Lights on the Lake

There were many things that Alana knew about Leo Cronin. He was smart, way too smart for his own good. He had the ability to manipulate any situation he was in, merely by just showing some of his perfect teeth in a toothy lopsided grin, whether it was to get a better grade in AP Literature, or to run for Class President, win the election, and then deciding that he didn’t want to do it anymore, he was always the one who knew exactly what to say to get anything or anyone he wanted, and Alana was one of them.

Alana was never one of Leo’s followers, or one of the girls that would eye him as he walked down the hallway wanting him to ask her out, instead, she was the girl he was walking to in the hallway. But, not as the girl he was in love with or took out on dates on the weekends, but as the girl that had been his friend since the 5th grade and as the girl who had the same Algebra class with him, so meeting her the hallway to walk together to class was just convenient.

During the fourth of July in the summer after her freshman year of high school, Leo got his older brother to sneak them some alcohol. None of them had ever drank anything other than a sip of wine at some of the Town Hall Dinners Alana’s dad, along with the rest of their parents, made them go to, where everyone dressed in outfits that resembled Prom or the Oscars (something Alana found relatively pathetic that a Town Hall dinner was even close to something like the Oscars for this town).

So, this was definitely one of those times where all of them felt exceptionally thrilled with themselves for being so rebellious. Leo unscrewed the lid of a very tall and clear Vodka bottle as they all sat in a circle amongst dead leaves in the forest by the lake. The moon reflected amongst all of their faces as Leo looked at all of them one by one, the bottle resting right below his lips.

“If I do it, you guys will have to,” His young voice said. “That’s the rule.”

“We’re not going to chicken out,” Weezer replied, making sure that he was the first to speak to stand out to Leo. “Do it.”

Leo let out a charming laugh and brought the bottle to his lips. He tilted the bottle backwards and took a quick swig. His eyes closed and he swallowed the alcohol as it burned down his throat. He handled it like a pro though and passed the bottle over to another friend of there’s named Jace Kernel, a kid with too much acne and not enough charisma to make up for it. Everyone turned their heads to Jace, everyone except Alana, who kept her eyes on Leo. Leo and Alana’s eyes met, and Alana’s stomach dropped for a quick electrifying moment. But as quickly as his eyes were on hers, they were gone, and were now watching Weezer take a slug of the Vodka, making Alana feel small once again.

Later that night, the fourteen and fifteen year olds were all drunk and were all feeling rather stupid and silly. They all stumbled along the beaches around the lake where everyone had blankets laid out with their families, excited to watch the fireworks. The town made sure not to make too much of a big deal of the fourth of July, because then it would outpass their most famous tradition that happened at the end of the month, The Festival of Lights.

The young teens all laid down on a blanket and were laughing about nothing in particular when the first firework exploded in the sky.

“Look!” Abigail’s squeaky voice exclaimed. Everyone sat up, everyone except Leo and Alana, who were staring up at the sky lying side by side.

Alana looked over at Leo, feeling happy and fuzzy from the alcohol, which made her feel unusually brave. Alana was never the one to feel afraid of anything, she was always up for something that would make her feel like less of a caged animal, something she felt frequently in this small of a town. But when it came to Leo Cronin, she carefully watched what she said, because she wanted him to like her. For some weird reason, his approval was important to her.

As everyone “ooh’d and aww’d” as the sky became brighter and mustier from the fireworks, Leo’s eyes finally looked over at Alana. She hadn’t realized she was staring at him, but it was already too late because she had a feeling he had already knew she was since she started. His light brown eyes were reflecting from the night sky and maybe it was the alcohol, or the colors in the sky, but Alana bravely leaned over and whispered in Leo’s ear.

“Do you think I’m pretty?” She asked, and the stupidity of the question hit her almost immediately. What in the world did she just ask him? Who was she, just another stupid girl in the school seeking Leo’s approval?

Yes.

He didn’t answer at first, instead, Leo’s eyebrows scrunched together as he looked back over at her. He reached over and grabbed the bottle of alcohol and took another swig and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Alana waited in silence for Leo’s to say something, anything to make her feel like less of an idiot. Finally, he looked back over at her, with a mischievous glint in his eye that Alana knew could only mean one thing.

