Out Of Time

Later that night, after three hours talking about the accident with the security guards then the police, I lay on my bed as Chris lay on the other side quietly looking in space holding the white teddy bear I have since birth. I look at him chewing his bottom lip that was bleeding. He refused to have his lip or hand look at by the paramedics that came to take Mike to the hospital. He was still angry and I was afraid to comfort him. He just punch one of his best friends. Because of me. Why? I couldn’t help but wonder. What was Chris keeping me from me?

“Chris.” I whisper not wanting the silence to continue. It was killing me.

He turn his head that was laying on my pillow and look at me.

“Are you okay?” I asked wanting to know.

He nodded.

“At least let me take care of your hand.” I said reaching out for it.

“I am fine.” He said breathing out and looking at his hand closely this time.

“Does it hurt?” I asked as he looks at it then lay back it on his stomach.

“I like the pain.”

I breathe out and stand down on my bed looking around. My room was plain and simple like me. The walls were white with some paintings I’ve done. My computer desk lay against the wall. A small shelve lay against the wall next to the double windows containing books and stuff animals. Pictures of family and friends were included of course. On the nightstand beside me was a picture of Chris outside of my house with my brother’s dog and her puppies. I smile at the sight of it. I felt his weight moving on the bed and I turn my head to look to my left and his face was there close. His eyes were searching my face.

“What’s wrong?” I asked wanting to know.

He didn’t answer instead he leaned forward and kiss me deeply that it was leaving me breathless. His mouth open started moving on mine and I hold back. His hand took a hold of the back of my neck to pull me closer still kissing me. I couldn’t breathe nor move as he kiss deepen.

“Chris, what’s wrong?” I asked breaking away from the kiss feeling breathless.

“Nothing is wrong.” He said breathless too then leaned forward again to kiss me and I let him. I let him kiss me like he never has before. I could feel the anger on his hands as he holds me close to him not wanting to let me go. After a few minutes I felt myself falling and hit something soft. I was laying back on my bed as he lay his body close to mine. I pass my fingers through his hair trying to soothe his anger that I knew he was feeling by the way he kissing me. Suddenly I felt his hand taking a hold of my waist.

“Chris please stop.” I said breaking away but he didn’t stop. He continues to reach my lips not wanting to stop. “Please stop, you are scaring me.” This time he did stop and lay his head on my stomach trying to control his breathing.

I lay there motionless gathering my breathing back to normal. Chris didn’t move either and I didn’t want to said anything about what just happened. We never kiss like that before. He was always so sweet and gentle now he was different. His lips were so hard against mine like they were trying to left me with a bruise somehow.

“I am sorry.” I heard him whisper after a few minutes of silence.

I reach slowly and stroke his hair through my small fingers.

“Chris.” I said this time wanting to ask something this time.

He look up at me and frowned at the look on my face.

“I want to ask you something.”

“Go head.”

“What did Mike meant when he said that I am keeping you from doing something you should be doing?” I ask looking right at him.

Almost immediately, Chris pull away from me sitting at the end of the bed. I went to sit by him.

“Nothing. It means nothing. Forget about it.” He said looking down at his hands as in them a speech was written.

He was lying I could tell. He didn’t even look at me as he said it. I folded my arms in my lap and then pass them through my shoulders.

“Are you lying to me?” I asked wanting to know. His head turn so fast toward me I was afraid he was going to break his neck by how fast he did it.

I look at him and he breathes out.

“I am honestly not lying. I just don’t want to talk about this right now, Lena. Okay.” He said as he pass his hand on my back. I flinch at the touch and pull away from him.

I stand up and started pacing my room. I was there and I heard what Mike said clearly to him?

“What is it about her, man? What is it that keeps you from doing what you should be doing?” Mike’s voice resound in my head and I stop pacing. Chris was lying to me.

I look down at him as he look up at me.

“What’s wrong?” he asked me wanting to know what was going through my mind.

“You are lying to me, Chris.” I cried out feeling tears coming out of my eyes and rolling down my cheek. I move my hair back and grasp it hard.

“You think I am lying to you.” He said standing up so fast with anger filling his eyes. “Why will you believe that?”

“Then tell me the true. What did Mike’s words truly meant? I hear what he said. I was there remember. You can’t lie and tell me to forget about them when I know they mean something
otherwise you wouldn’t have fight with him over it.” I said desperately and confuse. Why is he keeping from me that he didn’t want me to know? What was the big secret? I couldn’t help but wonder over and over.

“Mike’s words mean nothing, okay. They mean nothing. Just forget about them.” He said more desperately than I was.

He walked toward me holding my eyes with his own. He reach out slowly and clean my tears away. I look at him knowing very well that I shouldn’t believe him. Not when it comes to this. He was keeping something from me I could feel it.

“Forget what Mike said, okay. The words mean nothing. They are nothing. This means something.” He said leaned toward me and kiss me on the forehead bringing me close to him. He hold me tighter against him.

