‹ Prequel: Beautiful Disaster.
Sequel: Beautiful Disaster.

You Had Me At Hello

Chapter Nineteen.

October 2nd
7.08 pm

“This is beautiful” I tell Matt softly, feeling his warm breath on my neck as I sit in between his legs on the sand while we watch the sun set.
“Yes you are” Matt whispers in my ear, and I blush shaking my head softly as I look down to our entwined hand resting on my lap.

“Why do you do that?” Matt whispers to me softly, and I swivel in his lap slightly, turning to face him.
“Do what?” I question him, my eyes holding obvious confusion as I stare at him.
He looks down at me, his face holding a slight frown, “You don’t take compliments” He tells me softly, “Why is that?” Matt questions me, and my face puckers slightly.

“You remember when I said I wanted to tell you something?” I question Matt, my eyes glued to him, watching him as he nods his head.
“I think now would be a good time for me to tell you everything” I tell him softly and he lightly squeezes my hands.
“You don’t have to” Matt tells me softly and I shake my head, looking into his eyes as I remove my left hand from his and comb some of his curls back with my fingers.
“I want you to know this before you get in too deep. So you can still change your mind” I whisper to him softly, and he frowns slightly.

I take my eyes off of him, not wanting to see his reaction as I start to tell my story.

“I had a really good childhood” I tell Matt softly, “Other than the bullying that occurred at school, my childhood was the best out of mine and the guys” I tell him, watching the waves crash against the sand.
“When we were thirteen, we all moved up to high school and we each explored ourselves, finding things about ourselves we didn’t know before.
Sebastian found a strange love for football, and joined the school’s team, and with that he found John.

John, well he was the most popular boy in school, he had blue eyes, blonde hair, he seemed beautiful and was every girls crush, including mine. And it turns out we all had something in common, we all had people that did or had put us down.

It took a year for me and John to start dating, I didn’t want to be a girl that would fall into those tricks, so I learnt to trust him first, and he waited for me” My voice whispers through the air, and as I finish I squeeze Matt’s hand, showing him the worse is yet to come as I breathe deeply.

“The first year we dated was perfect. John was the perfect gentleman, he walked me to class every day, he held my books for me, he encouraged my music career, he seemed so perfect and then things started to crumble for me.
Near our one year anniversary he started picking out my flaws and things he just didn’t like, telling me I was too chubby, I had too much weight on my thighs, my hair was far too long.

He became controlling, and I let him control me.

The first thing he made me do was cut all my hair off. I had long hair, right past my hips and he made me cut it into a bob. He had cut it while I sleep over at his, and when I woke up I was so upset to see my hair in the bin, he took me to the hairdressers, made me dye my hair blonde and got it styled how he liked it, putting in these horrible extensions that I hated.
Then he started changing the way I dressed. I wasn’t allowed to wear skinny jeans any more, they had to be baggy. I wasn’t allowed to wear dresses or skirts. And if I wore something he didn’t like he’d scream at me.

I remember him emptying my wardrobe; he emptied it and put all my clothes in bin bags, telling me to throw them out before he came back with my new clothes” I say softly, looking down away from the calming ocean to mine and Matt’s hands, noticing how tense Matt was.

“By time I turned fifteen, he’d trained me to only speak with his permission, I wasn’t allowed to speak without a male’s permission and I wasn’t allowed to make eye contact with people. He made me show him my songs and if he felt I was letting too much emotion in them he took them off of me.
I was only allowed to spend a certain amount of time on my own with the guys. And if I spent too long with them he’d get angry.
He monitored my every move, and I had to tell him everything”

Matt’s body stiffens around me, and I breathe deeply moving my eyes back over to the ocean.

“The first time he hit me was thirteen days after my fifteenth birthday, on Valentine’s Day.
He decided we were going out for a meal and I had to be at his house by 6pm, I got to his at 6.01. He was furious with me, and he lashed out. Knocking me to the floor and hitting my face.
I forgave him, because I truly thought he was sorry, he cried so much even as he cleaned up my face.

The next year was terrible, he’d hit me. Then tell me it was my fault. I gave up trying to fight back really quickly. Because I learnt if I fought back the beatings would be worse.
I spent a year of hiding the bruises and cuts he left across my body. I learnt quickly how to apply make-up and cover bruises scars and cuts because if he didn’t think they were covered enough, he’d add another one for me to cover” My eyes flicker across the empty beach, and I feel Matt’s breath on my back as I run my fingers across his disconnected clenched hands.

“The first time someone found out was when we were on warped tour for the second time, when I was 16, John had just left to back home to England but he left a present on my face and Jacob walked in on me trying to clean it up.

After much begging, Jacob promised not to tell anyone and he cleaned me up.

After that Jacob’s and John’s friendship became non-existent, and that didn’t go unnoticed by the guys. But Jake kept his word and never told anyone. He cleaned me up after John’s beatings, took me to the hospital if I needed it and took care of me” I whisper, remembering Jacob holding me tightly as I’d cry, before I look down to Matt’s still tightly clenched hands, placing my own over them softly.

