Beating The Clock

As I keep my drink in my hand, Billie moves his plate a little and starts to carve up his chicken into little pieces. He stops for a moment right before he takes his first bite and looks at me. "What?" he asks.

"Nothing," I say.

As he chews his first bite his hands work on cutting up the small red potatoes on the side of his plate. "I was going to tell you this before," he says in between bites, "Your make up looks great. Personally I don't think that you need it, but I like what you did with your eyes." He chews a little more and takes a bite of potatoes and chews that. "Aren't you going to eat?"

"Yeah," I say and turn to my own plate to cut up my chicken and fiddle with my potato. I press on the white of the potato and mash it a little before I pick up a small piece and lift it to my mouth.

"So where'd you disappear to this afternoon?" He holds his fork in his hand and sets down his knife and uses his freehand to wipe his mouth with his napkin.
"I went to Sephora and did a little girly shopping. I figured that you wouldn't want to have to sit through that so I thought I'd sneak away while I could."

"So what all did you get?" he asks.

Part of me wonders why he's so suddenly interested in me. Make up certainly isn't a subject he's all that familiar with and I feel almost as if he's forcing this conversation just to act as if interested in me.

"Just some make up Billie," I say, "Really I wouldn't think that you'd be interested in what I was doing or what I bought."
"I'm interested," he says, "maybe make up isn't the most exciting thing in the world, but I was thinking that maybe I need to spend a little more time--" He laughs and chews the rest of his bite. "A little more time," he sings, "On you-u-u-u." He pauses and looks around the room.

"It's strange to imitate NSYNC while Tre and Mike aren't backing me up."
"You'll see them soon." I say.

"Of course," he says and takes another bite, this time stuffing it into his cheek for a moment so he can finish answering. "It's just weird to feel like I'm taking over the band when I'm not. I get out on stage and look around and it's almost like it's only me up there." He watches me for a moment. "It's like that with Adrienne too. I guess this is just all too much at once. Losing our respect in the media and her at the same time really has turned my life upside down. I think that's why I freaked out a little when--" He sighs, "I looked up to see what you're up to and you disappeared. It just feels strange to not have things stay the same."

"But you like it right?" I ask, "I mean you still are excited about this album right?"
"Yeah," he says, "Sonia isn't making my life any easier, but yeah. I wanted this. I needed this and so far I think I light how things are going."
"I'm glad about that," I say.

"That's another thing I was going to say," He said, "I forgot to thank you for calling me all those times over the summer. I know I was being kind of a hermit running off to Virginia Beach for a few weeks. I hope I didn't insult you by ditching you like that."

"Not at all," I say, "I knew that you'd eventually get your head back on straight and I knew that being with Tre and Mike and all those other producers was like therapy for you. I just wanted to call and check in with you because Adrienne was calling me to check up on you."

"She was calling you?"
"Yeah," I say and take a small bite and swallow. "About how you weren't acting like yourself so she called me for a second opinion. It seems like these days I'm one of the only people besides Wes and her that really knows the full story about who you are."

"Have I been moody?" he asks. He looks at my expression. "I'm sorry that I have been. I'm just trying to figure out how to handle everything and it's not going as smoothly as I thought it would go."

We sit in silence for only a little while before I feel his eyes on me.
"Billie?"
"Hmm?"
"Can you not stare at me while I eat?"
"I wasn't staring," he says and makes that oh so sweet smile at me. "I'm admiring."
"Well, can you admire later?" I ask.
"Sure," he says.

I chew a few bites more before I sigh. I pick up a piece of chicken onto my fork and stare at it for a moment. I need to do this. I need to just say yes to all of this and pretend for a little that I'm a normal person and that Billie is a normal man. My eyes slide over and stare at him for a little bit. There is nothing normal about Billie Joe Armstrong.
"Um, Vivian?" Billie says.
"Yeah?"
"Can you not stare at me while I eat?" He mocks me.
"I'm admiring," I say. I take a bite of chicken, chew then sigh.