At few minutes later, I hear his cell ringtone go off. He reach inside his jeans pocket and pull it out. He looked at the caller Id. “It’s my mom. I have to take it.” He said to me looking at me and I nodded. He flip it open and as he move his hair out of his eyes he answer “Hi Mom.”
I sat down on my chair looking out the window. The moon was shinning so bright tonight along with the stars. The night air was a little cold but not that much. I hear his phone close meaning he finish talking to his mom.

“I should go home now. Nick apparently called my mom asking for me and told her about what happened at the mall. She is worry.” He said explaining the reason of the call.

I nodded still not looking at him.

He breathe out as I hear his footsteps come close to where I was.

“Are you still mad at me?” he asked as he brush his fingers through my hair gently.

I turn around to face and notice that he was facing me kneeling down in front of me. He gave me the sad puppy look which on him it looks adorable and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I am not mad.” I said been half honest with him at the moment. He smile at that.

“So can I have a kiss then?”

I rolled my eyes at him in which he smile.

“One kiss and only one.” I said making it clear and lean toward him to touch his lips but when I did I knew he have trick me as he pulled me closer and kiss me gently and sweetly like the Chris I knew. It wasn’t like it was a few minutes ago and I was glad.

He pull his lips away slowly then regret it and touch his lips with mine once more before pulling away from good.

“You trick me.” I cried out.

“I didn’t. I ask if I could get a kiss and that was a kiss.” He said standing up.

I stand up also and grab his hand on mine. “I’ll walk you out.”

We walk down the stairs and reach the front door in no time.

“Chris, are you leaving already?” asked my mom kind of disappointed looking at us from the living room as she sat the sofa looking at magazine. My mom likes Chris a lot.

“Yes, Ms. Santos.” Chris said smiling.

“Okay then well have good night.”

“You too.” He said politely then open the front door. He hesitates on walking out for a second then turn back to me.

“I’ll talk you tomorrow. Okay.” He said and I nodded.

He leaned forward and kiss me on the cheek then walk out the door as I watch him walked toward his car which was black BMW. He open the driver door and step inside. Then he drove away into the night. I breathe out and close the door putting the lock.

I walk back to where my mom was watching me.

“Is everything okay, honey? A while ago it sounded like you two were arguing about something.” My mom said looking at me worried.

I walk toward her and sat on the sofa close to her.

“We did fight for a little while but only about what happened today at the mall.” I said honestly to my mom. I never kept any secrets from her.

“What happened at the mall?” she asked and I told her about what happened leaving nothing out.

“And when I asked about what Mike meant he look kind of mad because I didn’t believe him. I didn’t believe when he said Mike’s words meant nothing. Not a thing.” I finish as I lay my head on her shoulder.

“You think that Chris is lying then?”

“It kind of feels that way, mom. I don’t know what to do. Something tells me that there is the huge secret between them and it’s all about me.” I felt tears once again coming.

My mom hug me closer to her moving her arm up and down on mine.

“Oh honey, don’t worry. Sooner or later when he is ready, he will tell you.” She said positively.

“Are you sure?” I couldn’t help but ask. This was my first relationship and I didn’t want to mess it up by pressuring on him on telling me.

“I am one hundred percent sure.” She said making me smile.

“Thanks mom.” I said and kiss her cheek.

“You welcome, sweetie. Want to eat something before you go to bed?”

“Not really, I am not hungry.” I said standing up. “I am just going to take a shower and go to bed.”

“Okay. Good night sweetie.”

“Good night, mom.” I said as I walked up the stairs.
***
Chris POV

Twenty minutes later, I close the front door of my house behind me and locked it. I lay my head against for a while then walked toward the kitchen where I knew my mother was.

“Oh honey, I was so worry. What happened?” My mom asked as I soon as I step into the kitchen.

She walked toward me and look at my hand.

“It’s not a big deal, mom. I am fine.” I said pulling it away from her hold. I nodded to my older brother Matt who was sitting on one of the chairs by the kitchen counter with a glass of Lemonade in front of him. I walked toward the fridge and pull out the lemonade pitcher and pour myself a glass.

“Are you sure you okay, bro? Nick called earlier and was worried about you.” Matt said looking at me as I drink. I finish and lick the outside of my lips clean.

“I am fine. Nothing to worry about.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Are you sure, sweetheart?” my mother asked me with serious concern look on her blue eyes that were similar to mine.

“I am fine, honestly. I am going to take a shower and hit the bed. See you all tomorrow.” I said walking out the kitchen.

“Aren’t you going to eat anything?” my mother asked as usual and before I could help it my stomach growl.

I walked back into the kitchen as my mother pull out a plate of her delicious spaghetti on the counter next to Matt with knowing smile. I smile back as I pull out my jacket and notice something fall to the floor.

I pick up the paper and turn it over. It was the pictures that I took with Lena earlier on the photo booth.

“Was that?” Matt voice said teasing me and pulls the picture right out of my hand before I could put them away.

“Give that back.” I said trying to take them back from him.

“In a minute, I want to see what have you all smiling about.” He said and then look down at the pictures.

I touch my face and came to realize I was not smiling. He trick me. Why wasn’t I surprise?
Matt gasp as he look at the pictures. “Well don’t you two look cute?”