“Kelly Paltron is prettier,” He said, and then sat up with the others to look at the fireworks, leaving Alana laying there, with immediate tears running down her face as the banging in the sky got louder and louder.

And that was the distinct memory that played itself like a broken record in Alana’s head as she sat up on the bed in her aunt’s guest bedroom. That was almost six years ago and she still couldn’t let it go. She was almost twenty-one for goodness’ sake, why in the world would a memory when she was barely fifteen make her feel so crappy about herself? What was she thinking? That after three years of being gone, that Leo would suddenly scoop her up in her arms and say how much he missed her? He hated her, she knew that. He didn’t even want to say anything to her let alone say hello as if she didn’t skip town like it was a disease.

She thought back at that moment earlier that night after he turned the corner, walking away from her and his friends. Mackenzie, Weezer and Abigail had said their goodbyes to Alana before they ran off after Leo, claiming that they all had dinner plans. Mackenzie invited Alana along, but Alana knew how stupid of an idea that would be, and immediately declined. After they left, Alana stared at the picture of her dad at the window for a while longer, before taking the long-route back to the restaurant with her family.

And now here she was, upset that Leo didn’t even give her the opportunity to even hear his voice after three years, get his acknowledgment, anything. She kept going back and forth, scolding herself for thinking that coming back here was going to be quick and hopefully painless, or that coming back here not expecting to face her past was even an option.

Her eyes closed, and she couldn’t help but repeat the same phrase in her head over and over.

You’re only here for one more day, just one more day.



The funeral was simple. It was in the local Christian church and everyone there were all respectfully dressed in black. Alana recognized almost everyone there, some being family friends, others being acquaintances of her father’s, like the customers he’s had over the years at his shoe repair shop, or the neighbors that lived up the street. Alana knew that Ned was a respectable man who a lot of people knew and loved, but she didn't realize just how many people until she saw them all sitting in the pews.

Alana stood in the back of the church, her back leaning against the wall by the door. She wanted to just sink into the wall and fall back into her own bed in her small apartment in New York City, where Trey would be laying right next to her, fast asleep. He would wake up, look over at her with his blue eyes and tell her that she would never have to go back to Lake Vedleu again, then he’d propose to her and they’d get married and have little blonde babies that looked just like him.

“Alana?”

Alana immediately snapped out of her white-picket-fence daydream and looked up at her aunt Ker.

“Do you want to sit down?” Ker asked, her voice soft and careful. “We’re about to start.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Alana replied, distracted. Ker grabbed onto Alana’s arm as they walked through the middle aisle. Everyone in the pews turned their heads to look at her and immediately whispered amongst one another, probably criticizing her for finally coming back to Vedleu only when her estranged father died. She felt their eyes eating away at her like mosquitoes until they finally sat in the front row. Everyone became quiet as the pastor stood up and faced them in front of her dad's casket.

Alana looked over to her right and saw Mackenzie, Abigail and Weezer sitting down in the middle of the pews. Mackenzie looked over at Alana and smiled, and Alana felt a little bit more at ease. It was a small comfort, but a comfort at least that she knew someone there that didn’t hate her guts.

But then, almost as a cue of irony, the doors in the back swung open and there was Leo Cronin.

His sun-kissed light brown hair reflected against the fluorescent lighting of the church, and his large eyes looked around at all of the people staring at him. His eyes caught Alana’s as she watched him, her mouth agape that he was actually attending her father’s funeral. He snapped his eyes away from hers and looked around to see, Alana had assumed, where Mackenzie, Abigail and Weezer were sitting. He spotted them and quickly shuffled his feet to sit down with them. People already lost interest in him and were looking back at the pastor, who coughed and opened his mouth to continue.

“Ned Bennett was a man who always put people before him. Whether it was the people in this town who needed help one way or the other, or… his family.”

Alana felt on glue again as everyone’s eyes made their way toward her. She sunk down in her seat a little and Ker reached over and grabbed her hand. She squeezed it, somewhat as a reassurance for Alana, but it didn’t make Alana feel any better. She felt that if the people here had flame-throwers, they’d be lighting her on fire right that second.

