Beauty, at a Price

I stared at myself, in the mirror, looking at how much I have changed. I sighed, and felt my ribs poke out from under my skin. I felt free, finally I was what they wanted. I wasn’t fat, and ugly anymore. I was beautiful.

I remembered the days in school where I was teased, beaten with words, and laughed at because of my looks. I was slightly above average, and I wasn’t the prettiest out of the bunch. My family loved me, but the whole school hated me, or they loved to laugh at me directly in my face, or to talk about me behind my back.

“Look what the cat dragged in, girls.” the tallest girl laughed while I was cornered into a wall, no where to go, and I had to listen and suffer through the teasing. “This ugly disgusting girl, she’s not good enough to actually be here, to be seen by us. She is worthless. And nothing will ever change that.” She spat into my face, venom dripping with the words.

I slouched down into the wall, hugging my knees to my chest. I hadn’t noticed I started crying, but they did, and they made sure I knew about it.

“Maybe, if she actually lost WEIGHT, then she’d be popular.” The girl slightly shorter than their ‘leader’ said to me.

I wiped my eyes, trying to find a way out, but it was useless. And so was I.

“Yeah, when she loses weight, and she actually becomes BEAUTIFUL, she’ll be more popular than me. But, that will never happen. So, Amy, don’t get you’re little fat chubby hopes up.” The leader spat in my face, then took one last look at me and walked off.

I stayed against the wall, trying to get myself together, but I couldn’t. Eventually, I walked home, alone in the shivering cold before going into my bathroom, to evaluate what they said, to know that they were right.

*

I looked into my mirror, looking at the sunken in skin, the eyes that were brightening with life. They were finally beautiful. I felt like I was on top of the world, I could be anything I dreamt and more. I smiled happily and left my bathroom, triumphantly.

I was finally pretty, and I only had to sacrifice one thing: Food.

*

I looked into the mirror, taking in my features, knowing that I was fat. My mom and dad loved me nonetheless, but I still felt alone. The fat girl without any friends. The girl that will never find love, because of her body fat.

That night I hardly ate, I couldn’t I was afraid if I ate again, I’d be more fat, and I’d get teased more. I needed to fit in. I needed to be loved.
The act continued, the less I ate, the more happy I felt, the more weight I lost. Soon, I lost enough weight to actually make friends. Her name was Regina. And she kept me happy.

Regina, was the best of friends. She was like me. Before I started not to eat. She was proud of her weight, and I envied it. I wanted to be like her. I wanted to have her confidence. But, I knew I wasn’t ever going to have it.