“Shut up.” I said smacking him on the back of his head then took the chair beside him and started eating my dinner.

“Aw let me see.” My mother walking toward Matt and look down at the pictures of me and Lena.

“Lena and Chris sitting on the tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g…” Matt started singing and I swear couldn’t he be more childish. Sometimes I even wonder how he turned out to be the oldest. “You are lucky man. She is pretty.” He said handing the picture back to me.

I ignore the comment as I took the picture and put it back on my jacket.

“How long have you two been dating?” Matt asked looking right at me with a weird expression on his face.

“Six months with one week today.” I blurt out without thinking about it first. Then counted in my head and realize that I was right. Jesus has it been that long already? No wander Mike was so piss today.

Matt gasp again and I felt the urge to kick him under the table but I remember that mom was there so I did nothing. She doesn’t like us fighting with each other like any mother in the world she wants her kids to get along with each other.

“Did you hear that, mom? Chris even knows the days. That’s amazing and a record.” He cried out like it some sort of miracle.

“Oh shut up will you. I am trying to eat in peace.”

“Just one more question.”

"One more question and I was about to kill him right there. I hate it when he teases me like that with girls.

“Shoot.” I said giving him the permission.

“I didn’t know that you and Lena were in “I love you” terms. Are you really in love, bro?”
What kind of question was that? Of course I wasn’t in love with Lena. What was my brother brain thinking all of the sudden?

“I am not in love with Lena.”

“Are you sure, man? Pictures don’t lie you know.” He said standing up from the chair and then ruffle my hair from behind and walked out of the kitchen.

I stood still in silence for few seconds then ignore it and continue eating.
I look up at my mother and saw her smiling at me as she holds out another glass of
Lemonade toward me. I hope she wasn’t thinking the same thing as Matt. I took the glass in my hand and drink of it then continue eating.

Fifteen minutes later, I was already done eating and taken a shower, I was sitting down on my bed as I look at the pictures of me and Lena wearing my long grey pants and a white shirt to sleep.

I had to admit she was a cute girl and unique from the others girls that I’ve dated before. I still couldn’t believe that I have been dating for over six months now. Usually, all my relationships last no longer than a month. Matt was right when he said it was a miracle, a miracle that I’ve been lying about for over six months now. I breathe out and put the picture on the nightstand next to my bed. I lay down on my bed with my hands behind my head as I think about the fight that I had with Mike today. That was mess up on both parts but mostly his because he almost screws up the whole thing. Lena was suspecting now about what was going on that much I can tell.

“Holy Crap.” I whisper to myself not believing the mess that this relationship was turning into. If Lena only knew the real reason why I was dating her, all will be over. All of it.

My cell phone went off with one of the song from escape the fate which was Nick’s favorite. I reach for it.

“Hi man.”

“Hey man, I see you finally made it home. How is Lena?” Nick voice’s said through my phone.

“She is okay, I guess. Why did you tell my mom about what happened?”

“Sooner or later she was going to find out. Why, what happened?” He explains first then asked me desperately.

“Nothing. Nothing happened.”

“Are you sure?” he asked wanting to know. There were no secrets between me and Nick. He has been my best friend for about 8 years now.

“Yeah.” After a second of silence, I said “Lena suspects that something is going on.”
He laughs at that. “Well that’s not surprise. After the show between you and Mike, of course, she is going to think something is up.”

“Don’t you get it? This could mess up the whole thing.” I said yelling at him angrily.

“It’s already mess up, anyway. You shouldn’t have been dating Lena this long, remember. You were supposed to do your thing and move on just like the others. Why is it that it’s taking you so long with this one?”

I thought about it for moment. Why was it that was taking me so long? I could have had her today but I pulled away. I pulled away because of what she said.

“Chris please stop. Please stop you are scaring me.”

Her voice said resounding on my head over and over.

“What’s wrong, man? You got quite all of the sudden?” Nick’s voice pulling me away from my thoughts.

“Nothing, just thinking.” After a second of silence, “I don’t know what to do, Nick.” I confess honestly.

“What do you mean you don’t know what to do?” Nick cried out not believing about what I just said. “Do what you always do, man. What you are good at, remember?”

“I remember. It just Lena is….different.”

“Different. Well I do admit that she is different from all the other girls. But what’s that have to do with anything we are talking about.”

“No, Nick. She is a good sort of different. There is something about her that I can’t explain.” I said honestly taking a sitting position and leaned my body against the bed headboard.

I pick up the pictures again and look at them.

“Oh man, are you falling for her?”

“What? No I am not falling for her, Nick.”

I couldn’t believe he was asking me this. He knows what kind of type guy I am. Jesus Christ.

“What? I am just asking. No need to get angry. It just you know it’s been six months. You have never been this long in a relationship and I am worry.”

“I know. Don’t worry I do what I need to do and end everything.” I said honestly.

“Okay, man. Do your thing? Just remember that you are running out of time.”

I flip close my phone breathe out not sure how to start. This could have gone a lot easier if I wasn’t Lena’s first relationship. Why did she have to be so innocent looking in the first place? Nobody is that innocent. I groan in desperation. How was I going to do this?