Mature

Hillari lie asleep in Jimmy's side, where soft snores could be heard throughout the room. Jimmy chuckled lightly at the sleeping beauty and watched as his room door slowly opened. Brian was one of the last people to come in and see how he was doing. He had answered over half a dozen people who had asked how he was doing with the same answer; just fine.

Brian's eyes looked down at Hillari and he let a smile come to his lips. He walked over to Jimmy and gave him a warm hug without waking her up. He sat back in one of the hospital's uncomfotable chairs and said, "How you feeling, Jimbo?"

He sighed quietly at the question, but kept the smile on his face.

"I'm doing okay. How's everyone out there?"He asked.

"They're good. Once they found out you were okay the tension kind of disappeared."He said."The doctor came out and said you were due for surgery within the next twenty minutes or so."

Brian's smile disappeared for a second before he continued on.

"Are you nervous?"He asked.

"Yeah, only because I'm going to become some sort of cyborg."Brian laughed at his comment."Other than that, not really. Doc said they do it all the time. It's basically painless and I can go home in two days."

"He said if you hadn't passed out in the bus than you could go home the next day."Brian sighed.

"Yeah, but they're just being cautious."Jimmy replied."Are Bullet and Papa Roach still here?"

"Yeah, they're in the waiting room. Why?"He asked.

"They should have left nearly two hours ago for the show!"Jimmy frowned.

"Jimmy, they cancelled the show."Brian let his smile come back to life."We cancelled the tour for you."

"No."Jimmy breathed.

"Yes. No one can go on knowing you're sick. They want to be home in case,"Brian stopped for a moment and let his head fall.

"I understand."Jimmy said sadly."They didn't have to do that."

"You're our friend, Jim. A brother, even. We can't just sit back and enjoy the tour knowing your home sick."Brian added."Besides, we get a bigger vacation out of it."

"I guess it's okay if you look at it that way."Jimmy laughed.

Jimmy ran a hand down his face before looking down at Hillari. His smile slowly subsided when he thought about keeping Hillari on watch. He felt bad for making the bands stop the tour just for him. He was grateful to know that they cared for him enough to do so, but playing was everyone's dream. They were just lucky enough to get signed and play anywhere they were allowed.

Jimmy felt the silence become slightly awkward and had to stop it. He looked back up at Brian and said, "I'm sorry, Brian."

"Sorry?"He asked.

"I'm sorry for being this way. I'm sorry for making you cancel the show, nevermind the tour. I'm sorry I can't be like I used to be. I'm just,"Jimmy stopped when he felt his eyes well up in tears."I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, Jimmy."Brian seemed to become slightly annoyed."You can't help the fact that your body isn't like it used to be. Hell, I'm surprised that most of us aren't in the same boat as you. We all did drugs. We all drank our life away when we were younger. Don't apologize for something like this. You can't help it."

"I just wish that things could be different."He sniffled."I'm tired of waking up in the hospital for god knows whatever reason. I'm tired of making Hillari upset. I'm tired of -"

Jimmy placed his hand over his face and let out a shakey sigh. He began to wipe at his wet eyes and tried to hold back the tears. He was embarrassed for crying in front of Brian, but if Hillari woke up he wouldn't know what to say. He knew she would panic and think that something health wise was wrong, but it was just his emotions. He was tangled up in them.

"Don't cry, dude."Brian frowned."It's okay."

"You don't understand, Bri."Jimmy tried to clear his throat."I'm sick of this. If I could go back in time I would shake the shit out of myself and make sure I stayed off of everything."

"Isn't your condition gentic too?"Brian asked.

"Yeah, it is. But maybe if I did good in life instead of getting hooked on drugs and alcohol things would have turned out differently. I'm forty years old for fucks sake. Who knows how many years I have left."Jimmy pulled the blanket up to his face and continuously wiped his watery eyes.

"Don't even say that, Jim."Brian frowned."You're Jimmy Sullivan. You've made it through some crazy shit. This isn't going to stop you. I don't care what you say, Jimbo. Don't ever say that. God forbid Hillari heard you."