“In April 2006, when I was seventeen I was a shell of myself, I hardly recognized myself. My family hardly recognized me. I was far too skinny, practically anorexic, I was too pale, I wasn’t anything. I discovered John had been cheating on me for over a year that month, yet I wasn’t devastated. I was more relieved and when I realised this, my courage seemed to come through, and I broke up with him. Everyone seemed to be in shock that we broke up, they expected us to be together forever except Jake, he was so proud of me.

My family didn’t ask questions about our break up, the boys found out shortly after I did that John had cheated on me and they all turned on him.
For two months after though, everyday I’d get Pink coronations and Yellow Sunflowers turn up at my house, it started to smell like a funeral parlour with all the flowers, even after I threw them away the smell remained, I’d always hated those flowers too. Numerous presents were left there; earrings, necklaces, bracelets, poems, books, everything and they’d all get thrown in the bin.

Eventually, when my parents started to see how paranoid I was getting as the presents started coming more and more they grew curious, not to mention John even camped outside our house at one point to try and talk to me I had no choice but to tell them everything.
They were devastated, my dad blamed himself, my older brothers cried, and it broke my heart to see that.

But as soon as all of this started it stopped, and in mid-June, there were suddenly no more flowers that came to the door. No more gifts were delivered and I thought he’d finally left me alone.
We spent the entire summer holidays touring with Warped and doing the odd Europe festival before we came home to celebrate Jacob’s birthday.

Fourteen days after Jacob’s birthday, he and I were at the local beach near downtown. It was a tradition of ours to go there and seeing as we missed it for his birthday we skipped six form and spent the day there.” I murmur to Matt, looking out at the beach we were sat on. It was so different to the beach me and Jacob had once had so many memories and sat on but the memory was there, fresh as if it was yesterday.

“The beach was practically empty, and by time 1pm hit Jacob had grown thirsty. He’d left to go get a sprite at the small kiosk that was about ten minutes away from us, and I decided two minutes after he left that I wanted one too. So I got up, leaving our stuff behind and jogged down the beach to catch up with him.

When I got to him, he was stood still, his posture ridged and I slapped his back jokingly before I saw why he stood ridged.
A gun was pointed at him, the person holding it masked. Everything went so quickly from there, Jacob pushed me behind him and the gun went off.
Two bullets hit his body. One in his gut and one in his shoulder, and I caught him as he went down, a bullet hitting my shoulder” I tell Matt softly, my throat becoming slightly clogged, and he raises his right hand, his fingers tracing my right shoulder where a circular wound sat, a straight scar going along it.

“A woman that had seen the incident called 999 but the shooter had run by now, and I sat with Jacob, holding him against my body. Jake died in my arms just before the ambulance got there” I whisper softly, a tear abandoning my eyes, bowing my head slightly as Matt wraps his arms tightly around my body.

“For the next week, I lost whatever I had built up. I was like a Zombie, I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep, and I was a mess, my mum was taking care of me like I was a baby, she’d clean my wound for me and everything. When it came to his funeral the week after his death, the guys practically held me through the entire thing.

I was distant, wanting to grieve on my own, so when the funeral finished I told the guys and my parents I’d make my own way home. I remember just wanting to talk to Jacob, they all agreed, letting me stay behind”

Matt’s hands stroke my arms in a comforting manner as I raise my head, another tear falling down my cheeks as I stare out at the ocean, grateful for Matt’s silence as I sniffle quietly, breathing in deeply.

“I remember sitting beside his fresh grave, and I cried so much. I thought I was on my own, then around half an hour later, someone coughed, indicating they were there.
I turned, and froze when I saw John there. He looked like hell, his hair was a mess, his eyes were bloodshot and his face was red. It was obvious he’d been crying as he stared at me.

‘It was the hardest thing to happen’ He told me so softly, and I thought he meant, losing Jacob fully because even though their friendship died, Jacob was still alive and I knew John cared for him, they were best friends at one point.

‘I had to do it’ He told me and I froze, not knowing what he truly meant as he walked closer to me.
He stood not even ten steps away from me, and I got up, seeing the familiar glint in his eyes.
I whispered I missed Jacob too, before I quickly ran off. I made it out of the grave yard, feeling instantly better in the open and started my walk home.

I was three quarters of the way home when John’s car pulled up beside me and he got out leaving it idly parked on the side of the street.
He jogged up to me, capturing my arm, I fought against him becoming scared, and that’s when he removed something from his back pocket, hitting me over the head. I instantly blacked out”

Matt freezes behind me again as I look out to the ocean, this time taking a longer break in between telling him, my fingers circling over Matt’s arms wrapped around me.

“I don’t know how long I was out for, but when I woke up I was in a dingy room, gagged, bound and chained to a wall, my clothes were stripped from my body and I hurt all over.

I could smell blood all around me before I blacked out again.

The next time when I woke it was lighter in the room, I was naked and my whole body hurt ten times more than it had earlier. I knew that I had not only been kidnapped and beaten, but I had the last thing that I owned personally taken from me.” I close my eyes as a sharp stabbing pain stabs my chest as the memories of him touching me float through my head.

Just thinking about it made me want to scrub my skin, to get his disgusting touch off of me.
Matt squeezed my arm, and I heard him sniffle from behind me as I let tears freely fall from my eyes as I stared out at the ocean.

