Sarah Smiles

It would have been the perfect moment for the ground to suddenly open up beneath my feet and swallow me up. I didn’t want to be in this situation right now. It was my dream for Brendon to tell me he was in love with me, but right now it was reality, things seemed so much more perfect in my little imaginary scenario. In fact I wanted to push the words Brendon spoke back in his mouth and pretend it all didn’t happen, and allow them to be released another time. A time where we weren’t in my grubby bedroom, when I wasn’t upset with him…and when he didn’t have a girlfriend.

In a field full of flowers, lying in the grass and looking at the sky. There would be the odd cloud, and the sun would be shining. My head would be on his chest and his arm would be wrapped around my body. His lips would lightly touch my ear and he’d whisper the three words. Oh god. I am such a fool.

My fantasy wasn’t going to happen. I would forever blame it on the fact Brendon chose the wrong time and place to announce his love towards me, and not just because it was a farfetched dream. It took me a while to comprehend what Brendon had said to me, and I stood in silence not wanting to mention it just in case I had in fact heard him wrong. His big brown eyes stared at me, waiting for my reaction to the words that flowed freely out of his mouth.

My whole internal anatomy felt like it was going to fall out of my butt, I could hear and feel the thumping of my heart in my head and I felt like I was going to be sick. But I felt good. I could only imagine how Brendon felt.

“Apparently you’re in love with me too.” He mumbled.

I ripped my gaze from the floor, not expecting him to say that. My eyes widened and the thumping sound that rung in my ears suddenly became increasingly louder.

“What?” My voice was raspy and quite, due to the imaginary bile that had formed in my throat.

“Ryan.” He took a deep breath. “Ryan told me when I bumped into him in Chicago.” He slowly retreated his eyes from my own and fumbled with the bottom of his shirt. “Was he lying?”

I prayed, prayed for anything to happen to get me out of that situation. My heart screamed the words “NO” and my head screamed the words “YES”. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes.

“No.” The word shot out of my mouth, I had no control over it.

My hands instantly slammed against my mouth. Brendon shot his head back up to me, his eyes showing the same expression as mine. Shock.

He took a step forward. “You’re not just saying that?” His voice was soft and hopeful.

I found my body instantly craning my neck from side to side, my eyes watching him intently as he took another step forward. One more step and his breath was hitting my face, our bodies were separated my millimetres.

“I want you to say it.” He muttered. His eyes glared into my own, as if he was trying to get an insight into my corrupted mind. His hand found its way into my hair. “I won’t believe you until the words come from your lips.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, savouring the moment we shared. I didn’t even contemplate his request. The words just flowed like a gentle breeze out of my mouth.
“I love you.”

It was as if the words were a trigger and his lips instantly crashed onto my own, I stumbled backwards, my hands latched to the back of his neck pulling him with me. A wall stopped us from plunging to the floor. He released the pressure from my lips, but didn’t pull them away.

“Say it again.”

I did. Again his lips pressed against mine, his tongue darted along the fold of my lips begging for entrance. I obliged to his desire and parted my mouth slightly. I felt his hand slither under the bottom of my vest top and it danced along my curves. It trailed higher, slipping under my bra and giving my breast a good squeeze. I let out a low moan. His other hand tangled in my hair pulled away and grabbed my thigh hoisting it up around his hip, I automatically did the same with my other leg wrapping them securely around him.

He held the weight of my body by placing his hands on my backside. He pulled my body away from the wall and made his way over to the bed. His body shifted forward as he placed me onto the plush sheets. My legs relaxed unravelling themselves from around Brendon. His body was still in-between my leg and our lips still attached. He began pulling my shirt up and my torso was hit by the cold air. He pulled his lips from mine for a moment to allow my shirt to come off. He dragged it over my head and threw it on the floor. He looked at my bra almost annoyed, his hands shot under my back and he fumbled with the clasp for a while before he had finally unfastened the contraption and tossed it away. Before returning to my mouth, he took off his own shirt. My whole body shivered at the sensation of his skin hitting mine.

The thought did cross my mind that he had a girlfriend while I was pulling down his jeans. And I was fully aware that what I was doing was wrong. It wasn’t fair on his girlfriend. But that didn’t stop me from having the incredible experience I did.

I had finally established the difference from just having sex and making love. Our bodies connected both mentally and physically, I had never felt so close to him and I wanted it to stay that way forever. I was made to become oblivious to the world for a moment, and forget about everything. It was just me and the person I was in love with, and he was in love with me too.

However, once it was over I was faced with reality once again. Rushing thoughts pulsated through my mind. I was a home wreaker, the other woman and a terrible person. The thoughts faded when I felt an arm wrap around my waist. I turned my head around meeting with Brendon’s eyes. I felt my heart melt. His eyes dissolved my worries. If only I could stare at them forever .