"You know I never can remember how to spell potato." Billie holds up a little bit and stares at it going cross-eyed. "That who freaking Dan Quayle thing really messed me up. I mean before I heard about that thing I could spell it just fine then after I was a complete mess."

"It should be po-ta-too," I say, "it's not spelled t-o-e so it should be said to t-o."
"Yeah, and like tomato," Billie says sounding seriously deep for a few moments. "It should be too-ma-too," he says with a laugh. "I mean who wants to eat toes anyway."
"You're insane," I say.
"I've got too much free time," he says.

"Okay."
He looks down at his plate then looks back at me when I don't say anything to him. "Okay what?"
"Okay--" I smile. "To what you said earlier."

He stares at me and I know that he understands what I'm talking about. He also knows that I can go back and forth on this subject forever. "Cut the bullshit girl and just tell me what you're talking about."

"I want to be with you--" I stutter out. "I mean ah--not BE with you, but be with you."

He looks shocked when I actually seem to answer the question the way he wanted me to. His eyes widen and he holds his fork in mid air, too far to stick the potato on the end of it into his mouth. "Really?"
"Yeah," I say and continue as if nothing has changed.
"Really?"

"Billie," I sigh, "you can't get all hyper about this and we have to be careful about things because I'm not going to spend all my time defending myself in the media."

"So," he says with a little disappointment, "you want to keep it on the down-low."
"Not forever, but I'd like to ease everyone into the idea that we're a couple rather than shove it down their throats. We're together all the time anyway so we'll just casually start to act more like boyfriend and girlfriend rather than holding a press conference."

He nods.
"And if we do end up getting--" I sigh. This is so like a contract negotiation. "If we end up getting intimate I'd appreciate the no comment answer rather than explaining it to people."
"Okay," he says.

For a moment my heart is in my throat. I hadn't thought about how the outside world is going to suddenly rip me apart about the status of our sexual relationship.

"Vivian," he says, "it's going to be okay." He puts a hand over mine. "Come on," he says with a laugh. "Come on Too-ma-too."
"Okay Toes," I say with a laugh.

"Finish up," he says pointing at my plate. He looks at his watch, "If we hurry I can take a whole half hour nap with you before I have to answer interview questions."
"With me?"
"Well," he says, "I figure you need a nap to and since there looks to be enough room on that couch over there--" He points with his fork. "--I figure we have enough time to nap a little."
"Really?"
"Yeah," he says with a nod.

I take a few more bites then laugh, "This is going to be so strange."
"It's not going to be strange," he says, "it's going to be different, but not strange."
"It's going to be strange," I say, "I've been trying not to--" I cut my sentence off and blush at the thoughts that were just running through my head.

"What?"
"I've been trying for years to get the idea out of my head that I'd just be able to put my--" I pause and look down because I can't look him in the eye. "I can't imagine being able to just put my hands all over you whenever I want to."
He laughs a little, "I knew it--" He points at me with his fork and smiles, "You're a closet freak!"

"No," I say, "I've just liked you for a long time and like any other girl in the world I'll admit I've thought about what being in a relationship would be like with you."
"So what would you think it would be like?" he asks.
"Like this morning," I say, "waking up with your arms around me and hearing your breath against my ear and feel--" I smile. "Well, you know. It's relationship stuff. Just that closeness with another person is--"

"Yeah," he says, "that's something I've missed from being in a relationship. But more for me it's that kind of checking in with the other person that I miss. Like that last call--and I know that's totally corny--but really, that last call or chat right before I go to sleep usually is what gets me relaxed enough to sleep for the night." His eyes shut for a moment and he takes a deep breath.

"Speaking of that," I say, "if you're going to take a nap you should do it soon."
"Are you gonna lay with me if I stretch out on the couch?"
"I guess," I say with a shrug.
"You done?" he asks.
I look at my plate. "Yeah."

