filled up his beautiful brown eyes. “Lor, what’s wrong?”

“Alex…I’m not going to join you guys on tour.” I shrugged his hands off of me. “I’m going to move out to California with my brother.”

“Then we’ll come visit you once you’re settled. I understand not wanting to go on tour. It’ll get crowded and smelly.” He smiled sweetly only making everything harder for me. “I’ll come see you as soon as possible though.” He paused and seemed to build up his courage.

“I love you Lorraine.”

I could feel my own heart break as he spoke. This wasn’t fair for anyone.

I sucked in a deep breath and prepared myself for the hardest thing I’d ever have to do. “I wish you wouldn’t. I honestly want nothing more than to never see you again.”

His face dropped and it looked as if his whole reality had gone with it and shattered on the floor.

I didn’t let him compose himself to speak. “You didn’t think whatever this was mattered to me did you?” I let a cynical laugh pass my glossed lips. “Please Alex; you should know me better than that.”

My hand grabbed the purse sitting on the bed and put it over my shoulder. “There was always one thing that always annoyed me. There was always one game I couldn’t win. Unfortunately I just won and this is over.” I ran a hand through the waves in my hair. “I beat you Alex.”

With that I turned and left the room. A honking outside signaled my ride was here to pick me up.

“I don’t believe you!” Alex called out to me at the top of the stairs. I turned slightly to see him. “I don’t believe a word you’re saying. You’re not like that.”

“Oh but baby, I am. Ask any one of the guys, they all realize that I’m a user. I’ve never run across a person that I didn’t play games with or use simply to my advantage.” I gave him a small careless shrug.

“That’s a lie. You’re manipulative, yes. You’re not heartless though. You might be the most caring person I’ve ever met.” Alex retorted as he started down the stairs.

I shook my head and scoffed lightly. “You might be the most gullible person I’ve ever met.”

Alex ran his hands through his hair trying to find reason not to believe what I was telling him. “What use could I have been? There was no gain in stringing me along.”

I sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Alex, you were the guy every girl wanted. For the longest time, I could have anyone I wanted; except you.” My eyes darted out the window to see the taxi impatiently waiting. “Honestly, it was a game of I can have anything I want. You proved I can. Thanks.” I winked and left him standing there.

I hoped dearly he’d run out of reasons for me to stay. Run out of reasons to come to the truth that I loved that boy more than anything.

I was halfway across the lawn before a hand grabbed me roughly and turned me on my heel. Warm, desperate lips crashed upon mine begging for me to just give in. He moved away slightly and held my face in his hands. “Tell me you don’t love me, break my heart.”

“Do you think I don’t have the guts?” I stared straight into the eyes I could never tire of. He egged me on, returned the stare, frantic for an answer.

“Alexander William Gaskarth; I do not, nor have I ever loved you.”

That was all it took and I got into the waiting car. I hoped dearly that I would never have to see him again. I would only remember the look he had on his face when those words left my mouth.