August Is Over

“Alex is having a panic attack!”
My head snapped up.
“What?”
“I don’t know why!” Jack shouted, this scary look in his eye. “He just…he freaked the fuck out! He’s panting and crying, and he just won’t breathe!”
I scooped up Lexi, not having time to walk with her, and started toward Jack.
“You need to breathe before you have a panic attack. I’ve got it under control. You just lead me to him, and the rest of you get the fuck on that stage,”
“And do what?”
“Cover Blink!” I stated. “Use Matt as the singer…do something. I don’t care what, just do it! I’m going to hand Lexi off to John, and I’m going to make sure that Alex doesn’t pass out from the lack of oxygen.”
Jack nodded, and ran out of the dressing room looking like a complete mess. I kissed Lexi head, and she stared at me.
“Momma, what’s wrong with daddy?”
“He’s just being a drama queen,” I lied slightly. I walked through the open dressing room for The Maine. “John, I have a present for you, and she’s rather large.”
“Hey, cutie!” John cooed and took her from me. “He disappeared somewhere on the side stage,”
“Thanks,” I smiled before bolting toward the side stage. Matt was standing there looking frantic. As soon as he saw me, he rushed over to wrap me up in his arms.
“Thank God,” He whispered. “He’s in the side stage bathroom,”
“Okay,” I nodded before I walked toward the bathroom. I pressed my ear to the door, and faintly heard heavy breathing and tears. I pushed the door open frantically. I saw Alex huddled in a corner with his knees tightly to his chest. He was almost rocking back and forth. “Lex…” His tear-stained eyes looked up at me. He didn’t say anything, but I could tell that he felt better. I moved quickly so that I was crouched in front of him. I put my hands on his knees. “You need to put your legs down, you’re only making it worse,”
“O-o-kay,” He managed to get out between breathes.
I placed my hands on both sides of his face.
“Look at me Lex,” He didn’t look. “Alex, please?” His eyes still weren’t on mine. “Dammit, Alexander, Look. At. Me!,” I nearly yelled, but he finally made eye contact. “Breathe. You have to slow down. Calm yourself, okay? Close your eyes, and make yourself think of something that makes you incredibly happy. Focus all of your energy on that, okay? Focus…” He nodded his head and closed his eyes. They were shut tightly at first, but his breathing started to slow down just a little bit. “Alex, you have to breathe. If you don’t we might have to call an ambulance. None of us want that, okay? Please just breathe?”
Alex eyes flew open, and he looked terrified. He scrambled until he had his arms wrapped tightly around me, and his breathing started to really pick up again. I rubbed soothing circles in his back, making me feel like I was comforting a child. His face was pressed tightly into my neck.
“Breathe….” I whispered. “Please calm down, Lex. I’m scared shitless right now,” I confessed. “Think of me…of Lexi. Please….just do anything….calm down, please?”
“I-I-I-mm tryin,” He stuttered, but his breathing was decreasing. I hugged him tighter to my body, and he relaxed a little bit. “I-I-I can-t go out t-th-ere.”
“Why not?” I whispered.
“They-too many…” He replied, picking up his breathe again. “Wh-hat if I disappoint them?”
I kissed his cheek, which was really close to me considering our position.
“They’re here for you. There’s no way in Hell that you’ll disappoint them, Alex. The only way of you letting them down is by not going on that stage tonight, okay?”
“A-a-a-alright,” He stuttered. “I…can do this.”
I rubbed my hands all over his back to calm him down. He was almost breathing normally. I kept my arms wrapped tightly around him. I didn’t want him to feel like I was going to disappear from his grasp. He was actually calming down enough to speak.
“Are you okay?”
“I will be,” He replied. His voice sounded horrible considering he was just hyperventilating. I don’t know if he can go on stage tonight after this state.
“Good. I don’t want this to happen again,” I stated.
“Me either.”

♥

“Aly, it’s happening again,” Matt informed me.
“Are you serious?” I asked, slightly shocked. “But…I just left him not even a minute ago. He was perfectly fine,”
“Right when you left, he started flipping out. Like…he was throwing things. I don’t know what’s wrong with him, Al. I honestly don’t. He’s just…he’s scaring even me. I’m terrified for him,”
I nodded my head, and followed Matt to where Alex was. He wasn’t heaving as much as he did last time, but this time, he stopped in the middle of a set, not the beginning. He just ran off stage. I calmed him for a minute, and only left when he said that he was fine. Apparently he isn’t fine.
“Alex, chill,” I stated as soon as I had my arms around him. He stopped everything that he was doing.
“I can’t do it,”
“Yes, you freaking can! STOP THIS. Finish the set like you promised, and then we’ll talk about these…attacks you’re getting. Okay?”
“I-“
“Don’t you dare say that you can’t. Those people out there are fucking waiting for you to get back on that stage. DO it.”
Slowly he nodded before taking a few deep breathes.
“I need some water,”
“Here,” Matt stated, handing him over the water bottle.
Alex drank a lot of it. When he was finally composed, he took his guitar, and ran back on stage. He made up some excuse about having to poop or something like that.
“I’m so worried about him, Matty.”
“I think we all are,” He replied wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “I think Alex needs help,”
“What do you mean? Like therapy?”
“Sadly…yes. I think he seriously needs someone on the outside to talk to,”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek and watching the man I loved BS something on stage, and I realized how big his façade really was. He did need help, even if I was the one who couldn’t give it to him. He needed therapy.