Him

You’re oblivious, and I’m not sure if that’s OK. Because you can smile and not know the way it makes me feel. You can’t savor the moment of silence my heart observes every time you laugh, the disco lights bouncing off your face, your hair.

Feelings like this should be shared.

But I am sure that just you, being you, makes me happy. I don’t need you to kiss me, I don’t need you to touch me, I don’t even need you to talk to me. We can sit in silence, I can look away and you can look forward. And maybe our hearts are beating in sync, and maybe they’re not. In our silence- our, because something is definitely being shared- I am happy.

You’ve made me feel things I’ve never felt before, and I’ll always cherish that.

I’ve never been in love before, and it’s scary sometimes. Because I don’t know how you feel, and I know all too well how much I feel.

Yet, when I look back on the memories, there’s no regret. In the moments when I stop analyzing, I can remember the moments where I was just pure feeling…the moments where you were right there next to me, the air humming with everything that we could be.

We were alone, and you played the piano, and you sang. You made me laugh; you taught me a song. And we sat together there, just your voice and the piano and my smile.

I don’t think you realized, what you were doing to me.

But when I closed my eyes that night, all I could hear was your voice, soft and passionate…and your fingers, covering mine .

I‘m not really that bad at piano.

You told me your favorite song when we stood there, two silent observers among the swaying bodies. The way your voice went quiet, the way your eyes burned…
It was more special to me, than dancing with you could have ever been.

Even now, sitting here at home alone, there’s a lump in my throat and a smile on my face. And I want to cry, but it’s not because I’m sad. It’s because I’m feeling so much, so much more in the sweet oblivion of your words, your actions.

We’re in a bubble, and I'm scared to break it, because I'm comfortable in here.

But I need to know.

Oblivion is sweet, but oblivion is not where I want to rest. And I know it’ll be worth it, no matter what happens or doesn’t. I know that I’ll always cherish the way you’ve made me feel, without even knowing.

You’re the first boy I’ve ever loved, and that’ll always make you special…even if you’re not the first boy I kiss, the first boy I introduce to my parents.

Thank you.

And goodbye, oblivion.