Out Of Time

“104 degrees.” The nurse said after taking Chris temperature in the nurse office at the school. My eyes widened in surprise.

I knew he had a fever but I didn’t expect it to be so high. I look down at Chris. He was still sweating and holding on to my hand not wanting to let it go I knew that much cause I already tried pulling away several times.

“How did he get so sick?” I asked still looking at her.

“Might be that he got caught up in the rain yesterday.”

“He was in school yesterday. The rain was already gone by lunch period. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Well yesterday his friend Nick came in asking if he use the phone saying it was an emergency. He called Chris’s mom asking where he was since he wasn’t in third period. My guess is that he ditch school without letting anybody knows and wondered off getting caught up in the rain.”

I frowned at the information but the nurse might be right. I didn’t see Chris at all during lunch yesterday not even during the school hallways between classes. He must have ditch right after I broke up things with him. Did that mean…Did that mean that he was feeling bad after the break up?

“I call his mom asking to come pick him up and to take him to doctor. I am going to go to the Office and let them know that she should be here soon.” the nurse said then walk away by letting the door close behind her.

After hearing the sound of the door been shut I look at Chris. What’s this my fault? He look so pale. His eyes were close. I reach out slowly and move the hair that was covering his eyes. He breathe out and open his eyes immediately locking with mine.

“Hey…” he said smiling at me showing his adorable dimple on his right cheek then he reach up slowly and his fingertips touch the size of my face.

I shook my head pulling away not wanting to give in at the temptation of what his touch offer.

“Lena, I…”

“I…have to go to class…your mom will come by to pick you up soon.” I said breaking the hold and started to walk away. I didn’t feel him move but he must have because the next thing I knew I was back on his arms.

“Please…don’t go…” he whisper as he lay on his forehead on mine. His hands holding my face in place.

“Chris…”

“Don’t go…” he whisper once again looking down at me then slowly without hesitating his lips touch mine.

I feel like I was in heaven at the sudden touch of his lips on mine. He hold me in place not wanting to give me an opportunity to pull away or to push him away. His mouth open on mine and I feel myself melting on his arms. I was giving in to the feeling and it was wrong? So wrong. I pulled away from his hands and bring them against his chest. His tongue stroke against mine so gently and sweetly. Why did he have to do this? Why? I was getting ready to get over him. But now I felt so confused. I started to push him slowly and he moan either by pain or disappointment. I broke the hold and took a few steps back not wanting to look at him.

“Lena…I…”

“What are you doing this? What’s wrong with you?” I said whisper because nothing make sense anymore. Nothing.

“I don’t know…I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He said reaching with his right hand toward me and I took a few steps back feeling tears falling down both cheeks.

“It’s over, Chris.” I said as I feel the pain in my heart increasing.

“I KNOW THAT. Okay. I know that but please let me just….” He said yelling at me then stop as he started to whisper.

“What! Explain. Explain how I felt use because of you. I was nothing but a bet. I meant
nothing, Chris.”

I pick up my book bag and my books that were on the chair next to the door. I turn back to him to look at him one more time. His eyes meet mine expressing feelings in them. He shook his head as he move his hair away from his face as I look down trying to understand what was going through his mind and eyes.

“Good bye, Chris. I really do hope you feel better soon.” I said and turn the knob in the door and open it then walked away feeling a sudden hole forming on my heart been surrounded by pain and emptiness.

***
As I hear the door click shut, I felt myself tremble at the sudden feeling of emptiness. What was wrong with me? Why did I kiss Lena like that? All I knew was that I wanted to do it so bad. I need it too. I feel the hot heat of fever underneath my skin. I slide myself on the floor bring my knees together and buried my head in them. Why did my heart burn in pain all of the sudden? Was it because of Lena said? That we were over already and there was no going back. But why did I want to go back? Why?

I lick my lips that went dried all of the sudden and regret it they taste it like Lena. I groan at the frustration of the memory of our lips touching. Jesus Christ why did I do that? Why?

“Mr. Knight, what are you doing sitting on the floor?” The nurse asked when she came through the door seconds later. “There is a bed right there so you could lay on till your mom comes to pick you up. Where is Ms. Santos?”

I felt my skin flinch at the sudden mention of Lena.

“She left.” I said then I started coughing but this time it was really bad. Go how I hate it getting sick.

“Well she did the right thing by going to class staying here with you could get her sick too.”
The nurse said. “Do you have a headache?” she asked as her training skills kick in.

“More like a heartburn for some reason.” Why did I just said that out loud?

“What was that?” she asked looking down at me. I look up at her.

Mrs. Henley the school nurse is averagely on her late 40’s with a nice personality that everybody couldn’t help but love. She was friendly and easy to talk to and even treat everyone who comes through the door like daughters or sons she couldn’t have.

“Yes. I have a small headache. Can I get a Tylenol, please?” I asked knowing she won’t have the kind of treatment I was seeking, the treatment of a broken person who lost someone special.

“Here you go.” She said holding out a cup of water with a white tablet.

I took them both and put the tablet in my mouth immediately following by drinking all my water.

“Now lay down on the bed. Your mom will be here soon.” She said patting the bed.

I stand up and lay down on the bed then give her back the empty cup so she could throw it away. I close my eyes waiting for the effect of the pill to kick in.

“Mrs. Henley, could I ask you a question?” I asked wanting to know.

“Sure, dear. What’s the question?” she asked looking at me with a notebook on her hands sitting on her desk.

“Have you ever made a mistake that you wish you could take back?”

After a brief silence echoing in the room she said “Sweetheart, we are all humans. We all make mistakes. Heck nobody is perfect. The only thing we can do is when we make a mistake is to learn from it. Maybe it will mean something one day.”