***

"Vivian."
I hear the voice in my sleep and snuggle closer to what I'm hugging. A chill goes up my back as I start to wake up and realize that only half of me is warm. I push my cheek into what I'm sleeping against and I hear a soft hum against my ear and a warm breath against my forehead.

"Vivian, I need you to get up and get Billie up." The rumble of Wes's voice hits my ears and I hold my breath almost as if I think if I don't move he'll just think I'm asleep and go away. "Some of the reporters are going to be showing up soon."

The word reporters hits my ears and I'm jolted awake. My eyes fly open as I turn my face up towards the sound of the voice. My mouth sticks together, cottonmouth like, as if I've got a hang over. Really I just think that I've been sleeping to hard. "Wes?"

"Babe," he says with a soft voice and rubs my back a little, "I'd love to let the two of you sleep the rest of the afternoon away, but Sonia and those reporters are going to be here soon and I know you don't want them to find--"

My brain is still foggy. I don't even remember how I got from the table to the couch in the first place. I mean I remember a little bit I guess, but I'm still not awake enough to know if it was all real or not. "Two of us?"
"Yeah," he says.

I turn and suddenly find that Billie and I are trying to grope each other in our sleep. I feel his arms flex pulling me tighter to him as he mumbles something in his sleep. My leg has wedged itself between his and I'm practically twisted around him like a pretzel. This would definitely not be a moment to let reporters in the room. I'd look like a complete floozy if they found me lying there like this. I turn a little back towards the door, paranoid that someone might walk in the room and smile up at Wes. "Thanks," I say knowing that he knows and sees all, but never tells anything to anyone--anyone important anyway.

Billie's arms are around my waist and his hands have shoved themselves into the back pockets of my jeans and his fingers are moving a bit now as if he feels me slipping away from him a little in his sleep.

I yawn and look at the table which has suddenly been cleared off and has snack foods on it, all reminisce of our lunch together now hidden from the reporters that will be in the room soon.

"I cleared that for you guys and gave it to catering so they didn't have to be in here. I explained that Billie had an early morning and was napping and would be upset if he was woken up."
"Thanks Wes. I mean it. I know that sometimes--"
"Just get him up and get him going and I'll worry about the rest," He says to me, "you two have a little while, but you might want to move things around on the couch a little just to be sure."

I nod. "Give me about ten minutes to get him up then I'll come out there and help Sonia funnel the reporters in and out."
"Okay," he whispers and moves away.

When he's gone and the door is closed I turn towards Billie and watch him sleep for a moment. He's on his back and using a bulky throw pillow underneath his head. He sleeps with his mouth open slightly and his cheeks are totally relaxed, leaving him looking actually kind of funny at that angle.

"Billie," I whisper. I move so I can be propped up a little to look down at him.
"Billie you need to get up." He's so cute when he's asleep. Totally relaxed in every possible way. This afternoon he starts to snore a bit when I talk to him.

"Billie baby, wake up. The reporters are going to be here soon and so will Sonia."
"Hm?" he says, his eyes open and he smiles at me then yawns sleepily. "Awwee-lready?"
"Yeah," I sigh and kiss his chest. "You gotta let me up so we can get ready for them."

"Do I have to?" he asks with a totally innocent sound to his voice that makes me wonder if this is what his mother went through with him when he was little and getting ready to go to school. He moves an arm so that I lay back down on his chest again, "I was just getting to the good part of this dream I was having." His hips move and his legs stretch. "Oh shit--" He grabs me close, "Don't fall."
"I won't," I say with a smile.

"It was you and me on a beach in Hawaii."
"Really?" I smile and try to picture us in some exotic place. I took a vacation with him a few months ago, but spent most of the time working out his schedule with Sonia and his Mom and getting the first rounds of wardrobes done for a photo shoot, since I know Billie's style better than most...and of course there had been a slight cold hanging over me so that whole beach trip had been wasted. "Tell me about it while we get up and get ready for the reporters."
"Fine," he says.

I start to move, but he clamps his arms down around me. "Kiss first." He puckers his lips in a pouty way and closes his eyes.
"Fine," I say and lean and kiss him.
"Thank you," he says politely and lets me get up.