“Within the first week he tortured me, he made me drink alcohol slipped with date rape before he had his way with me and he beat me till I blacked out.
By the time the second week turned up, I had no idea how long he’d kept me for, because after that first week my days started forming together. He carved things into my skin, raped me and carried on beating me.”

Matt’s grip tightened on me, and I felt oddly protected in his arms as I carried on with my past.

“I remember he would clothe me some days and take photos, before he told me he was sending them to my parents. Just to torture them, like he was torturing me.
The things he did to me you wouldn’t even be able to imagine, and then one day I woke up in his room.

I thought it was all a nasty dream, until I saw him in the doorway, he held a butchers knife. I was so scared, I tried to get away, but my hands were tied to his bed with rope, I was trapped.
He had me one last time, before he stabbed me in my stomach. It was a miracle I was still even alive then truthfully. The amount of things he carved into my body should have killed me from blood loss, but I knew as that hadn’t this would.

He told me he loved me, the sick thing told me he loved me so much and soon enough we’d be together in heaven, he left me to die on his bed, he left me alone in his house bleeding on his bed.

I blacked out shortly after, but when I came around. I heard the front door open before it closed.
John’s father’s voice drifted in the air and I screamed, I hardly had a voice from lack of nutrients and screaming I’d already done but he heard me, and he found me. Tied up to his son’s bed, crying endlessly. I blacked out then and when I woke I was in hospital” I whisper, moving my hand up to my face and brushing my tears away as I stare at the ocean.

“Turns out he had kidnapped me for well over six months. My family thought I had died.
When I woke, it was two weeks later. I cried until all the men had left my room. I was so scared, I was so messed up. I couldn’t move, and when the doctor came In to tell me about my injuries, I wouldn’t let him in, I had to have my doctor changed to a female one” I whisper, feeling Matt rub my skin softly.

“She told me the extent of my injuries. I was broken all over, and then she told me about something shocking.” I whisper, my heart strings tugging tightly now, and I let more tears escape my eyes.

“I was pregnant, five months pregnant and he survived, he was still growing inside of me. I didn’t start showing until I was six months gone” I whisper, and I feel Matt’s arms loosen around me, but I carry on, knowing that I had to tell him. Matt had to know before he even considered doing anything towards me.

“I reached my seventh month of pregnancy, staying inside the hospital. Healing, attending a therapy session and I was speaking to the men in my life again. I was still scared, but I let them in.

I remember being in bed one night, Gracie was staying the night with me and we were watching a film. My sheets became wet, and I was so embarrassed, yet Gracie didn’t mind because since the incident I had had to learn how to do things again, my bladder didn’t work properly.

I remember telling Gracie that I had had an accident, and she smiled sympathetically, reaching for the nurse’s button before I notice blood appear on the bed sheets. I freaked.

That night I had my son. He was so small, my dad could fit him in his palms. He looked nothing like John, he had a full head of black curling hair, that was so much like my dad’s and he had my brown eyes.” Matt’s arms become even looser around me, and I feel him stiffen further than before.

“He couldn’t do anything, he was far too premature. He couldn’t breathe on his own. It turns out the knife had cut along his arm, destroying the bone in it.

Thanatos died nine weeks after his birth.”

The air around me is so quiet as I finish speaking, bringing my hands to my face to wipe the tears as I bring my knees up to my chest, waiting for Matt to realize how messed up I am and for him to leave.

I sniffle, counting a minute go past before Matt’s hands touch my arms softly and he swivels me around so I’m facing him.
His eyes look red as I look up to him, my lip quivering slightly as he raises his hand, slowly advancing it to my face and wiping the tears away from it before he rests his hand on my cheek, leaning forward and kissing my forehead.

“You really think I’d give up on you because you have a shitty past and you’re a mum?” Matt questions me, and I raise my eyes, connecting them with his.

“You- You’re not giving up on me?” I question him; my eyes wide, as I watch as he lets a teary filled chuckle out, shaking his head at me.

“I can’t” He tells me softly, looking into my eyes and I look down.

Matt’s hand contacts with my chin softly, raising my head so I’m looking up into his golden eyes.
“I’m not going to run away from you, because I want to help fight your demons with you. I want to be the one you can rely on and the one you can cry too.

“I won’t and can’t give up on you because I’m falling in love with you” Matt tells me softly, and my heart jumps in my chest as he stares at me.
“You- You’re falling in love with me?” I squeak out, my eyes still wide as I look at him, feeling a breeze go around us.

“Yeah, and I think I might even love you” Matt whispers softly, leaning his head against mine now, as I slowly start to grin at him, my eyes watering.
“I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you too” I reply back to Matt, my voice thick with tears as one falls down my cheeks and onto Matt’s arm.

“I’m falling in love with you and I don't care about your past” Matt whispers to me an obvious grin on his lips as I lay my head onto his chest, before he kisses my temple, wrapping his arms around my small frame tightly.
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So now you know. If I'm honest, I'm not to sure on how this chapter turned out. But oh well.

Beautiful Disaster < This shows how the chapter above and the rest of the story came into play.