Lights on the Lake

Alana woke up the next morning with the most rancid smell flowing through her nostrils and a dry taste in her mouth. She slowly opened her eyes to see a plate of french toast with powdered sugar sprinkled on top of them laying on the nightstand next to her. The maple syrup alone made her stomach quench. Alongside of the plate was a note that said:

This french toast will either make you enticingly hungry or make you want to vomit. Enjoy!

Alana looked away from the note and plugged her nose and cautiously got out of Leo's oddly comfortable bed. She looked over where his giant white wall was adorned with a drawing of a metropolitan mall with spiraling staircases and trapped doors. She immediately remembered when Leo told her that he was planning on creating it. Apparently, he did.

She looked down to see that she was in his clothes and stopped for a second, finally realizing where she was, what happened last night and what she was doing there. Alana wasn't one of those drunks that didn't remember a thing in the morning. She remembered almost everything in bits and pieces at least when she woke up. But this morning she didn't want to remember what happened last night.

Did she really call Leo beautiful? Did she drunkenly try to kiss him? The thought of both of those sounded so absurd that Alana tried to convince herself that that never happened and she just dreamt it. Even though dreaming it was just as bad.

"Hey..."

Alana sharply turned around to see Leo leaning in the doorway with an awkward smile on his face. His hair was still slightly wet from probably taking a shower down the hall and his t-shirt stuck to his frame from probably throwing it on when his body was still wet.

"Hi," Alana said back quietly.

The two of them stood in complete silence, looking at one another, and Leo's smile slowly formed into a concentrated frown as he looked back at her. Alana was the first to break away eye contact and walked forward to grab her cell phone that was on the floor.

No messages.

"I should go," She said uncomfortably. She could basically feel the elephant in the room pushing her against the wall.

"You don't have to," Leo said back simply. Alana stared back at him blankly. "Look we can either make this super uncomfortable, which I think we have already succeeded in doing, or we can just... move on. Last night was weird. You were drunk. And that's it." Leo clasped his hands together. "Now, if that french toast didn't gross you out enough, why don't we at least get coffee? It's the least you can do after vomiting four times into my trash can."

Alana continued to stare at him after his monologue and tried debating in her head whether or not that was a good idea.

"We never hang out," She responded simply.

"Well, true, but we used to," Leo replied.

"No we didn't, we'd always be around our friends whenever we were together. We were never alone together just... hanging out or anything."

Leo stood silently for a moment before shrugging his shoulders.

"Well, I guess you're right. Since we've never hung out just us two before, we should never ever try to..."

"That's not what I meant," Alana rebutted.

"Then what did you mean?" Leo asked.

Alana groaned and placed her hand on her forehead, which was already throbbing enough.

"You see? We can't do this, Leo," She muttered.

"Do what?" Leo asked, seriousness all too evident in his voice. Alana looked up into his hazel eyes and for some reason felt compelled to lunge forward and just hug him. Hug him so tightly so she could express how much she wanted to just be asked by him to "hang out" when they were younger. But now they were older, and she was afraid it was too late.

"Be friends..." She finally said quietly. She heard Leo scoff from the doorway as he ran his fingers through his damp light brown hair.

"Then what do you want to be then, Lan?"

"Nothing, I don't want to be anything," Alana replied, not even knowing the words that were coming out her mouth. Leo clicked his tongue in a mocking manner and didn't say anything else. Instead he opened his arm in a large gesture to let her out of the door. She turned to see her clothes from last night on the pile on the floor.

"You can keep the clothes you're wearing, I don't care," Leo said bitterly.

Alana nodded and grabbed her clothes off the floor and walked forward to leave, but right when she got to the doorway, Leo moved his arm to block her from leaving. He looked at her, his eyes narrowed.

"Why did you come back?" He asked in a low tone.

"I came back for my father," Alana said quietly.

"No you didn't," Leo said. His words hitting her like a thousand thorns.

"We're not getting into this conversation again, Leo, you can go ahead and blame me for my father's death when I already blame myself. You're already telling me things I already know. You can go ahead and pretend like these past three years haven't happened and that you still don't hate me for what I did, but I already know. You can try make me feel awful for not returning here sooner, but you can't make me feel worse than I already do. I don't need someone to mimic out loud what's already going on in my head."