Jimmy sniffled slightly and dried his wet face. Brian was right; he shouldn't be so worried about his heart condition. He had plenty of years to come, no matter what the tests said. Jimmy was pulled from his thoughts when Brian said, "If you stay positive, good things will happen. If you keep thinking you're going to kick the bucket in one year than you will. No one wants that."

Jimmy only nodded his head and looked down at Hillari. She shifted slightly in her sleep and let out a tired sigh. Jimmy brushed back the hair from her face and forced a small smile to crawl onto his lips. Brian could be an asshole most of the time, but when things got serious, he was a genius. He was completely correct with his last statement to Jimmy.

If he knew that he was going to die in one year than his body would follow his thoughts. If he managed to stay on track and believe he was going to die old and happy, than that would be exactly what would happen. He didn't want to see Hillari upset over his condition anymore. He didn't want to make her suffer through his hospital visits and daily medicine.

The pace maker that would be set under his skin and to his heart walls was going to be a blessing. He knew that with the help of the pacer he would be better off. Jimmy looked back up at Brian and said, "I'm sorry -"

"Don't say it!"He rose his hands to his ears playfully.

"for acting like an idiot. I'm just nervous. I don't know what's going through my fucked up head anymore."Brian laughed at Jimmy.

"It's okay, dude. Don't even sweat it. You're going to be okay. We're gonna go home after this and sit back by the pool. Have a few beers. You know, like we used to."Brian smiled.

"God, I could go for a nice cold one right now."Jimmy drooled."Sitting in the sun by the fucking pool. Listening to some good music. Barbequing some burgers and dogs. Thanks asshole."

"Oh, your welcome my physcotic friend."Brian grinned.

Brian and Jimmy spoke for a few extra minutes before his bedroom door opened. A young nurse walked in, who seemed very uneasy, and broke up the two. Politely and rather quietly, she said, "I need to get you ready for the surgery, Mr. Sullivan."

Her eyes fell on Hillari and her smile slightly faded.

"I don't mean to wake her,"Jimmy rose his hand with a smile.

"Don't worry about it. I told her I'd wake her when the time came."Jimmy gently pushed Hillari awake and smiled when she looked up."Your hair is sticking in every direction."

She chuckled lightly before sitting up in the bed. Her eyes widened when she saw the nurse and looked back at Jimmy.

"I'm sorry."She frowned."How long was I asleep for?"

"About a half hour. But it's okay."Jimmy laughed."I'm gonna get ready to go in for surgery. I'll be back within an hour or so."

Hillari frowned slightly and Brian rose from his seat. He gave Jimmy a heartfelt hug and tugged lightly at Hillari's hand.

"Come on sweetheart."He said sweetly."Let's go wait outside."

Hillari nodded her head slowly and reached over to pull Jimmy into a hug. He rubbed her back softly and whispered, "I'll be out in a little while, Hillari. I love you."

"I love you too."She frowned.

The nurse extended her hand and helped Hillari jump down from her seat. Brian wrapped a strong arm around her shoulder and kissed her lightly on her head.

"Come on sleeping beauty. Let's go have a cigarette."She chuckled lightly before looking back at Jimmy.

He gave her a shy wave and watched her escape through the bedroom door. The nurse stepped up to Jimmy and said, "You ready to get wheeled out of here?"

"I guess it's now or never."He chuckled.

"You'll be just fine Mr. Sullivan."She extended her hand and helped Jimmy to a seated position.

He had a few moments to himself while she left to retrieve a wheel chair. As nervous as Jimmy was to go under the knife, he couldn't help but smile to himself. He was going to be just fine, like everyone was telling him. Whether they believed it or not was up to them, but deep down inside Jimmy knew he was going to be kicking it for a long time.

"Mr. Sullivan?"His eyes met the door when she brought the wheel chair in."We're ready to go."

He slowly got out of bed and sighed quietly. He positioned himself in the wheel chair and looked back at the nurse. With a smile, he said, "You can call me Jimmy, darling."