Throughout the service, Alana kept her eyes on the closed casket in front of her, and thought about who had made these funeral plans. It was obviously Ker, who was Ned’s sister, who made the plans, but it didn’t dawn on Alana until right at that moment that she should have been the one to make them. She was his daughter after all.

Maybe everyone was right. Maybe she was a terrible person, and a terrible daughter who only returned to Vedleu after her father died. It was completely logical for the town to hate her, because at that distinct moment, she even hated herself.

And it wasn’t until the service was over, and after everyone came up to her and fakely expressed their condolences to Alana, even though they were basically saying “Go back home, you traitor!", that Alana thought she couldn’t feel any worse.

Then, once again, there was Leo.

People were clearing out, and she spotted him standing near the back with her group of old friends. They all glanced in her direction and Alana immediately looked away and towards the ceiling where the sun shined through stained glass portrait of a cross, bursting a mixture of color into the front of the church.

Please don’t come over here. Just leave, please just leave. She thought to herself as she turned even more away from the group. But then she looked over and saw Mackenzie nudge Leo and they all started walking over in her direction. Alana immediately took a sharp intake of breath and tried to see where her aunt was, so she could possibly save her, but Ker was speaking with an older woman Alana didn’t recognize.

She turned back to see that the group was almost to her, and she knew that there was no way out.

“Hey, Alana,” Mackenzie said as they approached with a sympathetic smile on her face. “Your father was such a great man, and we’re all happy that you were here for his service.” Mackenzie obviously directed her last statement to Leo, who just stood in front of Alana coolly with his hands in his pockets.

“Thanks,” Alana replied. “I mean that, for coming, and everything.”

Almost immediately, Leo exhaled and clicked his tongue, as if he was extremely annoyed that this encounter was even taking place. As if Alana couldn’t tell all-freaking-ready that he didn't want to be where he was.

“You know, Leo, you can just leave if I’m causing you such distress,” Alana had mustered up the courage to say. Leo scrunched his eyebrows together, just like he did when Alana had asked him that question at the lake that one terrible night.

“I’m here because of your father, not for you, Alana,” Leo replied simply, yet icily, and Alana couldn’t help but react to the sound of his voice. The sound of it hadn’t changed, it was still deep with a tint of boyishness, but now it held three more years of maturity to it. And Alana couldn’t help but feel relief when she heard him speak, her name still rolled smoothly off his tongue, although his words were still as venomous as ever.

“I’m here for the same reason,” Alana rebutted, causing Leo to let out a loud, mocking laugh. The few remaining people in the church looked over and Alana gritted her teeth.

“Leo, shut up. Let’s just go,” Abigail said, her small hand wrapping around Leo’s wrist. He laughed again and yanked it from her and took a step forward in Alana’s direction.

“Sorry if I’m just a little skeptical of that statement, Lan,” Leo said, “But I have an honest question here, since when were you ever a daughter to Ned? As far back as I can remember, you never were.”

“Don’t you dare say that,” Alana spat. “You know nothing about our relationship.”

“Then why hadn’t you spoken to him for the past three years, huh?” Leo asked.

“Leo, shut up,” Mackenzie spoke.

"I... I-" Alana began to say but Leo cut her off.

“Why did he die wishing the same thing he has always wished since you left, that you’d come back to be by his side? But of course, you come back when he's not even here to see it." He spat.

"Leo," Mackenzie urged.

Alana kept her head down.

“Oh come on, Alana, enlighten me,” Leo insisted.

“Leo, shut. UP!” Mackenzie almost screamed in Leo’s face, finally causing him to snap out of whatever angry trance he was in and take a step back. He looked back at his friends who stared at him in disbelief, that he would be saying those words to Ned’s daughter at his funeral. There was a thick silence amongst all of them, and Alana didn't even know what to say, instead she kept her head down like a coward. Leo took one more look at Alana, and then the rest of the group that continued to stare at him, before quickly turning on his feet and exiting the church.

His friends turned to Alana and uttered sincere apologies for his behavior and walked out after him, just like they did the night before, leaving Alana alone, and knowing just as well that no matter what way she looked at it, Leo was completely right.