Waiting for a Breaking Heart

“Are you going to fucking own up to it?!” There was a long silence. “Well? Would you rather tell me that she was worth it? Was she prettier than me? Was she taller than me? Did she fuck better than me? I just don’t get it! We have a nice family here!”

I pressed my back to the wall around the corner from the kitchen. My legs were pulled up to my chest as I listened to my mother scream at her husband.

I could see the scene in my head. My mom was furiously pacing the length of the kitchen. She probably had her apron on and gloves she used for cleaning. Mike was sitting there at the table. The chair turned so he could see her. The paper was folded nicely in his lap.
“Margret…you know I love you. We’ve raised four beautiful kids together.”

Mike stood up from his chair. Then there was a resounding noise that was clearly my mom slapping him across the face.

“Honey, I think the medicine is messing with your head. You need to calm down.”

I almost wanted to walk in there and slap him. It was that inhumanly calm scumbag of a tone he had.

“Why’d you do it? Why?” My mom sobbed loudly now. Crocodile tears were probably running down her face at this point.

I couldn’t help but hug my knees tighter listening to all of this.

“It was a mistake. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I just felt so isolated knowing you were having problems and I couldn’t help you.”

Fuck him. The lying cheating bastard was toying with my mom’s fragile state of mind as always. She was going to believe that and take him back. I couldn’t believe my mother’s lack of independence sometimes. She clung dearly to anything that would say they loved her.

There was a knock on the door interrupting everyone. I quickly got to my feet and made it sound like I was running down the stairs to the door. “I got it!” I called wiping my eyes to make sure it didn’t look like I was upset.

I opened the door to see Alex standing there. He was little more dressed up than I normally saw him. He seemed to have even styled his hair neatly.

“You look nice.” I shot at him with a sarcastic cruel tone. What can I say? I hold grudges. Alex and I still hadn’t made up since that concert. It had been a good number of days too; it was currently Thursday.

“You look like shit.” He responded with a smirk as he stepped into the house.

I gave him a glare and threw the door shut. I hadn’t gotten ready yet this morning. Tabby had been hogging the bathroom. “Why are you here so early?” I wanted so badly to not be talking to him I didn’t even add my signature Gaskank to the end.

“Picking up Tabs for our date, we’re going to the boardwalk.” He laced his hands together behind his head.

“Does it look like I care where you and ‘Tabs’ go?” I muttered spitefully as I walked away from him.

I could feel Alex’s glare burning into the back of my head. “Now I see why you’re always so concerned with what you’re wearing.” He called out to me.

I turned at the top of the stairs to look at him curiously. “Go on. I dare you.” I seethed knowing he was going to throw some sort of insult at me.

“The nice clothing really distracts from the fact that you’ve got a pig nose and no figure.”

Without thinking I opened my mouth to throw the first malicious thought that flew into my head at him. “A pretty face can’t cover up your shitty personality. It’s no wonder even a skank like Jasey left you.”

The instant the words left my mouth I knew I’d gone too far. Alex’s cocky smirk dropped from his face completely. He stood there blankly obviously bringing back the old memories of the last girl that meant anything to him.

Instead of going to him and apologizing, I smirked and turned away. I was revolted by myself, but I’d come to terms with the fact that I was horrible.

“You’re a venomous bitch.” Alex told me as I walked away.

I paused in my step, “Yea…but I don’t get dumped and damaged because of it.”

-~-~-~-~-~-~-

“Tabby came out after that and screamed at me for being a jealous bitch. She said I was just upset because I was envious of her relationship with Alex.” I ran a hand through my long hair. “She throws the ‘you don’t know anything about him’ line in my face constantly. It’s like it bugs her that I’ve known him for longer.”

Kara laughed at my irritation and nudged me lightly. We were having a girl day because almost everyone was out of town for the approaching Christmas. That and I was still fuming over this morning.

“You should apologize to Alex for what you said…and maybe for at the concert too.” She told me as we walked down Main Street. “I know you don’t want to, but Alex was just worried about you. You know how he gets. He’s a little girly with all those crazy emotions of his.”

We both laughed. It was the truth. Alex was an over-emotional little prick.

Kara and I ended up in some sort of high end store. I came out in the outfit she’d picked out. It was a short purple dress with the highest stripper heels ever made. I laughed as I strutted down our makeshift runway and ended with my hand on my hip.

“Boys beware! Damn Shana!” She whistled as we both laughed hysterically.

I didn’t know why Kara and I hadn’t hung out like this before. We were having an amazingly good time.

We were walking back down the streets with our warm cups of coffee when Kara turned to me. “Are you…you know, mad about Alex getting with Tabby?”

I raised my eyebrows as I took a sip of the warm drink. “What?”

“I know you and Tabby are sort of having a rough patch but…” She faded off slowly. Her and I weren’t like best friends so I could understand talking about personal stuff to be a little intimidating.

“You know…I don’t know what to think about Tabby anymore.” We both took a seat on one of the benches. “We used to get along perfectly. The thing is; she hasn’t changed. She’s just as possessive, controlling and bitchy as she was before. I’m just not as shy, weak and naïve.”

“So your friendship only worked because she took charge and you let her?” Kara looked out at the snowy town and giggled a little. “I’m sorry but I couldn’t see you following a girl like her ever. She doesn’t have the devious mind to keep up with you.”

We sat in a comfortable silence after that.

“Alex is only going after Tabby because you got with Jack.”

I blinked as my head turned instantly towards the brunette next to me. She turned to give me a shrug before she continued.

“Yea, everyone can tell that he’s jealous of you and Jack. Rian told me that Alex drunkenly came up with this plan to piss you off.”

I pursed my lips and let out huff of breath. “Wow, he’s even more childish than I thought. Whatever, Tabby can figure that out for herself. She deserves it right now.”

I leaned back against the bench further and turned to Kara again. “You know, we told everyone we didn’t have sex…but we’re not actually positive. Jack and I can’t remember anything past making out with each other.”

“So you don’t know if you’re a virgin or not?”

“Well…since we’re telling secrets. You have to promise not to tell anyone, especially not Jack.” We held out our pinkies and swore on it. “My first serious boyfriend and I had sex the week before I found out he was cheating on me.”

Kara looked a little shocked. “That is one well kept fucking secret Shana.”

“Let’s keep it that way, yeah?”

We nodded together and moved on to more stores to continue our shopping and present buying.