I absorb her words for a minute. My mistake could mean something one day, my mistake of hurting Lena. Could it be that maybe one day she could forgive me? Could we get pass whatever this stupid whole thing that was happening between us? I doubt it. I highly doubt it. I scratch the place where my heart lay feeling itchy of a sudden burn increasing every time I think of Lena. Jesus, why can’t it go away? Why can’t the ache of my heart just go away? I still don’t understand why I was still feeling like this. Why did I even kiss Lena like that in the first place? I acted on an impulse. I grin at the thought of holding her hand as I lay in bed and suddenly I started to close my eyes.

I must have doze off after that because when I woke up it was five clock in the afternoon, I was laying on my bed in my own room. I blink my eyes open as I hear the door of my room opening.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” my mom asked me as she came around my bed and put a hand on my forehead for any sign of fever. “Well that’s good, it’s coming down.”

I lick my dry lips feeling thirsty. “Could I have some water, please?”

“Sure. I’ll be back.” She said and walk out of the room leaving the door open.

I move away the blankets and sit down. I look down at myself instead of the clothes I was wearing earlier I was now wearing a white sweatshirt with grey sweatpants. I lay my head against the headboard of the bed and close my eyes tight shut trying to force away the pain on my head. I bring my hands to my face and move my hair away from it then I open my eyes. They fell on the picture on the nightstand. I pick it up bringing my knees closer to me to look it closer. I smile at them we look so happy. It was the last pictures that I took with Lena at the mall. The last officially pictures we ever took together. Our last pictures ever because something told me there were no going to be anymore.

“Here you go, honey.” My mom said coming back to my room with a glass of cold water. I took it on my hands. “And here is the pill that the doctor said for you to take.” She said handing me a small red pill.

I took the pill and put it in my mouth and drink the whole water all at once. I hand the cup back to her.

“How are you feeling?” she asked with a concern expression on her face.

“I am feeling better.” I said half honestly then shook my head.

“So are you going to tell me what happened between you and Lena?” she ask locking her eyes that were so similar to mine immediately.

“How do you know something happened between me and Lena?” I ask wanting to know. I haven’t said anything.

“Well you were whispering her name at the hospital and a little earlier.”

“I was.”

My mom nodded.

Well that was unusual since when I did whisper Lena’s name in my sleep.

“Well are you going to tell me?” she asked me after a brief silence.

“We broke up. Actually she broke up with me yesterday.” I said laying my head on my knees still holding on to the pictures.

“Why, what happened?”

I couldn’t tell my mom the true reasons on why Lena dump me. I mean she knew I had lots of girlfriends but she didn’t know the real reason why I did have so many. That could be something to break her heart, for her to know her that her own son just mess around with girls feelings.

“It’s complicated, mom. Trust me you don’t want to know.” I said honestly.

“Nothing it’s too complicated, sweetie.” She said stroking my hair which it was a common gesture that she uses to bring comfort.

“This is a kind of different of complicated that gives the whole word a definition a whole new meaning, mom.”

“I doubt it.”

“Trust me.” I said looking at her and I could have sworn that I almost sounded sad.

“Do you want her back?”

Do I want I Lena back? Well that was a first. It’s only been a day since she broke up with me.
My mind went back to that time.

Flashback

“How much was I worth it if you will have your way, Chris? How much?” She asked me with tears once again.

I stood there quiet not knowing what to say or If I should said something at all.

“How much was I worth it?” She cried out punching me on the chest as I started to reach out to touch her not wanting me to.

“Lena, I….” I started out but close my mouth instantly.

End of flashback

I shook my head as I started to feel tears gathering in my eyes at the memory. Jesus Christ, I was such an ass. How could I have play with Lena like that? We were so happy. We were so happy and it all went out of the window when the truth came out.

“Sweetie…” my mom said worried starting to reach out with her hand to touch me.

“Don’t please. I can’t. I just can’t.” I said with tears falling down rolling down my face.
Shit. It seems to be that Lena is the only girl who can make me cry for no reason. So what if she dump me? She wasn’t the only girl in the world. But I could have been more than happy with her that much my heart told me yesterday. How do I even got to this point? How did I got to the point on feeling something that only hurts me when I think about it?

“Did Lena hurt your feelings or something?” she asked me after a few minutes of silence.

I almost laugh at that but I didn’t. I brush my tears away.

“No, Mom. Lena didn’t hurt my feelings. I hurt her feelings instead. From the very beginning of when Lena and I started going out that’s all I did was hurt her feelings.”

“But why would you do that, Chris? You seem so happy with her. I’ve never seen you happy with anyone but with Lena.” She said looking at me.

“Mom, I already told you it’s complicated. I made a mistake. I even lie. Lena is better off with someone else.” I said getting angry at her for no particular reason as I step out of the bed
walking toward the windows dropping the pictures on the process. I lay my head against it.

“Mistakes can be fix.” She said as I hear the bed move telling me that she just stand up ready to walk out.

“I doubt it. Time run out, anyway. Relationship is over and there is no going back.” I said honestly as I still somehow feel hurt by my own words.

“Time never runs out, sweetie. Not when you find someone to love like you have.”

I quickly turn around at her words.

“I am not in love with Lena.”

“That’s what you keep telling yourself.” She said with a smile then walk out of the room closing the door behind her leaving me all speechless at her speech.

“I am not in love with Lena.” I repeated to myself knowing it was true. It had to be true. I couldn’t be in love with Lena? Could I? Ughh how I hate people telling me if I was in love with Lena or not, first my brother Matt then Nick and now my mom, they all seriously need to leave me and my feelings alone.

I walk back to my bed angrily and sit down. I felt something next to my feet and I look down and pick up the pictures. Happiness and been in love with someone are two different things.
Breathing out in frustration I lay on my back on the bed.