I stand and stretch my arms over my head and a moment later feel his fingertips where my shirt has broken away from my jeans. I look down at them then at his face and he smiles.

"Don't even start that Armstrong," I say as I fix my hair. "You have reporters waiting on you and I know any moment Sonia is going to--"
The door breaks open and Sonia comes in the room. She stares at us for only a moment before she moves to turn on the lights.
Billie throws an arm over his eyes. "Fuck, Sonia!"

"What?" she asks.
He grumbles. "I was sleeping."
"Well, you need to get up now," she says with a chipper tone that makes me want to throw my phone at her.

"I'm gonna go and check to make sure that the boys made it home okay. Do you want me to grab you a drink or something?"

"No," he says and moves his arm away from his eyes. He glances at Sonia then makes a kissing face.
I slap at his hand. "Get up and don't give Sonia any trouble, okay?"
Billie pushes himself up, rubs his hands over his face and smiles, "Okay. Sonia, who's up first?"

As she starts to explain the schedule I find my phone in my backpack then slip out of the room and dial Adrienne's cell number.

"Hello?"
"Hi Adie," I say. I hate that I have just realized what it will be like to have this conversation, "It's Vivian."
"Oh hey girl." I hear noises in the background, probably the sounds of the TV on and I picture her standing in the kitchen, dreads up in a ponytail hugging the phone to her ear with her shoulder while she does her daily chores while dodging the boys.

"I was just wanting to make sure that the boys got home okay," I say, "I'm not bothering you am I?"
"They made it fine and you know you aren't bothering me. They're actually both watching movies right now--" She sighs, "Well Joey is, Jakob looks like he's out for the count."

"Really?" I say, "He probably didn't get much rest last night. He had a hard time getting to sleep. Billie and I had to calm him down before he finally went to closed his eyes for the night and this morning he seemed a little cranky."
"Poor guy goes through too much on these trips. If I had it my way sometimes I think I wouldn't send him. He loves to visit, but he's so upset after seeing his father it almost makes it worse rather than better."

"Billie is the same way. I feel like I have to calm the two of them down when they get away from each other."
"I don't know what we'd do without you. I don't know what Billie would do without you."
"Well, I'm not going anywhere any time soon," I say with a smile.

"Vivian. How is he doing?" She asks.
"He's better," I say.

She's the only one that I would talk to about this. Adie is too close to Billie to see things objectively sometimes. "He and I have been talking a bit and--"
"Is he getting back to himself?"

"Yeah," I say and hold my breath, "He and I are talking about maybe dating or something--"
"Dating?" Adie says and there is a short break in which my heart races until I hear her sigh, "Awe...honey that's so great."

"It's nothing big," I say and turn a corner and look for a drink machine. "We're seeing if things are going to go in that direction."
"I think that's great," She says, "you are really the only one who knows him anymore and as shocking as it sounds, I think he's kind of always depended on you to be there for him, not just for the job parts, but for someone to lean on when he needs it. I know that this past year and a half when he was out of the loop with all of us, that he'd talk to you."

"Yeah," I say, "I'm glad that he would talk to me. He really was starting to worry everyone."
"Well, I should let you get back to work and I have some chores to get done around here, but the next time Billie is down this way you and I should have lunch," she says.

"That sounds great Adie," I say, "tell Joey and Jakob that I miss them and if they want to call me that they can and if they don't get me I'll call them back."
"I will."

"And tell Mrs. Armstrong and Claudia that I say hello."
I pause for a moment thinking of everyone else back home in California. I call it home because as much as I've been away and traveling, I've also been included on many trips home to see the guy's families. Any time we were within a three state radius we'd stop by to say hi and spend the night so I've become part of their extended family in the eyes of blood relatives.

This summer it showed the most. I would get calls from their mothers and from Adie asking me to plead with Billie to talk. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't, but either way I was given the chance to help his family and him that had NOTHING to do with my job title or description.

