Out Of Time

I sit there in the chair ignoring the cold shivers coming through my body since I was still wet from the rain. I started to chew by nails nervously looking around the emergency room fill with people. I looked at the clock on the wall like I have been doing for the past hour and nothing. Still no news of Lena. God how I hated waiting and not knowing, What was wrong with her? why can’t nobody tell me already if she was okay?

Lena’s voice

“I hate the way he touch me and the things he said to me that night. I hate the way that I feel his lips on mine every time I close my eyes at night.”

“I hate the way that I every time I tried to go to sleep I can’t because I can hear him breathing. I can hear his voice.”

I heard her voice resound on my mind once again. I reach out and pass my fingers through my hair. That bastard. It was his fault.

“Chris.” Lena’s mom voice said in a concern tone coming into the emergency room. I looked up and find her there looking at me. I quickly stand up and walked toward her.

“What happened to Lena? Is she okay?” she asked me desperately taking a hold of my arm as I saw the tears gathering in her eyes.

“I don’t know yet. I just found out she skip school and I went to looked for her. Then she fainted on my arms. I bring here because to be honest I didn’t know what else to do.” I explain to her as what happened flash on my mind once again.

She nodded at that and put a hand on my shoulder offering me comfort.

“You did good, Chris. Thank you.” She said honestly and reach out and hug me.

I started to cry again. “I don’t know what was wrong with her. I don’t know how to fix it. I wish I could have help her more.” I confess feeling helpless all of the sudden because deep inside of my heart something tell me that it was coming. That it was to be expected. One person couldn’t have gone through the experience of how about to been rape and then be fine. It was not possible. Lena was feeling pain all along but she hid it well because I didn’t know. I wasn’t expecting something like this.

“There is no need to blame yourself. I didn’t know either and I am her mother.”

After a minute of still holding me, “Excuse me?” said a nurse interrupting us and we both pulled away from each other and turned to looked at her.

“Are you Lena Santos mother?” She asked wanting to know holding a file on her hand.

“Yes I am her mother. I want to know what is going on with my daughter immediately.” Lena’s mom asked her desperately. She was more desperate than I was.

“The doctor is ready to see you. He will explain everything. If you please follow me.” She said and indicating with a finger for us to follow her.

We walked through the endless hallway and the nurse open a door to an office and the doctor.

“Right here.” She said holding the door open for us.

Lena’s mom walked right through it first. But as I started to walked by it she stop me. I looked at her. Why can’t she let me in? I wanted to know what was wrong with Lena? I needed to know before I go crazy.

“Family only.” She explain looking up at him.

“But…” I started to said trying to calm myself down in order not to yell at her which I was about to. This was crazy. I might not be family but I was a friend deeply concern.
Lena’s mom walked toward me and took a hold of my arm. “He can come in.”

The nurse breathe out in defeat not wanting to argue with Lena’s mother. We stood on the chairs facing the doctor who was sitting on his desk looking over some files. I hear the door been close and the doctor’s eyes finally looked up at us. He stand up breathing out.

“I am Doctor Greyson, Mrs. Santos.” He said beginning politely and for a hand.

“Nice to meet you.” Lena’s mom said and reach out then shook his hand. “This is Chris Knight. He is my daughter…”

“We already met. Nice to meet you, Chris.” He said smiling at me then we shook hands.

“Nice to meet you too, Doctor.” I said politely.

“Please have a sit.” He said and we sit down on the chair and wait for him to begin.

“From what I gather from, Chris. Lena hasn’t been herself recently. I understand that she was also in a party and a guy was about to…”

“Take advantage of her.” I finish for him not wanting him to use that nasty word. I hate it.

“Exactly, I also notice that Lena hasn’t been eating well lately. She lost some weight. I check her records from her last physical exam and she was about 125 pounds which is very healthy for a girl with her type of height. Now she is 96 pounds which is an extreme weight loss.”

“But she has been eating.” Lena’s mom said interrupting him looking confuse.

“Maybe so, but she could have throw up the food afterwards.”

My eyes widened at that. Could Lena even do that? I couldn’t even image that.

“I have also notice bite marks on her wrists which are now healing nicely. I am thinking that Lena is suffering a rape syndrome. The outward adjustment stage to be exact.” He said and looked at us.

He said the word and I hate him for it. “But Lena wasn’t…you know…rape.” I said honestly knowing very well that didn’t happened because I got there in time before the bastard could do anything else to hurt her.

“I understand that. Now Does Lena has a fear of been alone, until recently that is?”

Looking back I do remember that Lena didn’t like to be alone. She hated been alone.

“Sometimes.” I said honestly.

The doctor nodded at that. “She is also feeling exhaustion which is a very common symptom. When was the last time did Lena actually sleep throughout the night?”

“She did say she was having some nightmares recently so that’s why she couldn’t sleep well.” Her mom explain in calm tone looking at the doctor.

“Nightmare and vivid flashbacks of what happened are common too. This outward adjustment stage usually happens in matter of years or even months after a person has been rape.”