"Well you need some type of wake up call," Leo responded.

"A wake up call from what, Leo!?" Alana yelled back, making Leo step back in surprise. "I can't stand it here! I can't stand this small with the equally as small people who have never stepped foot out of it. I hate that everyone knows everything about me, from my car accident to old Pete's dog, to my first freaking root canal! I was so sick of people judging me with every step I took. Always saying 'There's Ned's girl. What a shame. Ned is such a nice man, he doesn't deserve a daughter like that.' And you know what, Leo? They were right, he didn't need a daughter like me. Now would you excuse me and move to the side so I can leave?"

Leo stayed silent for a second, his arm still blocking the doorway. "Do you know what it was like for me when you left?"

"Oh you probably jumped for joy!" Alana yelled sarcastically, she didn't even realize how worked up she was. Her body was hot with anger and her body still felt like it was going to break down any second.

"Is that what you think?" Leo asked her. "Is that really what you think?"

"Let me go, Leo," Alana said under her breath and took a step forward, but Leo held her back with his arm. "Let me go!" She yelled again, her throat was feeling hollow and she knew that she was going to break down and cry right in front of him if he didn't let her out. She pushed forward but Leo stayed where he was at. She pushed again, but his body was like a wall. Leo grabbed her wrists to hold her steady and then did something that surprised both of them; he pulled her into a hug.

He wrapped his arms around her back tightly, gripping onto his old shirt that hung on her body. She fought at first, but finally stood still, breathing hard, her arms in front of her against his chest, not hugging him back.

"Shut up," He said into her ear, his lips grazing against it. "Please just shut up."

Alana closed her eyes for a second and took her arms to wrap them around his torso and breathed in his scent, her breathing still shaky and unnerving. She didn't know what was happening as they stood quietly, holding each other, but she felt as if her body was just going to sink into his, letting go of every angry thought she ever had of him. She didn't want to feel like this.

"I can still remember the moment I found out you left, it was sunny and unbearably hot, the sun itself made me miserable already," He said, his breath tracing her hair. "During the Festival of Lights, I saw you run away right after they sang the theme song. I was too dumb and young to care about where you went." Alana flinched by his words. "I just thought you went back to your house. But when I came by the next morning with Mackenzie to pick you up to go back to the lake, your dad opened the door, his shoulders were slumped and he looked like he had just seen a ghost. He told us you took the car to the train station and then left a voicemail on your home phone telling him where his car was. You didn't say where you were going.

"We walked into your room that was basically empty, besides the pictures of us - your friends - that you of course left behind. My stomach felt like it was going to fall apart. You were there one second, then you were gone. I didn't think it'd affect me that much - but it did. Then Ned got sick. He told us he tried to write you when you finally told him where you went. He tried to call you, but it never went through, he said. He always said 'She'll come back.'. But you never did. Soon enough I stopped believing him. Went to college, came back every summer wondering if you were too. You never did. Soon enough I tried to forget that I ever grew up with you, that you didn't exist, that you were nothing.

"But then three years later, you just... showed up, and I had so much hate towards you. I just wanted to make you feel the pain that you inflicted on everyone you left behind. I wanted to redeem all those looks I saw on your father's face every time Christmas came. But I couldn't, instead I just wanted to be around you. Why? I don't know. And now I'm trying, I'm really trying to make up for all of those years I didn't appreciate you. You may have come back too late for Ned, but not for me. I want to be your friend again, Alana. I may not always sound like I do, but it's the truth. I want you back in my life. In all of our lives."

Leo took a deep breath and finally released his arms from around Alana. She kept her head down, tears slowly falling down her cheeks. His words that were supposed to comfort her, give her some sort of knowing, just made her feel like all the wind had been knocked out of her. That she was the lowest of the low.

"I can't do this," She said through shattered breaths. "I can't have you speak to me like this. I don't deserve it."

Finally, she stepped forward and Leo didn't block her way this time, and she ran as quickly as she could to leave his house, and ran far away, just like she always did.