"Will do," Adie says, "that reminds me. I need to make sure that Mrs. A has enough potting soil. She's repotting the plants on the deck this weekend."
"Sounds fun."
"Talk to you soon honey," She says, "and tell Billie to call us in a few days when he has time."
"I will."

We hang up the line and I find myself feeling insanely better about my relationship with Billie. With his ex wife on my side I know that I'll have an easier time of things.

My confidence is high as I move back into the room to see what they're up to with Billie. Just as I'm coming in, Nate Richards from Music Mania takes a seat across from him and I settled into the chair just off camera with my magazine open on my lap so I wouldn't look like I was paying too much attention even though I was going to be listening intently to this interview anyway. This wasn't going to be the first interview between Nate and Billie. They'd known each other for about three years since Nate had started his correspondent job.

Nate takes a drink of water, settled his notes on his lap and smiled before pointing at the camera that had been set up. "I want to get into that album."

***

Photo shoots aren't the most exciting thing in the world. Everyone always seems to be crabby and today when the boys of Green Day and I show up with Wes on the set that they're using, a very urban looking warehouse setting, they already aren't in a good moods. A morning of interviews and an afternoon of more promotions would put anyone into a bad mood.

"I want to take a nap," Billie scowls at himself in the mirror as Credence Waters applies some make up to his face for the shoot.
"Don't we all," Credence says laughing a little.

I lean against the counter in front of him and check out a few of the shoots that the photographer has done in the last few weeks. He's no Herb Ritts, but he's definitely got an edge to him. I personally like the pictures of Green Day at home or just hanging out, but this guy is going to pose him a little and I'm not sure that they are going to like it.

"Marta," Credence yells a moment later, "Throw on some tunes for them and grab up those outfits so we can see them. I don't want to make the men look like fairies with too much make up on."

The music comes on and their heads bob to the music as they all sing the words out of key.

You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub
Look mami I got the X if you into taking drugs
I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love
So come give me a hug if you into to getting rubbed

It cracks me up when they say these lines with such passion, as if they were the ones to write them.

When you sound like Eminem and the hugs they wanna fuck
But homie ain't nothing change hoes down, G's up

Billie lifts his hands in the air and raises the roof and then cracks a laugh before continuing. If Tre wasn't getting make up the two of them would be dancing around a little more, but since he's by himself he's got to do all the dancing himself.

If you watch how I move you'll mistake me for a playa or pimp
Been hit wit a few shells but I don't walk wit a limp
In the hood then the ladies saying '50 you hot'
They like me, I want them to love me like they love 'Pac

His eyes go cross eyed as he dips his shoulders a little and taps the beat to the song on his thigh. Billie closes his eyes then sighs and moves a little in the studio chair he's sitting in. "Vivian?"
"Hmm?" I ask not looking up.

"Can you do me a HUGE favor?"
"What's that?" I want to add an endearment onto the end of that sentence, but it's not the time or place for it. My eyes scan the pictures for one more second then look up to find Billie still with his eyes closed.
"Can you turn this shit off?" he asks, "And then rub my hands?"

"What?" I ask looking up at him, startled a little by the request.
He pouted, "You kicked my hand yesterday and cracked my knuckle and it's hurting."
"You're insane," I say flipping the pages of the magazine after turning off the music that Credence had so generously turned on for Billie.

"You're a meany," he said with another pout. He put his foot up on the edge of the counter and holds it there as he speaks. "I'm telling the boys that you hate me and we'll all gang up on you—"
"What ever, your children would be on my side more than yours any day." I state with some attitude.

"I just love how you two fight," Credence says with a laugh, "Like an old married couple, brother and sister and lovers all wrapped into one."
Billie's foot drops to the ground with a loud thud and his eyes fly open just as I turn towards Credence. We both speak at once, "What?"

"Good lord kids," Credence says, "You need to get laid or something."
"That's totally rude Credence," I say firing the first shot back. "I can't believe you'd say something so insulting."
"I think you kind of need it too," Billie says with a laugh.