“But she wasn’t rape.” I said angrily looking at the doctor. Lena’s mom reaches out and took a hold of my arm. I looked away toward the wall next to me and breathe out telling myself to stay calm. I push my hair away from my eyes.

“I know that, Chris. Trust me I will have known too if she was rape. But I think that Lena is suffering this type of trauma. It is very rare that could happen to a person who hasn’t been rape but it does happened when a person goes through that experience. To help her Lena needs some counseling and some help from the people in her life to help her feel better. Make her feel safe once again.”

After a few minutes of silence as the doctor said, “I will also like for her to stay the night if that’s possible. Here in the hospital we have counseling staff that could talk to Lena and help her through this. If that’s okay with you, Mrs. Santos.”

I looked at Lena’s mom as she nodded. “Sure. I will like some help to make my daughter feel better. Tell me doctor, is this permanent? Will she have this type of fear her whole life?”
I looked back at the doctor.

“Not necessarily. If Lena is well looked after and seeks some counseling. She can conquer her fear and go back to actually have a normal life.”

After a long silence and staring at each other, “Well let’s hope and pray it works that way, Doc.” I said looking at him with a serious deep expression on my face. Because if it didn’t work that way I don’t know what I will do if Lena go through life living with fear?

***
I blink my eyes open twice and looked around the room I was in. It wasn’t my room I suddenly realize. What room was I in? I hear a machine beep and I looked next to me where a machine was laying next to my bed. It was a heart monitor and right next to it was an IV. Why was I in the hospital? I move myself in a sitting position and looked around the room.

My mom was sitting on the sofa against the wall with her eyes close as she lay her head on her arm. I started to move my arm but couldn’t. I looked down and found Chris holding my hand as he lay his head on his arms which were folded as if it was a pillow.

Then suddenly everything that happened pass through my mind. I must have really fainted and Chris brought me here. I pulled my hand away from his hold and reach out and touch his hair gently.

“Lena.” He whisper in his sleep making me smile.

I move his hair out of his face passing my fingers gently and softly through it. His eyes suddenly swung open and looked up at me. He smile at me as I looked down at him.

“Hey sleepyhead.” I said still caressing his hair.

“Hi.” He said pulling his head and rubbing his eyes. He really looked tired.

“What happened?” I asked wanting to know as I continue to looked at him.

He looked at me confused. “You don’t remember anything?”

“Not since you found me sitting underneath a tree at the park, no.”

“Well you fainted and I brought you here.” He said looking at me closely. Then softly reach out with his hand and with the back of it touch my face so gently that I could close my eyes loving the feeling of it. I took a hold of his hand and bring it close to me. I open his palm and trace my fingers through it softly then kiss it and close it. I looked back at him and he looked at me with a weird expression even though he was fighting a smile.

“What was that for?”

“A token as a thank you. For always been here. For always been there for me.” I said and touch his cheek.

He smile at that. “Anytime, Lena.”

He move his head to the left side and kiss my open palm this time.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah.” I nodded honestly.

After a minute of silence, Chris took back a hold of my hand.

“Lena, why didn’t you tell me you were having nightmares?” he asked with a deeply grave concern on his face.

How did he know I suddenly thought wondering. I shook my head then lick my lips that were dry not knowing what to said.

“And how long have you been without eating?” he asked.

“I am eating.” I protested half honestly looking at him.

“No you haven’t, Lena. You have lost weight too. A lot.”

“That’s crazy.”

“Is it?” he asked through his teeth angrily looking at me with a hard expression on his face.
Chris was angry. He was angry at me. I shook my head clearing the swell of the words that I wanted to shout and breathe out as he did.

“I am sorry. It just I have been worried sick about you. I am angry at myself for not noticing any of these. I am angry at the fact that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me I mean we are friends or maybe I should have know but I didn’t quite see. Maybe I didn’t even want to see.” he said whispering confessing.

I turned my head and looked at him. He was looking at me with guilt. He was looking at me like he was a guy beating himself up for not knowing, for been left in the dark of what was wrong with me.

“It’s not your fault. It was never your fault. I am okay now. I am okay now. Honest.” I said half honestly as I feel tears gathering in my eyes.

“Are you sure?” he asked looking at me searching my eyes.

I smile at that and reach out and patted his hand then took a hold of it.

“I am okay.” I said then leaned toward him and leaned my forehead against his.

His eyes looked at me closely then smile at me. “I am going to be there. I promise. I am going to make sure you get better.”

I close my eyes as I absorbed his words and then leaned more closer to him and kiss him on the forehead softly and gently as I close my eyes tightly shut trying to fade away the pain. I felt him tremble beneath me and I reach out with my hands and put them around his neck. I lay my head on his right shoulder.

“I am going to be okay, now.” I whisper once again hoping that somehow my words make him feel him better. But I was also hoping that I wasn’t lying to myself. I knew I could this and I knew that I could be fine and normal again.