Mature

“Can you hear me, Jimmy?”I whispered sweetly.

I ran a heavy hand down my face, but kept my grip on his cold, still hand. His chest would rise and fall, but over time, it seemed as if it were only getting slower. I stiffled out a loud sob and let my head fall onto his chest. I rose my head and looked him into the face. He had to hear me now.

“You’re my father Jimmy. I thought the day where I called you that you would be able to hear me. Dad.”I whispered softly.”Dad. Dad. You have to hold on! I’m sorry it took me so long to say it. I’m sorry I didn’t get you help when you needed it. Can you hear me now, dad?”

I gently placed my head on Jimmy’s chest and cried. Matt was understanding enough to let me be as I let my tears stain his hospital gown. I ran my thumb over his hand and continued to let out what I’ve been holding back. I had done exactly what Matt had told me to do and stay calm. I refused to give in now.

The door to his room opened and revealed Dr. Ryven. His face didn’t hold the excitement I was hoping for. I rested my head back on Jimmy’s chest and squeezed his hand tightly. I listened as Dr. Ryven spoke with Matt, but barely heard his words. I could hear Jimmy’s faint heart beat and I knew what was going to happen.

I could hear it beat so lightly against his rib cage. It was like a dying candle light. It was slowly dimming until it would finally go out. The room became silent, however, but it was broken by the long, continuous beep that Jimmy’s heart monitor had given off. I slowly lifted my head and watched as Jimmy’s heart monitor showed a flat line.

Code Blue! We have a Code Blue!

Dr. Ryven’s voice was cut off as I felt hands grip at my shoulders. My mouth fell open as I watched the last breath Jimmy had taken. His chest took it’s final fall and never came back up for a fresh breath. It all seemed to run in slow motion as his room filled with multiple doctors and nurses.

I was yanked away from Jimmy and I watched as our fingers were pulled apart. They slid from each other, quicker than I’d hoped, and I was quickly dragged from his room. I kept my eyes intent on his door as Matt pushed me against the wall, making sure I was okay. He ushered me to the waiting room and there we sat, waiting for the doctor to come back in.

I kept my eyes intent on the doors and felt the whole room grow silent. Mouths moved and people chatted, but all I heard was silence. It was only a few minutes before those doors peeled open and revealed Dr. Ryven. His face was scrunched up in sadness as he approached the group.

I kept standing by the group and watched as he inched closer, step by step. It was as if I had paused a movie and moved it frame by frame. Slowly, Dr. Ryven’s lips moved and mouthed the bad news. I couldn’t hear his voice or anyone behind me. I watched as Matt collapsed into his seat and broke down into his hands.

Angela wrapped him into a hug, while the rest of the guys fell into a state of shock. Devin embraced me tightly and before I could conjure everything up, the noise was back. I could hear the crying, the chatting, the beeping of ongoing machines. It was like a deaf child hearing for the first time.

I’m so sorry, but he’s gone.

It finally hit me and I collapsed into Devin’s arms. I could hear the sound of wailing and realized who it was coming from. I peeked over Devin’s shoulder and through my blurry vision, I noticed the hard, chest heaving cries were coming from Matt.