I slap at him and move away towards the catering table to get a drink of water.
Billie turns in his chair. "Come on Vivian," he says, "Don't be upset about it. I'm sure there is someone out there who will fix that for you."
"BILLIE!" I yell at him, "Shut up!"

I hear Wes laughing from the corner of the room and I glare at him. "You too big guy or I'll call both your mommas and tell them just how horrible you are to me."
Wes shuts up and Billie sticks out his tongue.

"You ready?" the photographer walks over towards Tre's side.
"I need the clothes," Tre says and pretends to reach at something in the air and beholds nothing.
"Marta!"

The girl slides to a stop in front of them, scaring the crap out of Billie and Mike. She smiles and shoves the clothes at each of them and practically runs away.
"What was that all about?" I ask moving closer to Billie.
"I'm going to change," They all say and Billie looks at me with this strange look in his eye.
"Go then," I say.

They move behind a sheet that makes up makeshift dressing room. I can see Billie's head and shoulders as he pulls off his pants and shirt and changes into black jeans and a green shirt. Ugh, the man's naked shoulders that are shown at the moment are my weakness, and his tattoos are killing me lately. This morning runs through my head again and I wish that I could have stayed in bed with him a little longer before having to run away.

"Vivian?"
"Hmm?" I say.
Billie's eyes are down and I'm figuring from the way he's standing that he's doing up the fly of the new pants he's changed into. "You feeling okay?"

"Yeah," I said, "just tired." I sigh. "How are you holding up?"
"Need another nap," he said, "but I think I'll crash out tonight on the plane."
I freeze with nervousness. "Don't mention crash and plane together."

"Viv," he says with a sigh, "I still can't believe after all this that you're scared about flying." He pushes the sheet aside and comes to stand in front of me. He leans to whisper, with that cocky smile on his face, "I'll hold your hand." He kisses my ear or rather cheek near my ear quickly and winks at me with that funny wink of his. "It's gonna be okay."

"I know," I say and have to swallow a few times before I regain my composure.
The boys walk over towards the backdrop that they are using and stands there for a moment.

"Kick off your shoes," the photographer says. He looks through the camera for a moment and I take a seat behind the photographer to watch as they kick out of their shoes. "Wait, Billie keep yours on, you're too low."

Billie leans to pull on his shoes and throws the photographer a finger. I collect the other's shoes up and shove them aside for later. The guys become flirtatious with each other and move around for the camera naturally, shooting glances at the camera.

"Okay," the photographer stops shooting. "Try getting into the other outfits and we'll get some different lighting and try something a little more—" He glances at me then stops and stares for longer than I'd like him to, "I may have an idea that might work."

They move away from the camera and walk back over towards the changing area as Marta appears with separate color suits and hands them off individually. She holds up the shirt and shakes her head. "Put on the pants and I'll be right back."
Tre nods and dances around, grabbing Billie, as Hotel California by the Eagles plays. Billie turns his head towards the ceiling and smiles as he sings and fixes his clothes around.

I smile at him over the edge of the sheet and laugh a little as they all dance in a circle. Billie almost trips and has to lean over to steady himself. I stand on my tip toes and find him with his pants around his knees trying not to fall over. He smiles up at me, but continues to move out of his clothes and sings along with the stereo.

When he moves out of the dressing room and smiles at me, but keeps his hands on his hips.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"Nothing," he says and jumps a little to hike up his pants.
"Are you sure?" I look at him a little sideways.
"Yeah."

My eyes meet his waistband and I smile, "Your boxers are showing."
"What?" he looks down just as he does the photographer looks over. "You have to take those boxers off," he says.
"Are you kidding me?"
"Nope," he says.

Billie groans and moves back over to the dressing room. "Vivian, the next time I have a shoot, make sure I'm wearing a thong," he says.

I blush a little when he says this so loud.

"It'd have to come off anyway," the photographer says.
Billie groaned and glared at the man and mumbled, "He just wants to see my cock."

"Okay," the photographer finally says and as Marta is coming back he brushes her away. "We're going to have you go stand by the window and use some natural light. We'll make it look as if you're standing outside in the sun against that wall back there."

"Okay," They all go into position.
"I want this to be your—" He smiles, "Your Playgirl look." He walks over and tugs on Billie's pants a little, lowering them so that they're almost falling off his hips. "Like that."

Billie puts a hand on the one side of his pants and pulls them up a little. "Like this?"

"Fine," he says, "Don't pull them up anymore." He moves to look around for a moment then sighs. "And then I want you," he motions towards me for only a second then turns back. "I want you to take off your shirt."
My jaw drops. "Excuse me?"
"Hey—" Billie defends me.
"Fine," he says and turns to yell at Marta for a moment. "Get her a white wife beater or something."

"You're not using me in this photo shoot."
"We won't show your face," he said, "I just need your shoulder and your neck and your hair... I'm going to make it a pimp theme." I look towards the guys and they are all looking around strangely. "I'm going to have the guys standing looking at me and you're going to face Billie and they are all going to hold you and look over your shoulder towards the camera."

I look at Billie and wish that someone would tell this photographer that he's on crack. "I'm not sure—"
"I promise you this will be a great shot and you'll like it and I won't shoot your face."
Marta's hand appears next to me with a wife beater and Billie stares at it. "It's up to you."

"Fine," I say and tromp over to the sheet. I duck a little and pull of my shirt and replace it with the wife beater. I shiver a little in the cool air and fold my shirt and throw it over my arm so that I can place it on the table instead of the floor. While I'm there I pick up the guy's clothes and fold them, giving me a little more time to myself before I have to face the camera. I'm still not sure I should be doing this. If Sonia was here I'm sure she'd be freaking out over the idea of using me in the shot, but she's not so I take a breath and move out from behind the curtain.

Before I move across the room towards where they are standing in the sunlight, I watch him a bit. I set our clothes on the table and try to take deep breaths to calm myself. This is going to be a very interesting afternoon. The photographer has now made Billie take his shirt off and is shooting a few shots of him alone. The top button on his pants is undone and he's got his thumbs hooked into the belt loops.

"Vivian," he smiles at me, "Does this look okay?"
"Yeah," I say with a sigh. "Definitely."
"Okay," the photographer says turning away from where he's shooting. "I need you—Vivian?"
I nod my head.

"I need—" He looks at the guys, then tips his head sideways a little. He guides me to stand where he wants me then positions my arm over Billie and Mike's shoulder and has Tre squat on the other side of me.
"Marta can you grab me a chair?"
Marta brings over a folding chair and we both look at it.
"Sit down Billie," the photographer says.

Billie sits and the photographer makes me sit on his lap so we look like we're swinging on the swing set spider style. I try to move so that I'm sitting more on his knees than in his lap, but the photographer pushes me forward so I'm sitting flush against him. "Now, put your arms around each other. This is supposed to be an intimate moment."

"Are you okay with this?" Billie asks.
I nod confidently, but inside I want to cry. I've never done anything like this with him at all and having him be in front of a camera at the time really isn't helping me get used to the idea of being so close to him.

"Marta, bring Vivian some lotion or something. We'll make her—" He turns around, "Credence!"
"Yes?"
"Do you have lotion or something that has sparkles in it?" the photographer asks, "Remember that photo shoot we did with Natalie Portman and had that sun-kissed look on her shoulders?"

I turn my head to look at my shoulder and Billie smiles at me. "I like your shoulders."
"I like yours too," I say nervously.

His hands rest on my hips for a moment. "Don't worry about it. No one is going to see anything that they don't need to be seeing."
I sigh. "Sonia is going to kill us."
"Have fun with this," He says lifting his leg to bump me a little. "When else can you put your hands all over me at this time of day and have it be okay?"

"I'd like to put my hands around your neck about now," I joke. "This is insane."
"Just run with it girl. You'll be okay." He moves me back on his lap a little and shifts his legs a little.
"If you say so." I sigh. "Am I crushing you?"
"No." Billie wraps his arms around my barrel.

Soon Credence is spreading lotion over my shoulder and down my arm. Billie sits back and watches this all with a smirk on his face.

"Don't get jealous," Tre speaks up next to me, "Although even a gay man would love to put his hands on her, but you're more my style."
"Tre," I say, "Don't tease him."
I see him look down in the space between me and Billie and smiled, "I think you're teasing him enough on your own."

I keep my eyes on Billie's face and I can see him trying not to look down.
"Oh My God," I say and back away.
Billie's hands tighten on my hips. "Please don't move."

Blood rushes to my brain and I seriously think I'm going to die of a heart attack at the same time. I don't want to be sitting here. I know someone is going see this and a story is going to hit somewhere saying horrible things about me and him. "Um."

"Stay put," Credence says finishing with my arm. "Just act like nothing is going on."
"Okay."
Billie moves a little to get comfortable as Credence leaves and Tre smirks at me.

"Are you sure this is okay?" I ask him seriously. I hate being in situations like this. I like that I'm turning him on, but at the same time I wish I wasn't doing it in the middle of a photo shoot.

"It's fine," he said and leaned and smelled my shoulder, "You smell pretty."
I turn a little and see the photographer finally getting ready to shoot. "Thanks."

Billie only glances at me for a moment before I move my arms around him. His hands keep me in place on his lap, but as he leans forward I can tell that it's not going to look right if I don't move closer to him.

Settling against him I hear a moan escape his lips. His mouth touches my shoulder and he kisses me there then mumbles, "I wish to God that this wasn't being watched—" His hands splay over my back, warmth hitting me now from his chest and his arms and hands. He tries not to get to comfortable with me in his arms, but I can feel the pressure of his fingers against my back and I know this is torturing him.

"Really?" I ask softly.
"I'll show you later why," he says then pauses as the sound of Billy Joel's voice fills the air.

She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her

"I love this song," I mumble.
"Okay guys," the photographer says. "Look up at me a little."

Billie pauses and I can feel his breath on my skin as he does this. His hand slips down a little and sneaks underneath the wife beater a little.

She's got a way of pleasin'
I don't know what it is
But there doesn't have to be a reason anywhere
She's got a smile that heals me

He pulls back a little and glances at me, humming along to the music with this lost sexy look in his eyes. It's a new attitude from him. I've seen him with countless other women and for the first time today, hell ever really, I've seen the way he really feels for me.

"Vivian, can I have you move your shirt a little more towards your neck?"

I don't know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me
She's got a way of talkin'
I don't know why it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin' anywhere

I turn a little and move my shirt. Billie's fingers move up my arm and towards my neck, pushing at my shirt with his fingertips. He smirks at me for a moment then kisses his fingertips and places the "kiss" right near my ear before cupping my chin with his hand and full out kissing me. I want to pull away, but his other arm locks around my back and his hips move a little as he delves into one of the longest kisses I've experienced in my life. I lose all thought until I think I hear feet hitting the floor.

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me and I get turned around

His hands move the strap of my shirt off my shoulder and I find myself pulling my arm out of it so that my shoulder and back are now bare. My mind has totally shut off now and as much as I want him to I know he won't touch me other than to hug me to him. His mouth slides from my lips to my shoulder and back again and his hands grip at my skin, but they stay in that safe zone. This is what torture is. Foreplay in my mind is one of the worst things imaginable. You tease each other senseless until you want to snap and fuck on the floor.

My mind registers that I'm not in a place where I can do that, but his lips on my ear and the feeling of his arousal against me knocks all thought out of my head.

She's got a way of showin'
How I make her feel
And I found the strength to keep on goin'
She's got a light around her
And everywhere she goes
A million dreams of love surround her everywhere
She's got a smile that heals me
Oh I don't know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me anyway

"Jesus Christ!"